Do many women have inflated views on their Attractiveness?

[Taramere]

Well what if both "ugly" people are confident but are seeking a boyfriend or girlfriend based on looks, and rejecting other ugly singles they don't deem pretty enough.

 

Well, it works for some people. Their personalities, talent, money or whatever else makes them "hot" to somebody who might objectively be considered a few leagues above. That goes for women as well as men. I advised earlier in the thread taking a look at pictures of the wives of some of the richest men in the world. I certainly wouldn't describe any of the ones I saw as ugly, but neither are they necessarily "hot" by the average person's standards.

 

There is way more than just looks at play when it comes to two people making a relationship. The "ugly" person who consistently finds themselves being rejected by other "ugly" singles may be lacking in other ways too.

 

My point is some people get a BIG Ego that they have unrealistic dating expectations, and then they complain when they can't find any Quality men or women.

 

Well funnily enough, I was just reading through a male friend's dating site "inbox" (again). A woman had messaged him to attack him because she didn't meet criteria he outlined - criteria that were, in my view, perfectly reasonable.

 

Words like "superficial" were bandied about in her attack, but the crux of it was that she was offended because this complete stranger on the internet has an idea of who he wants and she isn't it. It could well be that another man would find her more attractive than he would find my friend's ideal type.

 

It isn't always just as simple as a one to ten looks scale. Okay, some people at the very top of the scale are attractive by everybody's standards (excluding the odd "I'm an individualist" contrarian from the equation). Others are unfortunate enough to be at or near the bottom by most people's standards. Mostly though it's a case of whether or not you like the way a person looks. X might think that they're on the same looks level as Y, but if Y thinks X looks like a reasonably attractive serial killer then romance will probably not bloom.

[jcrew11]

It isn't always just as simple as a one to ten looks scale. Okay, some people at the very top of the scale are attractive by everybody's standards (excluding the odd "I'm an individualist" contrarian from the equation). Others are unfortunate enough to be at or near the bottom by most people's standards. Mostly though it's a case of whether or not you like the way a person looks. X might think that they're on the same looks level as Y, but if Y thinks X looks like a reasonably attractive serial killer then romance will probably not bloom.

 

My initial question was based on ambitious East Coast girls in NYC who may not have realistic dating perceptions. I think girls in rural and suburban areas are more grounded and realistic about their self-image and their dating options.

 

I just hear the common complaint from women "That I'm pretty, but I can't find a boyfriend." And she may or may not be above-average pretty, but its a false excuse in my view. Some people dish out compliments of "pretty" with the same frequency as "you are a nice girl."

 

Just "being pretty" is often not enough to land a quality boyfriend. You just have to be at the right place at the right time, or expand your social circle. I think some girls get lulled into a sense of laziness "from pretty compliments" that they don't really try very hard to find a boyfriend and expect a boyfriend to magically appear at the door.

 

I'm not really out to insult a woman's self-image and self-confidence, but if her self-esteem and confidence is based only on "her looks" then that can explain her dating failures because she is not focused on other things.

[RedRobin]

OP, Some of us are quite realistic about our appearance... but apparently have inflated views of our self-worth as human beings.

 

See... Some of us have better things to do in life than go along with being a FWB, a f*ckbuddy, a placeholder, an 'option', or target practice for you dudes trying to gain experience in the ways of the world... just because of how we were born.

 

Sorry if that chaps your *ss and we aren't 'easy' enough for you.

Edited February 18, 2013 by RedRobin

[jcrew11]

See... Some of us have better things to do in life than go along with being a FWB, a f*ckbuddy, a placeholder, an 'option', or target practice for you dudes trying to gain experience in the ways of the world... just because of how we were born.

 

Sorry if that chaps your *ss and we aren't 'easy' enough for you.

 

Wow, you are a very bitter person. Is this your way of saying that Women just want to be married?

[jcrew11]

Do you even see how contridictory your advice is? Women need to stop their obession with beauty but plain women should try to do things to improve their beauty? Which is it. Do we worry about our looks or don't we. Or we should only worry about our looks to the point that you have set for all womankind?

 

We get it. You don't like that women think they are pretty. Seriously, there is no need for you to keep reposting your point. You hold a special place of hate in your heart for women that consider themselves attractive when you don't.

 

It doesn't matter if you don't think a woman is beautiful and she does. She is totally allowed to feel good about herself despite your or other men's opinions. I think what you really want is to live in a world where men get to say where women belong, even when it comes to their looks. To which you claim that women should focus less on.... When that is all you are focusing on. Ironic.

 

I think you as a Woman are more obsessed with a Woman's self-worth tied directly to her looks. Otherwise you won't have such an angry response.

 

If a woman wants to date men, then she should have a realistic self-image. If she has false-confidence in your looks, as you suggest, then men will see her as delusional or snobby, and the men she goes after will be turned off by this.

 

However, a woman can be confident based on other factors in her life. She doesn't need to tie her self-worth based on superficiality.

 

I was merely pondering the excuse that "Women claim that they are pretty and can't find a boyfriend."

 

It is similar to a guy saying "I have a middle-class job, but I can't find a girlfriend."

 

Sometimes the job may not be the "cool job" just like "pretty" may not mean "head-turning pretty;" or maybe it has nothing to do with the "job" or "her looks" but other reasons for dating failure.

 

A woman can "feel as pretty as she wants" but if she is going to complain and ask me "if she is pretty" - I think she deserves an Honest answer from men. I don't think it would be fair for men to lie to a woman if she really is seeking answers to improve her dating life. (Unless that woman is his wife asking him if she looks fat).

[AlexDP]

For the people who start these threads, confidence in others is the enemy. If only that person they think is about on their level physically had less self confidence, perhaps they'd score with them. What they're not prepared to do is raise themselves up to the level that other person is reaching for by building up their own confidence, so that they don't have to rely (in terms of getting what they want) on other people having low self esteem.

 

That's a fair point.

 

There is another part to the equation though. As a woman, you've obviously never turned down a girl with an inflated ego. Let me tell you: these women are downright vicious when they don't get what they want.

[Lonely Ronin]

As a woman, you've obviously never turned down a girl with an inflated ego. Let me tell you: these women are downright vicious when they don't get what they want.

 

Not all of them, I don't even want to think about percentages. Personally, I have seen vicious, indifferent, & hurt.

[crude]

Women never really hear the truth about their looks. When a man wants to get into her pants, he tells her she's beautiful. When they break up, he tells her she's ugly, but the woman just dismisses that as bitterness. Maybe a woman needs a man to tell her she's ugly, but he's going through a fallow time with women, so he's stooping to do her until someone better comes along.

[RedRobin]

Indeed you often do, not like the examples you gave though.

 

Women often feel superior to their man in a relationship. They feel that they as women shouldn't have to put in any effort. Women feel that the man should put in all the effort. Women want to be desired and be put on a pedestal. They want to have the upper hand in a relationship.

 

no... it's more like some women don't allow themselves to be treated as inferior to a man which is the same thing to some men as her wanting to feel superior. I've never bought into the one-up-one-down leader/follower model myself. Probably to my detriment.

 

and you'll have to quantify 'effort'. I find that a lot of people (both men and women) tend to offer in a relationship those things they most want the other person to do for them... instead of offering what the other person needs to feel loved.

 

It is a common problem. Old as time. I'd recommend not taking it personally.

[silvermercy]

Women are the more desireable gender.

 

Men desire women more than women desire men.

Well, that's a blanket statement if I've ever seen one...

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Well, it seems that I've brought up a rather "sensitive topic" for women - their sense of self esteem tied to their looks.

 

Of course this is a sensitive topic for women. It's unfortunate that you do not understand how to be compassionate and sensitive yourself.

 

You don't even really listen. You just keep repeating your initial statement and haven't really taken anything one woman here has said seriously.

 

 

But I also wanted to point out how "women perpetuate this focus on superficiality with other women" by quickly complementing each other as pretty - but you don't see as often women supporting each other for being smart.

 

Just how much of women's conversations have you actually heard? I compliment my friends on all kinds of things. My one friend is an awesome cook, my other friend is extremely bright. She can listen to music and then figure out how to play it without sheet music. She knows how to speak several languages, one of them being Mandarin. I have another friend that is incredibly good with children. And another one that has a firey personality. I compliment them on all these things.

 

By the way, it's not exactly like you see men running around saying how much they like intelligent women themselves. I don't remember the last time I saw a magazine for men that was geared toward women's intelligence and not the way their breasts looked nearly naked.

[jcrew11]

Of course this is a sensitive topic for women. It's unfortunate that you do not understand how to be compassionate and sensitive yourself.

 

You don't even really listen. You just keep repeating your initial statement and haven't really taken anything one woman here has said seriously.

 

Just how much of women's conversations have you actually heard? I compliment my friends on all kinds of things. My one friend is an awesome cook, my other friend is extremely bright. She can listen to music and then figure out how to play it without sheet music. She knows how to speak several languages, one of them being Mandarin. I have another friend that is incredibly good with children. And another one that has a firey personality. I compliment them on all these things.

 

By the way, it's not exactly like you see men running around saying how much they like intelligent women themselves. I don't remember the last time I saw a magazine for men that was geared toward women's intelligence and not the way their breasts looked nearly naked.

 

You are the one who is tying a Woman's self-worth to her looks. There are many women out there who can survive with their minds intact, if someone shoots down their looks.

 

That is my entire premise, because women perpetuate this sensitivity that all they have is their looks, they become defensive the moment anyone criticizes their looks. Do you ask your husband everyday if your pants make you look fat? Are you looking for dating honesty or dating lies?

 

If a woman wants a single guy to analyze her looks to see if she can improve herself, I think a woman should deserve and honest answer, and not go on believing lies that she is model-looking.

 

I think you are the one that is mentally fragile about her looks, and maybe you should seek someone to talk to, if you can't handle any guys talking about your looks. Maybe you are even co-dependent on men, and that is why you want feel your looks are the only good thing in your life that attracts men.

 

There are plenty of women who can lead happy, indepedent lives as intelligent workers without men. I think you give too much credit to "good looking bimbos" without realizing that many men don't just want to marry a hot bimbo. Men may want bimbos for flings, but not as a wife.

 

I wouldn't live my life according to magazines that are selling skin. You have been reading too much Cosmo, if you believe that a woman is worthless if she does not strive to be "pretty." Or maybe you just have insecurities because you are "not pretty" and know it. So I hope you have a good personality.

[jcrew11]

Women never really hear the truth about their looks. When a man wants to get into her pants, he tells her she's beautiful. When they break up, he tells her she's ugly, but the woman just dismisses that as bitterness. Maybe a woman needs a man to tell her she's ugly, but he's going through a fallow time with women, so he's stooping to do her until someone better comes along.

 

I think its almost like a defensive mechanism. Maybe it is true that a Woman can only find a husband if she is pretty.

 

I don't necessarily think that is the case, but I think many women are reacting that "criticizing a woman's looks is criticizing somethign sacred." I think women just want men to Lie to them.

[Anela]

Women never really hear the truth about their looks. When a man wants to get into her pants, he tells her she's beautiful. When they break up, he tells her she's ugly, but the woman just dismisses that as bitterness. Maybe a woman needs a man to tell her she's ugly, but he's going through a fallow time with women, so he's stooping to do her until someone better comes along.

 

You say that like it's a good thing. It's manipulative, and ******* behaviour.

[pbjbear]

I dont agree with this thread at all.

 

All of the average looking women I know, KNOW they are average looking and do not expect a Brad Pitt. I do know however, tons of average looking MEN that expect an Angelina Jolie. Men rarely date down in the looks, but women do all the time.

 

Most women I know underestimate their attractiveness.

Being hot is jammed down our throats as women and fear of losing our looks is in the back of all women's minds. Did you know the beauty standards today compared to 50 years ago are much higher? Men 50 years ago were more satisfied with less attractive women- scientific studies back me up on this. The media HAS influenced the brains of men, sad to say.

 

Also add onto the fact that most men on this site describe women primarily as commodities to be used for their looks and then thrown away...well there you have it

 

I ignore every man who tells me Im pretty, hot, beautiful...they are usually men who are trying to get into my pants or are way too shallow for me anyways

[pbjbear]

Indeed you often do, not like the examples you gave though.

 

Women often feel superior to their man in a relationship. They feel that they as women shouldn't have to put in any effort. Women feel that the man should put in all the effort. Women want to be desired and be put on a pedestal. They want to have the upper hand in a relationship.[/QUOTE]

 

 

Everything you have stated has been my experience with men.

 

Men always feel the need to have the upper hand, be superior.

 

Every single guy I have dated for a decent length of time put less than 50% into it after they thought they attained me and Id never walk away... and then they justified it through various means. Men are the more selfish sex. EVERY SINGLE GUY I have dated for longer than 2 months (of ALL types- beta, alpha, shy, outgoing) became selfish. Women are taught to be the caring, nurturing sex by society NOT men. You are so frakking wrong

 

A woman doesnt need to be pretty to get a husband, but if she ever wants to have a chance of having a husband that is satisfied with her and doesnt feel he is settling, she should be prettier than him. Men feel entitled to a much more attractive wife nowadays

Edited February 19, 2013 by pbjbear

[hppr]

Depends how you define 'many' but I do meet a lot of women who posture in that manner because they hope it will get them a better man.

 

As far as looks go men put more emphasis on that than women do. That's life. If you don't like it...then go out and hit on guys and take the lead in your relationships.

 

Yeah, guys are supposed to be ambitious, guys are supposed to 'win' the girl, blah blah blah...if you're single and don't like it...change it. It's the same for men and women.

[tbf]

This thread is ripe for female members to post about how hot they are. Then raging males would trash them.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I am so hot, I would melt you like an ice cube.

 

[Archgirl]

I am so hot the fire dept assigned me my own truck

[iris219]

I'm so hot, you need an oven mitt to touch me.

 

[sweetkiwi]

I am so hot you'd get third degree burns from standing too close to me. Seriously.

[PJKino]

The reason why a lot of women who aren't very attractive feel that they are attractive is simple. Men are pursuers. When men and women get together it's usually the male who pursues. First they go for the top attractive women. Inevitably some will be rejected, and so they go for the less attractive women. Again, some get rejected, and so they go for even less attractive women. The result is that most women will be approached at some point, sooner or later. This creates the impression, in the minds of unattractive women, that they too are desirable, when in fact they were 2nd choice, or 3rd or 4th choice. This is why you get, for example, quite ugly women, perhaps in their 40s or 50s, believing that they're as hot as a cute 20 something year old woman.

 

Yeah between that and old sits favoring women its inflated some egos

 

Sites like pof and datehookup are notorious for this.Ive had women in their 50's and 60's and "a few extra pounds" rip me for being short saying they only date tall handsome guys mean while these women look like trainwrecks and arent exactly a hot commodity

[sid3]

I am so hot you'd get third degree burns from standing too close to me. Seriously.

 

Maybe you should carry aloe vera around when you go out.

[Taramere]

Not every thing a woman does, or option she pursues (or rejects) is based on her personal assessment of her own physical attractiveness. That she turns down a particular man doesn't automatically mean she thinks she will get another more handsome one. Not everybody operates from the belief that any kind of partner is better than none at all.