My standards are too defined

[its a lifestyle]

Before I fell in love for the first time last year, from the age of 16 to 21 I was pretty much an idiot... typical junior bachelor with no morals, one night stands with girls who had boyfriends, treated girls like sex objects, my relationships were always short lived because I was never emotionally involved.. I wasn't a good guy in general, I lacked the lessons I needed to learn to value other people.

 

Then I fell in love, it hit me like a bullet... then I got heart broken, that hit me like a scud missile... scratch that, like a trident nuclear warhead from a British vanguard-class submarine.

 

The lessons I learned from that love and loss flipped my entire world upside down, it create a lot of good and a lot of bitterness...

 

My ex was an "experienced" girl, she'd had many boyfriends, a kid at 20, plenty of one night stands... she was only supposed to be a one night stand, and ended up being my first real love, we had history going back to our early teens and knew each other pretty well, anyway...

 

Falling in love with this girl made me resent her history with other guys, I developed a genuine bitter hate for all girls like that, where as before they were the only girls I was interested in,

 

Since breaking up with her mid-2012, I've had sex just 4 times, 2 bootycalls, 2 drunken mistakes with my best girl-friend...

All 4 times I've felt repulsed by these girls, and I've realized that I've changed...

 

I've been thinking about my future dating "criteria", and I think I'm going to be single for a while, where I'm from there's no shortage of party sluts willing to "cop-off with ya"... infact that's pretty much all there is on offer, the girls I now want are few and far between, and mostly outside of my social view...

 

Judging a girl as a whole is easy, it's easy to see if she's the girl you're looking for just by her attitude and the way she carries herself, I can tell if I'd be able to get a girl in my bed regardless if she's got a BF or not from a mile away, and the moment I sense that, I'll cut her off as potential.. regardless of whether I'm wrong or not. I'm extremely good with "impression, instinct and gut feeling".

 

I want a girl who instinctively knows that contact with an ex is a nono and has no will whatsoever to do so...

A girl who is disgusted by casual sex outside of relationships... has a low bodycount but high sex drive with her committed guy.

A girl who's "sexiness" resides in her class and style and not how much skin she shows...

A girl who is genuinely loyal to the end of the earth, (not that I would ever ask her to, I'm not a control freak)... but would without 2nd thought put me before any friend or even her own will off her own back without me asking for it.. because she's 100% loyal to ME.

 

I want one of those inseperable bonnie & clyde relationships, a rebel team of me and her against the world, would do anything for each other and nothing could get in between us.

 

At this point, I wouldn't settle for anything less and it will be so hard to find that, it's not something that you can look for, finding somebody like that happens by chance, and you may never even find them at all,

But I know what it's like to love and lose, I'm not willing to put myself through that again, and I'm not interested in casual BS with girls anymore..

 

I feel ahead of my time because I'm only 21 and I'm not interested in just girls anymore, I want "THE girl",

It just so happens that my experiences in the past have made my criteria for THE girl I want extremely difficult.

Edited February 15, 2013 by its a lifestyle

[Lani]

Before I fell in love for the first time last year, from the age of 16 to 21 I was pretty much an idiot... typical junior bachelor with no morals, one night stands with girls who had boyfriends, treated girls like sex objects, my relationships were always short lived because I was never emotionally involved.. I wasn't a good guy in general, I lacked the lessons I needed to learn to value other people.

 

Then I fell in love, it hit me like a bullet... then I got heart broken, that hit me like a scud missile... scratch that, like a trident nuclear warhead from a British vanguard-class submarine.

 

The lessons I learned from that love and loss flipped my entire world upside down, it create a lot of good and a lot of bitterness...

 

My ex was an "experienced" girl, she'd had many boyfriends, a kid at 20, plenty of one night stands... she was only supposed to be a one night stand, and ended up being my first real love, we had history going back to our early teens and knew each other pretty well, anyway...

 

Falling in love with this girl made me resent her history with other guys, I developed a genuine bitter hate for all girls like that, where as before they were the only girls I was interested in,

 

Since breaking up with her mid-2012, I've had sex just 4 times, 2 bootycalls, 2 drunken mistakes with my best girl-friend...

All 4 times I've felt repulsed by these girls, and I've realized that I've changed...

 

I've been thinking about my future dating "criteria", and I think I'm going to be single for a while, where I'm from there's no shortage of party sluts willing to "cop-off with ya"... infact that's pretty much all there is on offer, the girls I now want are few and far between, and mostly outside of my social view...

 

Judging a girl as a whole is easy, it's easy to see if she's the girl you're looking for just by her attitude and the way she carries herself, I can tell if I'd be able to get a girl in my bed regardless if she's got a BF or not from a mile away, and the moment I sense that, I'll cut her off as potential.. regardless of whether I'm wrong or not. I'm extremely good with "impression, instinct and gut feeling".

 

I want a girl who instinctively knows that contact with an ex is a nono and has no will whatsoever to do so...

A girl who is disgusted by casual sex outside of relationships... has a low bodycount but high sex drive with her committed guy.

A girl who's "sexiness" resides in her class and style and not how much skin she shows...

A girl who is genuinely loyal to the end of the earth, (not that I would ever ask her to, I'm not a control freak)... but would without 2nd thought put me before any friend or even her own will off her own back without me asking for it.. because she's 100% loyal to ME.

 

I want one of those inseperable bonnie & clyde relationships, a rebel team of me and her against the world, would do anything for each other and nothing could get in between us.

 

At this point, I wouldn't settle for anything less and it will be so hard to find that, it's not something that you can look for, finding somebody like that happens by chance, and you may never even find them at all,

But I know what it's like to love and lose, I'm not willing to put myself through that again, and I'm not interested in casual BS with girls anymore..

 

I feel ahead of my time because I'm only 21 and I'm not interested in just girls anymore, I want "THE girl",

It just so happens that my experiences in the past have made my criteria for THE girl I want extremely difficult.

 

In my opinion, the bolded section is the only one you should have trouble with here.

Any woman who has half her senses, should realise that this scenario isn't right. I'm not saying she'll put her friends before you, but they should be on par. Because you know what? They were there before you, and would be there if you ever left. Those relationships are just as important as the one between you and your partner. Yes, the two of you take on the world together, but you aren't the only two in that world.

 

Other than that, everything you want in a woman is easily found.

I am that woman.

Majority of my friends are that woman.

 

In any case, you're only 21.

Take it easy. Enjoy yourself. She'll come along eventually.

[its a lifestyle]

In my opinion, the bolded section is the only one you should have trouble with here.

Any woman who has half her senses, should realise that this scenario isn't right. I'm not saying she'll put her friends before you, but they should be on par. Because you know what? They were there before you, and would be there if you ever left. Those relationships are just as important as the one between you and your partner. Yes, the two of you take on the world together, but you aren't the only two in that world.

 

Other than that, everything you want in a woman is easily found.

I am that woman.

Majority of my friends are that woman.

 

In any case, you're only 21.

Take it easy. Enjoy yourself. She'll come along eventually.

 

The friends thing was probably a bad example, but still a valid one for me..

 

I think loyalty goes hand in hand with everything, I always see girls saying things like "I would never disconnect with an ex/now friend just because my boyfriend expects me to".. or many other examples failing my mind at the moment... but it's always "I would never do this, I would never do that", they always go "against" their man and put it down to controlling...

 

But I would never try to control anybody, if I have to control you to stop you from doing the things I don't like you doing then you're not the girl for me anyway so I could never be in a situation where I'm being controlling over somebody...

 

But there's grey areas, and that's where the qualities show, when a girl will genuinely doing anything for you regardless of... anything, that's loyalty.

 

I know my own loyalty, I know it sounds silly I remember walking through a pretty crazy neighbourhood with my ex and I remember thinking "if somebody started shooting from a car right now I would step infront of her and take every single bullet or die trying", and I genuinely would have...

 

I don't think a desire for selfless loyalty is controlling or "bad" in any way... it's not something that I would express to a girl... but for her to naturally be that way off her own back, that would be an amazing thing to have.

 

Also, to the bolded section.. they are not easily found, girls can lie, girls can deceive, they can give false impressions and are very good at doing it... my ex was the nicest girl I have ever met, that's why I fell in love with her, if you just met her you would never in a million years "expect" her sexual history and the libido she has in the bedroom... nor would she ever admit it to you, but she's certainly got that history... that's just one example.

 

I don't pay attention to what women say, I pay attention to what women DO...

You can tell me you're not a slut 10 trillion times, but you're forgetting to mention that promiscuous one night stand blemish and I aint willing to overlook it, you did it then there's no reason you won't do it now.

 

My standards are so F'd because I'm a hypocrite, I say I've changed... why can't they change? Well I'm not saying that I'll turn down a one night stand or sex on the first date because my it's against my morals, infact I'm saying I'll definitely sex you on the first date, but I'll NEVER be the one to put a ring on your finger if that does happen.

Edited February 15, 2013 by its a lifestyle

[Lani]

You're not asking for anything out of the ordinary here. You're asking for true loyalty and love, which is all fair.

And trust me, those women are out there. But at 21, all the women you're probably after are still finding themselves and are probably not ready for what you want. Which isn't a bad thing, give them time to learn their lessons and what they want from life and love.

You've had your defining relationship, they probably haven't. I was only just getting into mine at 21. It took me almost 3 years to learn that it wasn't what I wanted, and that I deserved and wanted more.

 

But indicating that a woman is a slut because she had a one night stand, is not cool in my book. We've all made mistakes, including you. You admit you're a hypocrite, but that doesn't make it ok or excuse it. This is something you need to work on, because double standards don't go down well with anyone - especially potential partners.

You can't expect someone to accept that you've changed when you won't believe that they have. Simple.

[miss_jaclynrae]

In my opinion, the bolded section is the only one you should have trouble with here.

Any woman who has half her senses, should realise that this scenario isn't right. I'm not saying she'll put her friends before you, but they should be on par. Because you know what? They were there before you, and would be there if you ever left. Those relationships are just as important as the one between you and your partner. Yes, the two of you take on the world together, but you aren't the only two in that world.

 

Other than that, everything you want in a woman is easily found.

I am that woman.

Majority of my friends are that woman.

 

In any case, you're only 21.

Take it easy. Enjoy yourself. She'll come along eventually.

 

 

 

 

I am one of those women. I always have been, it is a curse ultimately, because I end up putting everything into my relationship. There are some of us out there, just gotta wait it out!

[Lani]

No quality woman with an ounce of intelligence will want your love/loyalty in the first place. Don't get too ahead of yourself.

 

And, why exactly did you have to make a new username? Were you banned before? We both know it's not your first time making this kind of thread.

 

I didn't know...

Which is why I was nice about it.. Posts since my original decent advice have made me rethink things!

[its a lifestyle]

You're not asking for anything out of the ordinary here. You're asking for true loyalty and love, which is all fair.

And trust me, those women are out there. But at 21, all the women you're probably after are still finding themselves and are probably not ready for what you want. Which isn't a bad thing, give them time to learn their lessons and what they want from life and love.

You've had your defining relationship, they probably haven't. I was only just getting into mine at 21. It took me almost 3 years to learn that it wasn't what I wanted, and that I deserved and wanted more.

 

But indicating that a woman is a slut because she had a one night stand, is not cool in my book. We've all made mistakes, including you. You admit you're a hypocrite, but that doesn't make it ok or excuse it. This is something you need to work on, because double standards don't go down well with anyone - especially potential partners.

You can't expect someone to accept that you've changed when you won't believe that they have. Simple.

 

It's also a really broad topic, because obviously I accept that we all learn from mistakes...

 

But is your past really a mistake to you?

Why did it take 15 one night stands to realize that you had became a slut?

And at that point did your attitude genuinely change towards it? or do you still have those guilty pleasures inside you?

Is it even possible for your attitude to change?

 

It's impossible to know, it's better if she doesn't have that past to begin with, how do you know for sure? it's easy to determine by judging her character as a whole when you get to know her...

 

 

During my late teens I had some pretty bad friends, drug dealing, violence, armed robberies weren't exactly rare to occur, I was never fully immersed but I've done my fair share of bad things in life...

 

Today I'm a professional fitness instructor/personal trainer and an amateur mixed martial artist.. I'm also studying creative media and graphic design working towards a degree... I always felt I was brighter than the life I got involved with growing up, it's something I've put behind me and don't exactly advertise to people I meet in life today, because I know that I'll be judged for it...

 

Same principle.

[Lani]

 

During my late teens I had some pretty bad friends, drug dealing, violence, armed robberies weren't exactly rare to occur, I was never fully immersed but I've done my fair share of bad things in life...

 

Today I'm a professional fitness instructor/personal trainer and an amateur mixed martial artist.. I'm also studying creative media and graphic design working towards a degree... I always felt I was brighter than the life I got involved with growing up, it's something I've put behind me and don't exactly advertise to people I meet in life today, because I know that I'll be judged for it...

 

Same principle.

 

Does this mean you don't disclose it to people at all?

Or that you wait until they ask?

[its a lifestyle]

Does this mean you don't disclose it to people at all?

Or that you wait until they ask?

 

50/50... I won't exactly tell somebody about my past on the 1st/2nd/12th date,

 

But there will probably come a time during conversation in an established relationship where I disclose things about my past... at that point it's obviously down to the person whether or not they'll re-evaluate me...

[Lani]

50/50... I won't exactly tell somebody about my past on the 1st/2nd/12th date,

 

But there will probably come a time during conversation in an established relationship where I disclose things about my past... at that point it's obviously down to the person whether or not they'll re-evaluate me...

 

Which they will, but their re-evaluation may be that you've done well to clean yourself up.

And that's how you should think of women's past indiscretions.

 

It's not ok to have been a dealer and criminal if it's not ok to have had a few one night stands.

 

Plus... If 50 of that 50/50 is that you just don't disclose it, then everything you've said about loyalty is a load of ****. Your relationship would be built on lies about who you are, which will never work.

[its a lifestyle]

Plus... If 50 of that 50/50 is that you just don't disclose it, then everything you've said about loyalty is a load of ****. Your relationship would be built on lies about who you are, which will never work.

 

I know, and it's not...

 

I meant literally what I said, which is basically not until we're established.

[Lani]

I know, and it's not...

 

I meant literally what I said, which is basically not until we're established.

 

And how soon do you expect women to disclose their sordid sexual past?

[its a lifestyle]

And how soon do you expect women to disclose their sordid sexual past?

 

To be honest I don't... it usually comes out sooner or later,

 

But I judge by character, instinct and impression, sounds ignorant but I just know if she's that type.. I've met enough of them to know.

 

And if I do misjudge then I guess it's my loss.

 

"In art as in love, instinct is enough." - Anatole France

I'm probably taking that out of context, but so what haha, it works for me.

[silvermercy]

To be honest... I belong to the type of girls you describe (including low body count) but I would have great trouble in dating a person with a casual past. I'm not a big risk-taker and am just not convinced that they won't miss it, say, 5, 10 years down the line... I also find it a bit hypocritical for a high-count person to deliberately seek a low-count person as a partner.

(I have described in some of my other posts my other reasons in much more detail).

[KungFuJoe]

No ****...op is going to give himself a complex the way he's headed.

 

Sounds like you have personal issues you need to work on. You got Madonna/whore complex written all over you.

 

I take it you had a rough childhood with your mother.

[CptSaveAho]

No ****...op is going to give himself a complex the way he's headed.

 

Sounds like you have personal issues you need to work on. You got Madonna/whore complex written all over you.

 

I take it you had a rough childhood with your mother.

 

says the guy who's wife hangs out in hotel bars looking for one night stands and he allows it....

 

There is nothing wrong with OP's thread, he's figuring things out

[KungFuJoe]

says the guy who's wife hangs out in hotel bars looking for one night stands and he allows it....

 

There is nothing wrong with OP's thread, he's figuring things out

 

Says the guy who wouldn't know what to do with a woman if you gave him 1000 bucks and put him on a bus to the bunny ranch.

[animalover]

says the guy who's wife hangs out in hotel bars looking for one night stands and he allows it....

 

There is nothing wrong with OP's thread, he's figuring things out

 

No way... is this true? That explains so many things

[animalover]

Before I fell in love for the first time last year, from the age of 16 to 21 I was pretty much an idiot... typical junior bachelor with no morals, one night stands with girls who had boyfriends, treated girls like sex objects, my relationships were always short lived because I was never emotionally involved.. I wasn't a good guy in general, I lacked the lessons I needed to learn to value other people.

 

Then I fell in love, it hit me like a bullet... then I got heart broken, that hit me like a scud missile... scratch that, like a trident nuclear warhead from a British vanguard-class submarine.

 

The lessons I learned from that love and loss flipped my entire world upside down, it create a lot of good and a lot of bitterness...

 

My ex was an "experienced" girl, she'd had many boyfriends, a kid at 20, plenty of one night stands... she was only supposed to be a one night stand, and ended up being my first real love, we had history going back to our early teens and knew each other pretty well, anyway...

 

Falling in love with this girl made me resent her history with other guys, I developed a genuine bitter hate for all girls like that, where as before they were the only girls I was interested in,

 

Since breaking up with her mid-2012, I've had sex just 4 times, 2 bootycalls, 2 drunken mistakes with my best girl-friend...

All 4 times I've felt repulsed by these girls, and I've realized that I've changed...

 

I've been thinking about my future dating "criteria", and I think I'm going to be single for a while, where I'm from there's no shortage of party sluts willing to "cop-off with ya"... infact that's pretty much all there is on offer, the girls I now want are few and far between, and mostly outside of my social view...

 

Judging a girl as a whole is easy, it's easy to see if she's the girl you're looking for just by her attitude and the way she carries herself, I can tell if I'd be able to get a girl in my bed regardless if she's got a BF or not from a mile away, and the moment I sense that, I'll cut her off as potential.. regardless of whether I'm wrong or not. I'm extremely good with "impression, instinct and gut feeling".

 

I want a girl who instinctively knows that contact with an ex is a nono and has no will whatsoever to do so...

A girl who is disgusted by casual sex outside of relationships... has a low bodycount but high sex drive with her committed guy.

A girl who's "sexiness" resides in her class and style and not how much skin she shows...

A girl who is genuinely loyal to the end of the earth, (not that I would ever ask her to, I'm not a control freak)... but would without 2nd thought put me before any friend or even her own will off her own back without me asking for it.. because she's 100% loyal to ME.

 

I want one of those inseperable bonnie & clyde relationships, a rebel team of me and her against the world, would do anything for each other and nothing could get in between us.

 

At this point, I wouldn't settle for anything less and it will be so hard to find that, it's not something that you can look for, finding somebody like that happens by chance, and you may never even find them at all,

But I know what it's like to love and lose, I'm not willing to put myself through that again, and I'm not interested in casual BS with girls anymore..

 

I feel ahead of my time because I'm only 21 and I'm not interested in just girls anymore, I want "THE girl",

It just so happens that my experiences in the past have made my criteria for THE girl I want extremely difficult.

 

I also have more or less the same kind of defined standards when looking for a relationship... the difference between you and me is that I offer the same that I ask for...

[ThaWholigan]

No way... is this true? That explains so many things

lol it isn't true.

[animalover]

lol it isn't true.

 

I hope so for him.... But he didn't deny it....

Edited February 15, 2013 by animalover