newsbug Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Today I made the mistake of facebook stalking him...but besides that I have deleted all of his texts and thrown everything out that was his. I have boxed up all of his clothes and all the gifts he gave me and all the movies and games...even the engagement ring and put them in the attic. That way they are out of my view and now my brother can email him and tell him to come get them when I'm not here. I haven't heard from him and I have tried to contact him. This stinks but I know in the end it will be for the best. The thing I have done that's probably bad is joined a singles line and am already chatting with guys. I don't want to date or see anyone, but I just want to be able to chat about something besides this horrible thing that has happened to me just to get out of my mind. I'm trying to get better...it's only day three of being dumped.
Soxfaninfl Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 I'm sorry to hear what your going thru. Yeah it's a little too soon to date. How long we're you both together?
Author newsbug Posted February 14, 2013 Author Posted February 14, 2013 It will be a year next month. We were engaged and we had the wedding date set for June 1st. He asked on January 1st and I had told him we should do it next spring since this spring was so close but he said he didn't want to wait that long. He just wanted to marry me and spend his life with me. Then on Monday he told me he didn't think we should date any longer. Today was the first day since we first started chatting that I haven't talked with him. I was feeling pretty strong earlier but I'm kind of down now. I had kind of thought he would text at some point and I could ignore it at least...but he hasn't. But..I have to keep telling myself that it doesn't matter. No matter how great we were and how close we were and how I have no answers at all to why he suddenly changed his mind...the reality is he is gone now. It's over. And I have to just deal with it and try and look forward and not keep asking myself why. It's just hard.
Soxfaninfl Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 I know your pain all too well. I was married for 9 years (together for 11 years), and she was the only women I've been in love with. It is for the best that you didn't marry him. Divorce his hell and can be expensive and usually is a long drawn out process. He never gave a reason why his feelings changed for you?
Author newsbug Posted February 15, 2013 Author Posted February 15, 2013 I think it was a mixture of cold feet and another girl. He went out of town for a weekend and that turned into being gone for 3 weeks. We only saw each other for an hour or during that time. I think the distance gave him time to think which made him kind of freak out. Two Saturdays ago he called while he was still out of town for work and told me we needed to push the wedding date back. He said he just wanted to be able to work on money issues. He said what if something happened to me? He wouldn't be able to take care of me. He swore over and over that he wasn't breaking off the wedding, he just needed to push it back a few months. It sucked but I the money was tight and in the grand scheme of a life together, a changed wedding date wasn't a big deal. We saw each other on the following Monday...he was still having to go to a different town but stopped and saw me..we sat in his car and talked for about an hour. And then he was gone. It seems that will be the last time I will see him. He seemed down and off, but so was I after the wedding date change. Then last Thursday he finally told me that he had met someone. He swore nothing had happened and he only hung out with her. It was someone from his past. He wouldn't tell me anything else about it...how long he had "hung out" with her or who she was or where she lived. But I knew him and I trusted him..and he has never been able to lie to me, so I really thought it was just a dinner or something and nothing too big. All was still okay...everyday he would tell me how much he missed me and loved me..blah, blah. But then he disappeared on Sunday. I looked at our credit card and it showed he had gotten gas in Columbus OH when he was supposed to be in Williamstown WV. And there was a girl that had made a comment on his facebook page that was originally from WV (his hometown) and now lives in Columbus (where he was supposedly working for a week). It's not hard to connect the dots. I finally got ahold of him Sunday night and he told me he had to pick something up and wouldn't tell me anything. Then Monday morning he called me at work and told me he didn't think we should date any longer. And..that's it. I asked him a million questions of what happened and did I do something and all of those horrible questions and he just said nothing was wrong. He said things sometimes happen and he wanted to stay my friend and he would always be there for me but he didn't want to date me any longer. But you never know what might happen down the road. So..it's over. And I can't do anything about it and it doesn't matter why he did it...because it's over. And I have to just deal. :/ Sorry for the long message.
Soxfaninfl Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 I think it was a mixture of cold feet and another girl. He went out of town for a weekend and that turned into being gone for 3 weeks. We only saw each other for an hour or during that time. I think the distance gave him time to think which made him kind of freak out. Two Saturdays ago he called while he was still out of town for work and told me we needed to push the wedding date back. He said he just wanted to be able to work on money issues. He said what if something happened to me? He wouldn't be able to take care of me. He swore over and over that he wasn't breaking off the wedding, he just needed to push it back a few months. It sucked but I the money was tight and in the grand scheme of a life together, a changed wedding date wasn't a big deal. We saw each other on the following Monday...he was still having to go to a different town but stopped and saw me..we sat in his car and talked for about an hour. And then he was gone. It seems that will be the last time I will see him. He seemed down and off, but so was I after the wedding date change. Then last Thursday he finally told me that he had met someone. He swore nothing had happened and he only hung out with her. It was someone from his past. He wouldn't tell me anything else about it...how long he had "hung out" with her or who she was or where she lived. But I knew him and I trusted him..and he has never been able to lie to me, so I really thought it was just a dinner or something and nothing too big. All was still okay...everyday he would tell me how much he missed me and loved me..blah, blah. But then he disappeared on Sunday. I looked at our credit card and it showed he had gotten gas in Columbus OH when he was supposed to be in Williamstown WV. And there was a girl that had made a comment on his facebook page that was originally from WV (his hometown) and now lives in Columbus (where he was supposedly working for a week). It's not hard to connect the dots. I finally got ahold of him Sunday night and he told me he had to pick something up and wouldn't tell me anything. Then Monday morning he called me at work and told me he didn't think we should date any longer. And..that's it. I asked him a million questions of what happened and did I do something and all of those horrible questions and he just said nothing was wrong. He said things sometimes happen and he wanted to stay my friend and he would always be there for me but he didn't want to date me any longer. But you never know what might happen down the road. So..it's over. And I can't do anything about it and it doesn't matter why he did it...because it's over. And I have to just deal. :/ Sorry for the long message. Don't be sorry. This website is a great place to vent and help you cope. I've been in your shoes, so I know your pain. It's hard, and it sucks! He's a douche bag for throwing away a year relationship for some girl from his past and lieing to you. I wouldn't be friends with him after what he's done. Plus, it will take you longer to get over him if your still friends. You need to go no contact to heal quickly. It's good that you boxed everthing and get rid of all of his things. It will just a constant reminder of your past. For me it was not possible to do no contact since I have a son with my ex-wife.
H3Drvr Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 Nothing wrong with talking to people...it's good to get yourself out there even if its just to make new friends. Heck...I just joined one myself. Unfortunately, 75% of the girls that messaged me just does not fit what I would normally date. Lol.
Author newsbug Posted February 15, 2013 Author Posted February 15, 2013 Don't be sorry. This website is a great place to vent and help you cope. I've been in your shoes, so I know your pain. It's hard, and it sucks! He's a douche bag for throwing away a year relationship for some girl from his past and lieing to you. I wouldn't be friends with him after what he's done. Plus, it will take you longer to get over him if your still friends. You need to go no contact to heal quickly. It's good that you boxed everthing and get rid of all of his things. It will just a constant reminder of your past. For me it was not possible to do no contact since I have a son with my ex-wife. That does stink. He owes me a lot of money from a credit card and I think he should at least pay half on the wedding dress and the bridesmaids dresses that will never be used. He swore he would pay everything, but at the moment I'm thinking about not even asking him for it again. Someone asked me if my sanity was worth $2000 bucks. And it's a lot of money and I need it...but I need to heal too. I have been thinking I will make my brother deal with him with all of that and if he wants any of his crap back...just leave me out of it. But it does suck.
Author newsbug Posted February 15, 2013 Author Posted February 15, 2013 Nothing wrong with talking to people...it's good to get yourself out there even if its just to make new friends. Heck...I just joined one myself. Unfortunately, 75% of the girls that messaged me just does not fit what I would normally date. Lol. I have to say, today I have been chatting with guys I know I would never want to go out with. I think that may be mean if they end up really liking me, but I just want to get out of my head and try and stop all of the "why did this happen" questions.
Soxfaninfl Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 That does stink. He owes me a lot of money from a credit card and I think he should at least pay half on the wedding dress and the bridesmaids dresses that will never be used. He swore he would pay everything, but at the moment I'm thinking about not even asking him for it again. Someone asked me if my sanity was worth $2000 bucks. And it's a lot of money and I need it...but I need to heal too. I have been thinking I will make my brother deal with him with all of that and if he wants any of his crap back...just leave me out of it. But it does suck. That's the best way to go. Get your brother to deal with him. Maybe he can deal with him about the money too?
H3Drvr Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 Well...hopefully the right fishy will bite soon... 1
Author newsbug Posted February 15, 2013 Author Posted February 15, 2013 That's the best way to go. Get your brother to deal with him. Maybe he can deal with him about the money too? That's what I'm going to try and make myself do. At the moment it feels like even having my brother talk to him is too much. I know I would want to know everything that was said and junk. That's the same as me trolling him on facebook even though he defriended me. All I can see is his profile picture...but he changed it and he's smiling and his aunt commented on how happy he looked and it just killed me. Was he happier now that he finally got rid of me? We never had any problems and we never fought...so why is he happy to get rid of me? Does the other girl make him happier? So..yeah..anything starts bringing up a million questions in my head and it's torture. Maybe in another week or so I can get the brother to deal with him and it won't be as bad. feh.
ak8o8 Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 Your imagination over a smile on facebook is running wild. If only we could take that imagination and start wondering how many times he had to take the picture before he could find one with a great smile to use as a profile pic. We can all take pics with us smiling and put it as a profile pic...doesn't mean that we're happier where we are. 1
Author newsbug Posted February 15, 2013 Author Posted February 15, 2013 Your imagination over a smile on facebook is running wild. If only we could take that imagination and start wondering how many times he had to take the picture before he could find one with a great smile to use as a profile pic. We can all take pics with us smiling and put it as a profile pic...doesn't mean that we're happier where we are. I think it's a fake smile. But who knows? And that's when I have to start telling myself that it doesn't matter if it's real or fake. We are over. He is gone. My reality is he is no longer with me and I have to move on no matter what he's doing or not doing. It doesn't matter. It's over. He's gone. That's my reality. 1
Soxfaninfl Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 That's what I'm going to try and make myself do. At the moment it feels like even having my brother talk to him is too much. I know I would want to know everything that was said and junk. That's the same as me trolling him on facebook even though he defriended me. All I can see is his profile picture...but he changed it and he's smiling and his aunt commented on how happy he looked and it just killed me. Was he happier now that he finally got rid of me? We never had any problems and we never fought...so why is he happy to get rid of me? Does the other girl make him happier? So..yeah..anything starts bringing up a million questions in my head and it's torture. Maybe in another week or so I can get the brother to deal with him and it won't be as bad. feh. It's only been a coupe of days. You need to give yourself time to heal a bit. Try to keep yourself busy so you don't think about it. I know it's easier said then done. You will get through this. 1
ak8o8 Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 You're right. It doesn't matter if he's really happy or not. What matters is if you're really happy and you'll get there one day. 1
Author newsbug Posted February 15, 2013 Author Posted February 15, 2013 Ugh...fingers crossed. And head up. And still moving forward. 1
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