LostSoulTrain Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Many of you know my story. For those not familiar with it, we were both married and worked together. It was 14 months long affair. Somewhere along the way we decided to leave partners so we can be together. I did it but she kept stringing me along until one day in December I finally had enough and walked away. It hurt me like hell, I cant say that it did not but deep down I knew it is right thing to do. After five weeks of silence she started making contact sometimes mid-January. At first these were seemingly innocent semi-work related e-mails which I declined. Then, two weeks ago I got offer for new job which includes moving overseas. News spread around fast and reached her. When she heard this she rushed to my office but I already left building. For next couple of days she changed online statuses on VoIP that our company uses all of which were directed to me. I ignored it all and changed myself into invisible. This week she came to see me. She heard that I accepted an offer and started talking that I cant go, that this means definite end for us. In her words, we are meant to be together and she cant get over me. I sat there trying to stay calm and each time she paused I repeated same line „You made your choice and it wasn't me. Unless you came to tell me that you want to leave him and be with me you have no business here and please leave me alone“. After hearing this several times she finally said that she can't let me go and asked if I can give her two days to sort things out with her husband. She asked that I dont accept this new offer for two days and if she does not sort it out until then she will leave me alone and let me go. I just said that she can come to talk in two days if she sorts it out. First night an e-mail comes around 2am saying she did not do it as he came home late. Then next morning she writes that she talked with her friend who knows about us. This friend encouraged her, told her to end her pain, put herself first and follow her heart. It seemed as if she finally decided. I just replied that she should indeed follow her heart and do what makes her happy. Then this morning another e-mail comes saying „I did not do anything productive last night“. I did not even understand what it means but it felt as if she punched me in face. I did not reply anything as it made me angry nor did she write afterwards. Two days deadline which she imposed upon herself is expiring tonight. She did not write anything and for all I know she once again turned her back on us. I dont know why but this time it hurts more than ever before. Even though I stayed firm in front of her, deep down I hoped that it might be real this time and that we will end up together. I dont know what happened and why she did not do it. It is almost as if I am torn into pieces. Why would she come back and more important why would she ask for these two days if she knew she cant handle it? How can she be so cruel and send just that one line without even saying sorry after everything that happened between us? How to rise up again and move on from here? Sorry for so many questions but I really need to vent.
chaser0195 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Do what you think is best for you. If that means taking this new job so be it. You have given her well over a year to make her decision the first time and then you gave her more time to make a choice and once again, it wasn't you. You feel so torn because you still have feelings for her and she stirred up hope. You know if you do accept this job that the relationship will be completely over and that's not what you want but as you know, it would be best to get away from her because you will be waiting for her for a long time and chances are she will never leave her H. Why did she did she ask for the two days? I am guessing it is because she wants you to stay just incase her marriage doesn't work out or if she ever gets the nerve to leave and she also knows that if you leave it will be the end for good. You are her fall back plan. I bet that the only way she will divorce her H is if he leaves her. GO! Take that job and move on with you life. Get away from her false hope and broken promises. If she every gets to a point where she does leave her H and still wants to be with you then she knows how to contact you, even if you live in a different country but don't hold your breath waiting on her. If its meant to be it will always find a way. 1
BetrayedH Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Let the evening go by and see what happens. You'll know your answer by morning. 1
Journee Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 You never know were life may take you. Don't give up a opportunity for you when she can't find the fortitude to grab the opportunity to be with you. A poster on here said something the other day that I think can resonate with everyone. To paraphrase...he said that wild horses couldn't keep him away from his AP. They are in a relationship together now. I totally agree. If someone wants you and wants you to have all that you deserve from life and love , they make the moves to do so. They don't stay "trapped" or maintain the status quo. That isn't fair. Scraps of a woman are not worth this pain. You deserve deep fulfilling ,proud love. Shout to the world love. You will find it brother. Stay open to this job opportunity. It will be an adventure! Good luck and stay strong. Her two day deadline was cruel. You deserve more than that sir. 1
TigerCub Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 I am so sorry for your hurt. I think this time it might hurt more because you already went through this, and you were finally picking up the pieces a little and trying to be strong and move on and she came desperately wanting you to stay. She gave you false hope and that would sting A LOT! But look at how selfish she is. She wanted you to turn down a job opportunity for her and she wasn't going anywhere, she wasn't going to leave her H - she just wanted you to sacrifice so that she can get you on the side - she doesn't care about the price you'd have to pay just to be strung along by her. She'd gladly keep you in limbo if she could. Keep that in mind when you get the urge to ever contact her. be proud of yourself for being strong and standing your ground. Please look out for yourself and do what's best for you, because she doesn't have your best interest at heart, she's preoccupied with what's best for her. Good luck with your new job!! A change of scenery should do you well
thefooloftheyear Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 She sounds like she really is in love with you, just struggling with the D. If she were to finally get out at a later date, would you then reconsider and accept her? Some D are really hard on people. Who knows what are the circumstances... Just curious. Of course you need to do what is besty for you... Hope it works out.. TFOY
pteromom Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Sounds to me like she is a person hooked on drama. She had the drama of keeping an affair alive, and now she gets to do the equivalent of the romance-movie running-to-the-airport-to-stop-you thing. Drama, drama, drama. She just might tell her husband and run to your arms, because that will bring a LOT of drama into her life. Guess you'll know tomorrow. 1
Survivor12 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Just remember this--if it weren't for your move, she would have continued to string you along. 1
whichwayisup Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 She isn't just leaving her husband, it's her whole life. Friends, family, inlaws, extended family, children if she has any. Her job too. She reacted out of pure desperation. She still isn't going to leave her husband. Even though your A was over at least she knew you were 'near by'. Now that you're going away far from her, she reacted. And her non action has shown you once again that she doesn't have it in her to give up everything and be with you. Go on with your life. Grieve this loss once and for all and let go of her.
Author LostSoulTrain Posted February 15, 2013 Author Posted February 15, 2013 She did not reply anything. This last message from her was final punch. Not even to say I am sorry or to explain anything. Just stupid phrase that she did not do anything productive. Whatever that means. Today I blocked all her emails and skype. I am also going later to visit my carrier to ask for her number to be blocked. A part of me hopes that she might do something over next few days as she knows that I must give definite answer for this job in two weeks. Wishful thinking I know. I will take that offer. It means moving from Europe to China for first year but I feel I cant put myself on hold anymore.
Lillyfree Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 from someone who was very close to where your OW is: leave, go and live your life, this job opportunity is a blessing. take yourself out of the situation. i was at one stage ready to leave my marriage. but then real life kicked in. thing is, she doesn't care about you enough to let you go. this is more about her than you. you seem like good people, look after yourself and all the best.
Absewarrior Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 LST: Job opportunity sounds amazing and just in time to get you out of this drama filled movie she is starring in. AW
Survivor12 Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 She did not reply anything. This last message from her was final punch. Not even to say I am sorry or to explain anything. Just stupid phrase that she did not do anything productive. Whatever that means. Today I blocked all her emails and skype. I am also going later to visit my carrier to ask for her number to be blocked. A part of me hopes that she might do something over next few days as she knows that I must give definite answer for this job in two weeks. Wishful thinking I know. I will take that offer. It means moving from Europe to China for first year but I feel I cant put myself on hold anymore. Apparently, you didn't get the gist of what I was saying. Even if she does leave her husband now, it will only be because she is reacting to the pressure. Unfortunately, decisions that are made hastily while "under duress" are generally regretted later. The truth is she would have left her husband to be with you before December if she was truly confident and committed. But she didn't and she isn't. So as difficult as it may be, the best thing you can do is walk away and start looking ahead to your new life without her. Good luck!
Cali408 Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 Don't look back something might be gaining on you.... She's not leaving and never would. She was just hoping that you would not take the job. Period. It's all about her. She wants her cake and eat it too. I would be irate with her. You broke up your marriage for her and she didn't reciprocate. So, she's already lied to you and left you hanging in the wind. Go to the Far East with David Bowie's "China Girl" drifting in your head. Don't ever speak with her again.
FightClub Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 (edited) Hey LostSoulTrain, Ya'know as a former OM, I feel'ya brotha, it's tough to look back at something that seemed like a project that would potentially lead to a life where the married woman leaves her marriage, her life, etc to start fresh with you, even after you left your wife, it all feels like you 'have the right idea' and it will work. Then the reality hits you; She's not leaving, she's just not invested as you, the amazing amount of excuses and inability to follow through. I was a single OM when I was with exMW and she actually could have left twice in our year long EA/PA, the first time was for a job offer that would have been in my hometown, to which she didn't take and instead took a job in her town instead. The second time was after our physical affair, she was separated for a three months and talking about plans of moving away from the BS. The problem is that all it becomes is talk and more talk and some more talk. After all the stalling, the choice you make has to be for yourself, after ex-MW decided to call it quits and wouldn't see me in her hometown, I decided to walk away. It hurt, I grieved, I did a lot of self-introspection, soul searching, praying, therapy, communicating with friends and family for advice, LS and almost three years later I'm still here, the world didn't end and ex-MW never left, regardless. So, from one man to another, it's time to walk brotha, time to move forward and onto the next chapter of your life. She made her decision a long time ago and it shows every time she lets you down; ' I'm not leaving my marriage', she doesn't have to say it because at this point it's known to you by her actions. Peace, love for yourself and courage...walk away and hold your head high, things get better in time. -FC Edited February 16, 2013 by FightClub
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