kaylan Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 (edited) Has any guy ever felt like this? I know plenty of women have. I have a VERY high sex drive when compared to my peers...and there are times when I feel hyper sexual as if I could possibly have a decent amount of variety and casual sex. Sometimes I feel Im not doing my sexuality justice because I have so much raw energy in me that I wanna just get out. Part of my not indulging in my hormonal push, is because of STDs and pregnancy. I dont wanna have pregnancy scares with women I havent vetted as being on the same page as me regarding kids...and I dont wanna risk STDs and permanently screw up my sex life or anyone elses. But theres other reasons too. I know how I am emotionally. I usually end up having sex with a girl I really like, and I stick to her and the idea of seeing other women disappears. I really like connecting on a highly emotional level with one person...and really good sexual compatibility contributes to that. As much as I feel the way I do with my sex drive, theres a good change Id be very off emotionally if I were to sleep with more than one woman at a time. Then theres my morality. Part of me has felt guilty and dirty during my younger years where I had some meaningless casual trysts with girls I didnt care about. Im not against casual sex at all, and I can enjoy it...but if I didnt like the girl a whole lot, Id always feel weird and off about it afterwords. Like for me, if I cant assure myself the sex will be good, I wont have it...even if its readily available. And as a youth (under 25), I didnt realize how much my chemistry was tied to liking a girl even if it was only casual dating. I merely assumed that if I could get an erection, that I should be good to go, and it didnt always work like that. Hell, at times in the past I sometimes avoided sex, and stopped at oral because I didnt wanna feel like itd be a waste to have sex. When I was 19, I was sleeping with my neighbor, and everytime she left after sex, Id shower. Not because I felt I needed to get clean after sex, and not because of how I felt about her. I just felt weird and dirty. It was odd...and I havent felt that way in recent hook ups. However, that was the only time in my life where I had a FWB where it was solely, solely sex. Shed come over, have sex, then leave. Every other casual thing Ive done, the girl was at least my friend and we could hang out and had at least a couple things in common. In which cases I felt loads more comfortable about the sex, and I didnt care if it was "meaningless fun". Lastly, theres the issue of worry about future girls Id want to date seriously. Ive been with an average amount of women, and I definitely havent had the amount of casual sex many people my age have. With that being said, there are moments when I think about my sexual future, and I wonder if my hormones will override the other things Ive mentioned here. The problem is that Im a high believer in honesty and transparency. I wont lie to a girl about my past, because I want her to accept me for the totality of who I am...and Ill do the same of her. I just know theres a risk in screwing up my chances with some women because of decisions Ive made. And actually, Im sure there are conservative gals out there who wouldnt like my dating and sexual history as it stands now. Though Im sure some of the more conservative gals already think this of me, I wouldnt want someone to assume Im not worthy or capable of monogamy, just because if what I did when I was single. All I know is that Im super loyal when Ive picked out a girl I really like, and that I can have fun with Im single (within reason). Now Im not saying that Im going to go slut up the whole area...and greatly increase my sexual number over what is generally seen as an average number. Im just saying I may have more fun than I would have thought in the past, and Im worried about the life, health, mental, emotional, and dating consequences of it all. Im just wondering if any guys here have ever felt similarly. My best friend is similar to me in how I think, but a good bit more conversative as hes only been with 4 women at our age of 26. And only 1 was outside of a relationship, but even that one was with his best chick friend. And that was a stretch for him since hes an LTR guy nit interested in hookups. Anyways, I dont wanna say "Im different from most guys" in that I usually cant completely separate emotions from sex...as I do feel there are a number of guys similar to me. Edited February 14, 2013 by kaylan
pteromom Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Then theres my morality. Part of me has felt guilty and dirty during my younger years where I had some meaningless casual trysts with girls I didnt care about. Im not against casual sex at all, and I can enjoy it...but if I didnt like the girl a whole lot, Id always feel weird and off about it afterwords. I think you are onto something with the conflict of your desire vs. morals. From your posting history, it seems you are always on the side of high morality/purity. You say you aren't against casual sex, but I think you actually are, at least on some level. You may WANT to not be against it, because as a highly sexual person, you want to be able to enjoy sex even when you aren't in a relationship and you view yourself as a sexually open person, but when you do it, you feel "icky" about yourself because you are doing something that goes against your core values. You wouldn't want to get into a long-term relationship with a girl who has had lots of casual sex (I am guessing based on your past posts) so it feels icky to help turn a girl into someone you wouldn't date. As far as the future girl, I wouldn't worry about it. Since you are highly sexual, make sure you find someone who also prioritizes sex, and just go for it when it comes along. You have been able to be loyal and faithful so far, so there is no reason to think you won't be able to when you get into a LTR.
Author kaylan Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 I think you are onto something with the conflict of your desire vs. morals. From your posting history, it seems you are always on the side of high morality/purity. Im on the side of morality in regards to honesty, loyalty, and being a good person. But when it comes to sex, Im somewhat liberal. You say you aren't against casual sex, but I think you actually are, at least on some level. Im against too much of it. I think its good and fun without reason. Like I enjoy casual sex with the right person...you know...a cool down to earth chick I can enjoy spending time with. I recognize that Im going to be attracted to a variety of women, and I know that I wont be compatible with many of them for a relationship. That being said, if we dont click for an LTR, but the attraction is still there a good friendship or FWB arrangement could be had. You may WANT to not be against it, because as a highly sexual person, you want to be able to enjoy sex even when you aren't in a relationship and you view yourself as a sexually open person, but when you do it, you feel "icky" about yourself because you are doing something that goes against your core values.The only time I feel weird about casual sex stuff is when Ive done it with girls I didnt like at all. The last girl I slept with I didnt have any problems with what we did, and I greatly enjoy our time together. And a big part of that was because I liked her and enjoyed spending time with her, despite whether or not we would end up in a relationship. You wouldn't want to get into a long-term relationship with a girl who has had lots of casual sex (I am guessing based on your past posts) so it feels icky to help turn a girl into someone you wouldn't date.No no. Youre explaining it a little wrong. I wouldnt date a girl whos had a lot of casual sex because it seems sex doesnt have the same value to her that it does with me. Or it would seem that she falls in like with many guys too easily. Itd seem like our bond wouldnt be up to par. I wouldnt feel icky having a casual relationship with that same girl though. Like I said, what I feel weird about is when Ive hooked up with girls I didnt like at all. So basically, Im not really great at separating emotions and sex. As far as the future girl, I wouldn't worry about it. Since you are highly sexual, make sure you find someone who also prioritizes sex, and just go for it when it comes along. You have been able to be loyal and faithful so far, so there is no reason to think you won't be able to when you get into a LTR. Yeah I get what youre saying. But I do know some girls would right me off if I ever got too crazy in my single life. Right now I have a couple of options I dont even know if I want to take, all because itd be weird and new to me to date that way.
SJC2008 Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 I don't think anyone can separate emotions and sex. Sure the first few times and mabye a little bit more you won't "feel" anything but sooner or later you will IMO. Why does someone usually wind up getting hurt in a fwb situation? Why are players players? Probably because they know if they stay with the same person they'll get feelings and don't want to be vulnerable. The ONLY way casual sex would work is if it's a ONS or in a FWB scenario, you would basically have to despise their personality so their would be zero chance of becomming attached. I know this is generation sex but 4 doesn't seem low to me for a 26 year old. If you're number is "average" and you don't mind tell us.
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