Hopeful79 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Had a date last night...it's been almost 3 mos. since the breakup. It was a nice date...on the outside I was myself, laughing, smiling...all of that. I could tell he liked me. I couldn't stop thinking about my ex... I know he wants to go out again...he's a really nice guy, scottish, a little taller then me, good job, etc. I felt zero sparks and when he went to kiss me goodnight he barely got my cheek before I ran off...he was evening opening doors for me. DAMN. Here I am starting a new chapter, in the Keys, getting back into diving and planning to make a career of it and I am still constantly thinking of and missing my ex. I had to email him today too to let him know if he finds my log book to not throw it away. That's all I wrote. He wrote back he is setting everything aside for me. Even that little contact breaks my heart...it makes it all more real. He is boxing me up and throwing me away from his life. I just want to be back with him, even though he is so not right for me. I don't know if I love him, or if I'm obsessed, or addicted, or what the hell is wrong with me. I don't think it's love exactly though because if it was I would be hopeful that he can find happiness even without me...on the contrary...I HOPE he finds much sadness without me, fails at his job, fails in any other relationship, etc...does that make me an awful person to hope that on someone??? SO DAMN CONFUSED about my feelings, and hate it. 1
Author Hopeful79 Posted February 14, 2013 Author Posted February 14, 2013 I keep hoping to one day get that email, or phone call that he misses me and wants me back...what is wrong with me? I can't move on. 1
Addison312 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Go on another date with that man. In my experience, first dates are always awkward but by the third, they get way more enjoyable. 1
Njeanne Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Try again, and if you keep thinking of your ex then it would be that you are not ready yet for a new relationship, and that men is going to be a rebound... You do not want to hurt his feelings, since he clearly likes you.
Chloe1980 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Oh hopeful79, Im crying right now, because your words are so true for me. I cannot think of other man, I just cannot imagine going on a date with someone else. He was so perfect for me... God, why this is so painful????? 1
newsbug Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 I keep hoping to one day get that email, or phone call that he misses me and wants me back...what is wrong with me? I can't move on. I'm still very raw from dumped by my fiancee and I'm having the same thoughts over and over. But I also tell myself that in the best case scenario, if he called me right now and said he made a huge mistake and let's please work on it, it would be soooo hard for me to ever really trust him again. I was whine to my cousin about it and she said what I think is true, I would always be waiting for him to drop the bomb again. But I do keep thinking and dreaming and kinda hoping. I think it's probably natural...you just have to keep telling yourself that that doesn't matter. You have to focus on your reality and your reality is you are broken up. He is gone. It's over. And all you can do is keep looking forward and try to keep your head up and try and get better. I'm definitely not there yet, not even close....but I have made it through one day at work without crying in front of anyone, so that's a good thing. Just try to keep your head up, maybe go out with the guy again, it's a nice distraction if nothing else. Try and keep busy and hopefully it will get better one day. At least that's what I'm telling myself. :/ 1
destroyed4sho Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 I keep hoping to one day get that email, or phone call that he misses me and wants me back...what is wrong with me? I can't move on. Yeah, i also wish this too. But Ive trained my mind to think everyday that she doesnt call is another day she is sure about her decision and happy without me. :-( 1
Author Hopeful79 Posted February 15, 2013 Author Posted February 15, 2013 Oh hopeful79, Im crying right now, because your words are so true for me. I cannot think of other man, I just cannot imagine going on a date with someone else. He was so perfect for me... God, why this is so painful????? As much as I sometimes think he is perfect...it's not reality. The reality is my ex is far from perfect...and definitely not for me. His natural personality, the man he is, well...it's not a good man. His lack of empathy and self absorption and just so much. I just miss the comfort he was able to give me physically and financially. I miss his intelligence and the conversations. I miss his height and how safe I felt in his arms. But emotionally he was just never there for me. He sucked so much out of me and made me weak. I just need to get my strength back somehow...day by day I guess. I'm not giving up...I feel pain, but I am a fighter and as my mom told me, I have to grow a backbone, grow up and be OK on my own. I am a beautiful person, inside and out...I don't want to ruffle my own feathers, but even I know this...I know b/c people love my company, people truly love me. My ex loved me a lot, but he just couldn't handle fitting me into the emotional stuff...he is too stuck on himself. He needs a woman who doesn't need empathy. I really think he will end up alone - divorced probably many times if he ever makes it to marriage. Sometimes I feel I hate him, other times I love him, other times miss him desperately. Sometimes I am glad to be free...it's like this huge emotional rollercoaster! 1
creighton0123 Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 Well, this is split between Breakup and Dating forums. Even after previous breakups where I was the dumper, I always followed the 3 date rule before deciding anything about anyone. You, girl, have a case of what Buddhists would call the monkey mind. It's doing exactly what you don't want it to do and is as unfocused and random as... well... a monkey. In my mind, the potential of romance is a great distraction until you are actually on that first date, at which point it triggers memories of lost potential from your previous relationship. That's all normal. I would spend the next day or two thinking as best you can about the date you just had. What went good about it? What, minus your monkey mind, went bad? Can you see a potential partner in this guy?
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