Submisfit Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Alright, so I had another thread going about how to ask a girl that I was interested in out on a date. I recently asked her, and below is the recap I posted in the other thread. I was hoping some of the nice ladies on this site could help me interpret what she said; was she just letting me down easy, or was there a subtext there of maybe later? She said no. It was a little open ended, and if anyone could help me interpret I'd be super appreciate, but I'll probably create another thread on it later. So we talked some during lab, and she reiterated to me that she was single when I kind of steered the conversation in that direction.After lab I caught up with her in the hall and said "Hey, I've been meaning to ask you, and I know you've said you don't take interest in someone easily, but would you be interested in grabbing dinner sometime this weekend?"She smiled right when I asked, but replied "I'd like to, but I just can't...there's this boy I dated back in Mexico, and we're kind of together but he's not a boyfriend, but we're having a lot of problems right now, and I don't want to start with someone else when it's still up in the air. Maybe as friends?"We talked for another 10 minutes or so about how hard long distance relationships are (I tried one in the past that ended because of jealousy, which she says is really what's happening now,) and when I left I said "but yeah, I'm definitely interested, so if you get things resolved with him, it's a standing invite. Just let me know." I'm pretty sure this was a definite no on her part, but does any girl think there's any possibility in the near future? Generally when you start telling your opposite sex friends how bad your relationship is going, it's near the end stage. I'll continue to be her friend, and if someone else comes along I won't hesitate there, but I kind of want to know what my chances really are of anything happening in the future. I definitely think it'd be best to let her make the next move if there's a move to be made.
Treasa Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 I honestly don't know. It could be that it's nearing it's end-stage, or it could be that she isn't interested and is trying to let you down very easily. However, that being said, I admire you for having the balls to ask her, and I think you did it in a very charming way. Unless I was actually in a relationship, I definitely would have said yes!
Author Submisfit Posted February 14, 2013 Author Posted February 14, 2013 I honestly don't know. It could be that it's nearing it's end-stage, or it could be that she isn't interested and is trying to let you down very easily. However, that being said, I admire you for having the balls to ask her, and I think you did it in a very charming way. Unless I was actually in a relationship, I definitely would have said yes! Thanks. I'm glad I'm at least not obsessing about doing it anymore, but I am of course a bit disappointed with the result.
Cutiepie1976 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 The way you handled asking her out and the way you responded to her answer were both superb. You also did a very nice job of leaving the door open. Unfortunately, what I see in her response is "no." She may rethink and change her mind down the road, but I highly doubt it. In you're shoes, I would move on. Be friendly and social with her still, chat with her in lab, but in terms of your romantic life, actively look elsewhere for a date. I also wouldn't ask or bring up her BF in Mexico again. You don't want to turn into her confidante about her dating difficulties and woes. Good luck!
Author Submisfit Posted February 14, 2013 Author Posted February 14, 2013 The way you handled asking her out and the way you responded to her answer were both superb. You also did a very nice job of leaving the door open. Unfortunately, what I see in her response is "no." She may rethink and change her mind down the road, but I highly doubt it. In you're shoes, I would move on. Be friendly and social with her still, chat with her in lab, but in terms of your romantic life, actively look elsewhere for a date. I also wouldn't ask or bring up her BF in Mexico again. You don't want to turn into her confidante about her dating difficulties and woes. Good luck! That's disappointing, but pretty much what I thought. It was a little open ended though, so I kinda wanted to get another person's perspective on it.
Lani Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 I think it's exactly as she said it.. You've left the ball in her court by saying that if her situation changes, you'd be interested. So just leave it for now. If things change with the Mexican, and it all ends, she'll make an effort to let you know. That's if she's interested. If she's not, then she probably won't mention it.
Author Submisfit Posted February 15, 2013 Author Posted February 15, 2013 So the vote so far is 3 for being nice and letting me down lightly, 2 for actually having that complicated involvement. Glad to know that it's not just me confused.
Archgirl Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 If instead of saying standing invitation etc you'd responded "yeah sure i'd love to go out as friends, I like hanging out with you/talking to you/want to get to know you (whatever)" she would have gone out with you. She's telling you her terms (no expectations, no physical stuff, just friends) you ignored them. 1
sid3 Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 If instead of saying standing invitation etc you'd responded "yeah sure i'd love to go out as friends, I like hanging out with you/talking to you/want to get to know you (whatever)" she would have gone out with you. She's telling you her terms (no expectations, no physical stuff, just friends) you ignored them. True. But he also let her know his terms by not jumping into the friendzone.
Archgirl Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 True. But he also let her know his terms by not jumping into the friendzone. Hey settle-petal, I wasn't passing judgement, just interpreting chicklish for him, up to him if he accepts the terms or not
sid3 Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 Hey settle-petal, I wasn't passing judgement, just interpreting chicklish for him, up to him if he accepts the terms or not There wasn't any need for name calling. Nor did I interpret your post as being judgemental. I'm sorry you've got your panties twisted today.
Archgirl Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 True. But he also let her know his terms by not jumping into the friendzone. Hey settle-petal, I wasn't passing judgement, just interpreting chicklish for him, up to him if he accepts the terms or not Sorry babe, possible cultural divide here, petal is a joke endearment here, but take offence if it pleases you. as to panties query, see above.
sid3 Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 Sorry babe, possible cultural divide here, petal is a joke endearment here, but take offence if it pleases you. as to panties query, see above. Oops, my bad:o
Author Submisfit Posted February 15, 2013 Author Posted February 15, 2013 If instead of saying standing invitation etc you'd responded "yeah sure i'd love to go out as friends, I like hanging out with you/talking to you/want to get to know you (whatever)" she would have gone out with you. She's telling you her terms (no expectations, no physical stuff, just friends) you ignored them. I guess I didn't say that in that 10 minute conversation, right after she rejected me and said friends, I DID say that that'd be cool, and that I enjoyed talking to her, and would be interested in having her as a friend (though phrased in a way that sounds less creepy.) I just reiterated the bit at the very end so that I could know that if there's another move to be made, it's on her end. We DID end up seeing each other in the library later, and she approached me to study for our bio exam, so I don't think she's uncomfortable with how things went. She put her hand on my upper thigh when she leaned in to read what I had written in my notes though, so hey, I really just have no idea what are signals and what aren't I guess. Before I would have taken that as a definite sign of interest.
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