Chloe1980 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Hi, Im Chloe. I need some help, I'm feeling very sad right now, and I dont know how to continue. I met his guy on December, and really like him. We hang out, have sex, and had good times, but he didnt show much interest on me. I was in need of a relationship, and my hearth didnt understand, I felt hard for him I think he only wanted sex, but he seemed a truly nice guy. Last week he became cold, i think he realized i had strong feelings for him, and he couldnt cope with that. I stopped contact, and he did not contact me either. I feel rejected and my self esteem is below zero right now. We shared a lot, he was amazingly nice with me, but he doesnt seem to care. I cry every day because I am so lonely (no friends, family) and I just want to sleep all day long. I sent him a message saying I miss him, but I dont know if its correct to extend the pain, because at the end, he may not be into me at all Please help, i dont know how to move on....
Mack05 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 (edited) Chloe sadly I have friends who are like this. Treat a girl reasonably well only to ditch her after they get what they want. Guys like this seem to have an inbuilt sensor that brings them to lonely/vulnerable girls. Sadly there are lessons to be learnt here. Looking for a relationship when you are not happy inside brings you to the wrong types of guys. You need to find ways to build that self esteem of yours. You seem like a sweet genuine girl. Just cause this guy can't see what he is missing, doesn't mean other guys won't. You just need to start viewing yourself as a prize. The next time you feel a connection to a guy take your time before jumping into bed. This will give you time to separate the genuine guys from the assclowns. The genuine guys will not only respect your boundaries, but will be happy to wait. Not only that, they will appreciate having to wait ;-). Building the foundations slowly are the keys to any successful relationship. Building self esteem doesn't happy over night. Just try do something positive everyday no matter how small a thing it is. Going to gym is great, cooking new receipes is a great way to pass time. Nothing like tasting a dish you absolutely nail. Also look at ways of meeting new people. Volunteering. I know my ex used a site called meetup.com I think. There you will find people with similar interests to yours. Also maybe try to reconnect with old friends. Try reading self help books. I liked the power of now. I also took herbal remedies to help when I was feeling depressed and tired all the time. Two that worked for me are capsiberry (to help lose weight and increase energy) and John's Wort (to help when you feel low). You can turn thus around that much I promise you. Just requires will power and courage to make changes. Both things that u have (we all do). Just take one step at a time... Edited February 14, 2013 by Mack05
H3Drvr Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 You really want to move on or wallow in self pity? Hopefully, you choose to move on because the guy has. If it helps, imagine the relationship dead (along with him) and with all things that we love that die, we mourn it, we cry then make a conscious effort to onto the next good thing. Look at yourself in the mirror crying, sniveling like a child. You aren't a child anymore! Pick yourself off the floor and LIVE because there are people out there who don't even have the luxury of health. You will find someone and probably someone better, more loving, better looking, treats you better. Take comfort in knowing that person is looking for you as well. But if you close your mind and eyes, it's going to take much longer for the both of you to find each other. I'm a hopeless romantic so with each new relationship I fall into, I always wonder if she's the one...and sometimes I believe it. And when it ends, I cry because I think I lost something important to me. Someone that I thought would love me forever and I them. But if that person truly is/was the one, then it would have never ended in the first place. So gather yourself up and gain some courage to get on with your life. Even if you can only be courageous for a minute, you're already 1 minute ahead of the game. And if you keep having these bouts of courage a minute at a time, sooner or later, you'll be able to maintain it for an hour, a day, a week, a month, a year... Keep your head up sweetheart, the right guy is on his way!
Author Chloe1980 Posted February 14, 2013 Author Posted February 14, 2013 Thank you both, I appreciate your perspectives very much, and I feel a little better already. I miss the feelings of being happy with him. I dont know if I miss him, but Im sure I miss the feelings of being wanted, knowing he was there for me. Now I feel hopeless because no one is thinking of me , i have no one to chat with at night, I have no one to be pretty for...I know this sounds really sad, I should try to overcome all this knowing that I am the most important thing right now...but its hard. I have moments where I feel powerful and I dont care about him, moments of light where I understand with clarity who he was in reality and why the relationship had no future, but the majority of the time I have a cloud in my mind that doesnt let me move on. I thought today will be easier than yesterday, but I actually feel worse.
H3Drvr Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 (edited) Thank you both, I appreciate your perspectives very much, and I feel a little better already. I miss the feelings of being happy with him. I dont know if I miss him, but Im sure I miss the feelings of being wanted, knowing he was there for me. Now I feel hopeless because no one is thinking of me , i have no one to chat with at night, I have no one to be pretty for...I know this sounds really sad, I should try to overcome all this knowing that I am the most important thing right now...but its hard. I have moments where I feel powerful and I dont care about him, moments of light where I understand with clarity who he was in reality and why the relationship had no future, but the majority of the time I have a cloud in my mind that doesnt let me move on. I thought today will be easier than yesterday, but I actually feel worse. That warm and fuzzy feeling that you get at the beginning of a new relationship is just a biochemical reaction occurring in your brain. It's the oxytocin that takes over your body, making you feel like butterflies in your stomach. It's a great feeling...unfortunately it doesn't last. It's better to look at the truths of the person you're in love with. You should love the person not the feeling....as odd as it may sound. In any case, you're already wrong. There are at least two people that are thinking if you, myself included. Why else would I have cared to reply to your post. As for making yourself pretty, do it for yourself. Hell, do it for me! I love looking at pretty girls Edited February 14, 2013 by H3Drvr
Author Chloe1980 Posted February 14, 2013 Author Posted February 14, 2013 H3Drvr, you are true, but feeling "high" is so addictive...I havent feel that way in a long time... I wish I could blame him (for being deceptive, or a player, or whatever bad thing I could find) but no. I just can't. He didint reply my message from this morning saying that I miss him. I have to stop looking at the email every 30 sec. I wish I could delete the email account (and delete him from my mind).
Mack05 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 The problem Chloe is what's happening beneath the surface. You have emotional gaps inside of you, that you are looking for someone else to fill. This will NEVER lead to long term happiness. You are lonely and feeling sad. That is thee worst time to meet someone. You attract the wrong type of guys. Ok the 'high' might feel good, but its only temporary. Like a drug addict taking a hit. It just makes the problem worse when that 'high' wears off. You need to start focus on getting yourself emotionally healthy. Emotionally healthy people are happy within themselves. They attract the right kind of people. You need to start learning these lessons. Otherwise you will just keep repeating the exact same cycle over and over again. Feeling sad, meet guy, temporary high, depression. This behaviour becomes more and more toxic the older you get. You need to make changes..You know what will happen if you don't? Nothing.....
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