kaylan Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 This is something I really believe. And this is something that I think is actually good for dating and relationships. Having self respect and set boundaries, where the person youre dating knows youll walk if they disrespect you or step outside the boundaries you two agreed upon, is something I think minimizes drama. Think about all the stories we read here, and the things weve gone through in our own dating live. A lot of times people keep going through drama because the person their dating doesnt truly believe the other person will walk away when they misbehave. We cant be afraid to walk away from a bad situation. And tbh, I think someone respects you more when they see you demand respect and have no patience for bs. I definitely know Im much more drawn in by a no-nonsense type woman who doesnt deal with bull, than a woman who makes excuses for me if I screw up or lets me walk on her. discuss 6
ThaWholigan Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Agree. Being comfortable in yourself to know that you won't shirk on your boundaries is important. They absolutely shouldn't be afraid to walk. With guys, they need to know this too. 1
SmileFace Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Is that why all the guys I date are so nice when I cut them off? Logic ... "That's that **** I don't like" I agree with the concept - since I know it is true. However if a guy has to wait until I leave to realize what he had - he isn't the one for me. It isn't about being a push over but I will not be a constant bitch to gets someone respect - I should have their respect either way. 3
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Easier said than done. Sometimes women can even spot the "he'll walk" guys from the "he'll put up with my ****" guys. Once you're marked, it's over.
mammasita Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Agree 100%. It's all about setting boundaries and more importantly sticking to your guns when lines are crossed NO MATTER WHAT. **** all the "but I love him/her sooooooo much"
Lonely Ronin Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 I don't take crap from anyone, my Ex used to say I give off an aura that said don't F with me. I have noticed/ and started to tame that part of my personality, as a lot of my female friends have said they think it scares a lot of women that I'm attracted to. Over the last year, I've been focusing on only dating women who have strong personalities, or ones that really compliment mine well.
Ruby Slippers Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Yeah, I don't take crap from ANYBODY, and this quality is highly attractive to the men I've had relationships with. They might complain about me having high standards and being demanding, but it's clear as day that they really respect me for it. Self-respect is very attractive. 3
Joaquin Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Totally agree. When anyone thinks you'll keep running back like a lap dog when they transgress agreed or obvious boundaries,your f..ked. It's already over.
EasyHeart Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 It's true in short-term relationships, but it's lethal to long-term relationships because you're in permanent battle-mode. I suppose some people get off on that, but I think a long-term relationship needs some security where both people accept that neither of them is going to run at the first sign of trouble. 1
Joaquin Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 So....how do you keep yr significant other on the right side of boundaries after marriage?
Treasa Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 One of the things I love most about my boyfriend is that he has boundaries and does expect respect, as well he should. So do I. Neither of us is aggressive or in your face about it, but it's very clear. I love that I can't walk all over him and he loves that he can't walk all over me. And thankfully, neither of us are dicks so I don't think it would even be an issue.
Joaquin Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 One of the things I love most about my boyfriend is that he has boundaries and does expect respect, as well he should. So do I. Neither of us is aggressive or in your face about it, but it's very clear. I love that I can't walk all over him and he loves that he can't walk all over me. And thankfully, neither of us are dicks so I don't think it would even be an issue. How long have you lovebirds been going out for?
Author kaylan Posted February 14, 2013 Author Posted February 14, 2013 So....how do you keep yr significant other on the right side of boundaries after marriage? Even after marriage...my wife will know that what I will and will not put up with doesnt change. Think Im scared of divorce? Think again. Id rather be happy, alone, with my self respect in tact...than in a marriage with someone whos not treated me the way I should be treated. Does it mean my chick is always walking on egg shells? No...it just means that Ill drop the axe and cut things off if she doesnt do right by me. And I expect her to be the same way.
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 This is something I really believe. And this is something that I think is actually good for dating and relationships. Having self respect and set boundaries, where the person youre dating knows youll walk if they disrespect you or step outside the boundaries you two agreed upon, is something I think minimizes drama. Ending the relationship should be your option of last resort. I think this advice would only minimize drama when dating women who crave emotionally distant guys. Normal, healthy, well adjusted females will take this as a lack of emotional investment. Honestly, it's kind of an insulting way to approach someone quality anyway. I think it's important to develop some additional skills for handling relationship conflicts. 1
TouchedByViolet Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 I have personally never had a problem with boundaries so it is difficult for me to relate. I choose women who are respectful and don't care for drama. I do have a problem with attracting women though. Guys who excel in dating tend to push boundaries, not merely respect but challenge.
Author kaylan Posted February 15, 2013 Author Posted February 15, 2013 (edited) Not afraid of divorce? Ever been divorced? Go get married, have some kids and go ahead and get divorced, and then get back with me. If a girl doesnt respect her marriage and kids enough, why shouldnt I divorce her. If she screws up badly, by cheating for example, Im out quickly. Respect above all else.Ending the relationship should be your option of last resort. I think this advice would only minimize drama when dating women who crave emotionally distant guys. Normal, healthy, well adjusted females will take this as a lack of emotional investment. Honestly, it's kind of an insulting way to approach someone quality anyway. I think it's important to develop some additional skills for handling relationship conflicts. Last resort? Not at all. Some things are instant deal breakers and push some to breaking up as the only option. Im not an unreasonable guy...life experiences have taught me not to be too reasonable with bad behavior though. Edited February 15, 2013 by kaylan
veggirl Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 As far as marriage/divorce, I would think that if you've enforced your personal boundaries all throughout the relationship and didn't rush into marriage, it would be engrained that there is mutual respect and boundaries because that is how it's ALWAYS BEEN in the relationship. It's what the foundation of your relationship IS.
Author kaylan Posted February 15, 2013 Author Posted February 15, 2013 Ahhh, the hubris of the uninitiated. Lol. You seem to think Im gonna be another one of those losers whos balls are in his wifes purse, who are afraid or unable to leave an unhappy marriage. Dont be so smug thinking you know more about me than I do myself. Just because you had a poor love life and marriage doesnt mean Ill make your mistakes. You can speak from your self important mountaintop of "experience" all youd like. The reality is some men arent prepared, and some are. Having a prenup and some self respect would do many married people good.
Recommended Posts