cdt76 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Why in all of creation would anyone be FRIENDS with someone who broke their heart??? I can see being friends with someone you went out with a couple times and didn't mesh and decided that there is no spark and connection. But when you say "I LOVE YOU" and the other says "I think we need to be friends", I'm pretty sure there is no way in hell that I could do that. It seems that post after post people always say the same thing. Mine told me, before NC, that she misses me and wants me in her life as a friend.....well, you know what? KISS MY SELF ESTEEM!!!! No way is that acceptable. And maybe years down the road you can or will or whatever, but really? Everyone says this! It's one of the dumbest things ever to hear from someone you fell in love with. Call me bitter. It's never going to happen for me. 1
destroyed4sho Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 oh, and don't forget about all the other crap they say too I still love you; I will always love youI miss you ; I will always miss youI don't know how to fix thingsWe could be friends and start over
H3Drvr Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 She misses me and wants me in her life as a friend.....well, you know what? KISS MY SELF ESTEEM!!!! No way is that acceptable. Haha AWESOME! Real words! 1
Still Searching Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 I hear you. I was told by my ex that she loves me, is still in love with me, but just can't keep doing what we were doing. Changes were necessary, but in her eyes, only on my end of things. She said she still wanted to be able to email, call, go to dinner, ask what's new at work, how my family is, etc, but the intimacy had to stop. Ok, sure, I'll just shut down all those feelings of wanting more...not. Maybe not in all cases, but with my ex, it's to have someone still there for her until she finds a new b/f. She was friends with her ex before me, and I wasn't comfortable with that, as most people probably wouldn't be, so she cut him off. I told her the same thing would happen to me, or that if I was to meet someone, out of respect to them, I'd end our friendship. It's all or nothing, you don't get to choose to take a huge step back and have your way all the time. I don't want to be her friend, I want her to be my girlfriend, nothing less. If that can't happen, then see you later. I'm on day 5 of NC right now...just plugging along, not expecting to ever hear from her again, which is fine. 1
Sexy Teddy Bear Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Honestly, I would rather have my ex in my life as a friend than not at all. I only just got the "we need to talk" speech last week, so maybe my judgment is clouded, or maybe I'm just simply a tool. But as I feel right now I would rather be her friend. I would want to be able to talk to her about whatever. Be there for her when she is feeling down, even when no one else is. It just feels more painful to not have her in my life at all.
mammasita Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Honestly, I would rather have my ex in my life as a friend than not at all. I only just got the "we need to talk" speech last week, so maybe my judgment is clouded, or maybe I'm just simply a tool. But as I feel right now I would rather be her friend. I would want to be able to talk to her about whatever. Be there for her when she is feeling down, even when no one else is. It just feels more painful to not have her in my life at all. So how are you gonna feel when she wants to talk to you about her new relationship?
Still Searching Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Honestly, I would rather have my ex in my life as a friend than not at all. I only just got the "we need to talk" speech last week, so maybe my judgment is clouded, or maybe I'm just simply a tool. But as I feel right now I would rather be her friend. I would want to be able to talk to her about whatever. Be there for her when she is feeling down, even when no one else is. It just feels more painful to not have her in my life at all. In my opinion, nothing good will come of it. You want to keep her there in some form, thinking it'll be less painful, but in the long run, unless you don't really feel for her or have any desire for things to work out, you'll constantly be wanting more, and it'll likely never happen. At some point, that reality will set in, and in order to move on, it's likely you'll have to remove yourself from her life, at least for a time. Just seems, from what I've read from others, that you're only delaying the moving on and healing. Of course none of us would prefer to move on; most would rather stay and try to work things out, but unless both parties are equally invested and want to work it out, it's a waste of time, chasing something you can't have. Just my opinion, not meant to be too harsh.
Author cdt76 Posted February 14, 2013 Author Posted February 14, 2013 Why would you want to give her the benefit of your presence and shoulder to lean on? Does she deserve to have you in her life? NO! Not in the least.
Still Searching Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 In the case of my ex, being there as her doormat, shoulder to cry on, would just be further enabling her selfish, "get-my-way", princess mentality. She's never been dumped, and it seems her last b/f was a total pushover, let her string him along until she met me. I'm not out to teach her a lesson, I'm stepping away completely for my own good, but it would do her well to realize that she can't just always have things the way she'd like, be able to wean herself off me, or just have that suppor until she finds the "total package" again later, at which point I'm discarded. It's either you want me completely, which you can gladly have, or nothing at all. Her choice, whether I agree with it or not.
H3Drvr Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Honestly, I would rather have my ex in my life as a friend than not at all. I only just got the "we need to talk" speech last week, so maybe my judgment is clouded, or maybe I'm just simply a tool. But as I feel right now I would rather be her friend. I would want to be able to talk to her about whatever. Be there for her when she is feeling down, even when no one else is. It just feels more painful to not have her in my life at all. If you can honestly watch your exgf and some other dude flirt with each other, kiss (tongue and everything), heavy petting and be mind numbingly/passionate and/or intimate with each other...and you feel no pain or disgust....then and only then can you be friends. Of course it would be weird to watch them do all that...but if you can view them like you would with pron and be indifferent then you might be able to do the friend thing. My exgf...prior to this past one. I can be "friends" with her as I can stomach her being with another guy. In fact, I would probably give the guy some pointers as to what really gets her all hot and bothered and how knock her socks off. Lol
Author cdt76 Posted February 14, 2013 Author Posted February 14, 2013 I neither want to be friends with or ever see my ex's ever again in life. It's quite possible god will have a special place for me in he'll in the after life!
Sexy Teddy Bear Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 I understand that I couldn't remain friends with her unless I could handle her doing all that stuff with another guy. And I wouldn't be able to, I know that. I would just bury my feeling of disgust, etc. deep like I have my entire life. It's how I deal with emotions I can't control, it's easy that way. As far as whether she deserves to have me in her life or not, let me put it like this. She is a nice girl. We were both each other's first bf/gf. We both invested everything we had into each other. The idea of her next relationship ending horribly (i.e. the guy taking advantage of her and breaking her heart) and her spiraling into depression and not having anyone to lean on kills me. What she deserves is to not be in a situation like that.
H3Drvr Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 I understand that I couldn't remain friends with her unless I could handle her doing all that stuff with another guy. And I wouldn't be able to, I know that. I would just bury my feeling of disgust, etc. deep like I have my entire life. It's how I deal with emotions I can't control, it's easy that way. As far as whether she deserves to have me in her life or not, let me put it like this. She is a nice girl. We were both each other's first bf/gf. We both invested everything we had into each other. The idea of her next relationship ending horribly (i.e. the guy taking advantage of her and breaking her heart) and her spiraling into depression and not having anyone to lean on kills me. What she deserves is to not be in a situation like that. She cut you loose, it's no longer your place or responsibility to be her savior. Because if she did need you, you would still be her bf. Your hanging onto to an imaginary life line...the truth is, there is no life line. She can't know what you really mean to her if your always going to be there. We take for granted what we have until we lose it. Well, she really won't know if your always gonna be there. So...I'll say this in the nicest tone...Get lost! And if she really needs you and you're meant to be together, you'll find each other again....someday...probably in the far far future.
flitzanu Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Why in all of creation would anyone be FRIENDS with someone who broke their heart??? I can see being friends with someone you went out with a couple times and didn't mesh and decided that there is no spark and connection. But when you say "I LOVE YOU" and the other says "I think we need to be friends", I'm pretty sure there is no way in hell that I could do that. It seems that post after post people always say the same thing. Mine told me, before NC, that she misses me and wants me in her life as a friend.....well, you know what? KISS MY SELF ESTEEM!!!! No way is that acceptable. And maybe years down the road you can or will or whatever, but really? Everyone says this! It's one of the dumbest things ever to hear from someone you fell in love with. Call me bitter. It's never going to happen for me. you know how you feel about girls you aren't in love with and would not date or bang? tha's how your ex feels about you, and that's WHY they can "just be friends" with you. that's where the difference is, and that is why it doesn't bother them the same way it bothers a dumpee.
SendHope Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 I think the "friendship" train of thought is natural early on after the break up. However, immediately after realization happens and you know that this isn't just in your best interest. That's what I went through anyhow. A friendship with someone who broke you is completely one-sided. I don't think it should be even called friendship. It's all pros for the dumper and all cons for the dumpee. With all that said and done, I still feel a major twinge now and then to reach out to my ex. I have to fight myself and squash those urges down.
Recommended Posts