How do you date a shy guy?

[Lov3BUG]

The guy I'm dating is really shy, respectful, and kind. He's great, but there's one factor that I'm noticing early on, here. He never makes the first move. It got to the point on our first date where I asked him if it was ok if I kissed him. Then he said it was ok. He seems like he really likes me. I always end up texting him first. I don't like having to start everything. He and I were thinking about having plans this weekend for a date, but if I don't text him first I'm worried that he'll just forget about it, and it won't happen.

 

I'm not being a child here. It just seems somewhat evident that either 1) he's super shy. 2) he's really not that into me.

 

From what he seems like though, is that he is. He listens and is really responsive during our conversations in person, he said, "You're so cute!" He said that he's been in a few relationships that

didn't end well-- so maybe he's just scared of making moves?

 

How do I address this?? Has anyone ever dated someone who was like this?

 

**Keep in mind, I've only hung out with him twice. But this is the pattern I'm noticing so far...**

[crude]

Is it THAT big a deal. What if he was confident enough to know he could bang you, then move on to someone hotter. Would that make him a better catch? Some people are shy or like the other one to lead, others not. The real problem is this sexist obsession that says the man has to lead and initiate or else. If that's what women can't live without, then may they get pumped and dumped by the confident man.

[Lov3BUG]

It's not that at all. I just don't want to come off as pushy.

[clia]

Since you are only two dates in, it's kind of hard to tell.

 

The guy I'm dating is really shy, respectful, and kind. He's great, but there's one factor that I'm noticing early on, here. He never makes the first move. It got to the point on our first date where I asked him if it was ok if I kissed him. Then he said it was ok. He seems like he really likes me. I always end up texting him first. I don't like having to start everything. He and I were thinking about having plans this weekend for a date, but if I don't text him first I'm worried that he'll just forget about it, and it won't happen.

 

The bolded part of what you said concerns me, though. You are worried he'll forget about the date? That screams lack of interest, not shy.

 

How did you meet him? You initiated the first two dates? What did you do and who paid? Has he ever called you or texted you first?

 

If I were you, I might be inclined to sit back and let him take the reins for your plans this weekend. Wait for him to text you. Too many times women mistake lack of interest for shyness. I don't care how shy he is -- texting is easy. All he has to do is say "So, are we on for tomorrow?" or whatever. I think it's a little silly to say he's too shy to accomplish even that. And frankly, if he can't manage even that, he might not be the right guy for you anyway.

[GMG90]

I agree with Clia.

 

The best way to approach this is to let him make some moves. Somebody has to initiate the conversations, but this is sounding too one sided from my view. Guys can be shy ... but it doesn't mean they lack interest.

 

Just see what happens when you leave it up to him. If he forgets about the date then it's best to move forward. A guy that's interested usually doesn't pass up a date ...

[Lov3BUG]

Very true! Thank you to everyone who replied I will keep all of your responses in mind! This helped me out loads!

[Geiss]

Give him some time to get more comfortable and to open up more. He will get less shy as time goes on. He will start making moves eventually.

[charlietheginger]

Im shy. My advice engage him in conversation. His

Interest what he likes to do where he has lived places

You been where he would like to travel. Hobbies activities.

 

She guys often have rejection fear issues.

 

With a shy guy a women cant play the usual mind games

Shy guys dont chase or persue. Shy guys dont respond

To the hot cold treatment.

 

You gotta just relize he is single make your entrance

As girlfriend and take on the role of girlfriend.

 

it will almost be as if you will be persuing him at times.

 

BUT once a shy guy OPENS UP AND TRUST YOU.

YOU WILL HAVE HIS LOVE FOREVER.

 

something made this guy shy something happened

At one point in his life to make him turn inwards.

 

For me it was rejection by peers at a young age.

I have a unusual flaw redhair and freckles.

 

I was loved and adored by girls in kindergarten

And firstgrade. i would pick flowers from peoples

Yards on the way to the bus stop carring them with

Me on the bus handing them to girls in the classroom.

Then i began to get teased by other boys calling me

A fagot,queer, carrottop,freckled freak, i began to

Just not talk to anyone throughout school.

 

id sit in 10th 11th grade and see all the people that

Teased me when i was very young. Not talking to them

I never fit inside and crowd. I didnt play sports, i didn't

Have rich parents,i just didnt fit in made me a loner

My entire life.

 

I know this guy wants you to talk show affection.

Hes prob dying inside for it. If you win him over

He is yours.

[ScreamingTrees]

I was loved and adored by girls in kindergarten

And firstgrade. i would pick flowers from peoples

Yards on the way to the bus stop carring them with

Me on the bus handing them to girls in the classroom.

Then i began to get teased by other boys calling me

A fagot,queer, carrottop,freckled freak, i began to

Just not talk to anyone throughout school.

 

id sit in 10th 11th grade and see all the people that

Teased me when i was very young. Not talking to them

I never fit inside and crowd. I didnt play sports, i didn't

Have rich parents,i just didnt fit in made me a loner

My entire life.

 

I know this guy wants you to talk show affection.

Hes prob dying inside for it. If you win him over

He is yours.

 

I can relate to this. I had to deal with the same kids for years, and I was depressed and acted eccentrically at an early age.. I'm totally different now, but, I still have some mental "issues" from back then. The kids didn't bother me as we'd gotten older, but there was no one to talk to where I lived because they all disliked me for whatever reason.

[Jefezen]

I know this guy wants you to talk show affection.

Hes prob dying inside for it. If you win him over

He is yours.

I agree. I'm another shy guy. I struggle to take the initiative with anything. I tend to only pursue someone hard after I sense she's giving up and distancing herself. By then it's too late to salvage the situation and I come across as desperate and emotionally imbalanced.

 

Do both of yourselves a favor and just be the assertive one. He probably wants you as much as you want him, and is just too scared of rejection to make the first move. If you want to get intimate with him, you be the one to kiss. You be the one to take off his clothes.

 

Believe me, if you take the lead with that stuff even just one time, he'll probably be comfortable enough to make the first move thereafter. It's really all a matter of confidence. Once a shy guy knows for certain that a woman will be receptive to him sexually (and this can only be proven by the woman initiating), then he'll be okay with intimacy and will develop into a passionate, loyal lover.

 

The advantage to shy guys is that they don't want to play the field, in part because they're too afraid to, and also because they tend to fall for any reasonably attractive woman who lavishes them with attention and affection. That's what happens with me. I might not necessarily be interested in a girl at first, but if I see that she's making the effort for me in the early stages, I'll develop an emotional attachment to her from which feelings will grow. I don't want to let go at that point because I feel too invested. I feel too fortunate to have met a benevolent soul who accepted my timidity and reassured me of my worthiness as a man to abandon her.

 

The upside to this are fierce loyalty and constant chivalry. Shy men make excellent boyfriends while everything is going well in a relationship. The downside is possessive obsession. The shy man will be yours whether you want him to be or not, and if he senses you slipping away, he may become a bit unhinged.

[eduardo23]

Two dates in is kind of short. Give him some time to get comfortable and open up.

 

If he still is lacking initiative... here's a keyword.. communicate with him. Tell him how you feel when you have to initiate everything and how you would like him to learn how to initiate.