Nyla Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 I take back what I just said. He's coming home late for dinner on Valentine's Day because he'd rather be having "drinks" with "friends"? This sounds like he has having dinner with his girlfriend. It's valentine's day after all. Maybe you're not happy with what he got you for a good reason after all. This seems worrying to me too. However, since the OP is fine with her husband having drinks with friends over Valentine's dinner with his wife, that is all that matters.
Els Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 Yes, absolutely he should treat you with more romance than he treats his mother and sister! Sorry, but that scenario makes me laugh a little I'd go with humor. "Wow, honey, are you trying to get lucky with your sister or what?" I second this. This topic needs to be treated lightly, with good humor... don't under any circumstances get pissy over a gift that he gave you! To do that you have to get into the right mindset though. This is really a small issue in the grand scheme of things. You can let him know of your preference in a good-humored way (after thanking him and such), but don't get all bent out of shape about it. It really is pretty funny that he's sending opulent bouquets to mom and sis for VDay though. Is that a family tradition or something? 1
Els Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 ...Okay, I just read about the drinks with friends thing on VDay. Which man with half a brain would think that that should be okay? Did you TELL him that you were preparing dinner? What was his reaction to that? 3
mitchell Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 He's bumming me out. I need an update about how the rest of the night went. 1
Author MissGoLightly Posted February 15, 2013 Author Posted February 15, 2013 (edited) Knowing the circumstances of the drinks I'm fine with it and know he wasn't with another woman :-). He could've planned better so it didn't happen on V Day but that is an acknowledged weakness of his. He didn't get home late, and he brought us take out and champagne at my request. Wednesday night he snuggled on the couch and watched a terrible horror movie with me that he really had no interest in watching. That was a really nice date night. And last might he offered to get me a massage at the same place I got him one so we can get a couples massage and get a nice dinner afterward :-) Edited February 15, 2013 by MissGoLightly 1
mitchell Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 Knowing the circumstances of the drinks I'm fine with it and know he wasn't with another woman :-). He could've planned better so it didn't happen on V Day but that is an acknowledged weakness of his. He didn't get home late, and he brought us take out and champagne at my request. And last might he offered to get me a massage at the same place I got him one so we can get a couples massage and get a nice dinner afterward :-) I knew he would come through! The flowers are over-rated. You know he loves you regardless of the amount he spends on your silly bouquet. His mom and sister are more materialistic and require ostentatious arrangements. You got the champagne and take-in dinner for a cozy and romantic night at home. I'm sure this was followed up by some hot, newlywed lovemaking for a perfect first Valentine's Day as a married couple! 3
Nyla Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 Sending extremely oppulent bouquets to his mother and sister for Valentine's Day is CREEPY. Sending roses to one's mother is CREEPY no matter when you do it. Stopping for drinks with his 'buddies' after work - when you've been busting your ass painstakingly making his favorite dinner and now have to let it sit and dry out on a warming plate - screams "douche bag." So it is creepy to give a mother roses on her birthday or Mother's Day? If it was so creepy, the florists in North America wouldn't make so much money off of Mother's Day. What is so creepy about buying a generic gift for one's mother to show love? It's not like the OP's husband bought his mother lingerie.You're not making any sense whatsoever. I wholeheartedly agree that having drinks with buddies on Valentine's Day is very heartless and disrespectful. We all have our own tolerance levels though. Since the OP seems to be fine with her husband not being with her on Valentine's Day, I suppose our opinions don't really matter. She is the one who decides what she will put up with.
Author MissGoLightly Posted February 15, 2013 Author Posted February 15, 2013 So it is creepy to give a mother roses on her birthday or Mother's Day? If it was so creepy, the florists in North America wouldn't make so much money off of Mother's Day. What is so creepy about buying a generic gift for one's mother to show love? It's not like the OP's husband bought his mother lingerie.You're not making any sense whatsoever. I wholeheartedly agree that having drinks with buddies on Valentine's Day is very heartless and disrespectful. We all have our own tolerance levels though. Since the OP seems to be fine with her husband not being with her on Valentine's Day, I suppose our opinions don't really matter. She is the one who decides what she will put up with. Your posts almost seem like you're trying to start something? They seem a little judgmental and instigating somehow. Anyways, like I said, I don't find his behavior disrespectful, and he did spend time with me.
Janesays Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 Your posts almost seem like you're trying to start something? They seem a little judgmental and instigating somehow. Anyways, like I said, I don't find his behavior disrespectful, and he did spend time with me. Really? I don't get that at all. To me, it looked like she was defending both you and your hubby in much of that post. 2
BetheButterfly Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 Knowing the circumstances of the drinks I'm fine with it and know he wasn't with another woman :-). He could've planned better so it didn't happen on V Day but that is an acknowledged weakness of his. He didn't get home late, and he brought us take out and champagne at my request. Well, I would have been mad if my husband had done that, but since you know your husband and you are fine with him going out for drinks on Saint Valentine's Day, that's ok. A couple can most definitely experience romance and precious times together on other days, not just Valentine's Day. Wednesday night he snuggled on the couch and watched a terrible horror movie with me that he really had no interest in watching. That was a really nice date night. My husband watched Twilight: Breaking Dawn II with me, the last one, though he likes that movie! (He didn't like all the previous ones though, but endured them for me.) I think it's really nice that you are acknowledging his spending time with you doing something you want that is not necessarily his cup of tea. And last might he offered to get me a massage at the same place I got him one so we can get a couples massage and get a nice dinner afterward :-) That is really sweet! There's no law that says one has to do sweet and romantic things on Saint Valentine's Day. Ideally, it's good to give each other gifts and be romantic whenever, not just on a certain day in particular!
Nyla Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 (edited) Your posts almost seem like you're trying to start something? They seem a little judgmental and instigating somehow. Anyways, like I said, I don't find his behavior disrespectful, and he did spend time with me. I was defending your right to accept what you want in your marriage, no matter what anyone on this forum thinks. How is that instigating? The post about "giving mothers flowers any day is creepy" was nonsensical, so I commented on it. That post wasn't directed at you so I don't understand why you are so concerned. I think it makes sense for members of LS to be honest with each other. I don't know why you think I am "instigating something" only because I don't tell you what you would like to hear. If you don't want people to be truthful, it doesn't make sense to post on a forum. I'd rather be hurt with the truth than comforted with lies. Sorry if I sound judgmental, but I have difficulties with people who don't communicate their needs to their spouses and then complain to others. You are not even giving your husband a chance and that is unfair. I also think that life is too short to be ungrateful or compare what other women get from their husbands. I notice a lot of denial about what your behavioral motivations are, yet you posts are very obvious and telling. More than one member on this thread, has commented that your husband may not be pleased that you don't appreciate what he gives you. Edited February 15, 2013 by Nyla
Author MissGoLightly Posted February 15, 2013 Author Posted February 15, 2013 I wholeheartedly agree that having drinks with buddies on Valentine's Day is very heartless and disrespectful. We all have our own tolerance levels though. Since the OP seems to be fine with her husband not being with her on Valentine's Day, I suppose our opinions don't really matter. She is the one who decides what she will put up with. It's not so much what you say that I find interesting, Nyla, as how you say it. Just for example, you keep insisting that I am getting upset at your posts, in denial, comparing what H did for me to what other husbands do (when that's not what I'm doing) etc., when I think I am coming across as calm and respectful. By the end of this thread I think it's pretty clear that I got what I was looking for out of this thread, my issue is resolved, and I am at peace with the situation and with my spouse. Take what I quoted above. Other people posted similar opinions as you; however yours is the one that leaves out relevant, positive information (he did spend Valentine's Day with me), and is passive aggressive in its wording - instead of saying "we all have our own tolerance levels" and "she is the one who decides what she will put up with" why don't you just call me a doormat? You were pretty blunt in your other posts when you said I was ungrateful, jealous, and insecure. Anyways, as to your last post about issues with people who don't communicate with their spouses and complain to others, you seem to not understand that there are many different ways of communicating. Your suggestion was to bluntly tell my husband "Your gift sucks and you have to give me better, more expensive gifts than you give your family." Not only is that not how I feel, but I think 99% of the people who read this thread will disagree that this kind of "honesty" (were it true) is a good course of action. In fact, you yourself have stated several times that you don't think this is a good course of action, so I'm not sure why you even suggest it? Asking my husband to bring home take out and champagne is a more constructive way of communicating in this situation, IMO. As is what other posters suggested about dropping hints for next year, etc.
Realist3 Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 This thread is a perfect example of why men hate Valentine's Day. All it amounts to is open season for criticism about what you did wrong.
xxoo Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 This thread is a perfect example of why men hate Valentine's Day. All it amounts to is open season for criticism about what you did wrong. I tend to agree. It's silly to get upset about this one day, if overall the guy is caring, attentive, romantic, etc (although I remember getting upset over it once early in our marriage ) OTOH, if he is not caring, attentive, romantic, etc all year, this one day won't make up for it! Try to overlook V day if V day is the only issue. And if V day is not the real issue--if there is an overarching issue, separate from V day--deal with that directly. 2
whichwayisup Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 I didn't demand anything. I'm not really sure what you mean. My only expectation is that my husband treat me more romantically than he treats his mom and sister. That doesn't seem like an unreasonable expectation? Without making him feel bad - Because really this is your issue and he honestly put effort in but didn't think it though - Just tell him Valentine's Day is special to you and next year you'd really love it if he gave you more romantic flowers. Don't diss what he did for you this year. Turn this into a positive! I get you're hurt, but just know that at the end of the day YOU are the one he comes home to, sleeps beside and makes love to. He loves his mom and treats her well. He loves his sister and treats her well too. THAT is a plusplusplus!! My brother has NEVER given me anything on Valentines Day, well when we were kids he gave me chocolate but he ate half of it first before giving it to me! Your husband is gem so really try to see his efforts as a good thing. Hope this helps.
whichwayisup Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 This thread is a perfect example of why men hate Valentine's Day. All it amounts to is open season for criticism about what you did wrong. My H knows I hate roses. I find them expensive and they don't last long. So he buys me scented lillies and a box of chocolate or big bag of candy. I buy him turtle chocolates and give him a gift certificate to home depot! 2
Nyla Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 It's not so much what you say that I find interesting, Nyla, as how you say it. Just for example, you keep insisting that I am getting upset at your posts, in denial, comparing what H did for me to what other husbands do (when that's not what I'm doing) etc., when I think I am coming across as calm and respectful. By the end of this thread I think it's pretty clear that I got what I was looking for out of this thread, my issue is resolved, and I am at peace with the situation and with my spouse. Take what I quoted above. Other people posted similar opinions as you; however yours is the one that leaves out relevant, positive information (he did spend Valentine's Day with me), and is passive aggressive in its wording - instead of saying "we all have our own tolerance levels" and "she is the one who decides what she will put up with" why don't you just call me a doormat? You were pretty blunt in your other posts when you said I was ungrateful, jealous, and insecure. Anyways, as to your last post about issues with people who don't communicate with their spouses and complain to others, you seem to not understand that there are many different ways of communicating. Your suggestion was to bluntly tell my husband "Your gift sucks and you have to give me better, more expensive gifts than you give your family." Not only is that not how I feel, but I think 99% of the people who read this thread will disagree that this kind of "honesty" (were it true) is a good course of action. In fact, you yourself have stated several times that you don't think this is a good course of action, so I'm not sure why you even suggest it? Asking my husband to bring home take out and champagne is a more constructive way of communicating in this situation, IMO. As is what other posters suggested about dropping hints for next year, etc. If you were not comparing or competing, why do you have to brag to your SIL or repeatedly mention that her husband goes all out for her? I have no need to be passive aggressive. I am either assertive or aggressive. If I wanted to call you a doormat, that is exactly what I would have posted. I meant exactly what I said: We all tolerate different things and what you choose to put up with is YOUR DECISION, which should be respected. I'm confused as to why that is such a terrible thing to say. I did NOT tell you to bluntly tell your husband his gift sucks! In fact, I told you that it is better to be grateful for what you do get from him. Please don't falsely accuse me of saying things that I have not. You said that you cannot tell your husband how you feel about the gift, which is a lack of communication. Not communicating your needs solves nothing. As I said before, you need to be honest about what you need in life if you want people to understand what you want. In any case, I hope you get what you need from your husband on subsequent Valentine's Days.
Nyla Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 This thread is a perfect example of why men hate Valentine's Day. All it amounts to is open season for criticism about what you did wrong. I never ever criticize any gift I receive from my husband. I don't want to seem like I don't appreciate his efforts. Whenever a holiday is coming up, I pick three things that I would like and my husband chooses my gift from the three items. This way, there is still an element of surprise and my husband can feel like he made a good choice for me. The year we were married, my husband bought me my wedding dress. It was around Valentine's Day and I told my husband that he didn't have to buy anything else since he dropped hundreds on my wedding gown. He bought me roses and I told him he should not have wasted the money. My then fiance's response was: "It's very sweet that you care about saving money, but I need you to allow me to give you gifts whenever I want. Buying my wife gifts is NEVER a waste." He understood that I was just trying to be practical, but not putting down the present. My husband bought me red roses this year. I once told him a long time ago that I preferred pink ones, but this is such a minor issue that I don't need to complain about it. At least the man bought me some roses; the color of them is hardly worth pouting about.
Savage Posted April 11, 2013 Posted April 11, 2013 Well It could be worse Hun , this was my second valentines with my husband since we have been married and first one I got to spend with him he was overseas. and I got no flowers .. However I did get to catch him chatting with some girl online ..( noone he knows ) about sharing a bubble bath and a bottle of wine with her on valentines . And what he would do with her if he was there.. He did cook me supper ... so I got steak and a broken heart
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