Jasmine36 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 It's been 12 weeks since he left me for another girl, and 10 weeks of that I was contacting him and trying to cling on, I've had 2 weeks of no contact as he has literally cut me off, When he broke it off he blamed me I never knew about the girl I found out 1 week later after the BU he was seeing someone but 2 weeks ago I found out he actually left me for her it did cross my mind but I ignored it I couldn't face the truth, he messed my head up so bad for at least 5 weeks blaming me for our 4 year failed relationship, Now I just feel so much hate towards them both as its eating me alive ..... The sad thing is I can honestly say I love him with all my heart I miss him so much, even though all the signs are there he doesn't care and I will never see or hear from him again I just can't let go, I was taken to hospital 6 weeks ago after doing something very stupid and my mom contacted him to tell him and he just told her never to contact him again. Everyone tells me I'm a lovely person and couldn't hurt a fly yet he has got so in my head I feel like I am poison. And please help me with advice on how to stop checking his and her facebook constantly it's like I'm self harming It honestly has not got better after 3 months if anything it is worse I am seeing a therapist but I'm at a dead end I'm just so sad
mustangguy29 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Hate and love are opposite sides of the same coin. A blend of hate and love is a very normal feeling in this type of situation. Him leaving you for another woman is his problem. It shows a lack of courage on his part to just leave when he was unhappy, instead of waiting until he found someone else. While it is hard now, time will pass, you will meet someone new, and you will be happy again. Reconnect with friends, pick up a new hobby, improve yourself.
Toddbt12y1 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 I'd really like to give you advice Jasmine. I am at work though....later on I will give you my input too....hope this stays on the board...either way I'm good for finding it...
cdt76 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Jasmin, I know this anger. I've lived with it for several years now. I can't tell you how to heal or what to do with the thoughts and hate because I store it up until I can get in a boxing ring and punch someone. You have to stop yourself from thinking about him. I know this is like trying to NOT think about white bears when someone tells you not to think about white bears! But, it's these thoughts that bring us so far down. Stop them when they start. When a thought hits you, recognize it as a thought about the past and then think of something good right now, in that moment! It can be the small things like the cold wind on your face, a ray of sun through a cloud, the way your place looks after you cleaned it....anything. Start small. Keep your thoughts on the right now. The moment. Thinking of the past only harms us! Clicking on his facebook harms you! Don't do it. Delete your facebook account if you have to. But you have to try and do these things or you will stay in the exact spot you are in. 1
Own Worst Enemy Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 You only get one. It is too precious to waste on checking up on losers like they must be. Try and chain yourself to your mum or your best friend and get them to stop you every time you feel like checking. Eventually you'll go a few minutes without thinking about him. And that's the start... We are all going through such sh.it and pain for people who have thrown us away. It will get better. It has to! 1
sharkbite Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 dear jasmine, your heart is breaking, and the road of life is rough....right now you're going through hell. Understand that you'll never feel stronger emotions in life than after a breakup. I've seen my own bones break out of my skin......and its nothing compared to heartbreak, BUT!! Your not alone! your not alone! your not alone! first understand that, then understand that a relationship is just one aspect of life (though at times its hard to believe) I am hurting now also, going through a hell of a time. You need to look at the big picture, How old are you? what have you experienced? there is so much more to life that brings about the feeling of happiness besides a relationship (hard to say that and believe it, but its true) get yourself back on your 2 feet! Know that you deserve great things and that in the future as time passes you will find joy and trueeeee happiness, take time to focus on yourself....get to a gym, watch a funny movie, laugh out loud and smile often (even if its forced and fake...your body will fill itself with the emotions) love will happen again, and it will be even stronger next time around .....if you follow what makes you truly happy (don't just jump into another relationship to be in a relationship) Jasmine is my favorite name, I want to name my daughter (if i have one) Jasmine. Life is great....don't let someone who treats you as though you don't deserve the world because I know the next girl I date will have my heart and soul, believe it!! there is hope! and there is genuine love out there and people who want it to last forever just as you do... Time will Heal your wounds....be patient, try to be calm, let the anger out in exersize (go for a run, do some pushups, punch a pillow) SO.....WITH ALL THIS SAID, I'D LIKE TO QUOTE ALADDIN WHEN HE ASKED JASMINE ...."DO YOU TRUST ME?"
sharkbite Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 and for the heck of it....just delete facebook, I deleted it 2 months ago and sometimes i do miss it but overall after a breakup and emotions are so strong its for the best. your not using it for positive right now....thats all you need to know, its keeping you down let real life lift you up!! listen to some goooooood music, bob marley! reggae all da wayyyy!!
stevie_23 Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 It is COMPLETELY understandable that you are filled with anger and resentment and hurt still, after your BU. The fact your ex actually BLAMED you for the demise of your 4 year relationship is RIDICULOUSLY cruel and irresponsible and then ADD to that the fact he was with someone else at the time and that was the real reason why it ended, and he STILL blamed you!? Selfish, immature and unable to deal with ADULT, GROWN UP feelings. What does your therapist suggest you do to try and help yourself through this? I have some thoughts... 1. You will NEVER be able to get any closure or any affirmation that you are a worthwhile person from HIM. The only person you can get that from, ultimately, is yourself 2. There is NOTHING embarrassing or anything to feel ashamed, pathetic or stupid about in terms of you trying to cling onto him. It is natural and you loved him. There is nothing wrong with that. 3. In terms of the relationship ending, NOBODY is to blame. Feelings change. Things change. Relationships end. The fact your ex was with his new gf a week after he broke up with you shows his feelings had changed before this time and this cannot be helped, as hard as that is to accept or believe. 4. In terms how HE behaved? If he was with the new gf before he ended things with you, this is not ideal, however the way he treated you when he actually ended things, by saying YOU were to blame? THIS is very, very bad, and it is absolutely NOTHING to do with you. Of course, because of this, it left you for weeks and weeks thinking it was your fault and this would also have made you feel you COULD maybe change or fix things somehow, which obviously now you know was never really the case. 5. HE is the one at fault in terms of the way he broke up with you, the reasons he gave and the dishonesty he showed you. All of this shows he is immature, irresponsible, selfish and lacks respect for you and respect for himself. 6. A breakup, no matter how bad or why it happened or who initiated it, does not affect who YOU are as a person of worth and who is worthy of love and respect. 7. How someone else behaves does NOT change who you are. And you can NEVER control how someone else behaves and how they feel, no matter how much they love you. In terms of checking his and her Facebook, all I can say is...when it stops "rewarding" you in some way, you will feel less of a need to keep checking it.
Recommended Posts