Contact Is A Drug

[Heartfail]

So people I have a confession to make. I seriously broke NC this week.

 

Since my ex contacted me last Friday to tell me about his new job we have been involved in a near daily conversation on email.

 

I have spent the last week feeling quite upbeat but I found out just now that actually to other people he is being extremely unkind about me including bad mouthing me to people I work with professionally.

 

Yet the emails he sends me-well it's like we are best of friends and never even went out. Yet I have come to rely on these snippets in my day.

 

He didn't reply to my last one and it's left me feeling bereft and empty. The come down. You take your fix you think you're getting better then you have to go cold turkey all over again.

 

So back to square 1. As of today NC begins. Whether he writes to me or not.

[Amelie1980]

That's harsh. I am desperate to have contact with mine as I miss him so badly.

 

But I can't take it. I love him too much I want him back too badly and I can't stand the contact. its not us anymore it's distant and polite and I find it too hard.

 

For your own sanity just give it up. stay strong.

[TaraMaiden]

You need to post this, in this thread....

 

As an object lesson to all....

[Heartfail]

OMG!

 

How have I NOT seen this before!

 

Thank you! So helpful

 

God i'm going to end up with a tattoo that says NC!!!

 

This all makes sense- much appreciated.

[Tinyrain]

Hey Heartfail. I'm going through a similar situation as you. He hasn't responded to my last email and I just feel so silly now because I worked so hard to maintain NC for 5 months. Then I run into him and think we can be friends. But I'm just trying not to beat myself up for it. Hopefully you can do the same.

[mcdo]

Been there too. Spent a month living off the snippets of info I got from my ex. The message would pop up in Facebook and I would the highest heights. Then chat for 3 or 4 hours. Then whenever she decided not to respond I would plummet to the lowest depths.

 

The sooner you cut it off the better.

 

I've implemented NC now and although I'm pretty down a lot of the time, it's nowhere near as bad as that bizarre rollercoaster of emotions. I don't rely on her breadcrumbs to get through my day anymore. In fact, she messaged 2 days ago and I just didn't want to read it.

[Heartfail]

Tinyrain did you read the link to the nc rules above.

 

It has saved my life if any thing it's just made me laugh at myself!!

 

Considering this day 1 of cold turkey and those rules are the methadone

 

I have printed them out

 

One evening next week I'm going to settle down with a nice decent bottle of red some good music and I am going to print off every email J ever sent me.

 

I am then going to delete every email he ever sent me off my computer. Lock the print outs away, delete him from my phone and then I am going to call up some friends and go out and have a great night.

 

Hope you feel better! 5 months is super impressive!

[Tinyrain]

Yep I read those rules. They are awesome rules to go by. I did everything on that list. Did not call/text him once. Deleted every e-mail from him on day 2 of NC, threw away every gift/card he gave me. Defriended him and everyone I knew through him on facebook. I felt SO awful for doing it because I loved him and his friends a lot and they were always so nice to me. He was never a jerk to me so I felt terrible for everything I was doing. But I had to otherwise I would self-destruct.

 

Then I run into him unexpectedly and it was really nice/not awkward. I maintained my composure and didn't make him uncomfortable for all the **** I was going through. I should've left it there. But then I sent him an article and got excited by his response. But anyway its okay. I didn't throw myself at him or say anything silly. I learned my lesson.