louise_23 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 this guy i 'dated' for about 3 months - never slept together - contacted me on facebook yesterday just asking how i was after about a year and a half of not speaking. my replies were quite blunt but polite. at the time, he was an ******* - i went full throttle NC, changed friendship groups, changed my number, deleted him off my fb & email. im over it now, but its still knocked me for six a bit. we were friends for a long time before we 'dated' and got on really well, blah blah. im doing quite alot better for myself than i was then. is that why he got back in touch? i have no idea. its not like im an easy sex option because i never went there with him..its kind of given me the creeps actually. he asked alot of questions about what i was up to now etc. thoughts?
crude Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Maybe he just wants to touch base with an old friend.
Author louise_23 Posted February 14, 2013 Author Posted February 14, 2013 Maybe he just wants to touch base with an old friend. if any other friend treated me the way he did, id expect an apology first and foremost tbh. what a creep. 1
TaraMaiden Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 And here's where you made your mistake... ......my replies ..... You should have just blocked and ignored.
Author louise_23 Posted February 14, 2013 Author Posted February 14, 2013 And here's where you made your mistake... You should have just blocked and ignored. i almost did. i dont know, used to be close with most of his family, after this much time i almost thought maybe something was wrong with one of them or something. not the case, though.
ascendotum Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 (edited) if any other friend treated me the way he did, id expect an apology first and foremost tbh. what a creep. Did you tell him to politely F.O. the year before so he knew where he stood with you and acknowledged the reason for your fallout? Just the way you are describing him now it sounds like he is arrogant over his appeal to you or clueless he was doing things to piss you off the times you dated or that he thought you over reacted at the time. (you dont have to go into details) It does sound a little unconventional...friends for a long time, and then gf/bf but with no sex. Your friendship goes back a fair way so I wonder if he thinks that connection maybe over rides whatever crappy thing/s he did during those last few months with you. Edited February 14, 2013 by ascendotum
Archgirl Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 It's simple, it was getting close to Valentines day, it sends single guys all sentimental and they start thinking back on the chicks they've dated. I swear I've got messages/ calls from every guy I've been on a date with in the last year, 4 exes and a couple of near misses. I don't think there's much point reading too much into it, at the end of the day he's already had his shot and it didn't work out so well. I recommend a good solid ignore. 1
Author louise_23 Posted February 14, 2013 Author Posted February 14, 2013 Did you tell him to politely F.O. the year before so he knew where he stood with you and acknowledged the reason for your fallout? Just the way you are describing him now it sounds like he is arrogant over his appeal to you or clueless he was doing things to piss you off the times you dated or that he thought you over reacted at the time. (you dont have to go into details) It does sound a little unconventional...friends for a long time, and then gf/bf but with no sex. Your friendship goes back a fair way so I wonder if he thinks that connection maybe over rides whatever crappy thing/s he did during those last few months with you. i didnt have to tell him to f.o. - the whole fallout happened because he spread unsavoury rumours amongst the group sexual things i had done with him when in fact i hadnt. we did fool around dont get me wrong but not to the extent he decided to tell people. i didnt say anything except i was no longer interested & the reason why, then stopped all contact. i think he is clueless to an extent as well as being an ******* though - he came up to me last summer drunk at a bar and made a point of telling me how mature he had become. which i laughed off, it was a very short conversation. i dont know, maybe you're right. thanks for answering.
Author louise_23 Posted February 14, 2013 Author Posted February 14, 2013 It's simple, it was getting close to Valentines day, it sends single guys all sentimental and they start thinking back on the chicks they've dated. I swear I've got messages/ calls from every guy I've been on a date with in the last year, 4 exes and a couple of near misses. I don't think there's much point reading too much into it, at the end of the day he's already had his shot and it didn't work out so well. I recommend a good solid ignore. how pathetic is that btw, i thought it was us girls that were meant to wistfully look back down memory lane? you're completely right, i would never bark up that tree ever again. once bitten twice shy and all that. will ignore if there's a next time. thanks for answering. 1
Cutiepie1976 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 thoughts? Just looking to be a lucky boy on Valentine's! He probably put out feelers to every single woman in his past, and is following up with any live bites. No doubt most just ignored him. You opted instead to respond, and not getting what you hoped for, are now wasting your emotions, energy, and time on him anyway. Don't! Learn to give him the gift of crickets and the echo of his ignored texts. That's no doubt what most of the women he baited did. BTW, if you're that close to his family, you would have heard of an issue involving them elsewhere. Since you obviously aren't over him, you used this to rationalize responding. The only person you hurt was YOU!
Author louise_23 Posted February 14, 2013 Author Posted February 14, 2013 Just looking to be a lucky boy on Valentine's! He probably put out feelers to every single woman in his past, and is following up with any live bites. No doubt most just ignored him. You opted instead to respond, and not getting what you hoped for, are now wasting your emotions, energy, and time on him anyway. Don't! Learn to give him the gift of crickets and the echo of his ignored texts. That's no doubt what most of the women he baited did. BTW, if you're that close to his family, you would have heard of an issue involving them elsewhere. Since you obviously aren't over him, you used this to rationalize responding. The only person you hurt was YOU! i said i USED to be close to them..not that i am now. we dont talk anymore but i was close to his parents when i was younger (ie in school, i spent christmas with them and things like that). they dont live here anymore and are not of the technology age, so contact is rare. shame you got so full of it towards the end of your post, for the most part what you said was helpful. i am over it but i am still human, it stirred up old emotions hearing from this prick. i thought id left that part of my past behind me, i dont expect it to seek me out again.
Cutiepie1976 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Take what's helpful, leave the rest. If it helps, when you become indifferent and couldn't care less about what he does, then you have moved on. Instead, you're upset and disgusted by what was most likely simple FB spam that others thoughtlessly deleted. You're wasting your time, thoughts, and energy on this. For whatever reason, you remain emotionally invested in what he does even though he betrayed you. Very thin line between love and hate. When you get to indifference and can't be bothered to follow up, when he doesn't register on your radar, then you're done. Interesting what struck a nerve... BTW, since you're no longer close to his family, and he is immature, why would he contact you to give you an update about his family on Valentine's Day, after being in communicado for a year and a half? You felt a need to respond to his FB message because it could be an update on his family? We are trying to help. No need to get offended when we point out inconsistencies or the things that appear to make little sense. What gets you upset or makes you touchy is useful information...for you. Tells you where you are in the process. You may not be as far as along as you originally thought. Best!
Author louise_23 Posted February 14, 2013 Author Posted February 14, 2013 Take what's helpful, leave the rest. If it helps, when you become indifferent and couldn't care less about what he does, then you have moved on. Instead, you're upset and disgusted by what was most likely simple FB spam that others thoughtlessly deleted. You're wasting your time, thoughts, and energy on this. For whatever reason, you remain emotionally invested in what he does even though he betrayed you. Very thin line between love and hate. When you get to indifference and can't be bothered to follow up, when he doesn't register on your radar, then you're done. Interesting what struck a nerve... BTW, since you're no longer close to his family, and he is immature, why would he contact you to give you an update about his family on Valentine's Day, after being in communicado for a year and a half? You felt a need to respond to his FB message because it could be an update on his family? We are trying to help. No need to get offended when we point out inconsistencies or the things that appear to make little sense. What gets you upset or makes you touchy is useful information...for you. Tells you where you are in the process. You may not be as far as along as you originally thought. Best! i think theres a time difference issue here. he contacted me yesterday, today is valentines day. im not trying to be rude at all, the difference between you being rude and me being rude appears to be the use of smiley faces? well here
ascendotum Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 A side post to your situation.. If this guy who you were dating was telling his friends how you were nasty and into kinky sex, then I can understand you would be offended, given that you had not even had sex with with him, let alone hardcore sex acts, that you might never do. If this guy (your bf sort of) was just telling his friends how you two had sex when you hadn't, then as a guy I don't think that's a big sin at all. You said you were dating a number of months, so I assume you could consider yourself a couple, unofficially bf/bf. In the vast majority of relationships after 3 mths the couple will have had sex. To save face this guy I expect swapped banter about your escapades just to feel like one of the guys. If your relationship was meant to be kept quite (and he knew it) then, I guess that puts a different spin on it. He should have kept his mouth shut and he blew it.
Author louise_23 Posted February 14, 2013 Author Posted February 14, 2013 A side post to your situation.. If this guy who you were dating was telling his friends how you were nasty and into kinky sex, then I can understand you would be offended, given that you had not even had sex with with him, let alone hardcore sex acts, that you might never do. If this guy (your bf sort of) was just telling his friends how you two had sex when you hadn't, then as a guy I don't think that's a big sin at all. You said you were dating a number of months, so I assume you could consider yourself a couple, unofficially bf/bf. In the vast majority of relationships after 3 mths the couple will have had sex. To save face this guy I expect swapped banter about your escapades just to feel like one of the guys. If your relationship was meant to be kept quite (and he knew it) then, I guess that puts a different spin on it. He should have kept his mouth shut and he blew it. oh i totally get that, he had a problem with nerves which is why we never went the whole way. it wasnt for lack of trying lol. every time seemed to make the next time worse. i was very understanding about it which is why i didnt appreciate hearing from others how far it apparently went, and how 'nasty' it got, when in fact not a whole lot happened at all. im surprised he thinks its ok to still contact me, i think embarassment would stop me if it was me.
ascendotum Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 oh i totally get that, he had a problem with nerves which is why we never went the whole way. it wasnt for lack of trying lol. every time seemed to make the next time worse. i was very understanding about it which is why i didnt appreciate hearing from others how far it apparently went, and how 'nasty' it got, when in fact not a whole lot happened at all. im surprised he thinks its ok to still contact me, i think embarassment would stop me if it was me. In light of your last post, I don't think the guy deserves to be labelled an arsehole or creep, though I can understand why it annoyed you he was pretending he was a stud when in fact he was a dud. I'd avoid getting into any details with my mates if I was having troubles. "i think embarassment would stop me if it was me."...same here...unless I worked out what was going wrong before and wanted to make amends at having been a disappointment. V-day got him wistfully thinking about you I'd say.
Author louise_23 Posted February 15, 2013 Author Posted February 15, 2013 In light of your last post, I don't think the guy deserves to be labelled an arsehole or creep, though I can understand why it annoyed you he was pretending he was a stud when in fact he was a dud. I'd avoid getting into any details with my mates if I was having troubles. "i think embarassment would stop me if it was me."...same here...unless I worked out what was going wrong before and wanted to make amends at having been a disappointment. V-day got him wistfully thinking about you I'd say. it was more the gory details that upset me at the time, because one of his friends got drunk and just started spewing all this untrue **** and it became clear there had been a lot of back & forth between them about it. the guy himself thought it was funny. as far as making amends, i dont know. an apology wouldve been nice. he just asked a few annoying questions and told me about his life even though i didnt ask. i shut the conversation down & said i had to run. hell knows.
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