I feel she is leading me on

[mlcj69]

It's been almost a week since she has dumped me. She didnt exactly have one solid reason but she just said she "felt" like she needed to.

 

She is not exactly sure what she wants. Wether to stay in a committed relationship with me, or see what it's like out there and understanding there's really no turning back after that. (We both have never experienced a real relationship besides each other)

 

Well....

 

This guy is really likes her. He has been over her house twice since we broke up. JUST to hang out apparently. She SAYS she friend zoned him. But that does not mean he will respect that. I trust her, somewhat. Not him. But I have a feeling that she is hanging out with this guy to see what he's really like. She says he's a decent guy and if she makes the decision to see other people, he might be someone she would want to date. But she says she wouldn't date anyone right away because she wouldn't be over me. She wants to remain friends and accepts the fact that we would drift away, which is already happening. Is she waiting to be over me or for us to almost drift away to make her decision? She obviously has some sort of interest in him, wether she says she doesn't or does.

 

I understand it's an innocent hangout. But hangin out more and talking to him more etc, just pressures her into making the decision of seeing what it's like out there.

 

I wouldn't care if they would hang out if she decided what she wanted. But seeing how she doesn't know what she wants she should tell herself "ok this guy really likes me. Let me step back from him and reassess myself". It's just not right having someone over while we are going through this and KNOWING he likes her. A LOT.

 

To me it sounds like she is leading me on. I asked her. And I know of course she will either ignore it or change the subject some how. I just might be overthinking it who knows. But this really isn't the right time to be hanging out withsome you know would want more than friends with you.

 

I understand I can't control her and we are broken up, but she should really use her best judgment as to what is going on. And it's like she doesn't see it.

 

I want things to be solved BEFORE she realizes the mistake. I know she can't make mistakes without experience, but she should open her eyes and not focus on her social life so much and focus what is happening between us. The social life can be out on hold for a little.

 

I know it's been a week and it's a big decision to make. But this is just really leading me on and me wondering what she is really thinking. I've really have been trying my best not to pressure her, but I feel like we need to talk about it. But SHE doesn't want to tell me exactly what she's feeling. She says she doesn't know. It just leaves me really confused and wanting answers and I just freak out as to what's going on we agreed to not talk for a week and see where we are. But it's only been two days and we both check up on each other to see how we are doing.

 

What I think, break it off with me. Completely. At least until we get over each other and then see how we are doing and what's going on. But she says that best friends don't just throw away each other like that. But I see her more than just a best friend and it hurts me :/ It's really getting close to REALLY damaging what we had. Not even sure if things would go back to normal.

Edited February 14, 2013 by mlcj69

[thesaka24]

Yea things wont go back to what you to had, how long were you in relationship ?

 

What I would do is, tell her, "Look, I wanna break up for good"

What you need to do is , you need to make a decision , don't let her pull you by your nose, just don't.

If she accepts it just like that, then you know that she wanted it, but if she goes to get you back, to stop you, then you know she still wants you.

Be a man dude, stand up, ask her to talk to you , this is just torture to you, right ?

 

Don't allow it, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

And trust yourself, tell yourself you will be OK whatever happens.

[mlcj69]

Yea things wont go back to what you to had, how long were you in relationship ?

 

What I would do is, tell her, "Look, I wanna break up for good"

What you need to do is , you need to make a decision , don't let her pull you by your nose, just don't.

If she accepts it just like that, then you know that she wanted it, but if she goes to get you back, to stop you, then you know she still wants you.

Be a man dude, stand up, ask her to talk to you , this is just torture to you, right ?

 

Don't allow it, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

And trust yourself, tell yourself you will be OK whatever happens.

 

 

Whenever I try she does stop me. She gets angry that I would just throw away this "friendship". I don't even consider her a friend anymore. I tried. But it's really not workin out. And she doesn't see that. I think if a boy wasn't in the picture, it wouldn't be so bad. But since he really likes her, he won't stop until SHE stops it. But she doesn't understand that HE wants more than friends. AND she said if we don't get back together, she might consider dating him. She's really leading both of us on.

 

Edit: and I try talking to her. We did, but then she just argues about it because I get mad at what's going on. What the **** am I supposed to do? Oh well. I've been nice enough. She is making her decision TODAY. If she says "I don't know" it's over. Completely.

Edited February 14, 2013 by mlcj69

[Ruby Slippers]

She dumped you. It's over. Now she's just using you for attention as she "transitions". Are you going to stand for that?

 

Have some self-respect and cut her off. Go 100% No Contact. Read the No Contact guide in the breakup section of this forum.

 

You're wasting your time worrying and wondering about her. She doesn't love you. It's over.

[mlcj69]

She dumped you. It's over. Now she's just using you for attention as she "transitions". Are you going to stand for that?

 

Have some self-respect and cut her off. Go 100% No Contact. Read the No Contact guide in the breakup section of this forum.

 

You're wasting your time worrying and wondering about her. She doesn't love you. It's over.

 

I'm pretty sure she loves me still. But we have lost our love because she's been thinking this for months apparently and she just feels distant from me. I'm declaring it over tonight. No more of this thinking crap.

[Cutiepie1976]

I stopped reading after the first couple of paragraphs. The post is way too long.

• Fact: She dumped you.
  
• Fact: She told you she just wanted to be friends. (Nice dumpers tend to say this to ease the hurtful message that they are done with you.)
  
• Fact: She said she didn't care if you drifted apart and never had a relationship again.
  

Conclusion:

You are broken up. She has zero interest in salvaging anything (see fact #3). She is moving on. Whether some new guy is a friend, lover, BF, whatever is completely irrelevant. The point is: she doesn't want to be your GF anymore. She doesn't want a romantic relationship with you. She has definitively crushed that possibility both with her words and actions.

 

There is absolutely nothing to interpret as potentially getting back together or leading you on. Any such attempt is wishful thinking and an attempt to prevent yourself from healing and moving on. Don't be that cruel to yourself. Stop thinking and worrying about who and what is happening in her life. Don't grasp for non-existent straws when she has been kind enough to remove all of them from your path to recovery. Focus on you and healing, not on her.

[USCGAviator]

She wants to get some strange. The only reason you feel led on is cause you care too much. Quit wasting your time thinking about what coulda, shoulda, woulda been and wake up.

[mlcj69]

She wants to get some strange. The only reason you feel led on is cause you care too much. Quit wasting your time thinking about what coulda, shoulda, woulda been and wake up.

 

I've been with her for 2.5 years. How am I supposed to not care about what's going on? Ya ill move on. But she keeps telling me "idk what I want" she doesn't knowif she wants to stay in a relationship with me, or experience what it's like to have someone else because she's never experienced anyone but me. She has been thinking abou it for months and decided after 2 weeks of mentioning it to break up. But says "she doesn't know what she is doing". I really have no clue what to think. I don't care anymore. It's through.

[flitzanu]

It's been almost a week since she has dumped me. She didnt exactly have one solid reason but she just said she "felt" like she needed to.

 

She is not exactly sure what she wants. Wether to stay in a committed relationship with me, or see what it's like out there and understanding there's really no turning back after that. (We both have never experienced a real relationship besides each other)

 

Well....

 

This guy is really likes her. He has been over her house twice since we broke up. JUST to hang out apparently. She SAYS she friend zoned him. But that does not mean he will respect that. I trust her, somewhat. Not him. But I have a feeling that she is hanging out with this guy to see what he's really like. She says he's a decent guy and if she makes the decision to see other people, he might be someone she would want to date. But she says she wouldn't date anyone right away because she wouldn't be over me. She wants to remain friends and accepts the fact that we would drift away, which is already happening. Is she waiting to be over me or for us to almost drift away to make her decision? She obviously has some sort of interest in him, wether she says she doesn't or does.

 

I understand it's an innocent hangout. But hangin out more and talking to him more etc, just pressures her into making the decision of seeing what it's like out there.

 

I wouldn't care if they would hang out if she decided what she wanted. But seeing how she doesn't know what she wants she should tell herself "ok this guy really likes me. Let me step back from him and reassess myself". It's just not right having someone over while we are going through this and KNOWING he likes her. A LOT.

 

To me it sounds like she is leading me on. I asked her. And I know of course she will either ignore it or change the subject some how. I just might be overthinking it who knows. But this really isn't the right time to be hanging out withsome you know would want more than friends with you.

 

I understand I can't control her and we are broken up, but she should really use her best judgment as to what is going on. And it's like she doesn't see it.

 

I want things to be solved BEFORE she realizes the mistake. I know she can't make mistakes without experience, but she should open her eyes and not focus on her social life so much and focus what is happening between us. The social life can be out on hold for a little.

 

I know it's been a week and it's a big decision to make. But this is just really leading me on and me wondering what she is really thinking. I've really have been trying my best not to pressure her, but I feel like we need to talk about it. But SHE doesn't want to tell me exactly what she's feeling. She says she doesn't know. It just leaves me really confused and wanting answers and I just freak out as to what's going on we agreed to not talk for a week and see where we are. But it's only been two days and we both check up on each other to see how we are doing.

 

What I think, break it off with me. Completely. At least until we get over each other and then see how we are doing and what's going on. But she says that best friends don't just throw away each other like that. But I see her more than just a best friend and it hurts me :/ It's really getting close to REALLY damaging what we had. Not even sure if things would go back to normal.

 

 

she needs space = she wants to bang this new guy that likes her.

 

if she isn't sure she "wants to be in a relationship with you" it means she does NOT want to be in a relationship with you. don't let her lead you on, because you're right...she is leading you on.

[mlcj69]

she needs space = she wants to bang this new guy that likes her.

 

if she isn't sure she "wants to be in a relationship with you" it means she does NOT want to be in a relationship with you. don't let her lead you on, because you're right...she is leading you on.

 

Her parents don't let her do those things. Even with me. But I wonder if she's done more than just hanging out with this guy. I trust her. But I really don't know her logic :/ I'd hate to go through a bunch of girls. I'm serious type of person. Not at first. But once I'm in love. We have been serious. But lately she's been wanting this "life" that apparently is making her tied down. I mean it is but she should see its worth it for how happy she is. She says she is happy and it's not me. But she can be lying. Idk.

 

Edit: we are young. She's 17 I'm 18. We haven't lived life. But to me "living life" isn't important. Living love with the one that makes me happy and me making her happy is important.

[thesaka24]

I wont go read everything, just tell me please, what did you decide ?

 

What did you do about this ? Did you end it or is this stuff still going on, coz you need to end it right now for yourself, and go do some other stuff to make yourself feel better and alive again.

 

 

"Be a man, stand, a real man would have this **** handled"

[radinna82]

Ive been going through a similar situation the past few weeks. Things got out of hand quickly and we said a lot of things we shouldnt have, so I think its done, but I can offer some advice, as I considered this and would have probably helped if I had done it.

 

They say if you lve something, set it free, and if it comes back, its meant to be. This will be extremely hard, and I didnt have the guts to do it and drove her away by asking a lot of the questions you did. Give her her space. Let her do her own thing and give her the opportunity to miss you. Maybe she will see how empty her life is if you arent in it. Maybe she wont. But that is something she has to figure out and no amount of questioning her will make a difference. I know it will be hard to do and youll be tempted to contact her, but let her know you want to leave her be and it will leave an impression

[flitzanu]

Her parents don't let her do those things. Even with me. But I wonder if she's done more than just hanging out with this guy. I trust her. But I really don't know her logic :/ I'd hate to go through a bunch of girls. I'm serious type of person. Not at first. But once I'm in love. We have been serious. But lately she's been wanting this "life" that apparently is making her tied down. I mean it is but she should see its worth it for how happy she is. She says she is happy and it's not me. But she can be lying. Idk.

 

Edit: we are young. She's 17 I'm 18. We haven't lived life. But to me "living life" isn't important. Living love with the one that makes me happy and me making her happy is important.

 

oh, dude. you're young. i know you don't want to hear it, but you are. what you want NOW and what you want in 10 years will still be different. i wanted to marry at that age too and as i got older i saw what a huge stupid mistake it would have been.

 

she's young and wants attention, and is likely going to seek attention from a lot more people before she ever settles down.

[denxnis]

she needs space = she wants to bang this new guy that likes her.

 

if she isn't sure she "wants to be in a relationship with you" it means she does NOT want to be in a relationship with you. don't let her lead you on, because you're right...she is leading you on.

 

Listen to this guy, he couldn't be more right.

 

The easy way out is to keep trying to win her back and postpone the inevitable.

 

The long road, and my recommended approach, is to walk away now and never look back. Don't check her facebook, call her, text her, drive by her house. WALK THE F**K AWAY NOW.

 

By contacting her and trying to win her back after she's already been hanging out with another guy only reassures her that you need her more than vice versa. She will regret this, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but eventually she will and the only way she will is if you walk away.

 

But hey don't listen to the people who have read about these same exact situations for months on-end or have gone through the same exact thing themselves... It's your call.

[Chi townD]

Here's the deal. She dumped you. She basically told you that she no longer requires you to be her boyfriend. That's her choice, whether it's the wrong decision or not. It's still the decision she made. You need to remove yourself completely from her life. Because....well....that's what she decided.

 

You are not her friend. I'm pretty sure you didn't get into a loving and caring relationship for the end result to be that you are nothing more than a friend to her.

 

Time to move on dude. This wasn't your choice, it was hers. So, she's going to have to live with the consquences of her own actions.