Men and ugly women

[DazedConfusedEtc]

I can't relate to the appearance issue but stupidity bothers me. It's difficult to respect anyone who would date stupid.

 

Amen to that!! I can't even have a one night stand with someone stupid, it's just so so so unattractive to me. Same with someone mean or who treats service workers disrespectfully.

[Ruby Slippers]

If nothing else, I hope this thread will point out to the average guys on the forum how harshly average women can be treated.

 

To me, this thread is a perfect example to illustrate how much ugliness can come from within.

[DazedConfusedEtc]

If nothing else, I hope this thread will point out to the average guys on the forum how harshly average women can be treated.

 

To me, this thread is a perfect example to illustrate how much ugliness can come from within.

 

At the very least, this thread will show average guys how insecure average women are, and that they have a huge chip on their shoulder. Obviously saying that some other woman is very very unattractive on the Internet is a horrible affront to all women and incredibly insulting. Any justification to feel marginalized, exactly like all of the men complaining that the world is an unfair place rigged against them because they're betas and blah blah.

 

Good news is that for every person bitter man there's a bitter woman too, yay! Plus the bitter women don't care how the men look because it's wrong to make judgements based on appearance, yay again!!

[RedRobin]

I've had an illness that left me looking horrible -- how is that relevant? I looked so bad that people averted their eyes, my skin wa sallow, I was losing my hair, I was covered in bruises. It didn't change my worth as a person but it made it very hard to attract a suitable partner. All PEOPLE, men and women, sometimes have sex for fun -- it's not using anyone unless you lie about your intentions

 

No... ALL people don't use others for sex. Sorry. You are wrong about that.

 

I'm sorry that your experience did not give you empathy for people who were born differently than you. Imagine if your condition hadn't improved? Would you deserve to be talked about like you are talking about these women? Do you sincerely believe they should consider themselves unloveable?? Or that they should harden their hearts so that they can trust noone because some schmuck thought they'd be good fun and disposable?

Edited February 16, 2013 by RedRobin

[DazedConfusedEtc]

No... ALL people don't use others for sex. Sorry. You are wrong about that.

 

Sorry to you, but casual sex between 2 consenting, honest adults doesn't involve anyone being "used." If you don't like casual sex that's fine, but judging others for it and then somehow trying to make it about yourself and act all offended is extremely silly.

[Anela]

At the very least, this thread will show average guys how insecure average women are, and that they have a huge chip on their shoulder.

 

Oh, for heaven's sake. Weren't you feeling insecure when you started this thread?

 

Ok, as a disclaimer, I know that I'm a terrible person. I'm using the anonymity of the internet to make a confession. If you want to flame me for this, go to town. I'm curious if anyone else feels this way.

 

I'm an attractive woman -- i dont really feel like it, but objectively I know that I'm considered very attractive. My boyfriend is also a very good looking guy. We're often told how well matched we are and that we look good together.

 

My bf has also had sex with a bunch of really unattractive women. We ran into one last night at a club -- they had some kind of ongoing FWB situation. After he started dating me he cut off contact. She came over to say hi, he politely said hi and introduced me, and that was that. Well this woman is downright busted -- short, overweight, stringy greasy hair, and BRACES (we're in our 30's). I know of various others that are awful looking, too. I'm talking 2s and 3s. He also dated someone who was very unattractive, and who he describes as very pretty.

 

I know I'm an ******* but it makes me feel less attractive -- like when he tells me how beautiful I am it's empty, because if those women are attractive, it's just not saying much. I get that men can have very low standards about who they have sex with, and higher standards about who they date, but other than 1 other gf he's only dated women significantly below him. Also, I've asked him if he was attracted to the unattractive women he slept with, he says yes.

 

Can any guys explain this phenomenon to me? Any women get how I feel?

 

I'll get past this I know, and as time passes it will be totally irrelevant -- 5 years from now i wont care who he banged. But about a year in it makes me feel ... icky:o

[RedRobin]

Sorry to you, but casual sex between 2 consenting, honest adults doesn't involve anyone being "used." If you don't like casual sex that's fine, but judging others for it and then somehow trying to make it about yourself and act all offended is extremely silly.

 

Yep, I wouldn't date a guy who has a history of casual sex. Doesn't offend me at all. I just wouldn't date him.

 

... and I don't think he is a prize at all. Just my 0.02

 

If he has a history of using others for sex, he's likely to be using you for just sex too. but if you are ok with that, then go ahead. It's not a risk I care to take, personally. I could be wrong, of course. Next time you are at the bar and see one of these ladies, why don't you ask one of them how things ended? Find out whether things really were on the up and up...

 

On the other hand, the way you talk about people... and his background... I'd say you deserve each other... let's see whom can suck the other dry first.

 

(**sitting back munching on popcorn**)

[Anela]

Throughout my life I’ve discovered that the women I get along with best and like the most tend to have professions such as teacher, dancer, singer, politician, model, spokesperson… That is they tend to have been women who made their living in the spotlight – which means I’m most attracted to a personality type.

 

One thing that I’ve always thought is that how one is perceived and treated by others, especially as they were growing up has a profound difference on one’s personality. Just to simplify things let’s take the two extremes – a cute outgoing girl vs. a homely shy one.

 

The cute girl, from the time she is born, growing up, and into adulthood is often treated nicely, often having people smile at her and give her compliments. To her this how the world works and in her interactions with others will often smile and be pleasant which only adds to her attractiveness. The homely girl on the other hand grows up without these positive enforcements which prevents her from developing socially as well as the cuter girls. I think the same goes for guys. I smile a lot because people tend to smile at me. I rarely see less attractive guys use their smile as a communication device. I always do.

 

More than once I’ve been in situations where there was a woman who was getting a lot of attention from a lot of other men yet it was that looking at each other and smiling that set me, and thus us, apart from the other guys.

 

Those girls that were below me were so because they couldn’t fit the role that I expected a woman in my life to play. The cheerleader and other girls like her played that role wonderfully.

 

I started out as the cute, outgoing girl, and transformed into the homely, bullied shy girl. I'm somewhat in-between now, and was for years. I smiled, and it didn't make any difference - at least, later on. It really affected my self-esteem - my outward personality changed, as well as something on the inside, and it's taken work to get any of that back. Being rejected doesn't help with that.

 

My problem isn't even that you don't date them, it's that you see them as "below" you.

[bentnotbroken]

These are the type people I pray my children do not bring home(I know they will met them...they are out there and breeding)but Lord have mercy if one comes through my front door.

[RogerWallace111]

I feel ya, OP. People get so f*cked up over this sort of ****. You've made disclaimers that you feel bad for even thinking this way, but you're going to have the thoughts you have so there's nothing wrong with you. There is objective observation and it's not the same disparaging judgement. You've clarified you're making the former. And not maliciously, but simply cause that's where your brain went.

 

Everyone on here getting on you about it has no real business saying sh*t unless they can honestly say they are attracted to any & all people, and thus have never made any assessment of someone's natural appearance. Just cause you keep it to yourself or don't identify the thought doesn't mean it's not there.

[RogerWallace111]

These are the type people I pray my children do not bring home(I know they will met them...they are out there and breeding)but Lord have mercy if one comes through my front door.

 

People who don't pretend that physical appearance isn't a significant element in attraction ?

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Actually I never think of women in terms of 1-10. I was just using it here because it is the convention that was being used. My own rating system is more binary - in the form of yes or no. At least 95% of women who I encounter are no's and personality and compatibility plays into my liking of a woman or not as much as looks.

 

Well, can I make a small request? If you yourself don't use a rating scale, then don't use to appease other people on a message board either. I can understand that you are using it to make your point more clear, but I actually think it's misleading. And I simply hate the damn scale because to me, it's so limited and close minded when used on men or women.

[Woggle]

Sorry to you, but casual sex between 2 consenting, honest adults doesn't involve anyone being "used." If you don't like casual sex that's fine, but judging others for it and then somehow trying to make it about yourself and act all offended is extremely silly.

 

Exactly. I don't think it is ever good to mislead somebody but there isn't always a victim when two consenting adults have sex. You can't use somebody who is willing and know exactly what the score is.

[KungFuJoe]

Not to side track this thread, but just exactly IS wrong with the scale?

 

I mean...what's the difference between saying "She's hot!" and "She's a 10!"?

 

Either way, you're judging her attractiveness. What's the big deal?

[DazedConfusedEtc]

Oh, for heaven's sake. Weren't you feeling insecure when you started this thread?

 

I was insecure, and not only that but i AM insecure about some things -- after all, i'm human. I just don't take other people's issues and make them about ME because of this insecurity -- you feel insecure and obviously everything is about you and your relationship with your sister and how you feel like you're average looking and discriminated against because of it.

 

I own my insecurity and my issues and work through them -- that's why all of the flames here don't matter to me. I know who and what I am.

[DazedConfusedEtc]

Yep, I wouldn't date a guy who has a history of casual sex. Doesn't offend me at all. I just wouldn't date him.

 

... and I don't think he is a prize at all. Just my 0.02

 

If he has a history of using others for sex, he's likely to be using you for just sex too. but if you are ok with that, then go ahead. It's not a risk I care to take, personally. I could be wrong, of course. Next time you are at the bar and see one of these ladies, why don't you ask one of them how things ended? Find out whether things really were on the up and up...

 

On the other hand, the way you talk about people... and his background... I'd say you deserve each other... let's see whom can suck the other dry first.

 

(**sitting back munching on popcorn**)

 

You're funny

 

a) i know how these things ended -- one party said that they didnt want to keep having sex anymore. There were 3 other women when we started seeing each other -- he called them and told them that he'd met someone and won't be in contact anymore and wished them the best. My bf didnt know what he was doing with women at first, he was very naive b/c of the religious upbringing and b/c of marrying so early as a virgin, etc -- in the beginning he inadvertently hurt women. He learned from that and made a conscious effort not to do so and to be honest about his intentions from the past. There are women who still thought they could change him or something, but he wasn't ready for a relationship and knew it and made it clear.

2) i also know that the fact that someone had casual sex in the past doesn't mean he's using me for sex, that's a pretty ridiculous way to think. I've had casual sex too, doesn't mean i don't want a real partner with a shared future. We both want marriage, kids, the whole package. I am also confident that if my bf was looking for sex he could have it without a LTR, it's what he did after his divorce after all. The man who lives with me, buys me little tokens of his love, writes me notes, takes me to work every morning, takes me to dinner and weekends with his family, sms's me during the day to see how i'm doing, took care of me when i broke my foot in a car accident, carried me home from the ER when they put a cast on my foot and ran out of crutches, made my birthday the best one ever, changed his r status on FB and his profile pic to one with me, that tells me he loves me every night before we go to sleep in OUR house, THAT man is not using me for sex.

 

I know it blows up your messed up world view to think that someone is capable of having sex without feelings involved AND having a committed, loving relationship, but that's YOUR problem.

[DazedConfusedEtc]

I feel ya, OP. People get so f*cked up over this sort of ****. You've made disclaimers that you feel bad for even thinking this way, but you're going to have the thoughts you have so there's nothing wrong with you. There is objective observation and it's not the same disparaging judgement. You've clarified you're making the former. And not maliciously, but simply cause that's where your brain went.

 

Everyone on here getting on you about it has no real business saying sh*t unless they can honestly say they are attracted to any & all people, and thus have never made any assessment of someone's natural appearance. Just cause you keep it to yourself or don't identify the thought doesn't mean it's not there.

 

 

Thanks for speaking up, seriously! I knew I wasn't the only person who thought this way.

 

I don't feel bad for my thoughts, I just knew that expressing them would result in these flames. I know that saying it out loud is a bit sh*tty and that people would say OMG YOU'RE SO VAIN AND JUDGMENTAL. It felt good to get it out though:cool:

 

I think part of it comes down to the male:female divide on these things. Men tend to be less picky about casual sex partners and more picky about girlfriends. My bf had 2 serious LTR relationships, myself and the ex before me, and she was beautiful, whereas I think i'm maybe pretty but a far cry from beautiful. However, he wasn't picky about who he banged, if I didn't know about them it wouldn't matter but seeing it and knowing about it is icky to me.

 

Women tend to be very picky about the sex partners and less picky about bf's looks. I've been fairly picky about both, but in the past not picky enough about bf's personalities:p Until this one I dated people who were mean to me, only by getting healthy and feeling like I was worthwhile I was able to find a man who treated me like a queen.