Caught husband cheat...trust your gut!

[dahhlin]

I'm known for my oracle-esque skills with my family and friends. I have an incredible intuition and a knack for reading people and situation and this weekend I caught my husband cheating within no time after the offense.

 

Over the weekend I went to visit a friend for her birthday. I spent the whole week telling our friends what a wonderful husband I had. On Friday night he told me that he was going out with his friend Ryan and a group of Ryan's coworkers, and then I didn't hear from him again all night. The next day I still hadn't heard from him and not only was I irritated but worried. When he finally contacted me around noon he said he drank too much and just had woken up. No biggie I thought, I was just irritated that he drove home drunk.

 

Then Saturday went by, and I finally returned home on Sunday and for some reason I didn't believe he was out with his friend Ryan. It was small things, like he had nothing to tell me about what him and Ryan did and the two little anecdotes he offered up started off with "One of the women that were there..." He then told me they had gone out for sushi and he had about 7 drinks, I live in a LA so this should've been easily a $200+ outing and there was not a single charge for anything on our bank account.

 

My husband went to sleep and I saw his phone just sitting there and decided to look at his call log. Something I would never ever do. Sure enough, no calls/texts to Ryan...and not a single text or call past 1:30pm on Friday. I pulled up our cell phone bill to check the recent calls, and there was one number over and over again on text and calls all Friday night. Why had he erased these calls? I put the number into his phone to see who's name would come up and it was under one of his coworkers named John....Still didn't make sense why he would bother to delete all contact with John, but of course there were two number under Johns contact form, from two different area code. This wasn't adding up. As I looked at the number I kept thinking it looked familiar, but from where? I'm terrible with numbers since I don't actually have to ever remember them. So I put the number into my phone and my friend of 7 years, Jen came up. I was dumbfounded. I hadn't seen Jen in about a year, until this New Years Eve. We had been close friends since 2005, she was at my wedding and was almost a bridesmaid. This was a person I considered one of my close friends for at least 4 years. And my husband... I've been with him 8 years, married a year and a half, and here they were running around behind my back.

 

I tried to make excuses. We were all close friends and maybe they just went out, but why lie to me? If he had told me he was going to hang out with Jen I wouldn't have thought twice about it, but he lied about what he was doing, where he was at, and tried very hard to hide it. If there wasn't something up, there was no need to lie.

 

I waited til the next morning, when I knew my husband would text me from work to say good morning. I sent him a text back that was along the lines of "F*** you, you lying sack of s*** blah blah blah. Tell Jen she can kiss my a** too" And he was stunned. I got everything from sorry to why are you looking through my stuff to I love you, it was a mistake etc etc.

 

I spent the whole day in a rage. I tried to contact Jen and she ignored me. And still continues to ignore me. I think that makes her an even lower piece of s***. At least say something instead of cowering and hiding, man up! I tagged her on all my wedding photos and she didn't enjoy that and blocked me on facebook. I also contacted her significant other. And then my husband came home and sat across from me like some tough guy with this condescending attitude and told me it was "none of my business" what happened. Oh really? Thats when I lost it and turned into an emotional terrorist and came at him with every low blow I could and locked myself in my room.

 

It's now Wednesday, he tries to talk to me and text me all day at work but I've completely checked out and ignore him 90% of the time. I've told him numerous times I hate him. I finally cried today but didn't let him see it. He's now remorseful and crying and apologizing and I'm still emotionally terrorizing him. I'm angry. Very angry.

 

I don't know what to do at this point. I've started to look at places so I can move out, I don't know how to work past this. I don't think I could ever even touch him after this. It's really a shame.

 

Trust your gut people. I had nothing to go off of but tiny small clues and just a feeling. He literally got away with it for a few hours.

[BetrayedH]

Well done.

[SidLyon]

Have you heard of trickle truth and minimization?

 

Given its prevalence and that your H seemed to have planned this with Jen, you may well find out he's been getting away with it for a lot longer than a few hours, and not just this weekend gone.

 

PS I too was known for my supposedly great intuition, but it let me down badly in the case of my H's long term affair.

[whichwayisup]

I usually don't tell people to divorce so quickly but after reading your thread, divorce his lying cheating ass. This A has probably been going on a hell of a long time, longer than you realize.

 

Jen is scum and it's good you told her partner.

 

Sorry you're hurting.

 

Only good thing about this, it seems no children are involved in this mess.

[ComingInHot]

dahhlin;

Hey there and welcome to LS (even under the crappy conditions of what you are going through)*

 

It sounds like you have a really good head on your shoulders.

-You are acknowledging that you are MAD as well you should be.

-You are Not engaging while you are in this volatile emotional state.

-You are working on getting your own "space" so you can deal with this catastrophic event that you didn't see coming.

 

Do you have children?

Have you gone to family and/or friends for help & support?

 

It's amazing to me when the cheating H takes the stance of "man of the house & what I says goes" in stating that it is none of your business. It is such toe gerr!!! The bully, large and in charge tactic is a crock that only serves to make the person doing it look more like a douche.

 

Do NOT let him bully or manipulate you into thinking you shouldn't be hurt or involved in what goes on in your marriage.

As far as this exFriend of yours is concerned, I am SO sorry. I can't imagine anything worse than being betrayed by not only your husband but someone you considered a dear friend.

 

My heart goes out to you*

CIH

[Realist3]

You went looking for what you wanted to find. Congrats. Own it.

[ComingInHot]

Realist;

Huh?

[Journee]

You went looking for what you wanted to find. Congrats. Own it.

 

What do you mean by that Realist?

[scatterd]

Good for you finding out. I know this has to hurt you.

Big Hugs

[pteromom]

I would not be surprised if this affair hasn't been going on much much longer than you are aware of. Can you look in past phone bills for Jen's number?

[jnel921]

Your H has a lot of nerve telling you how it's none of your business.... Sorry that is unacceptable and a total reason to leave.

 

Basically you are not important enough to factor into this decision or even have to explain to.

 

Your friend is a dog, they both deserve each other. You can't act like doo doo when confronted and later be sorry?

[silvermercy]

WOW... Never an infidelity post has made me rage so much!

You'd be wrong to think this only happened once!! If you look back at phone bills, chats, emails etc it's almost guaranteed you'll see more extensive contact. (Btw, has he given you all his passwords? Not that it matters now of course... he could still delete everything. Besides, he did so with the phone numbers so he's not totally clueless to covering up his tracks).

 

Also, what a coward and betrayer that ex "friend" was... I'm totally shocked!!

 

Seriously, I don't think I could ever recover in your place, especially after the way your husband treated you for "invading" his privacy and stating it's "none of your business"!! I mean... come on!! Is he serious!?!? Way to go and shift the blame on you!! Sorry, I'm still shocked! This is the worst kind of betrayal I've ever encountered on these boards! To top it all it's a double betrayal!

 

I wish you do the right thing and see a lawyer to consider your options! Folks here usually advise for extensive counselling and therapy but I honestly can't see any of this will help in your case...

 

Please don't let his begging and tears fool you (as almost all cheaters typically do that, they even vomit!) and don't feel guilty for putting him through emotional torture! He deserves every minute of this. He has put you through so much worse torture and it's ALL HIS FAULT.

 

You are welcome to come here for support any time you wish!

Edited February 15, 2013 by silvermercy

[Lil1]

This is the kind of sh*t that makes me think I might become a murderous psycho if it ever happened to me. Its scarier than any horror movie I've ever seen

 

Please take care of yourself OP and reach out to friends and family for support.

[dreamingoftigers]

He'll get it, waaaaay after you are gone and someone cheats on him.

 

If you have that instant "shut it down" reaction, go with that.

 

Just get out. Trying to reverse the tide after well-widgets and sympathy-generators talk to you might bring you back to the marriage, but you'll only hate and resent it in the long run and question everyday whether or not you should be there.

 

Best of luck!

 

You are also fortunate that he didn't know any better how to cover his tracks or at least lie. My God. What an idiot.

 

Amateurs. Pfffft.

[jnel921]

This is the kind of sh*t that makes me think I might become a murderous psycho if it ever happened to me. Its scarier than any horror movie I've ever seen

 

Please take care of yourself OP and reach out to friends and family for support.

 

I hate to admit this but I remember when my first H was cheating, he didn't care either. Had the woman's number taped to his pager. He went out one night and I was in my car searching for him. I had a huge knife in the passenger side. If I found them it would have been it for me. I'd be posting from prison.

 

My sister called me and talked me down from my temporary insanity and I spent the next 3 years after that in IC dealing with my anger. It helped. realized it wasn't about me.

 

I am glad I didn't feel that way the second time around. My H is a cop and we have 3 guns at home. Would not have been any better.

 

Support and counseling is so important when you are going through this.

[Realist3]

What do you mean by that Realist?

 

It means good for her.