wanttoplay Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 If a man is married and his wife is currently in another country would you consider the following actions cheating if he were doing them with another woman: hugging like a couple gazing into each other eyes Passionate tongue kissing Kissing and sucking a woman's breasts hanging out and visiting/talking dirty instant messaging I've heard that some guys think that because there is no PIV sex, then that means they aren't cheating. I don't agree. What do you all think?
NervisPervis Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 All of them yes. The visiting definitely if the spouse doesn't know about it.
stevie_23 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 If a man is married and his wife is currently in another country would you consider the following actions cheating if he were doing them with another woman: hugging like a couple gazing into each other eyes Passionate tongue kissing Kissing and sucking a woman's breasts hanging out and visiting/talking dirty instant messaging I agree with previous posters who feel that it's all about what your definition of cheating is within the relationship you are in. You and your partner can have differing opinions about it, but as a COUPLE, you have to decide collectively what you both feel is cheating. In my personal, individual opinion, hugging "like a couple" is not cheating. I hug my best friend in what could be construed as a "couple"-type hug, and we are CERTAINLY not together or interested in each other in that way. Gazing into each other's eyes? This means nothing unless one or both of the people want to do MORE than that and are imagining it and wishing for it to happen. Passionate tongue kissing and breast action? Definite cheating in my book. Hanging out and visiting / talking? This is again "just friends" stuff for me. Dirty instant messaging to me is cheating.
kamani Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 OH, God, all you listed are definitely cheating and only the sexual intercouse is missing there! Please don't try to deceive yourself, even if you are still in love with him.
TaraMaiden Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 If a man is married and his wife is currently in another country would you consider the following actions cheating if he were doing them with another woman: hugging like a couple gazing into each other eyes Passionate tongue kissing Kissing and sucking a woman's breasts hanging out and visiting/talking dirty instant messaging I've heard that some guys think that because there is no PIV sex, then that means they aren't cheating. I don't agree. What do you all think? Which of those would you do to another woman, if your wife was standing next to you? Exactly. There's your answer. 2
jwi71 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 I've heard that some guys think that because there is no PIV sex, then that means they aren't cheating. I don't agree. What do you all think? I think you should ask those men to do such in front of their wives and GF's. See what happens...(hint: nothing) ...and there's your answer.
TigerCub Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Cheating is gonna be anything you can't tell your SO about. 1
CarboniteCammy Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Well for me, I'm a jealous a$$ so I'd be pi$$ed if my husband did that. He would be likewise angry if I participated in those types of extra marrital activities. But, I have had friends in an open marriage and to them that probably would be no big deal. I'd say it depends on the couple.
TigerCub Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Well for me, I'm a jealous a$$ so I'd be pi$$ed if my husband did that. He would be likewise angry if I participated in those types of extra marrital activities. But, I have had friends in an open marriage and to them that probably would be no big deal. I'd say it depends on the couple. Because it's an open marriage, both people are on the same page about what is allowed and no one is hiding anything - that's the difference.
carhill Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 -hugging like a couple -gazing into each other eyes -hanging out and visiting/talking These three could be ambiguous. The litmus test would be performance in front of the relevant partner/spouse. If OK with them, OK. The rest, if done deceptively, are 'cheating', IMO. In any event, inappropriate for most spouses/partners who aren't in open marriages/relationships.
Nyla Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 If a man is married and his wife is currently in another country would you consider the following actions cheating if he were doing them with another woman: hugging like a couple gazing into each other eyes Passionate tongue kissing Kissing and sucking a woman's breasts hanging out and visiting/talking dirty instant messaging I've heard that some guys think that because there is no PIV sex, then that means they aren't cheating. I don't agree. What do you all think? Sometimes people rationalize their actions to make themselves feel better. I'm sure these men wouldn't want their wives giving passionate kisses to others. All of these actions are considered cheating by both my husband and I.
CarboniteCammy Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Yeah, for sure those are the things you need to discuss before you get married.
Thegameoflife Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 My suggestion "gender: prefer not to say" would be to decide for yourself. We make our own rules in relationships. Most people decide their rules based on limiting negative emotions as a result of their insecurities. Then you just have to make up sort of twisted reasoning to make the rule stick, and you're in business. You know, model it after our poorly functioning legal systems.
JamesM Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Which of those would you do to another woman, if your wife was standing next to you? Exactly. There's your answer. I think you should ask those men to do such in front of their wives and GF's. See what happens...(hint: nothing) ...and there's your answer. Cheating is gonna be anything you can't tell your SO about. And I could say the same thing over again. If a guy can't ask his spouse or gf this question, then it should tell him what the answer is. The question should be asked to the partner, " What do you consider cheating?" The answer should be his or her guideline and definition of cheating.
pteromom Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 I've heard that some guys think that because there is no PIV sex, then that means they aren't cheating. I don't agree. What do you all think? I like Dr. Phil's definition of cheating. It's cheating if: - You are turning outside the relationship to meet needs that should be met inside the relationship and - You wouldn't do it if your spouse was there with you. So yes, the things you noted may or may not be cheating depending on the "rules" of the relationship. Some people have open relationships. Some people have NO issue with talking dirty to other people online. Depends on the two people involved. 1
Author wanttoplay Posted February 16, 2013 Author Posted February 16, 2013 Thanks for all your input!
Realist3 Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 If a man is married and his wife is currently in another country would you consider the following actions cheating if he were doing them with another woman: hugging like a couple gazing into each other eyes Passionate tongue kissing Kissing and sucking a woman's breasts hanging out and visiting/talking dirty instant messaging I've heard that some guys think that because there is no PIV sex, then that means they aren't cheating. I don't agree. What do you all think? Pretty much cheating.
KathyM Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Of course it's cheating. Any romantic overatures to someone other than your partner can be considered cheating. When people decide to be exclusive, they expect and promise their partner not to engage in romantic interest with other people. Any gestures, whether it be talking or actions, which demonstrate a romantic interest in someone else can be considered cheating.
MissBee Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 I think cheating is whatever you decide AS A COUPLE counts as cheating. I'm a firm believer that if you feel the need to lie about it, or hide it, it's probably cheating. Some people think porn is cheating, some don't. Some think interactive porn is cheating, some don't. Some thing online is cheating, some dont. Frankly I'd never do any of those things with someone other than the person I'm commited to, except the hanging out and visiting/talking, but only if I was completely comfortable sharing that I was going to do so, and if I'd be just as happy to have that visit (or happier) if my partner wanted and was able to do so with me. Ie; I go to lunch with an old friend from college (of the opposite sex) to catch up. If I'd want my partner to come with me if he could and would actually prefer it and he just didn't becasue of schedules or something I don't consider that cheating. Especially if I told him I was going, came home and told him all about it. Men and women CAN be friends, provided they aren't trying to keep it a secret. The rest of the things you listed are cheating in my book. I completely agree. If you get into the realm of lying, hiding, sneaking, downplaying, misrepresenting and omitting...it is probably cheating/unscrupulous. IMO: any kind of sexual contact (yes sucking breasts, kissing, fondling are all sexual even if the act is not consummated by penetration) with someone who isn't your spouse or emotional/romantic contact, that you have to hide from your spouse, is cheating and you probably shouldn't be doing it. You should also ask yourself about how you'd feel if they were doing it and if you immediately feel angry/upset/jealous...then you should probably refrain from engaging in those activities yourself.
MissBee Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 I like Dr. Phil's definition of cheating. It's cheating if: - You are turning outside the relationship to meet needs that should be met inside the relationship and - You wouldn't do it if your spouse was there with you. So yes, the things you noted may or may not be cheating depending on the "rules" of the relationship. Some people have open relationships. Some people have NO issue with talking dirty to other people online. Depends on the two people involved. Those are good definitions! As they really also make it clear that non-sexual contact is cheating and opens the door for physical straying as well.
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