lovinbb Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Hey everyone, happy valentines!! Its been so long since i last posted on this forum but im again needing some advice... So the guy im posting about, ive posted about before. We've been 'friends' for quite some time, we always keep in contact (while its not every day or week he does make an effort to check in and say hey) but besides skype or facetime we havnt seen each other in person for a long time. We've had chances to but im either overseas, busy or just cant meet up. We bumped into each other just last weekend, he saw me walking to my car and pulled over to stop me and say hey. With the niceties out of the way, i told him as i do with friends i havnt seen in so long that ive missed him and he said the same, i was a bit embarrassed seeing as i didnt have any make up on but he said it didnt matter i still looked good, told me im looking fit and great these days and couldnt believe that it was me in the photos i sent him. (we always flirt with each other, engage in some subtle sexting, he sends photos and i have admittedly sent one that was sexy and tasteful, i was covered in the right places and no my face was not in the photo) and he was turned on by it, called me and said that we should seriously get together, that we owe it to each other. We have hooked up before, but it didnt go as well as i pictured it.. he came way too fast and got embarrassed and has been embarrassed since. There has always been attraction between us and he did ask me to be his gf back then but i rejected him. when i did he suggested we at least try and be friends with benefits, at that time, i also said no and rejected the idea, let him down gently. We lost touch for awhile but got back in touch again and we are in touch until now. So all in all we've known each other for at least 8 years. Ive been a friend and have always been there if he needed me, he has come to me for advice when he breaks up with his on and off gf. Anyways, after we saw each other last weekend as i mentioned above, he sent me a message straightafter saying that if he was single he wouldve taken me home. That its sooo bad of him to think it but that i looked great and for me to keep in touch. and that it was good seeing me again. About 3 days after bumping into each other, a serious lapse in judgment led me to send a risque text with a photo that again was tasteful, it didnt show anything, just suggestive. Completely didnt expect the kind of reply he sent because he didnt react this way the first time around.... he said: hey im sorry to say this but i cant keep doing this, its really wrong and i have to try and make my relationship work im sorry i died of humiliation, still am. i dont know why i didnt listen to my instincts that was saying i shouldnt send it but the idiot that i am did. i havnt replied and dont plan to but im just a little confused, embarassed... he has said something like this back then after he was the one who made a move and showed interest but a few weeks later he messaged/called to apologise and what not and we ended up friends again. What's going on? is his message a goodbye kind of text or just him saying we cant do the flirting thing? should i message him? or do i wait until he does again? do you guys think i'll hear from him again? Im sorry i know its long but any input would help
Cutiepie1976 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 (edited) Welcome back:) What are you hoping for? I'm confused. You shot him down when he asked you to be his GF. Ditto when he asked about being FWBs. He has a girlfriend now. What was your endgame when you sent the suggestive photo? ETA: Don't message him again. The ball is in his court. Edited February 14, 2013 by Cutiepie1976
Author lovinbb Posted February 14, 2013 Author Posted February 14, 2013 Thanks Cutiepie1976, glad to be back Sorry i should've been a little clearer, he asked me out years back.. so there's history between us. We lost touch for about 3 years i think and got back in contact again and have been in contact since. We hooked up about 3 times in total since getting back in touch, after that little incident where he came way too fast, he has always been very upfront about his interest at least in the sexual sense but i guess havnt gotten past that whole thing. I asked him about the GF when we bumped into each other a few days ago and he wasnt exactly enthusiastic about it, just said yh you know working things out and changed the subject.. I guess my end game... i want him, i sent it to get him thinking about me. I mean i know we're still extremely attracted to each other and it wasnt that long ago since i last sent the first photo (which he reacted to differently compared to this last photo message). Just a few days before we bumped into each other he sent me a msg, showing that he was thinking about me and things went so well when we saw each other and straight after that. But then 3 days later when i sent that message he replies with that.. You say the ball is in his court... i still dont get what his message is saying, is it a 'we cant talk anymore, goodbye kind of thing' or just that we cant do the whole flirting thing? Do you guys think i will hear from him again? i mean this has happened before and he always comes back, im just really embarrassed. i cant take the photo back or what i sent. im just literally dying of embarrassment
Author lovinbb Posted February 14, 2013 Author Posted February 14, 2013 Thanks MJWasHere, I really appreciate your input I was wanting to message back but decided against it, because i know id dwell over it till i hear back from him which is ridiculous seeing as that's what im doing right now. Is it stupid that im hoping he'd at least message me again, i mean we do flirt alot with each other but we are friends. If i dont message though, how would that come across? It's so frustrating, i always pretend that im ok and its ok for him to message me when things arent going well with his gf not realising that it gets to me hearing about it, but whatever, i act like a friend would and even give him advice. Why is it ok for him to send me suggestive messages while his with his gf and then he gets to say this? i guess im the stupid one for not saying its not ok? Am i right to assume that i wont hear back until things go wrong with his relationship?
Fleur de Lis Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 It could also be that his gf saw the pic and that triggered major tension in their relationship. If they have been on again and off again for some time, perhaps he felt the need to end it with you to salvage things with her.
Author lovinbb Posted February 14, 2013 Author Posted February 14, 2013 Fleur de Lis- that did cross my mind. That she may have seen the message... i understand we need to stop the flirting but that doesnt mean we need to stop talking all together right? i mean, did you take his message as 'ending' things? Barnacle-Bob- i just died a little when he said that. Im thinking he probably hated it and thinks so bad of me even though he reciprocated before that. So it was a bit of a hit to my ego. Am i holding false hope, thinking he'll eventually get back in touch? this has happened before and he's always just there, comes back and what not
RebelWithoutACause Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 i dont know why i didnt listen to my instincts You don't need to listen to your instincts, you just need a shred of common sense to know it's not a good idea to send sexy pics to guys with girlfriends. No way this was ever gonna end pretty. Maybe he's leading you on with his flirtiness, I don't know. Just leave him alone for now. Don't contact him. And don't worry, he'll be back when he's done with this gf. I'm guessing that's what you want. 3
Author lovinbb Posted February 15, 2013 Author Posted February 15, 2013 You don't need to listen to your instincts, you just need a shred of common sense to know it's not a good idea to send sexy pics to guys with girlfriends. No way this was ever gonna end pretty. Maybe he's leading you on with his flirtiness, I don't know. Just leave him alone for now. Don't contact him. And don't worry, he'll be back when he's done with this gf. I'm guessing that's what you want. you got me there lol The flirting was always initiated by him, id respond which admittedly is just as bad but i never initiated except the last 2 times. When we bumped into each other he was very flirty and this message he sent me was only 3 days after. I definately dont plan on contacting him but yes i do want to hear from him again. For reasons i cant even comprehend myself.. is wanting to win a good enough reason to want it so bad? I know this sounds incredibly horrible but that's how im feeling right now. Anyone ever been in the same situation? is it normal?
Janesays Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 Find a single man. What would you even do with this dope if you did manage to woo him away from his girlfriend? I'll tell you what....live in a constant state of fear that every time you hear his text notification ding, its some bimbo sending him a dirty pic for him to drool over. If he will cheat with you, he will cheat on you. 3
outsidethebox Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 Send what MJWasHere suggested. Right thing to do. After you send that, look at it from his gf's POV or if you were his gf. Would you want him to be exchanging flirty emails with an ex? Probably little reason for exchanging emails unless you have some news for him or something. 2
Author lovinbb Posted February 15, 2013 Author Posted February 15, 2013 Janesays- Thanks for the advice, you are so right i know it. I know he's not exactly boyfriend material but there's just something that makes me want him. I guess its the wanting something you cant have? Send what MJWasHere suggested. Right thing to do. After you send that, look at it from his gf's POV or if you were his gf. Would you want him to be exchanging flirty emails with an ex? Probably little reason for exchanging emails unless you have some news for him or something. i would send what MJWasHere suggested but im thinking its a little too late to even contemplate sending a reply. That message he sent was 3 days ago, so wouldnt it be a bit weird for me to send that now? I totally understand how id be feeling if i was his gf, wouldnt be happy at all. In fact id be what Janesays describe. This has happened before and he always comes back and it hurts but for some reason i cant bring myself to tell him that i cant do it anymore and pretend we can be friends. I get over it after a few weeks but it just gets replayed all over again when he gets back in contact. He doesnt just contact me after they break up, he stays in contact while they're still 'working things out'. Im so stupid i know, but i cant seem to pull away, just feeling like its better to be 'friends' or 'in contact' rather than not at all. i dont know why im like this though seeing as i have a guy who's decent, treats me right, respects and loves me but i find myself still looking for something more? am i just bored? or? im sooooo confused
outsidethebox Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 Sending that text just like it's worded is fine a few days later. It says you understand and ends with you wishing him the best. It's way better than just leaving a we can't do this anymore dangling. Just acknowledge it to be on good terms with him, otherwise he doesn't know how hurt you might be. And yeah, you're definitely bored and generating some excitement.
Author lovinbb Posted February 15, 2013 Author Posted February 15, 2013 Sending that text just like it's worded is fine a few days later. It says you understand and ends with you wishing him the best. It's way better than just leaving a we can't do this anymore dangling. Just acknowledge it to be on good terms with him, otherwise he doesn't know how hurt you might be. And yeah, you're definitely bored and generating some excitement. Thank you so much outsidethebox, i really do appreciate it. It seriously helps coming here and just letting it all out and no one judges you Ok you're right, ill send that message but i thought not replying at all would have the effect of me being hurt? How would you see it as a guy if you sent that and the girl didnt respond? Would there be a better chance of us being 'ok' if i send it rather than not?
outsidethebox Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 better, actually only major chabce of being ok is if you send it as worded. Not responding is essentially being mad or hurt or embarassed or whatever, the sender has no way of knowing. The message was hard for him to send too. He had to do the right thing by his gf and tell you that we can't do this anymore. Not pleasant, especially when he enjoyed so many years of it with you. And you have to move on and let him have that relationship and if it doesn't work out you will probably be first person he lets know. Until then have your own fun. Although we will not be happy if you don't share the details with us.
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