na49 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 It's been 4 months. I've been NC for 3 months. I was thrown away like yesterday's trash, cheated on, and left with a lot of questions. I've been thrown what I think is breadcrumbs and she told me things like she missed me and wanted to talk to me. She also appears very happy with her life without me although I haven't snooped on her facebook in a very long time so I don't know for a fact. Well tell me what I need to hear. Why shouldn't I contact her right now and try to express my feelings to her? I never "really tried to get her back". I was more content on not losing her from my life until I realized the pain it caused me to have her but not have her. Having a rough go of things, especially as it gets closer to Valentine's Day. A lot of thoughts on "what could have been" if we were still together and what we would do together.
Toddbt12y1 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 (edited) Aren't you a man? Answer me! It is time, as a man, you put this in it's proper place. How...long will you let her rule your emotions?....Maybe until you become bitter and enraged at the world; maybe you will lashout at those you love...maybe then you will open your eyes and see the truth....Much like me... You are a man. Focus on yourself, as a man. Part of learning to be a proper man, is learning to restrain and control your emotions: it is adulthood. You know who makes you feel like crap..... do you know?.... It is you, friend. Contacting a person who is happy without you, is meaningless. Nothing else to add, just meaningless. It shows the scared boy in you. It shows the incapable man, unable to move on...Granted, it hasn't been all too long for you, now has it? I ask you a question, do answer: Is your happiness dependant on another person?......Should it be? Your happiness is dependant on her...you bleed - hoping she will somehow be sad, or miss you: Reality is, she couldn't care. Chain these emotions like a man, an adult. Is it hard? Unbelievably! Will you fail? Absolutely. Yet, you pick yourself up...no?..................... .... Your happiness is depedant on one person: You. You shouldn't be happy, because of someone else. You shouldn't be sad, because of mean people. You shouldn't see yourself as anything less. But you do...Instead, rise above it. See yourself as happy, and able to live without her...To find yourself, and your happiness! Then what? Some other lady comes in...and you have yourself, maybe, an experience you haven't yet had? Love returned...Not just love given. Tomorrow is my exes bday....I am not gonna worry about her. Sure, I could think of her screwing some guy, giving her a gift; I can remember what she did to mine...But I won't. I simply won't. That memory will comeup, and I will toss it away, just as she did to me. No feelings at all. I am not trying to be mean to you...In fact, I feel for you. I just want you to realize, that you need to start forcing your willpower upon your wild, free emotions; to rein them in, and to not hurt. There is no other way. We, or anyone else, you included, can tell yourself ten-thousand thousand times over, words, and words... they will not do you a single bit of good, until you realize the art of chaining up your emotions like a man. Put them into proper prospects. In order to do this, you have to force yourself...it isn't easy. In the end....do not talk to her. If she was happy without you; happy to cheat on you. What good will a few more words do..?? But break you down and show her what a weak little boy you are... You are a smart guy, be that smart guy. You are better than this. You are young: you're not old; you have a life to live for yourself; growth to experience for yourself. Many women, or maybe that next one; and you can find a love returned is better than a love given... Edited February 14, 2013 by Toddbt12y1 11
hudson701 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Prozac, it works. It's obliterating all thoughts of my ex, I'm astounded at the power of this drug. It lifts your mood to such a level that it makes you forget about your ex. I am drooling at the prospect of every weekend now as I'm pulling girls left, right and centre as my confidence has come shooting back. It's ****ing phenomenal! I have been following your posts with interest for the past few months- especially over Christmas when I was in the deepest depths of clinical depression and giving serious thought to suicide. My ex cut me from her life in the most brutal fashion over the holidays and it destroyed me. I seeked professional help and things are beginning to turn for me now, I feel radiant and confident again which women love. Last Saturday I had 6 numbers, a date tonight and I'll be back out this Saturday for more! I can't wait. Seriously, get professional help- counselling, pharmaceuticals etc whatever you need to get you through. You can make it. There's nothing like getting one girl to take your mind completely off the other.
thekarmacist Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 as member 'survivor' pointed out yesterday, what about valentine's day makes her any more gone than she is right now? she cheated. why do you want that back? this is about ego, and not about love.
GG3 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 How did you know she cheated? Cheating is the worst thing a person can do to you. Good riddens to her!!
GG3 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 By the way, Valentine's day is OVERRATED. Have you ever had a crappy one? One of the worst ones I had was with a boyfriend I had that loved being mean to me. We agreed we would stay in, he asked that I cook a particular meal. I bought him small chocolates and a small gift. He bought me nothing. While I cooked, he sat in the other room watching Nascar, getting drunk and scratching his b@lls. After eating, I asked, "Aren't we going to have s*x?" And he said, "I'm good." He did it all just to be mean and he hated giving gifts. I would have been happy with some flowers from the grocery store but no. Ever since...Valentine's day is not a big deal if you are not with someone truly special that cares about you. Because if he were here (and he still contacts me wishing I would get back with him), it wouldn't be any fun anyway. Buy yourself some chocolates and a drink and just tell yourself maybe next year you will be with someone worth it. 1
AlexfromBoston Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 It's been 4 months. I've been NC for 3 months. I was thrown away like yesterday's trash, cheated on, and left with a lot of questions. I've been thrown what I think is breadcrumbs and she told me things like she missed me and wanted to talk to me. She also appears very happy with her life without me although I haven't snooped on her facebook in a very long time so I don't know for a fact. Well tell me what I need to hear. Why shouldn't I contact her right now and try to express my feelings to her? I never "really tried to get her back". I was more content on not losing her from my life until I realized the pain it caused me to have her but not have her. Having a rough go of things, especially as it gets closer to Valentine's Day. A lot of thoughts on "what could have been" if we were still together and what we would do together. Ideally, in a perfect world, you would lead her on, have sex with her and kick her out of your place like yesterdays trash. But seeing as you are too emotionally attached, I would just ignore her.
Derpderpleton Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Aren't you a man? Answer me! It is time, as a man, you put this in it's proper place. How...long will you let her rule your emotions?....Maybe until you become bitter and enraged at the world; maybe you will lashout at those you love...maybe then you will open your eyes and see the truth....Much like me... You are a man. Focus on yourself, as a man. Part of learning to be a proper man, is learning to restrain and control your emotions: it is adulthood. You know who makes you feel like crap..... do you know?.... It is you, friend. Contacting a person who is happy without you, is meaningless. Nothing else to add, just meaningless. It shows the scared boy in you. It shows the incapable man, unable to move on...Granted, it hasn't been all too long for you, now has it? I ask you a question, do answer: Is your happiness dependant on another person?......Should it be? Your happiness is dependant on her...you bleed - hoping she will somehow be sad, or miss you: Reality is, she couldn't care. Chain these emotions like a man, an adult. Is it hard? Unbelievably! Will you fail? Absolutely. Yet, you pick yourself up...no?..................... .... Your happiness is depedant on one person: You. You shouldn't be happy, because of someone else. You shouldn't be sad, because of mean people. You shouldn't see yourself as anything less. But you do...Instead, rise above it. See yourself as happy, and able to live without her...To find yourself, and your happiness! Then what? Some other lady comes in...and you have yourself, maybe, an experience you haven't yet had? Love returned...Not just love given. Tomorrow is my exes bday....I am not gonna worry about her. Sure, I could think of her screwing some guy, giving her a gift; I can remember what she did to mine...But I won't. I simply won't. That memory will comeup, and I will toss it away, just as she did to me. No feelings at all. I am not trying to be mean to you...In fact, I feel for you. I just want you to realize, that you need to start forcing your willpower upon your wild, free emotions; to rein them in, and to not hurt. There is no other way. We, or anyone else, you included, can tell yourself ten-thousand thousand times over, words, and words... they will not do you a single bit of good, until you realize the art of chaining up your emotions like a man. Put them into proper prospects. In order to do this, you have to force yourself...it isn't easy. In the end....do not talk to her. If she was happy without you; happy to cheat on you. What good will a few more words do..?? But break you down and show her what a weak little boy you are... You are a smart guy, be that smart guy. You are better than this. You are young: you're not old; you have a life to live for yourself; growth to experience for yourself. Many women, or maybe that next one; and you can find a love returned is better than a love given... I had to log in just so I could like this. Thanks for this. Spot f*cking on. 1
McDonald Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Aren't you a man? Answer me! It is time, as a man, you put this in it's proper place. How...long will you let her rule your emotions?....Maybe until you become bitter and enraged at the world; maybe you will lashout at those you love...maybe then you will open your eyes and see the truth....Much like me... You are a man. Focus on yourself, as a man. Part of learning to be a proper man, is learning to restrain and control your emotions: it is adulthood. You know who makes you feel like crap..... do you know?.... It is you, friend. Contacting a person who is happy without you, is meaningless. Nothing else to add, just meaningless. It shows the scared boy in you. It shows the incapable man, unable to move on...Granted, it hasn't been all too long for you, now has it? I ask you a question, do answer: Is your happiness dependant on another person?......Should it be? Your happiness is dependant on her...you bleed - hoping she will somehow be sad, or miss you: Reality is, she couldn't care. Chain these emotions like a man, an adult. Is it hard? Unbelievably! Will you fail? Absolutely. Yet, you pick yourself up...no?..................... .... Your happiness is depedant on one person: You. You shouldn't be happy, because of someone else. You shouldn't be sad, because of mean people. You shouldn't see yourself as anything less. But you do...Instead, rise above it. See yourself as happy, and able to live without her...To find yourself, and your happiness! Then what? Some other lady comes in...and you have yourself, maybe, an experience you haven't yet had? Love returned...Not just love given. Tomorrow is my exes bday....I am not gonna worry about her. Sure, I could think of her screwing some guy, giving her a gift; I can remember what she did to mine...But I won't. I simply won't. That memory will comeup, and I will toss it away, just as she did to me. No feelings at all. I am not trying to be mean to you...In fact, I feel for you. I just want you to realize, that you need to start forcing your willpower upon your wild, free emotions; to rein them in, and to not hurt. There is no other way. We, or anyone else, you included, can tell yourself ten-thousand thousand times over, words, and words... they will not do you a single bit of good, until you realize the art of chaining up your emotions like a man. Put them into proper prospects. In order to do this, you have to force yourself...it isn't easy. In the end....do not talk to her. If she was happy without you; happy to cheat on you. What good will a few more words do..?? But break you down and show her what a weak little boy you are... You are a smart guy, be that smart guy. You are better than this. You are young: you're not old; you have a life to live for yourself; growth to experience for yourself. Many women, or maybe that next one; and you can find a love returned is better than a love given... This is amazing and what I have been looking for as well. I do not need my ex. She left me for someone else and I deserve better. I create my own happiness, I will not let one person end it. 2
Author na49 Posted February 14, 2013 Author Posted February 14, 2013 Aren't you a man? Answer me! It is time, as a man, you put this in it's proper place. How...long will you let her rule your emotions?....Maybe until you become bitter and enraged at the world; maybe you will lashout at those you love...maybe then you will open your eyes and see the truth....Much like me... You are a man. Focus on yourself, as a man. Part of learning to be a proper man, is learning to restrain and control your emotions: it is adulthood. You know who makes you feel like crap..... do you know?.... It is you, friend. Contacting a person who is happy without you, is meaningless. Nothing else to add, just meaningless. It shows the scared boy in you. It shows the incapable man, unable to move on...Granted, it hasn't been all too long for you, now has it? I ask you a question, do answer: Is your happiness dependant on another person?......Should it be? Your happiness is dependant on her...you bleed - hoping she will somehow be sad, or miss you: Reality is, she couldn't care. Chain these emotions like a man, an adult. Is it hard? Unbelievably! Will you fail? Absolutely. Yet, you pick yourself up...no?..................... .... Your happiness is depedant on one person: You. You shouldn't be happy, because of someone else. You shouldn't be sad, because of mean people. You shouldn't see yourself as anything less. But you do...Instead, rise above it. See yourself as happy, and able to live without her...To find yourself, and your happiness! Then what? Some other lady comes in...and you have yourself, maybe, an experience you haven't yet had? Love returned...Not just love given. Tomorrow is my exes bday....I am not gonna worry about her. Sure, I could think of her screwing some guy, giving her a gift; I can remember what she did to mine...But I won't. I simply won't. That memory will comeup, and I will toss it away, just as she did to me. No feelings at all. I am not trying to be mean to you...In fact, I feel for you. I just want you to realize, that you need to start forcing your willpower upon your wild, free emotions; to rein them in, and to not hurt. There is no other way. We, or anyone else, you included, can tell yourself ten-thousand thousand times over, words, and words... they will not do you a single bit of good, until you realize the art of chaining up your emotions like a man. Put them into proper prospects. In order to do this, you have to force yourself...it isn't easy. In the end....do not talk to her. If she was happy without you; happy to cheat on you. What good will a few more words do..?? But break you down and show her what a weak little boy you are... You are a smart guy, be that smart guy. You are better than this. You are young: you're not old; you have a life to live for yourself; growth to experience for yourself. Many women, or maybe that next one; and you can find a love returned is better than a love given... This is actually the perfect post for me to read this morning. Everything you said was spot on. I really do need to man up, I know I need to man up and I have times where I feel like I have. Then I have times when I feel like I did when I made this thread. Today might suck but it doesn't have to. My ex shouldn't have any control over my emotions. if she knew she did, she'd laugh at me for being so pathetic. Also you weren't being mean. You were being honest. I don't want anyone to sugarcoat advice they give me because it won't help. I need to hear it exactly how it is. 2
GraceisGone Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 You'll get through it man. You and I both know that contacting her (especially at this point when you have made so much progress) would be a terrible idea. I haven't been around here as much lately, partly because I've been busy and partly because I have been feeling much better. The few times I have been on, I haven't seen you posting as much, which hopefully means your ex has been on your mind a lot less. Sure, I have my down moments where I think nothing will ever be right for me again, but I get past them. One of the things I have done to try and get back to feeling myself again is to focus on the many positive things in my life. Sure, my life isn't perfect, but I try to find something positive in my life each and every day and focus on that. I know you've probably heard it before, but if you start having a better attitude, good things will start to happen in your life. I'm not talking about just dating either, that will come in time (and when your ready). Getting yourself back to a point where you are happy with YOU is the first step, and girls will find your confident attitude attractive. We've all been through it man, I know me and you have a very similar story, and you will get beyond it. Yeah, I would love to know what it would be like if me and my ex were still together, but you know what, we aren't, so there is no point in pinning over the past. Focus on the things you can control and just do your best to not worry about the things you can't control (particularly with relationships) and things will fall into place. 1
Author na49 Posted February 14, 2013 Author Posted February 14, 2013 Surprisingly didn't feel miserable at all today (I've still got the rest of the day to go) I walked around feeling good today. Laughed a little louder, had my chin up, I was in my own little world at the gym, just me and my music. I know I'll get through this. Everyone deals with stuff like this. Relationships end. People get cheated on. My case is no different than anyone else's, she won't come running back to me apologizing, because most people's exes don't come running back apologizing. I haven't been posting here as much. I feel like posting here too much can make me feel down. Reading about other people talking to their exes makes me want to contact mine. I have to realize that my ex is gone. been gone. and won't be back. Plus, I don't love her the way she is now. I see two versions of her in my head. The innocent, loving girl who I was with. and the "bad girl", cold evil witch who is stinking up my college campus right now with her sh*t attitude. 1
Toddbt12y1 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 LOL she should close her legs and your college campus might smell better....jokes aside, well said. I am happy for you. Life is in your hands, be a success. 1
Gingerxr2 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Aren't you a man? Answer me! It is time, as a man, you put this in it's proper place. How...long will you let her rule your emotions?....Maybe until you become bitter and enraged at the world; maybe you will lashout at those you love...maybe then you will open your eyes and see the truth....Much like me... You are a man. Focus on yourself, as a man. Part of learning to be a proper man, is learning to restrain and control your emotions: it is adulthood. You know who makes you feel like crap..... do you know?.... It is you, friend. Contacting a person who is happy without you, is meaningless. Nothing else to add, just meaningless. It shows the scared boy in you. It shows the incapable man, unable to move on...Granted, it hasn't been all too long for you, now has it? I ask you a question, do answer: Is your happiness dependant on another person?......Should it be? Your happiness is dependant on her...you bleed - hoping she will somehow be sad, or miss you: Reality is, she couldn't care. Chain these emotions like a man, an adult. Is it hard? Unbelievably! Will you fail? Absolutely. Yet, you pick yourself up...no?..................... .... Your happiness is depedant on one person: You. You shouldn't be happy, because of someone else. You shouldn't be sad, because of mean people. You shouldn't see yourself as anything less. But you do...Instead, rise above it. See yourself as happy, and able to live without her...To find yourself, and your happiness! Then what? Some other lady comes in...and you have yourself, maybe, an experience you haven't yet had? Love returned...Not just love given. Tomorrow is my exes bday....I am not gonna worry about her. Sure, I could think of her screwing some guy, giving her a gift; I can remember what she did to mine...But I won't. I simply won't. That memory will comeup, and I will toss it away, just as she did to me. No feelings at all. I am not trying to be mean to you...In fact, I feel for you. I just want you to realize, that you need to start forcing your willpower upon your wild, free emotions; to rein them in, and to not hurt. There is no other way. We, or anyone else, you included, can tell yourself ten-thousand thousand times over, words, and words... they will not do you a single bit of good, until you realize the art of chaining up your emotions like a man. Put them into proper prospects. In order to do this, you have to force yourself...it isn't easy. In the end....do not talk to her. If she was happy without you; happy to cheat on you. What good will a few more words do..?? But break you down and show her what a weak little boy you are... You are a smart guy, be that smart guy. You are better than this. You are young: you're not old; you have a life to live for yourself; growth to experience for yourself. Many women, or maybe that next one; and you can find a love returned is better than a love given... Brother ! This is genius !!!!!!!
Toddbt12y1 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Brother ! This is genius !!!!!!! Oh. Ty! Thank you everyone for the kind compliments...didn't wanna say anything at first...felt it would come off as less than humble/proper...hope it helps many people.
Author na49 Posted February 14, 2013 Author Posted February 14, 2013 I'll definitely be trying. I hope that I can keep this attitude for a significant amount of time. I love feeling the way I feel right now. Then something sets me off and I get into this terrible funk where I want her and only her. I feel like the BU was all my fault and that she wouldn't have cheated on me if I was better. I feel like I have to apologize for whatever it is that I did wrong. I know how crazy that is. I need to find more ways to keep a positive attitude.
creighton0123 Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 I'll definitely be trying. I hope that I can keep this attitude for a significant amount of time. I love feeling the way I feel right now. Then something sets me off and I get into this terrible funk where I want her and only her. I feel like the BU was all my fault and that she wouldn't have cheated on me if I was better. I feel like I have to apologize for whatever it is that I did wrong. I know how crazy that is. I need to find more ways to keep a positive attitude. Then figure out a way to change your attitude so that you realize you don't need her. You don't need to apologize. You need to reevaluate. Your relationship with your ex didn't end in failure. It ended successfully, with you taking valuable lessons into future relationships so you don't repeat the same mistakes OR so you find someone who will better appreciate what you have to offer, not for what she wants you to offer.
Author na49 Posted February 16, 2013 Author Posted February 16, 2013 Can someone snap me out of this? Why do I want to try being her friend? Not really her friend but just an acquaintance. I wouldn't want to hang out with her, or even text her a lot. Just kind of on speaking terms. I think part of me is hoping that if I did this, she'd want to give us another try which is all I want because I feel so lonely right now. I am definitely more indifferent towards her than I was when we first broke up. I'm not ready to handle the idea of her dating someone else and hearing about them though. I also have no idea if she'd even want to be my friend or if she hates me. Meh
denxnis Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 Can someone snap me out of this? Why do I want to try being her friend? Not really her friend but just an acquaintance. I wouldn't want to hang out with her, or even text her a lot. Just kind of on speaking terms. I think part of me is hoping that if I did this, she'd want to give us another try which is all I want because I feel so lonely right now. I am definitely more indifferent towards her than I was when we first broke up. I'm not ready to handle the idea of her dating someone else and hearing about them though. I also have no idea if she'd even want to be my friend or if she hates me. Meh I think you just cared about her. Getting back together with someone that cheated on you or left you for someone else is a recipe for disaster. There are literally 7 billion people on this planet and a very large percentage of them (which are woman) would kill to have a boyfriend who can provide and care for them. 1
Author na49 Posted February 16, 2013 Author Posted February 16, 2013 You're right. If I didn't matter to her then, why do I matter to her now? I don't. So friendship between us wouldn't work. I'm sure there are 7 billion other girls out there who would love a boyfriend that could care for them. I just want to find one that I'm into who will make me forget my ex ever existed. My shy nature and low self esteem keeps me from meeting new people right now and it sucks..
denxnis Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 My shy nature and low self esteem keeps me from meeting new people right now and it sucks.. Gym will help with self-esteem. As for being shy you need to start off slowly. First say high to strangers you think are somewhat attractive. Then slowly work your way up to complimenting random strangers, maybe say "cool shirt", little things like that. Eventually you will get better and better at it and ask someone out.
Author na49 Posted February 16, 2013 Author Posted February 16, 2013 Gym will help with self-esteem. As for being shy you need to start off slowly. First say high to strangers you think are somewhat attractive. Then slowly work your way up to complimenting random strangers, maybe say "cool shirt", little things like that. Eventually you will get better and better at it and ask someone out. Complimenting people on their shirt or whatever seems like a good conversation starter. If I'm comfortable and get a conversation going, I can keep it going for a while. I don't really take myself too seriously and like to joke around. I'd like for there to be a time where I look so good that a girl actually makes the first move and starts flirting with me! wouldn't that be a concept?
fancy feast Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Looks like you walked back from the ledge already, but what you were planning to do wouldn't have worked. So, uh, great job!
McDonald Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Can someone snap me out of this? Why do I want to try being her friend? Not really her friend but just an acquaintance. I wouldn't want to hang out with her, or even text her a lot. Just kind of on speaking terms. I think part of me is hoping that if I did this, she'd want to give us another try which is all I want because I feel so lonely right now. I am definitely more indifferent towards her than I was when we first broke up. I'm not ready to handle the idea of her dating someone else and hearing about them though. I also have no idea if she'd even want to be my friend or if she hates me. Meh This is my first attempt at trying to help someone so if it doesn't make any sense... I'm sorry lol but this has somewhat helped me I know exactly how you feel. I too want to be friends with my ex, but why? At first I was telling myself "because she was the first person I met in college... We have grown so close... We were best friends before". Then I decided to figure out the real reason as to why I want to be her friends still. I've learned that you have to ask yourself why on a multitude of levels. For instance: Why do you want to be her friend?---- because she was my best friend before, we were so close Then ask a deeper level question: Why do you want to stay close?---- because I still have feelings for her, I still want to be with her. See you have to go deeper because our impulses overcome us to easily. Someways I am mad at her...I don't want her... Then all of the sudden I want to be her friend. At least In my case, she hurt me and left me for someone else. Tried to tell me we cold be friends. Then told me we could never talk again. Then once I finally moved on, she texts me three weeks after NC. I don't reply, but it set me back. It brought back my feelings. I felt like she reopened this door. I thought that we could actually be friends. Then when I see her on campus she ignores me. What does this all mean? It means that I have too many feelings still to be friends with her, and that's why I do want to be friends. Once I'm at the point where her ignoring me doesn't affect me at all, then I can maybe talk to her without sending me back. And when that time comes, the time we no longer care... We wont want to be friends anyway. I know it sucks, I want to be friends with my ex after saying all of this.... But why? Why do I? Ask yourself.
Author na49 Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 lol what you said makes perfect sense. I'd be lying if I said I didn't still have feelings for her. Why do I have feelings for her? She cheated on me! She used me for the last few weeks we were together, wasn't into me at all and was checked out and f*cking this guy on the side when I wasn't around. Up all night talking to this guy when I went to bed. Why do I want anything to do with this person? This person should be dead and gone to me and I should be more than happy to have her out of my life permanently. but I'm not. She was my best friend. My only friend in college. I thought I had finally found that one person and she was in the form of my girlfriend? It was too good to be true! I just wonder what it would be like if I was friends with her. What if I reached out to her right now and just asked to talk. What would she want to talk to me about? What would we talk about? Do I mean anything to her anymore? Does she hate me because I've blocked her number/on facebook? I definitely want to be friends because I want it to evolve into more. If it didn't I'd need to back off obviously. I just can't handle the thought of her with another guy, and if I even have to deal with it for a minute, it would be too long. That's why NC has been so helpful to me. Not knowing what goes on in her life sucks, but it's actually the best thing that can happen to me. I would have my heart broken again if I found out she wasn't the same innocent girl that I dated. I think she probably isn't the same innocent girl, it almost feels like I'm mourning the death of a loved one on top of everything else. The way she was is never how she'll be again. I guess I should have known. We both start college together, new people, new experiences. The opportunity to end up with a 24 year old rock star with money? or me? Some 18 year old clown who will never be able to give her the things or take her the places he could? I don't blame her honestly... F*ck and I was having a good day today too...
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