kandygurl22 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 So last month or so I wrote about my ex of one year who disappeared on me without so much as a hint. Well, yesterday I found out from a mutual friend that he's been dating the receptionist at his work - the girl who replaced me when I left that job when I'd met him. This has been going on since we were still together. This was going on a few months ago when I tried to end things while he was begging me to take him back before he disappeared a month later. He begged me to take him back while he was still seeing her. He was going back to her place on their lunch breaks to have sex, and then coming to see me after work claiming he was so swamped at work he didn't ever have time to text or call me at lunch because he "doesn't even have time to take lunch breaks". He was taking her home and picking her up to go to work functions. All the while knowing I was at home crying my heart out with anxiety every night wondering why he was never replying to my texts or had time to see me and then would come back with excuses about work being busy, being sick etc etc. HOW CAN YOU look someone in the eyes and tell them that you love them more than anything and you'd never hurt them... that he is "incapable of ever lying, he could never do that to someone" while this is all going on. The whole time too he told me he was separated, and I also find out he is still married. I have not broken NC, not once in the last month and a half, but today, I am going to get him back in my own way. Happy f**king Valentine's day.
pteromom Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Why get revenge at all? It IS a happy V-day for you, because you should be BEYOND THRILLED to have this loser out of your life. You should be doing happy dances right about now. Living well - the best revenge! 1
destroyed4sho Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Sorry that this happened to you. It's so hurtful when you find out that the person you trusted did not deserve your trust. You never really knew the person you loved. There is a silver lining here. At least finding this out NOW will speed you up into the indifference stage. This situation was out of your control. There is nothing you could have done better. The guy was a jerk and not serious about having a real relationship with ANYBODY. 1
Author kandygurl22 Posted February 15, 2013 Author Posted February 15, 2013 That's true... yeah it has helped me go from that excruciating wondering WTF happened stage to filling in all of the pieces, answering all of my unanswered questions - even if the news was devastating, now i KNOW it's not anything I did wrong, he's just the most terrible person i've ever met. I did call his wife. Not out of spite so much, but more that she needs to know if she's being led on. Now he will get what's coming to him after years of hurting so many people. And his poor wife gets a chance to find someone to treat her how she deserves to be treated. I feel so terrible for her. But I know I did the right thing.
stevie_23 Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 OH. MY. GOD. You know...all those things we talked about in that thread a month ago? I feel so STUPID now!! Saying he really did love you and just because he left didn't mean he hadn't loved you. WOWY. I am shocked to read this update now. I was going to say I'm so sorry for this, but instead I will now say you are SO LUCKY to be free and now you really can move on, with NO doubts in your mind about what was true in this situation. You loved him. I believe he "loved" you in a way until he found someone else to also "love" and then he didn't want to lose you because you were of some value to him, but he also wanted this other woman. Who he is still with. So...UNlucky for her, and LUCKY for you. AND you know it is all about HIM. He clearly just SUCKS as a person to be with in a relationship. Is greedy, selfish, a liar, etc. I feel bad for his wife. She too is unlucky, but if she can make a break and move on, she's got a chance at happiness. And Happy ValenSWINE'S Day to all! lol 1
Author kandygurl22 Posted February 15, 2013 Author Posted February 15, 2013 OH. MY. GOD. You know...all those things we talked about in that thread a month ago? I feel so STUPID now!! Saying he really did love you and just because he left didn't mean he hadn't loved you. WOWY. I am shocked to read this update now. I was going to say I'm so sorry for this, but instead I will now say you are SO LUCKY to be free and now you really can move on, with NO doubts in your mind about what was true in this situation. You loved him. I believe he "loved" you in a way until he found someone else to also "love" and then he didn't want to lose you because you were of some value to him, but he also wanted this other woman. Who he is still with. So...UNlucky for her, and LUCKY for you. AND you know it is all about HIM. He clearly just SUCKS as a person to be with in a relationship. Is greedy, selfish, a liar, etc. I feel bad for his wife. She too is unlucky, but if she can make a break and move on, she's got a chance at happiness. And Happy ValenSWINE'S Day to all! lol I know stevie, all this crap has blown my mind!!! I thought that the least I could take out of the relationship was the fact that I couldn't deny that there was real love there but far out, to find out it was all a huge game to him?? But you are so right, I do feel lucky, the universe really has been throwing signs in my face the last few weeks until all of this became known to me so randomly. Now I can move on for sure. I feel bad for his wife too, she seems like such a nice woman too and she wasn't even mean to me on the phone. Who knows if he's with his new gf because I called her too It's so surprising to me just how disgusting some people can be. You think you know someone, and you really don't.
stevie_23 Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 YAY! You called his new girlfriend too!?!? GOOD FOR YOU! *applause* lol I don't know if it was all a game to him or not, to be honest. He seems to have created some trouble for himself...even before you told anyone about anything that had been going on. Why create stress in his life by being married, cheating on his wife with not only one girl but TWO!? He must have some mental issues. Heheh. What a pity he's got to live with that, eh? And the fallout of his actions now too. OOOOPS. lol
Author kandygurl22 Posted February 15, 2013 Author Posted February 15, 2013 YAY! You called his new girlfriend too!?!? GOOD FOR YOU! *applause* lol I don't know if it was all a game to him or not, to be honest. He seems to have created some trouble for himself...even before you told anyone about anything that had been going on. Why create stress in his life by being married, cheating on his wife with not only one girl but TWO!? He must have some mental issues. Heheh. What a pity he's got to live with that, eh? And the fallout of his actions now too. OOOOPS. lol Haha *takes a bow* lol yeah i called. She didn't sound all too cut up about it though, she was like "we've been friends for a while but only got intimate the last few months" (explains him being distant and then disappearing on me) and she said she never really trusted him anyway. but then said she heard all she needed to hear and so I hung up. If she's stupid enough to stay then good luck to her. But the wife is swearing revenge. And that makes me happy to know he's gonna get what he deserves now. Yeah exactly, no mentally stable person would do that to themselves, and them stay for a year with me and omit so much personal information to me that he knew i could use against him and then have a second gf at a place i used to work at where he knows I have friends. like WTH?!?!?! Sigh, too bad I can't see the look on his face when he gets home from work tonight and gets confronted by his wife. lol
stevie_23 Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 Yeah...that is SO weird that he would have his other girlfriend at the place you used to work. It seems he is either a little "slow" (meaning STUPID) or he just got SO cocky and complacent about everything that he didn't even think that anything bad would result from it (bad for him, I mean). In terms of the gf, who knows what she'll do. She may just walk away or he may win her over by convincing her you meant nothing (which is not really the case or he wouldn't have been with you for a YEAR). I think he is incapable of true, REAL love. I think as much as he is capable, he did love you. But when it got too hard or unpleasant or his feelings for you faded, he moved on to that other girl. And he'll move on from her too eventually if she stays with him now. I heard from someone who has quite a bit of experience in affair relationships that some guys don't want 2 wives. If you became too much like another wife for him, he then wasn't happy anymore and so developed feelings for that new girl. You were his "2nd" wife and he already had a wife so...bye bye to you. Keep the wife because he has to, and then have his fun with the new girl for a while. In terms of his wife, be prepared for nothing to happen there. She may be very hurt, surprised, angry, intending to seek revenge or confront him or whatever, but...she may end up doing nothing. It's quite amazing to me the lengths people will go to maintain their stability and routine and the amount of justification they will give to the behaviour of someone they love.
Author kandygurl22 Posted February 15, 2013 Author Posted February 15, 2013 Yeah...that is SO weird that he would have his other girlfriend at the place you used to work. It seems he is either a little "slow" (meaning STUPID) or he just got SO cocky and complacent about everything that he didn't even think that anything bad would result from it (bad for him, I mean). In terms of the gf, who knows what she'll do. She may just walk away or he may win her over by convincing her you meant nothing (which is not really the case or he wouldn't have been with you for a YEAR). I think he is incapable of true, REAL love. I think as much as he is capable, he did love you. But when it got too hard or unpleasant or his feelings for you faded, he moved on to that other girl. And he'll move on from her too eventually if she stays with him now. I heard from someone who has quite a bit of experience in affair relationships that some guys don't want 2 wives. If you became too much like another wife for him, he then wasn't happy anymore and so developed feelings for that new girl. You were his "2nd" wife and he already had a wife so...bye bye to you. Keep the wife because he has to, and then have his fun with the new girl for a while. In terms of his wife, be prepared for nothing to happen there. She may be very hurt, surprised, angry, intending to seek revenge or confront him or whatever, but...she may end up doing nothing. It's quite amazing to me the lengths people will go to maintain their stability and routine and the amount of justification they will give to the behaviour of someone they love. yeah, i think he was stupid and thought i was probably too weak to ever do anything about it if i did find out. i'm sure he will lie to the gf and pretend that i never existed or i was just some crazy girl who was obsessed with him. but really it doesnt matter cause he'll do the same thing to her in a matter of time anyway. yeah you're so right about the 2 wives thing. things between me and him got way past the sex thing, it was emotional and by the end i dont think he could keep up the act as i was telling him "you can move out or i will move on" so i think when he realized he had no control over me anymore, he focused his attention on the new girl who he could control. ooh yeah i never thought about that.. that is true.. though i sent her all the texts and pictures.. somehow i dont see how anyone could stay with someone if they saw all that stuff.. i really hope she leaves him, it wouldn't only be best for her but it will destroy him.
stevie_23 Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 He does indeed seem to need to control things as much as possible. I think he was in love with you, again I say as much as he possibly could be given his personality flaws and selfishness, but once it got too "hard" because he couldn't (didn't want to) maintain TWO wife-like relationships, he got out of the one he didn't NEED for his overall stability. It seems it may be a GOOD thing for him too in the long run if his wife did leave him though, because he is clearly not able to be happily married to her if he MUST always have other women around at the same time.
Author kandygurl22 Posted February 15, 2013 Author Posted February 15, 2013 He does indeed seem to need to control things as much as possible. I think he was in love with you, again I say as much as he possibly could be given his personality flaws and selfishness, but once it got too "hard" because he couldn't (didn't want to) maintain TWO wife-like relationships, he got out of the one he didn't NEED for his overall stability. It seems it may be a GOOD thing for him too in the long run if his wife did leave him though, because he is clearly not able to be happily married to her if he MUST always have other women around at the same time. Yeah exactly, he was manipulative. He could have been, I dont know how people can fake that feeling you have when youre holding someone if none of it was real. but in the end yeah, who even cares now because he played me like an idiot. UGH!!! why are there people like this running around in the world!!!
stevie_23 Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 Because the world is over-populated and about 70% of those people SUCK! lol Nah, I do think he loved you. Someone like him wouldn't bother spending a year with a person he didn't actually have feelings for. (and you're right - it doesn't matter if he did or didn't now, but even so)
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