martw Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 So a little background on my situation: I started a relationship with my ex almost 2 years ago. It was great for a few months, but eventually things started to sour mostly due to the fact that I have a LOT of emotional baggage, and I thought I finally met someone who was capable of handling both sides of me. We were off and on, up until about late September when she broke it off and told me she didn't want to speak to me again, and meant it. I told her to block my number on her side, delete my texts, I didn't want to hurt her again. She even told me that she wished I never came into her life, which is something that hurts to hear from anyone. Shes the only person I've ever really "cared" for in my life, I can't really say that about my own parents growing up even, or my siblings. It was a hard thing to let her go but at the end of the day I figured that while I deserve to be happy, so does she. The last 4-5 months I've been working on bettering myself, and not really trying to get anyone involved in this trainwreck. Its been about 2 months of no contact up until last night, and the only contact we did have before then was incidental. Shes in a new relationship now, for a couple months. Woke me up last night crying on the phone, said she didnt wan't to talk, I tried to cheer her up as best as possible but its pretty hard to have a one way conversation. She ended up passing out and I hung up. Now my issue with this is this girl avoided all contact with me up until last night, she hates me, despises me. I've said and done a lot of things to make her feel that way, and while I understood us breaking part, I still offered to be in her life if she ever needed help and she refused. So why does she call me of all people crying last night? fyi: we haven't talked since last night. I don't plan on it. And I don't want to be in a relationship with her either, I don't want to see her hurt.
mutant Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Its no longer your business to figure out why she called you crying after this long, she's somebody else's problem NOT yours. It's cowardly that you had to request her to block your number instead of doing it from your end. Your ex is selfish to contact you in the middle of the night when she is feeling like ****. Don't allow yourself to be the emotional tampon. Go NC on her and for your sake block her on all lines of communication.
Bando89 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 You know, your story triggers a terrible interrogative: what should you do if the person you loved came back to you, even if she offende/cheated/did terrible things to you? I would say 'tell them to move on like you did', but after a first glance the question is much more difficult. Literature and movies are full of stories where in the end, forgiveness is the key to a new life. Me myself, I don't know if I would have to courage to sweep everything under the rug and start it over, because wounds heal, but scars remain.
Author martw Posted February 14, 2013 Author Posted February 14, 2013 Its no longer your business to figure out why she called you crying after this long, she's somebody else's problem NOT yours. It's cowardly that you had to request her to block your number instead of doing it from your end. Your ex is selfish to contact you in the middle of the night when she is feeling like ****. Don't allow yourself to be the emotional tampon. Go NC on her and for your sake block her on all lines of communication. I don't think you fully comprehended my original post, I love the girl, but she left me because of ME, and not her. I have a lot of emotional baggage, and kept hurting her(not physically, obviously). She left me and wanted to cut it off completely, I offered being there for her which she refused. The only thing I'm wondering is why she even contacts me after 4 months? Are there not other ex's or friends she can call?
Hopeful714 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Because I know for sure I didn't call you last night, I know your not my ex. But in other aspects, you could be. She called you because she is still hurting and trying to get over this. It's very difficult to process when you care about someone but the person you love is incapable of loving you back properly because they have "issues" and are "broken" or have problems that you know you can't help with....they can only help themselves. I'm happy to hear you realize you are the train wreck as opposed to blaming her. I admire your taking the time to try to fix yourself before you hurt others. I am also happy to hear you say that yes, you did care about her regardless of what you did. I'm sure your ex knows she had a period of weakness and I doubt she will call again. Sure she has friends, but she wanted you in that moment of time. Best wishes while you fight your demons....don't let them win. Don't expect anyone to deal with an ugly side of yourself either ...it will always end painfully. Be well!
Author martw Posted February 14, 2013 Author Posted February 14, 2013 She called you but didn't want to talk? basically... I assume she was upset, most likely bf issues, and needed someone there. I picked up, because I told her I'd be there for her if she ever needed me.
CC12 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 She called you but didn't want to talk? Yeah, I wondered about this as well. So she just called you late at night, sobbed into the phone, then fell asleep? If so, then she was either drunk or there's like something very wrong with her emotional state right now. Stable people don't really do that sort of thing. Whatever it was, it was irrational. You can't spend your time trying to figure out irrational behavior, especially since this is a person you don't have a friendship or relationship with.
Author martw Posted February 14, 2013 Author Posted February 14, 2013 Yeah, I wondered about this as well. So she just called you late at night, sobbed into the phone, then fell asleep? If so, then she was either drunk or there's like something very wrong with her emotional state right now. Stable people don't really do that sort of thing. Whatever it was, it was irrational. You can't spend your time trying to figure out irrational behavior, especially since this is a person you don't have a friendship or relationship with. true, and no, i doubt she was drunk. Most likely was upset and didn't want to talk about it but wanted someone to be there for her. Just kind of weird I was that person, is all.
mcdo Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 My ex called me up after a few glasses of wine one night just wanting to talk about nothing really. We both ran out of phone credit (do you guys have that?) but could still send free text messages. She was texting saying she just wanted to hear my voice. Triggers an awful lot of emotion when you hear those words. To avoid going back to square one and wallowing in my sorrow again I messaged my mates and went out for beers. Try to avoid it if at all possible. Within a matter of days my ex had no interest in calling and hearing my voice or anything of the sort. It was a once-off feeling she got one night at home alone.
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