thank you, St.V, for making me join the single ladies, again

[ja123]

You don't need the men, candie ... You already live a charmed life ! Just back from Italy ... off to Gstaad ... up past 3 a.m. on a school night!!!

 

What in the heck do you do for a living, woman?!!!

 

 

P.S. I think he'll show up within 20 hours bearing flowers!!!

[Fondue]

I read all the posts from page 1 and 2, and I don't understand a few things.

 

Did he TELL YOU that he doesn't like the V-Day pressure, or did you just ASSUME it.

 

He may have cancelled because you know, he legitimately cannot see you that day?

 

I think you are very much over-reacting. And **** man, you only dated this guy for 2 months. He bails on ONE date with you, and you FLIP YOUR ****, man! The hell's wrong with you?

 

Let's have the tables be turned for a bit.

 

I'm dating a chick for 2 months. I ask her to chill with me today or tomorrow, she says tomorrow is fine, she can't do it today. Fine, no problem. She cancels for tomorrow, okay. You know what I say, "whatever, I'll catch up with her next week, no biggie."

 

This is someone you already have been DATING. Not someone new. If they cancel on you, maybe it's about time you accept that **** happens. You are already committed to each other for a bit now, isn't it acceptable to miss once in a while?

 

If tomorrow wasn't the 14th, how would you react? Any differently? Be HONEST. Absolutely honest. Would you be bat **** insane, or would you be more accepting?

[Leigh 87]

Leigh, please, promise here and now, that you will tell to ALL OF YOUR extended family that you and that fellow are through. PLEASE!!!

 

You are doing yourself a huge harm by insisting with this story which ended. the healing can only start after one accepted, in their heart and in their mind, that it is over. Please start !!!

 

 

 

After a month or so of no contact I will be able to accept it.

 

I am serious - neither of us CAN accept it is over for good.

 

We both still love each other, enough to not want to let our past go yet:(

[SJC2008]

***** EX boyfriend... ugh I still call him my boyfriend by defult!

 

Now I have to see my extended family tomorrow and will have to lie when they ask how my "boyfriend" is:mad:

 

I didn't know you had a break up, sorry to hear that:mad:

[candie13]

Did he TELL YOU that he doesn't like the V-Day pressure, or did you just ASSUME it.

He told it to me himself - I sent him a text, making fun of the situation, and asking "you're sh*t scared of St.V, all the pressure, ain't it?" and he said "you're actually right". I was joking, turns out the joke was on me. My next text was "what are you, 14?:o"

 

He may have cancelled because you know, he legitimately cannot see you that day?

He doesn't. Unfortunately for him, he is as alone as a bat, in this city. And he tells me about all his work dinners and events in advance. Most of the times (every time so far)

 

I think you are very much over-reacting. And **** man, you only dated this guy for 2 months. He bails on ONE date with you, and you FLIP YOUR ****, man! The hell's wrong with you?

 

It's not just one date. He lead me to believe stuff. To not be sure. To have it easy for him. This is where it makes no sense. I think he just didn't care about me or my feelings "wft she's gonna do to me if I bail out at the last minute?". I think he never wanted to see me on St, V but acted all normal at seeing me tom. The prob is... tomorrow is St.V...

 

So yeah, my pride as a woman, as his girl is hurt as hell. Yes, I am darn pretty and yes, I have a lot of guys texting and asking me out. Constantly. I don't mind rejecting their calls, not answering, not saying yes to invitations. But he must be up to the level. And I am keeping all my eyes on his game, you can rest assure.

 

Let's have the tables be turned for a bit.

 

I'm dating a chick for 2 months. I ask her to chill with me today or tomorrow, she says tomorrow is fine, she can't do it today. Fine, no problem. She cancels for tomorrow, okay. You know what I say, "whatever, I'll catch up with her next week, no biggie."

 

This is someone you already have been DATING. Not someone new. If they cancel on you, maybe it's about time you accept that **** happens. You are already committed to each other for a bit now, isn't it acceptable to miss once in a while?

 

If tomorrow wasn't the 14th, how would you react? Any differently? Be HONEST. Absolutely honest. Would you be bat **** insane, or would you be more accepting?

 

I am fine with a guy canceling, sure, no pbm. It may happen, we're dating, it's not a prison.

 

But reality is, tomorrow, it is St.V. And because we are dating, our thing should be based on communication, he's not supposed to try to outsmart me, 'cause I am not f*cking STUPID. I am not an IDIOT. If he didn't want to see me tom, fine. I actually asked him today: "hey, do you want to catch up this week or next week, when I am back". If he was smart, he'd have said "NEXT WEEK, BABY". I gave him his way out. Clean.

 

Maybe it's a male thing, maybe he resents me for holding the power of this relationship - so far, he was the one running after me, asking me on dates, sending me texts all the time. Maybe he hates the fact that I don't give in, even after his mind blowing sex moves. His problem is I've already met a smart arse before him and he had no mercy for me. Swept the floor with me. Not gonna let it happen again, you can bet all your money.

 

Treat me right, as a person, not as a retarded. This is how I want to be loved. The right way.

[Leigh 87]

I didn't know you had a break up, sorry to hear that:mad:

 

Thanks:(

 

I have a feeling he will show up at my flat, once he is back from his holiday.

 

What to do then? I will make my own thread if it happens...

[Fondue]

Dude, you sound like an awful human being. I'm sorry, but that's how it is.

 

All I'm reading is: "ME, ME, ME, ME, it's all about ME."

 

You want to "hold the power" in the relationship? You want him to continue to court you and beg you for dates? You want the attention and you want to be treated like royalty.

 

You are incredibly narcissistic. Holy crap, man!

 

Relationships are a two way thing. What do you offer in return? Do you think you make HIM feel wanted? Appreciated?

 

Maybe he's tired of climbing a ****ing wall trying to get to you? Maybe he's detaching because you expect too much, maybe your need to be constantly desired and sought after is too much?

 

I can't help but think you're not a woman that adheres to balance in a relationship. You want too much. You demand too much.

 

I wouldn't want to date a woman like you, no ma'am. Maybe he was growing tired of it, too?

[candie13]

just had an epiphany... it's not even St.V, however hard that may be. It's the fact that he tried to be smarter than me. See what's gonna happen if he pushed it...

 

well, this girl is gonna kick his butt, that's what's gonna happen. I have no desire to be submissive and me thinks he's dying to dominate.

 

yeah, I am making scenarios for nothing, I'm sure he didn't think about this twice and I'm making a Greek tragedy out of it.

[RachR]

 

But reality is, tomorrow, it is St.V. And because we are dating, our thing should be based on communication, he's not supposed to try to outsmart me, 'cause I am not f*cking STUPID. I am not an IDIOT. If he didn't want to see me tom, fine.

 

This. I think the people who are harping on the fact that it's Valentine's Day are missing the point...him skirting around the issue, not communicating well with you and doing it in this way is dishonest whether he meant to be or not.

[Fondue]

I tried to edit my last post, but was unable to.

 

You're setting expectatiosn for tomorrow by remidning him, "it's st. V tomorrow, you know" Then he responds, "yah, too much." You're also belittling him by replying, "what'r you, 14?" I mean come on. Not only are you're overblowing the whole issue, but you're also taking a metaphorical **** on him.

 

I think you should review yourself and your behavior. Right now you're coming off as a vial individual.

[Fondue]

This. I think the people who are harping on the fact that it's Valentine's Day are missing the point...him skirting around the issue, not communicating well with you and doing it in this way is dishonest whether he meant to be or not.

He's not trying to "outsmart" anyone.

 

He may have just re-thought his date with her. At first he was okay with it, then had a moment to ponder it, and realized it may not be in his best interest to see her.

 

Or you know, he had OTHER THINGS COME UP.

 

He's not pulling a POWER PLAY. He just can't see you. I don't understand why this is so difficult to comprehend.

 

Haven't you ladies ever cancelled on a date the night prior? Be honest.

[candie13]

Dude, you sound like an awful human being. I'm sorry, but that's how it is.

 

All I'm reading is: "ME, ME, ME, ME, it's all about ME."

 

You want to "hold the power" in the relationship? You want him to continue to court you and beg you for dates? You want the attention and you want to be treated like royalty.

 

You are incredibly narcissistic. Holy crap, man!

 

Relationships are a two way thing. What do you offer in return? Do you think you make HIM feel wanted? Appreciated?

 

Maybe he's tired of climbing a ****ing wall trying to get to you? Maybe he's detaching because you expect too much, maybe your need to be constantly desired and sought after is too much?

 

I can't help but think you're not a woman that adheres to balance in a relationship. You want too much. You demand too much.

 

I wouldn't want to date a woman like you, no ma'am. Maybe he was growing tired of it, too?

 

Please read what I am saying and not what you want to understand.

 

I know I demand a lot. I give a lot too. I want balance too. And air to breathe. I am not the one calling or texting, he is.

 

I know I am a handful too. Horrible character. Raise hell for nothing. I've never said dating me was a walk in a park. I have opinions. I will challenge you if I think differently. I will support you and listen to you too, love you and sooth you too.

 

But I just want respect. See, this is something that I've noticed from my not so extensive experience in dating: men are giving a lot to relationships, but not sure how many actually give respect. Not sure how many actually think that they're not better than women, so if they're giving women some sh*t, hey, no pbm, she'll suck up to it, all women do...

 

Really... that is not cool. That's my issue.

 

So if he wants out, I am actually holding the door open for him. I don't want games. I don't want power games. I want something simple. It can be so simple... very very simple. Just like in Notting Hill "I'm just a girl, in front of a boy, asking to be loved"

[RachR]

He's not trying to "outsmart" anyone.

 

He may have just re-thought his date with her. At first he was okay with it, then had a moment to ponder it, and realized it may not be in his best interest to see her.

 

Or you know, he had OTHER THINGS COME UP.

 

He's not pulling a POWER PLAY. He just can't see you. I don't understand why this is so difficult to comprehend.

 

Haven't you ladies ever cancelled on a date the night prior? Be honest.

 

I've seen your posts here, you obviously project your own butthurt feelings about whatever issues you have with women in the threads on this forum.

 

That said, he was dishonest with her when a snag came up. Bad communicator. Red flag. End of story. Get over it.

[Fondue]

I've seen your posts here, you obviously project your own butthurt feelings about whatever issues you have with women in the threads on this forum.

 

That said, he was dishonest with her when a snag came up. Bad communicator. Red flag. End of story. Get over it.

Providing logical reasoning is now a symptom of being butthurt?

 

I'd say I'm one of the only men on this forum who finds success with women and definitely not "butthurt," thanks.

 

I appreciate you reading my replies and keeping me in your thoughts though .

[Fondue]

Please read what I am saying and not what you want to understand.

 

I know I demand a lot. I give a lot too. I want balance too. And air to breathe. I am not the one calling or texting, he is.

 

I know I am a handful too. Horrible character. Raise hell for nothing. I've never said dating me was a walk in a park. I have opinions. I will challenge you if I think differently. I will support you and listen to you too, love you and sooth you too.

 

But I just want respect. See, this is something that I've noticed from my not so extensive experience in dating: men are giving a lot to relationships, but not sure how many actually give respect. Not sure how many actually think that they're not better than women, so if they're giving women some sh*t, hey, no pbm, she'll suck up to it, all women do...

 

Really... that is not cool. That's my issue.

 

So if he wants out, I am actually holding the door open for him. I don't want games. I don't want power games. I want something simple. It can be so simple... very very simple. Just like in Notting Hill "I'm just a girl, in front of a boy, asking to be loved"

 

Bolded part 1 is A and bolded part 2 is B.

 

I'm sorry, but you can't have A and then expect B.

 

You want simplicity, yet you understand that you're a challenge, abrasive, etc. etc.

 

You want to find a man who will be a doormat, is waht I'm reading. There are plenty of doormats out there. But I'm sure if you find one, you wouldn't be happy with him for other reasons.

[candie13]

I tried to edit my last post, but was unable to.

 

You're setting expectatiosn for tomorrow by remidning him, "it's st. V tomorrow, you know" Then he responds, "yah, too much." You're also belittling him by replying, "what'r you, 14?" I mean come on. Not only are you're overblowing the whole issue, but you're also taking a metaphorical **** on him.

.

 

I wish I were vial, fondue. I wish. I am mere stupid, if you ask me.

 

I was telling him my tummy was hurting (first day). He was all concerned. I explain and say I am feeling like eating up a whole chocolate shop. Then I said I was having some nice chocolate from Milan and he can have some tomorrow to, if he's nice to me (I was hurting and about to throw up because of my period.)

 

Since I was going away on weekend, and we were not meeting up tonight... that left tomorrow?

 

this is when he said something weird about not being available tomorrow.

 

Of course, something must have come up. Maybe his many friends, maybe work. Maybe another woman.

 

Or maybe I just assumed we'd meet tomorrow and he thought we could meet on Friday, I don't know. I felt played.

 

Maybe you are right, the fact that he did not say anything about St.V. should have been my red flag...

 

but then, Fondue, if a guy sees me for 6 weeks, loves my company, loves my cooking, loves to see me and sleep with me, but just doesn't want to see me for St.V... well, maybe that's just as bad, no?

 

I am not judging him for feeling that way. I swear to God. I just wish he'd have told me. I even bought him a small gift - a small wallet with NYC, because he misses that city dearly. And chocolate.

 

oh well, another one bites the dust. Maybe I am doing him a favor, who knows

[Archgirl]

Providing logical reasoning is now a symptom of being butthurt?

 

I'd say I'm one of the only men on this forum who finds success with women and definitely not "butthurt," thanks.

 

I appreciate you reading my replies and keeping me in your thoughts though .

 

Well to be fair, whenever a chick on here is having a dilemma/drama, you jump on her ass about how its all her fault without offering any constructive advice, and when a guy does the same thing...it's still all the chicks fault.

Am glad you're happy and successful but you see how it might have given the impression to some that you have a bit of a chip on your shoulder. Happy V day!

[candie13]

Bolded part 1 is A and bolded part 2 is B.

 

I'm sorry, but you can't have A and then expect B.

 

You want simplicity, yet you understand that you're a challenge, abrasive, etc. etc.

 

You want to find a man who will be a doormat, is waht I'm reading. There are plenty of doormats out there. But I'm sure if you find one, you wouldn't be happy with him for other reasons.

 

Feel free to draw your own conclusions. While he hay have had other plans, I obviously understood we'd see eachother.

 

If my man understood we had a date and I had other plans, I would at least say: "sorry for the misunderstanding" or "I actually have other plans". I just don't see what the St.V pressure had to do with anything.

 

I do not care for doormats. I am having a horrible time professionally and he's completely oblivious to it. He doesn't have a lot of friends, so he talks a lot. I mean a LOT. I don't mind, don't feel like spreading my unhappiness around.

 

So, if by doormat you mean someone considerate, with manners, who is reciprocating the respect I am showing him and doesn't act like a d*ck, yeah. Someone I can have good fights with, someone who can understand my points and contradict my ideas not because he knows better / but because he has better arguments, yeah, I'd like myself a doormat. Thank you.

[Janesays]

Pet peeve: I hate it when some guys, while responding to women in threads try to validate their opinions by saying, "ugh, I wouldnt want to date you!"

 

As if that's an insult. As if the women on this board are just LINING UP to date some of these guys on this forum. Please. If a woman is not attractive to the guys who post here, then she is probably on the right track!

 

Personally, Fondue, I think you're right that the OP probably over reacted. But when you utter nonsense like that, I can't listen to you anymore. I'm too busy trying stop myself from throwing up in my mouth.

[candie13]

"good enough to f*ck, not good enough to date for St.V". where exactly am I exagerating ? How about Hanuka? Easter? Christmas? New Year? Chinese NEw Year? Russian New Year?

[Leigh 87]

oh, Leigh, I am so sorry to hear this! I don't really understand what's going on with me, I got really mad when that happened, but then, I just accepted that he slid away... hence my comment to Keenly's post about love and war: does the world (and love) belong to those who play fair, or to those who play really hard, everything they have and are dead bound on winning?

 

 

 

It comes down to how interested the guy is in you. It will override any initial aversion he may have about being in a relationship!

 

There are always exceptions to the rules though!

 

Maybe he is not into valentines day?

 

Sort of like guys who are completely in love with a girl, yet are against the whole institution of marriage! Does not mean they do not love their girlfriend enough.

 

My sort of ex.. well, he was totally against settling down with the one person! He wanted to just save and travel his life away, until he was "old" and ready to give up the single life!

 

We had only JUST met before Valentines day, and yet he still assumed that we would DEFINATELY spend this day together!!

 

Although he only bothered to pick flowers from someones garden on his drive over:lmao:

[TheZebra]

I'm with Fondue on this one... what's the big deal? From what you posted it sounds like he's been nothing but perfect. Seeing you all the time, spending time with you, cooking for you. And then all he does is not want to spend V-Day together and you freak out on him? What?

 

I must say that guy's the lucky one to not be in this relationship anymore...

[candie13]

Well, I guess he is, isn't he ?

[Leigh 87]

.... Candie13, how does he make you feel? He is just really against valentines day and sees no reason to do something special on it (but treats you really well besides this?)

 

My guy thought that sure, a small guesture was fine, but it is more important how you treat each other daily...

 

Valentines day was also our Anniversary, yet we did not make a huge deal of it..

 

We just started the day with a bit hug and a "happy Valentines day and anniversary, I love you xoxoxx"

 

He went and got a chainsaw from his garage, and cut off a heart shaped part of a tree for me; he didn't spend any money on me, or get me a card.

 

After a year, and he still did not spend money on me, or.. you know, go organise dinner and chocolates and anything to do with money for me.

 

..........Where as a lot of people who have been together less than us would buy their women teddies and chocolate and organise a candle lit dinner for them LOL but my boyfriend and I find that ... "gay" or I don't know how to put it...

 

We feel uncomfortable with too lovey dovey cr@p!!!!

 

Is is ONLY about you and your guy, and what he feels comflortable with.

 

 

I know my guy would not have exactly gone and done a whole lot more for V day with different girl...

 

Perhaps your guy would be this way, regardless of how much he likes a girl?

 

 

....It is up to you to determine if he likes you a lot, or just a little.

 

 

 

One month IS soo soon to necessarily make things all official, and go and celebrate Valentines day for some men...

 

Ultimately, everyone is just different!

 

Some guys would take their girlfriend out for dinner and buy them flowers and chocolates regardless how only knowing them a short time!

 

Some men can be just as into a girl as the dinner and chocolate guys, yet not really feel strongly about valentines day.

[candie13]

It's a strange thing, we have. We don't have an "anniversary" we never celebrated out first month together.

 

He treated me very nicely at the beginning, when we were more casual (and either of us traveling less). Always paid for dinner and drinks - I had to pay for dinner once, when he was at the bathroom, otherwise he wouldn't let me. That was at the beginning.

 

He never said anything about how he feels. He always compliments how I cook - I've cooked for him around three times, he cooked for me once, when I got back home very late - yesterday. So he compliments my looks, he compliments my food and is very grateful for that... but never me, really. Never said he missed me (or said I missed him). I must have said one or twice that I liked him (when we were in bed). Not sure he said it back.

 

We are taking a dance class together - he admitted to me once that he was a bit tense, when he had to dance with me. That was it.

 

I wouldn't even mind St.V if he talked about it. He does not. Everything that has to do with feelings... I don't get much, unless I ask specific questions.

 

I guess maybe that's why I was a bit hung up on St.V. Never flowers or chocolate - I do not expect them. He was traveling a lot - no little attention from Spain - no pbm, I respect his boundaries.

 

I know it is stupid, but I don't want to be the one to start talking about feelings and where we are and where this is going and how he feels, because I am comfortable with how he behaves. He is attention-ate. It's just that lately, everything seemed to happen to him. His basement got robbed. His work. His traveling.

 

I don't get the feeling he is a happy person. He hates it here. Hates his colleagues. Hates his job. Has zero friends - except for one, sort of. Isn't particularly interested in meeting my friends.

 

It's all happening for the best. While from the way he was behaving, I thought he was happy with me, with me in his life, truth is he never said it - by voice, over the phone or otherwise. I feel, sometimes, that I am the person whom he calls to complain. Again, not his best time, this one. HE feels a high need for recognition, at work, and if he does not get it, he gets terribly frustrated. He wants to be in the center of the attention, of the discussion. I don't mind that, I don't feel very talkative, lately.

 

This is not quite my best period of my life, either. Not that he'd bother asking. It's just that he seemed right. Seemed ok, happy with me. I was happy with what I got. At the end of the day, it doesn't look like I had that much to begin with, does it?

 

I do feel things happen for a reason, maybe all this happened for the best. I don't want to stay near a cold person. It seems that also we have shared together the same bed, a couple of times, we don't really know eachother and most importantly, we have no idea about what each one of us is expecting from our "thing". I thought it was obvious, turn out I should have asked more specific questions .