candie13 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 yup one and a half months of dating, spent together a lot of time, asked to see me all the time when he was free, cooked for me, cooked for him, seemed normal. we were supposed to see eachother tomorrow - he might not have realized it was St.V. Texts me to say "he's not available tomorrow". I crack up jokes about the pressure of St.V - I thought it was a joke, making fun of me. The guy texts me back, saying "you are right". Well, after one and a half months of dating, wanting to spend all time with me, always keeping in touch, every single bloody day, now he feels pressured. Understands I'm upset, texts me good night and I say "I don't think so. Don't call. Don't text. Thank you." He tries to act all surprise, saying he doesn't write - whatever, I deleted the SOB's texts and tel number. Was so angry that I dropped him a note saying that he should feel to call me, when he finds his balls, signed: "the girl good enough to f*ck, but not good enough to date for St.V". I dropped another mail saying that I wasn't expecting any special date or flowers, just his company and decent conversation. just like the usual. Maybe some chocolates. At this point, I am sooo disappointed that even if he does call, it won't make a difference. Talk about pressure, avoidance or commitment issues, oh my GOD, lol! I am so grateful that this happened after 2 months (not even). Thanks Lord!! I mean, I did have a guy who felt pressured once because I offered to cook for him - I thought that was crazy. Anyway, another St.V., another single girl . I guess that chair, at the bar, with the best view on the window actually has my name tattooed on it forever !
ltjg45 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I can't help but to feel that Valentine's Day is really just a bunch of BS. People put too much value into it. 9
ChessPieceFace Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I guess that chair, at the bar, with the best view on the window actually has my name tattooed on it forever ! Keep meeting guys at the bar and you'll probably keep having bad experiences. 7
amaysngrace Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 The best is getting candy on the 15th for half price! 8
Author candie13 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 whatever, maybe some of the comments I made during the night were a bit off, I don't know (I was saying I just had my period and I feel like eating lots of chocolates, and that he might get some chocolates tomorrow too, if he's nice). For sure that was it. anyway, one thing I've learnt, cannot solve other people's issues, they need to solve it themselves. such a waste of time, I swear : D!
StanMusial Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Ouch. I really wish some of you gals on here would be a little more stingy with the poon. If you want a guy to stick around you gotta use your feminine guile. 7
Author candie13 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 Keep meeting guys at the bar and you'll probably keep having bad experiences. I don't pick up guys in bars. That's how I spend my Thursday nights with the girls, we go out, have cocktails / glasses of wine and talk about our week. The single girls get the seat with the best view of the room . 3
Chs Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 whatever, maybe some of the comments I made during the night were a bit off, I don't know (I was saying I just had my period and I feel like eating lots of chocolates, and that he might get some chocolates tomorrow too, if he's nice). For sure that was it. anyway, one thing I've learnt, cannot solve other people's issues, they need to solve it themselves. such a waste of time, I swear : D! So not only did you tell him that he has 0 chance of getting any sex on the day, but you also insulted him and ditched him just because he didn't want to do something for 1 stupid, commercialized crap day of the year? Good for him 1
Author candie13 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 Ouch. I really wish some of you gals on here would be a little more stingy with the poon. If you want a guy to stick around you gotta use your feminine guile. what's guile? I don't want to use anything, Stan. If a guys likes me, he'll stick around. if he doesn't, I hope he leaves fast and doesn't make me waste too much time and emotions.
Author candie13 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 So not only did you tell him that he has 0 chance of getting any sex on the day, but you also insulted him and ditched him just because he didn't want to do something for 1 stupid, commercialized crap day of the year? Good for him lol, who said anything about him not getting any sex, lol ! not a very imaginative poster, here
Author candie13 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 The best is getting candy on the 15th for half price! I hate candies ! I love chocolate. Today, I even feel like making an exception and robbing the bakery shop! 1
Author candie13 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 I can't help but to feel that Valentine's Day is really just a bunch of BS. People put too much value into it. level with me, man, I'm just a girl! TALK. I did not put any pressure on him, I actually asked this morning if he wanted to hang out today or wanted to meet next week. We hadn't seen eachother in 5 days, this is the guy who told me to come to his place after my train arrived - 11:30, that he'd cook for me. Got there at midnight, stayed up until 2. I am not sorry.
SJC2008 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Well, after one and a half months of dating, wanting to spend all time with me, always keeping in touch, every single bloody day, now he feels pressured. Understands I'm upset, texts me good night and I say "I don't think so. Don't call. Don't text. Thank you." He tries to act all surprise, saying he doesn't write - whatever, I deleted the SOB's texts and tel number. What does saying he doesn't write mean?
ltjg45 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 level with me, man, I'm just a girl! TALK. I did not put any pressure on him, I actually asked this morning if he wanted to hang out today or wanted to meet next week. We hadn't seen eachother in 5 days, this is the guy who told me to come to his place after my train arrived - 11:30, that he'd cook for me. Got there at midnight, stayed up until 2. I am not sorry. So, in other words, he told you a lie. I take it he never showed up between midnight to 2 AM, correct? If so, he's an idiot and I'm glad you dumped him. You can certainly find better.
Author candie13 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 At least you got laid this month. and then some - he was a great lover, Grace. Very generous and giving. too bad he acts all weird like that. I guess St.V really does put a lot of pressure on people. I know we're just dating, it's only a few weeks since he bloody kissed me. whatever he thought or feared, it was only in his head. I did make some stupid observations via text today, but... I don't know, I was making fun. Yup, it's my bloody mouth getting me into trouble, each and every time, haha ! 1
Author candie13 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 What does saying he doesn't write mean? I think he meant he won't text anymore and that he prefers to talk to me. If so he wishes.
SJC2008 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 what's guile? I don't want to use anything, Stan. If a guys likes me, he'll stick around. if he doesn't, I hope he leaves fast and doesn't make me waste too much time and emotions. Yes! He will stick around if he likes you! So next time keep the lid on the cookie jar for a month or two and if he's still around he probably likes YOU, and isn't there just for a steady lay. It's not a bullet proof strategy but I promise you it helps big time. 2
SJC2008 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 When you guys were "dating" did either one of you talk about what your expectations/intentions were like casual dating or a relationship?
Author candie13 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 So, in other words, he told you a lie. I take it he never showed up between midnight to 2 AM, correct? If so, he's an idiot and I'm glad you dumped him. You can certainly find better. No, sorry, you got it all wrong . He's actually a nice person - except for all the stupid conversation tonight. I was in Italy, he was in Belgium. He arrived home at around 10:30 in the evening, and also it was very late and he had meetings in them morning, wanted to see me. Cooked and stuff. Anyway, i'm obviously reading too much into it. I didn't expect ANYTHING. Really.
ltjg45 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 No, sorry, you got it all wrong . He's actually a nice person - except for all the stupid conversation tonight. I was in Italy, he was in Belgium. He arrived home at around 10:30 in the evening, and also it was very late and he had meetings in them morning, wanted to see me. Cooked and stuff. Anyway, i'm obviously reading too much into it. I didn't expect ANYTHING. Really. Yeah, I really don't understand this. I will have to bow out before I make a bigger fool out of myself (not that I already have done so, that is). 1
Author candie13 Posted February 14, 2013 Author Posted February 14, 2013 Yes! He will stick around if he likes you! So next time keep the lid on the cookie jar for a month or two and if he's still around he probably likes YOU, and isn't there just for a steady lay. It's not a bullet proof strategy but I promise you it helps big time. he kissed me during the third week. We has sex quite recently - after one month for sure, I think during the 5th week. I understand the way you are thinking. He's not in it only for sex, he really is a nice person. I also think he likes me, but ... not enough to level with me. That's a pity, because I'm not taking anyone's BS anymore .
Author candie13 Posted February 14, 2013 Author Posted February 14, 2013 When you guys were "dating" did either one of you talk about what your expectations/intentions were like casual dating or a relationship? Nope. Not even mentioning it. It is way too early, we've really recently started to have sex - like a week or two ago. I am not upset because I didn't get my date for St.V. I sort of had expectations for St.V, but talked to my gfs who have been single for a lot more time and agreed it's stupid. I'll tell you why I reacted to violently: because he didn't have the balls to tell me, to my face "listen, I don't feel ready to see you for St.V., we're not there yet" or "I am not ready" or even, if he is smart enough, how about NOT PLANNING a date for St.V? Today I asked him: "do you want to see me this week or shall we meet directly next week ?" as I am leaving this weekend with the girls to Gstaad. and he knows this detail too. So that meant either tonight or tomorrow. Today he was tired and I was sick. This left tomorrow. Fine, I don't mind. But please, show a bit of delicacy, don's send me at 11:00 in the evening a text saying "you're not available tomorrow" and confirming you hate the St.V pressure. Until 11:00, I thought we'd meet up. What's the difference? The difference is he did not have the balls to say anything to my face, so that I wouldn't build any expectations. If you don't say anything, how am I to expect that there's an issue? If you leave things floating in the air... No, it is his pride of a man before my pride as a woman. He was hoping to get out of St.V like this and not have to admit he's sh*t scared. Which he did, at 11 in the evening. The red flag is that he did NOT talk. NOT open his mouth. Bailed out almost at midnight, just like Cinderella. Well, I am not Prince Charming to start chasing and do the hard work. His hard work. I am afraid that is how it happened with his ex too. HE said they broke up because she really wanted to have a baby and he did not. They were together for 3 years and she was 36 or 38. What if he did the same to her? Said yes yes, or never said anything about feeling strongly against babies and then, when she just couldn't wait (because of her biological clock), bailed out? Imagine that there's a woman, now, in NYC, whom he left like an idiot, in this situation? I don't want a guy like that near me. there's a pbm, level up. Be a man, level up, 'cause the problem will never go away by itself. I see 2 people in a relationship as equals, equal rights, equally intelligent and equally beautiful and gifted. If you pull a prank like this "sorry, am available any other day of the week except for St.V" and not tell me in advance, then you are treating me like a fool. Like an idiot. I will not allow any man, no matter how great and fantastic in bed to disrespect me. Sorry. I see this behavior as disrespectful. Sorry for the long vent...
SJC2008 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 (edited) "I'll tell you why I reacted to violently: because he didn't have the balls to tell me, to my face "listen, I don't feel ready to see you for St.V., we're not there yet" or "I am not ready" or even, if he is smart enough, how about NOT PLANNING a date for St.V? The red flag is that he did NOT talk. NOT open his mouth. Bailed out almost at midnight, just like Cinderella. Well, I am not Prince Charming to start chasing and do the hard work. His hard work." I agree with you. He dodged the situation instead of saying what he felt about it. He could of even said he didn't know how to approach valentines day given yall just met or what you said. Doesn't seem like a good communicaotr. BTW I'm sorry if I implied you slept with him too fast. There are a lot of posts where women sleep with men fast and then it falls apart so I was quick to pull the card instead of asking you:( Edited February 14, 2013 by SJC2008 edit 2
Author candie13 Posted February 14, 2013 Author Posted February 14, 2013 not a problem, it's only fair you ask, of course . I am sure that he is not a good communicator, but because he doesn't care to be one. He was the one to chase me to go out with him. He was the one to invite me to his place yesterday, at midnight. I am sure he likes me and he cares. Just not that much. The sad thing is there isn't really anything anyone can do about this. If he doesn't want to spend StV with me, there isn't anything I can do or say to make him feel differently. And even if he comes and says he's sorry, I don't want to spend St.V with him right now or a person who treats me this way. I don't see what he can do or say to change the status quo. plus, that will never happen, I'll have the right to what I call "the kiss of death": a formal call, potentially apologizing for this situation. Me, being very polite and saying that it's just a misunderstanding, that I regret things got here. Wishing each other well. At best. C'est la vie.
Recommended Posts