New2Love4Now Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Hello everyone, I'm having a hard time getting myself out of denial. I know in the back of my mind that she will never come back to me because I made every mistake possible and pushed her away forever, to the point of her ignoring me. However, I keep having these phases throughout the day where I tell myself "You didn't screw up THAT bad, she'll probably be back if you just ignore her for a few months". I also know that I'm the best guy she's been with because when we were together she would tell me about the guys she had been with and how they were all dicks to her and how none of them lasted nearly as long as we did. These are the only times in the day where I am happy, when I start convincing myself that she'll come back. But then I realize how many mistakes I made and how insecure and desperate I made myself look after she broke it off and it hits me that she wants nothing to do with me now. But then I get hope again and it's really making it difficult to move on. Are wild mood swings like this normal after being dumped?
tory1012 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 YES!! They are completely normal. I have done this for the past 12 months while still sleeping with my ex. Even when he told me time and time again that we were never going to happen again. It is so hard to get over the denial stage, it got to a point with me where I was like man its been a YEAR and we are still not back together and I am sitting moping around while he is out having all sorts of fun with other people and potentially meeting someone he is serious about. I only just recently stopped living in denial and i now know that we will never be together so i have to move on. It gets better. I don't actually think there is a way to stop denial because your brain will just automatically keeps thinking these things over and over again without you being able to help. It's hard i know, but we have to go through the motions. Keep strong. 1
na49 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 It's normal to feel the way that you feel. My ex was my first love, she broke my heart and I am still trying to get over it. I think we all have times where we hope they'll apologize and come back. The key isn't even just accepting they won't be back (because that hurts like hell) as much as it is indifference. Whether they come back or not, my life won't be put on hold for someone who doesn't want me and hasn't given me any reason to believe otherwise. Ignoring will make her miss you. It won't make her want you back though. She doesn't hate you, so she'll miss having you around to support her. (but only as a friend) I also know that I'm the best guy she's been with because when we were together she would tell me about the guys she had been with and how they were all dicks to her I'm going to shoot you out of the sky on this because I think you should come back down to reality with the rest of us. My ex told me the SAME THING. I know she dated dicks before me. I was so much better than them. Mature, respectful to her, her family, loyal, always there for her, supportive, treated her like a princess etc. Well, if I was so great, why did she dump me? If you were the best guy she's been with, why isn't she with you? No one wants to downgrade so it's not that. They may just want to try new things because they believe that there is something better out there. You know what we do? We let them go find it. 1
TheWeeknd Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 In order to overcome the denial that it is really over, you need to ask yourself a few questions. 1) Have I truly loved her? If you do, you would let her go and be happy. If she really wants to come back to you, she will. 2)Have you fought for the relationship as hard as you can? It seems like you did since you drove her to the point of ignoring you. If you know that you gave it your best to try to get back together, you shouldn't have any regrets. 3) Do I understand that the only person I can control in the relationship is myself? You have to understand that no matter what you say or do or think, you can not control her. Her choice is completely her own. I myself have just completely broken it off with my ex of 4 years and told her to not contact me anymore and string me along. She dumped me 2 months ago because of a loss of attraction and the fact that she had feelings for someone else. She knew I gave her everything and that I am the only person outside of her family who cares for her. After asking myself those 3 questions, I feel that I am getting closer to the feeling of acceptance that it is over for good. 1
todreaminblue Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 (edited) Hello everyone, I'm having a hard time getting myself out of denial. I know in the back of my mind that she will never come back to me because I made every mistake possible and pushed her away forever, to the point of her ignoring me. However, I keep having these phases throughout the day where I tell myself "You didn't screw up THAT bad, she'll probably be back if you just ignore her for a few months". I also know that I'm the best guy she's been with because when we were together she would tell me about the guys she had been with and how they were all dicks to her and how none of them lasted nearly as long as we did. These are the only times in the day where I am happy, when I start convincing myself that she'll come back. But then I realize how many mistakes I made and how insecure and desperate I made myself look after she broke it off and it hits me that she wants nothing to do with me now. But then I get hope again and it's really making it difficult to move on. Are wild mood swings like this normal after being dumped? Mood swings make it hard ....i relate...... I swing wildly,its not from break ups or make ups or anyone else making me unhappy or happy, its in me, i think that is the first step to realize it is you and no one else,you are responsible fro the way you feel, i try to make it through the days the best i can, yesterday was pretty bad for m e, not going to harp on it, I did some soul searching and praying yesterday, and the mood swings are going to go soon, i am not going to worry anymore, i have looked back at what i have achieved and I have done a lot, and what i have done has been all me with the grace of god,I have seen a lot, i have heaps of good memories, not all of them about me being in a relationship, even then i have had good times in there too, I feel calm today, like a huge weight has been lifted from me, i am trusting in a higher power to help me through and show me what i need to do......i thought that i hadnt found my purpose yet, but i have, i have had many of them , my kids, my family, my friends, people i have smiled at in the street, and people i have made smile back, all the little things i have done no one sees or knows about, and i wont talk about....its all there in my head....... having a loving relationship is wonderful....its magic but to get that magic sometimes you have to wait, yours it yet to come and when you have it in reach, get ready to work......it is work ...it isnt easy,neither is breaking up, there is always sadness at the end.......denial is there too in the sadness, because when you are sad you dont want to believe that it has to end, everything in life, your life itself has a beginning and an end......its what you choose to learn from in the middle that makes the difference,stay strong dont waste what life you have here in denial,take some time out though to heal and try and think that some things need to end for the best part of your life to begin.......deb Edited February 13, 2013 by todreaminblue 1
treezy Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 It's going two weeks for me and I have these mood swings. Like yesterday I was crying myself to death but today I'm fine, which is surprising because today's Valentine's. I keep telling myself he's not calling me anymore, but I'm still hoping. I keep asking myself if there was anything I could have done to prevent this from happening, but I know there's no use wondering anymore. Guess that's denial. Sorry if I'm not answering your question, but I'm trying to say it's quite normal to go through stuff like that. For now maybe we should just focus on doing our own things, and let nature take its course.
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