Heartagram Posted August 30, 2004 Posted August 30, 2004 I'm writing up on my break up problem because it is utterly confusing. After almost two years of a relationship, my boyfriend broke up with me a week ago. He said that he can't give me what I need and want in a relationship because he is going through very hard times: debt, sick mother, drug-addicted brother, a unexpected work promotion. He said he has no time for anyone. This came out of nowhere. I KNEW all this was going on and I was hoping to ease him through it, but apparently it wasn't enough. What is most confusing is that barely 3-4 days before that we were hugging, kissing, cuddling, saying "I love you," etc. It came TOTALLY out of left-field. Now he is avoiding me and trying not to call because as my friend puts it "he doesn't want to hurt me more." Now I know for a FACT undoubtedly that there is no third party involved in this. So...am I wrong to feel so dumbfounded? I'm devastated and angry also that he made a decision for two people, not consulting me first to ask if I felt that this was the way to go about ending the relationship. Do I give him his space and hope his mind clears or totally say "F--- you?" (I doubt I could because I love him).
meanon Posted August 31, 2004 Posted August 31, 2004 No, you're not wrong to feel dumbfounded. Clearly he has not been telling you how he feels or it would not have been so unexpected. I think it's quite likely that there is some other explanation, in addition to what he has already told you. You need to decide if you would prefer the truth (even if it makes you feel worse) or if you would be better off just accepting that it's over. Either way, I'm sorry to say that I think that this relationship is over.
Author Heartagram Posted August 31, 2004 Author Posted August 31, 2004 I just feel screwed up because it doesn't seem logical and/or necessary. He isn't good with talking so it's probably a lot of things all in one. I've heard many couples breaking up over work stress but this is ridiculous. I'll accept that it's over but I do need to know in the future why this went sour and expecially why he acts like its better not to talk at all even though he wanted to be friends (and we have to be for certain work-related reasons). Thanks for writing.
meanon Posted August 31, 2004 Posted August 31, 2004 I'll accept that it's over but I do need to know in the future why this went sour Have you told him this? If not then you should. You need to do whatever it takes to put this behind you.
chicasha Posted August 31, 2004 Posted August 31, 2004 so sorry to hear about ur breakup. I dunno girl....guys can be jerks..I dunno why they act the way that they do. Its sucks when this happens, and the woman is left wondering what the hell went wrong...and also is told to 'get over it...move on....blah blah...'...when, really, how is that easy to do?? especially in ur case, when u guys have been together for a couple years. were there any other indications that this was going to happen..??? do u think u could get any info from his friends...? Jeez...i'm feeling frustrated for u! I'm sorry, but don't feel alone....i've been thru (and am going thru right now) a similar situation. It makes u feel rotten if u makes u feel better, u can vent it out on here..
Author Heartagram Posted August 31, 2004 Author Posted August 31, 2004 His friends just say that he's so busy right now that he doesn't know what left and right are. That's pretty much all I can get from them. They also say that his family problems are getting the best of him in many ways. I don't know what to do. Like you said, you can't just move on. I can't move on because it feels like a rash decision on his part and I wonder what will/won't happen in the future. It's the worst feeling ever... Oh well. I WANT to focus on myself like everyone says but even that is hard. Well girl, good luck in your situation as well...maybe things will all turn out for the best one day.
Author Heartagram Posted September 1, 2004 Author Posted September 1, 2004 Well he called me last night to LOUDLY confirm that it is over forever so I guess I have to take it as it is. I feel badly because he's never yelled at me before until now so I know he's really hurting. I know he'll regret it one day but I won't care then. Ah well.
meanon Posted September 1, 2004 Posted September 1, 2004 That's sad. He owed you kindness, at least. You're right to infer that he's not coping that well with it. You're clearly a very compassionate, intelligent person. You'll find someone more able to appreciate you soon, I'm sure. His loss
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