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Posted (edited)

So quick story on this breakup. I dated my ex for a year. After he moved away to grad school, his feelings changed and didn't love me the way he used to it. We never questioned if we would continue dating. So I didn't really get why this was happening but he said it wasn't about me or my fault. We had this amazing year together, so happy together and clicked really well. And it just didn't make any sense. I know he didn't meet anyone new because he was back on the dating site we met on a few backs after we broke up. I cut off all contact the day we had our last closure/breakup talk. Never texted/called him once, de-friended him off Facebook. Took incredible self-control but I knew his feelings for me had changed irrevocably and I couldn't change that. He is a good guy at heart which made it hurt so much more.

 

But I ran into him about a week ago, its been 5 months since we broke up and since we last talked. He was in in town for a summer internship interview, which happened to be near where I work. We sat and talked up for a bit and it was really nice and not awkward. He seemed genuinely happy to talk to me. Neither of us brought up anything about our relationship and we just caught up on each others' lives like old friends. I'm surprised at how composed I was and felt. I felt better after we talked, like he's been living his life and I've been living mine. Maybe I didn't miss him as much as I thought I did. It seemed like he'd been really busy with school which is the sense I had gotten when he first moved away and before we broke up. He texted me later to say hey it was great seeing you today, hope you feel better soon (I was dying of the flu). We texted back and forth once and that was it. I sent him an article a few days ago about figuring out life/career, which was something we discussed when I ran into him. I sent it saying thought you would appreciate this. He replied saying thank you for sending it and that he's been trying to figure out his life/career constantly and can never come to a conclusion. And that he needed to figure out what he was passionate about. He included an article he had read that he thought was interesting and said to let him know if he could helpful as I figure out my career/grad school stuff too. I replied with my thoughts on the article & sent him a blog that reminded me of the article. I asked what he thinks he wants to do after school and mentioned some things I'd read in his application essays for grad school when we were dating. Then I talked about what I'm thinking about switching to career-wise and grad school.

 

He never responded. Its been about a week. I'm getting panicky that I said way too much. I don't want him to think I'm talking to him because I want him back. I didn't say anything about us, it was a very straightforward email, like two friends talking. I am definitely not emailing/reaching out again. But I'm just really worried I said too much.

I feel like I worked really hard to keep my distance right after the breakup. Did not once call him/text him or reach out in any other way right after we broke up. I proved that I accepted that he just didn't love anymore and I didn't throw myself at him. I made it a clean break. But I ran into him once and it was really nice to talk again. And now I feel like I ruined it but being too friendly/nice. Feel like whatever dignity I gained by staying away is lost and he's completely weirded out. I didn't say ANYTHING clingy or emotional. But somehow I just get this unsettling crappy feeling because he didn't even dignify my email with a response. I'm so mad at myself for responding a second time. I feel like he KNOWS I'm not over him now, even though I said nothing to that effect. I didn't want him to know anything about how much I was hurting or how much I miss/care about him. I'm not sure how to feel better about this. Thoughts?

Edited by Tinyrain
Posted

If you stayed strong and didn't lose it when you saw him. What else could you have done honestly? You aren't over him. You said it yourself. That's okay though. You could have started reminiscing about the relationship you guys had, and gotten all emotional about it. You didn't do that.

 

Running into your ex just sucks. It sucks that their life just goes on without us while we're stuck trying to pick up the pieces and reach the same level of indifference that they feel.

 

I can't really give you a surefire way to feel better, but I can tell you not to read into everything so much. Does he really owe you anything anymore? You guys aren't together. You're just somebody to him (well maybe more but you aren't what you once were) so don't freak out that he hasn't responded. Why prolong your pain? He responds, you respond, and it never ends. Does he have anything good to tell you anyway? Unless he wants to apologize and try things again, he really doesn't. Try to just let this one go. He may respond eventually. He may not. Don't hold yourself up for this though.

  • Like 1
Posted

You're just feeling panicky and exposed, which is natural in the circumstances. Nothing bad has happened. He just didn't reply to your email, or at least not quickly. (He might reply yet.) It probably hurts a bit because it is a low-grade repeat of how you felt when you broke up - rejected and let down. The feeling will pass. He might well email again but if you think the communication has stirred things up again I'd not reply and let him drift away again. The sooner you can get back to pursuing your own life and accepting he is out of the picture the better for you. I hope you can stay strong and draw a line under this.

  • Like 2
Posted

If he had replied, then you would have replied, then he would reply, and you would reply... it would continue. If it for some reason didn't continue, you would be having these same questions..but at a later day.

 

Maybe he realized this, and realized that it is potentially dangerous. That maybe one of you would start to develop feelings. Maybe he still has some for you and just doesn't wanna get into it again.

 

Stay strong! Don't worry! Just move on.

Posted

Don't worry so much, just move on with your life, what do you care what he thinks, you are not even together anymore. I've done this sort of thing before, not replying, and honestly it's just because I didn't care and couldn't be bothered writing a response, I mean what's the point of putting forth effort for a relationship i'm not even in.

Posted

You were really feeling good about being composed around him.

 

Rather than focusing on the negative of him not responding to the email, just focus on how you were so great when you were talking to him in person.

 

Being composed with an ex is huge.

 

You will probably always have some feelings for him. Just something to get used to.

 

Guys are really bad about responding to emails. It is one of my pet peeves. I don't think they realize how off-putting it is for us.

  • Author
Posted

Thank you guys so much for your responses. I guess I was just happy that I could be normal and not let him see how affected I was. So by not responding to my last email its like a slap in the face. I wanted to keep some of the power and be nonchalant/unaffected. If he responds back I am definitely not responding back. I just feel helpless now. Not only did he break my heart into a million pieces, I made it easy for him and gracefully accepted a decision that made no sense to me, without humiliating myself or making him uncomfortable. I get no credit for that. And then I opened this doorway of communication and made myself look weak. I think his text msg threw me off. I never should've sent the article after that but its okay. I did what i felt was right and there was nothing crazy about it. I didn't beg for him back or talk about my feelings. I will never be that friendly/nice to him again. He completely misunderstood the kind of person I am. Oh well. Never again. His loss.

Posted

I completely understand how you feel, I ran into my ex twice in one day last week, a month and half after he has broken up with me. I was still at the NC point so I've ignored him both times, and he ended up texting me... and now it is that awkward texting stage, where if he doesn't reply, I feel just like you, panicky, scared I'd said something wrong.... And sometimes I purposely try to not respond to not give a vibe like I care too much. But I feel like that's just playing games and I don't like to do that....

Honesty, I know it seems like his life has been going great without you for the last couple of months, but in reality, you don't know what he's been up to and what he's been feeling, just like he doesn't know that about you... And think about it, your life has been going on too... I know it still hurts, but just think about how you felt before you ran into him. Just be that person again. Not getting a response from him can't be worse than not having him in your life at all.... So just see what happens. Good luck!

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