Highschool Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Some advice would be nice for me, I feel.... confused right now. This has to do with a girl, and I'm not sure what I'm upset about honestly so I'm putting it here (assuming it's about her). Here's my life in point form (I'm 17 at the moment): -Grew up with strict parents (but good parents, my mom was just a bit stressed out a lot of times and tried not to show it) -Put me a ton of extracurriculars and pushed me to succeed -Made me one stressed kid -However, I was very successful. -In December 2008 my mom's doctor discovered a tumor in her bladder (she's usually very healthy, and she only told me and my dad, not my siblings until much later). They removed it successfully and it's been all good ever since, however she was really shook up about it and we were all as a family shook up about it, too. -On my parent's anniversary (April 5, in 2009) my mom left to find herself. She ended up splitting up with my dad and moving to Britain for a while and got a boyfriend there, who was an old boyfriend. I guess it was a midlife crisis. She also travelled the world yada yada. -This made me question life, and honestly, since 2010 I've been on medication for depression. I was feeling horrible. -She came back a year later, was a changed person and was much less stressed and more happy with her life. She rented a house for a year or so, then found a great dude as a boyfriend who she's been living with for the past three years or so. Around the time she left, I slowly quit all of my extracurriculars then and never picked any of them up again. As of now I work out 3 days a week and volunteer at a food bank. -I failed a math course in grade 10 when I was going through all of this emotional turmoil, but I'm turning myself around (good marks so far this year, grade 12!) -I've been much better, grade 11 and 12 I turned around and am doing well Anyway, here's where this situation comes into play: - I crushed REALLY hard on this girl that I've known for a while. I'm not going into all of the details of everything because I already did this in a past thread, and it's getting redundant. - She's very successful - She's a crazy overachiever (4th degree black belt in taekwondo and now teaches it to my knowledge, amazing artist and takes a ton of art classes, ridiculous at piano, and I'm sure there's more.... she told me this stuff slowly over the course of our friendship over the last couple of years, and she didn't want anyone talking about her accomplishments, especially the taekwondo), 95% average in school, and she's going away to McGill for civil engineering after this year. - Her parents are kind of crazy with how much they push her, but they want her to succeed -With the girl, everything was going well as friends (and ended up dancing with her at a dance all night and had a great time, although her parents only let her do things like that if her marks stay that high). - I ended up asking her out to a movie and she was all for it, I told her how I felt about her after to see if she was on the same page. She said she really liked me but that she just didn't think we had time for any relationships atm (she doesn't have time for much), but then she was wondering what time for the movie and we set up a time and she was all excited to go with me, and declined her friend's offer to go.... Anyway, she flaked out a couple of days later, started ignoring me and then we talked two times. The day after she started ignoring me was the first, I had a private talk with her for a bit, she said she really liked me as a friend and I was a great guy, but that her attraction to me wasn't what mine was to her (and apparently I went overboard with the situation? She was okay with it for the first little while....). Okay, that hurt a bit but she wasn't acting that rude to me and said that we could stay friends and we ended it on a positive note... That was on a Friday, after that she kept ignoring me at school and in-class, acting like I'm invisible and really hurting me in the process. I sent her a text after a week, no response. After ANOTHER week, I sent her 1 email wondering why she was acting like I was invisible and trying to give her a taste of my perspective and how ridiculous she was being. I tried to talk to her once more (this was our 2nd and final talk in months). She blew up on me, called me "creepy as ****" and said to leave her alone and that she didn't want to talk at all, which really hurt. Oh and then when she saw my hurt expression, she said we could talk in guidance, but then she said she needed to talk to them alone and the next day I ended up getting called down by the VP and principal. :/ They were great about it, I really gained a lot of respect for them, and they completely understood where I was coming from and assured me I did nothing wrong. I've talked to a lot of people since then who've also assured me I've done nothing wrong. She's still ignoring me, but she gives me looks sometimes (sometimes glares, sometimes big smiles, sometimes embarrassed-like and everything in between). I know I should probably just ignore her as I've been doing since the end of December when this drama happened, but it's upsetting still. :/ I think her parents blew up on her, since apparently they didn't want her dating until she was done university or some **** (didn't know this until later though!), and I doubt they knew about me. Her dad was going to drive her to that movie too, he probably wasn't told that the guy she was going with was interested in her hah. Valentine's Day is tomorrow and I'm going to feel like crap... Oh, and this girl and I had planned to go to prom together too, she was 100% for it when I suggested it and was going on and on about it.... ------ Positives are that everyone is on my side, I've talked to the VP, principal and counselor since then. The principal said that she completely overreacted, should be embarrassed and probably is, the VP said she probably has 0 experience with guys like this and didn't know what to do, and that there was probably some external factors that got her upset and she just made it look like it was me. They all agreed that her behaviour is bizarre, but they assure me that she'll probably not act like this until graduation. --- This girl's couple of friends are still on good terms with me (she doesn't have very many at all, she has no time for people lol), so I'm not sure what/if she said anything to them. This other girl who I knew liked me a lot was complaining about the girl too, and I ended up complaining to her and telling her about the situation. She now loves to talk **** about the girl that hurt me and loves to bring up all of the stuff going on in that girl's life (ex. she was talking about some guy in class, but she had been really attracted to this guy, ended up flaking out and freaking out over a couple of tests and running away from him, kind of like what she did to me). She also loves telling me about how the girl acted like a slut to all of the guys on a Europe trip that they went on this summer, she drank like half of a "sex on the beach" drink and thought she was wasted and went all slut on these guys lol, and ended up getting her first kiss making out with some random Italian guy who was grinding on her.... It hurts to know that. Thing is I don't want to take what the complaining-girl says seriously all of the time because she wants me to hate the other girl, and really seems like she's an emotional wreck herself. She's also very attracted to me. :/ Life, life, life.... ----- Anyway, I'm going to the local university for business (good school but not amazing), I'm not a crazy overachiever anymore (but I used to be...), and I'm questioning my beliefs in life because of this girl now.... I have a great family life and great friends... but this whole overachieving thing.... I just don't know about it.... The girl that hurt me wants to go away and never come back to our area. The Europe trip just makes me feel like she has everything figured out, and showing how she can have all the experiences she wants to and be a ridiculous overachiever too... I've partied a bit but not too much, she IS pretty antisocial and I DO have more of a social life than her... Plus, I guess I can travel later lol, I am only 17 and have a life ahead of me.. She IS stressed a lot though, well was when we were friends and I'm sure still is. ---- I keep thinking that I'm over this, but I guess I'm not. And Valentine's day is going to suck. Help!
Author Highschool Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 If you don't want to read all of it, please just skim over it. I'd appreciate it, because I'm feeling very confused at the moment and just don't know where to go.... I've talked to so many people about this and yet I still feel confused/upset.
Author Highschool Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 Oh, and on top of this I wouldn't have even pursued anything if I didn't think this girl liked me more than a friend. All of the signs were there I thought, we were definitely flirting a lot and at that dance it was definitely more than just friends.... That girl that likes to talk badly about the girl who hurt me used to be friends with her until she flipped out on her for something stupid and told the principal. There seems to be a common theme here, lol.
Author Highschool Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 We also texted a ridiculous amount for like 5 months or so (before the drama), so maybe her parents saw texts... Not sure... I've deleted her number/my whole inbox (wasn't going to filter out her messages on my phone) and her email. Not like I don't already know them but it helps to not contact her. But when she gives me looks I feel upset, even if it's a big smile.
todreaminblue Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 (edited) Over achievers have a lot of issues, one thing that happens when parents push a child to succeed it becomes about success and not about just being a kid, its pressure, adult pressure to perform.......and growing up having to deal with all that, you feel the hormone changes, the dreams, the insecurities that she probably had or has are pushed to the side and success becomes paramount,pleasing others, is not something a child/teen should have to do...stuffs up your perspective on who and what you are...there is no time for dreaming or growing into who you are if you are pushed to be something you aren't even sure of ...failure is never an option that is discussed and when they do fail if you have parents that push......the after effects are pretty long lasting.....as i said issues......issues with direction, focus, taking on too much and interpersonal relationships suffer,in my opinion when girls who were pushed to succeed leave home,the structure and expectations of success arent so paramount forms a wild child rebel, who hasnt really experienced life and is probably quite naive when it comes to everything other than achievement including male on female relationships........the girl in my opinion is unstable herself hence alcohol drugs etc....its a cycle.......you are 17 and she is young,she is not balanced and probably has many years of self discovery ahead of her, until she finds out who she is, not what her parents or others want her to be. I would stop complaining about her to others and gossiping spreading stories, that is what i shappening th egirl you speak to isa gossip and dotn think she is only talkign to you about this girl....the girl who is going wild is a product of her upbringing as you are, as everyone is, scientific studies have proven the link between upbringing and the effect it has on your perception of everything.... it isnt you fault and it isnt hers, it just is how it is, there's nothing you can do to change or white knight her or anything like that the best you can do i sbe there as a friend.....if she is intelligent as you say she is, she will work out who her friends are and who arent ,she has a journey to go yet, you need to be secure in the fact that its not about you, it could have been any guy, sounds a bit to me like she is in melt down.......you are 17,it will work out,maybe you wont be with her, everything happens for a reason... valentines is just another day and tomorrow is another one too..deb Edited February 13, 2013 by todreaminblue 1
Author Highschool Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 (edited) Over achievers have a lot of issues, one thing that happens when parents push a child to succeed it becomes about success and not about just being a kid, its pressure, adult pressure to perform.......and growing up having to deal with all that, you feel the hormone changes, the dreams, the insecurities that she probably had or has are pushed to the side and success becomes paramount,pleasing others, is not something a child/teen should have to do...stuffs up your perspective on who and what you are...there is no time for dreaming or growing into who you are if you are pushed to be something you aren't even sure of ...failure is never an option that is discussed and when they do fail if you have parents that push......the after effects are pretty long lasting.....as i said issues......issues with direction, focus, taking on too much and interpersonal relationships suffer,in my opinion when girls who were pushed to succeed leave home,the structure and expectations of success arent so paramount forms a wild child rebel, who hasnt really experienced life and is probably quite naive when it comes to everything other than achievement including male on female relationships........the girl in my opinion is unstable herself hence alcohol drugs etc....its a cycle.......you are 17 and she is young,she is not balanced and probably has many years of self discovery ahead of her, until she finds out who she is, not what her parents or others want her to be. I would stop complaining about her to others and gossiping spreading stories, that is what i shappening th egirl you speak to isa gossip and dotn think she is only talkign to you about this girl....the girl who is going wild is a product of her upbringing as you are, as everyone is, scientific studies have proven the link between upbringing and the effect it has on your perception of everything.... it isnt you fault and it isnt hers, it just is how it is, there's nothing you can do to change or white knight her or anything like that the best you can do i sbe there as a friend.....if she is intelligent as you say she is, she will work out who her friends are and who arent ,she has a journey to go yet, you need to be secure in the fact that its not about you, it could have been any guy, sounds a bit to me like she is in melt down.......you are 17,it will work out,maybe you wont be with her, everything happens for a reason... valentines is just another day and tomorrow is another one too..deb Thank you, I think that helped. Well, I've talked to a lot of friends about it (but didn't drone on and on about it, I've stopped a while ago), but I haven't mentioned anything about it to any mutual friends (those couple of girl-friends of hers that are also my friends) since it probably wouldn't be a good idea. I don't want getting people involved and creating drama. My parents, the counselor, the VP, and principal were also people I talked to about it, and I had a psychologist that I went to before about my mom when she left, I went to him again to talk about this. I think that I talked to that girl (the gossip) too much about this. It was nice to talk to someone else who actually was a good friend of the girl for a while and understood her, and I let myself talk about it to her but am kind of regretting it now lol. She's spamming my phone all of the time and Facebook, and seems like a clingy emotional wreck, honestly. I'm trying to help her with her problems because I don't like when people are upset, but at the same time I don't want to talk to her all that much lol. The gossip (it's exactly what she is, good point) is the kind of girl who says that she never spreads rumors and then tells you a rumor right after. --- I hope she didn't talk to people about my story with the girl... I didn't make any rumors or anything, it mostly consisted of "Why did she act like this, and why is she being so rude to me! I don't deserve this, I don't understand what I did wrong!" over and over again. Edited February 13, 2013 by Highschool
todreaminblue Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Thank you, I think that helped. Well, I've talked to a lot of friends about it (but didn't drone on and on about it, I've stopped a while ago), but I haven't mentioned anything about it to any mutual friends (those couple of girl-friends of hers that are also my friends) since it probably wouldn't be a good idea. I don't want getting people involved and creating drama. My parents, the counselor, the VP, and principal were also people I talked to about it, and I had a psychologist that I went to before about my mom when she left, I went to him again to talk about this. I think that I talked to that girl (the gossip) too much about this. It was nice to talk to someone else who actually was a good friend of the girl for a while and understood her, and I let myself talk about it to her but am kind of regretting it now lol. She's spamming my phone all of the time and Facebook, and seems like a clingy emotional wreck, honestly. I'm trying to help her with her problems because I don't like when people are upset, but at the same time I don't want to talk to her all that much lol. The gossip (it's exactly what she is, good point) is the kind of girl who says that she never spreads rumors and then tells you a rumor right after. --- I hope she didn't talk to people about my story with the girl... I didn't make any rumors or anything, it mostly consisted of "Why did she act like this, and why is she being so rude to me! I don't deserve this, I don't understand what I did wrong!" over and over again. You didnt do anything wrong, I struggle with that, always thinking when people are ignorant and rude, that its me, i struggled all through high school with this, but i was bullied a fair bit wont go into it........ I remember there was this test in english class an exam,I was the quietest student when i had something worthwhile to say i put my hand up otherwise i wouldnt, didnt want to draw eyes to me,the teacher held up the top exam the person with the highest mark and said ok who is going to guess who this belongs too, im going **** hope its not mine......a couple of the boys at the back of the class spoke up and said yeah its debs just give it to her already and they started laughing... ..so yeah im goign no no no ....and yep he drops it on the table in front of me, and they clapped,,,,,,traumatic........no i have to ask is it anyone elses fault i felt shame? or is it any one elses fault i got the top mark and why the **** do i remember the guilt i felt......but not what mark i got....classic over achiever....stop questioning why...dotn analyse....let it go.....drives you crazy otherwise......deb
Recommended Posts