Just Get Over It

[Jefezen]

Wouldn't it be nice if we could get over rejection and failure by willing it away? Why must it be so challenging to move on even when our heads (and those of practically everyone else) tell us to do so? Why can't logic assuage feelings of bitterness, loss, and jealousy? Why can't we realize that it's not really an opportunity lost if the opportunity was inherently flawed to begin with, and that sometimes we are blessed by losing early before meaningful attachments are formed, commitments are made, and other life circumstances become factors (housing situations, employment, children, etc.?)

 

The last two women in my life (and I use that term loosely) were not right for me. I knew that at the start. I saw the red flags. I knew about some of the baggage. I was aware of stark differences in background and culture. I didn't like certain behaviors that I witnessed. In the second case, I wasn't even interested initially in the woman as a result of these factors, and I felt disrespected by her as early as our second outing.

 

We were very different people looking for different things. Yet my yearning for a relationship, my tendency to fantasize about what could be, my difficulty connecting with people after an initial meeting, compelled me to try and force my square peg into a round hole. I willfully disregarded warning signs. I consciously ignored my distress over various slights, happenstances, and disclosures in full pursuit of situations that objectively didn't feel right. I could see that I was headed for the edge of a cliff and kept my foot on the gas pedal regardless, hoping that somehow magically the chasm would be filled by the time I reached the precipice.

 

I am increasingly desperate. I want a girlfriend yesterday. I know that. Others know that, though not necessarily the women I meet, as I tend to be very careful about how I come across to them, often presenting myself as an actively busy, non-threatening quintessential Victorian gentleman who tolerates a fair amount of chicanery and disrespect with nary a peep.

 

I wish I had the powers to: (1) be assertive when the woman seems open to it and (2) walk away without second and third and fourth and fifth and eight-hundredth thought when a situation deteriorates and doesn't merit salvaging even if a salvage were possible, and (3) to not be jealous of the men who do succeed with these women. I need to stop fighting for inherently bad relationships that never even got off the ground and cultivate relations that could be mutually rewarding, stable, and fruitful.

 

It's not that I don't know what to do. My feelings and frustrations hold me back from doing it. They consume me. They take control over me. I can't think about anything else. I can't concentrate on anything else. It takes tremendous willpower and self-control to prevent myself from exacerbating things further by attempting to talk my way into the good graces of these flawed women. Each second, each minute, each hour feels like an eternity.

Edited February 13, 2013 by Jefezen

[Apolodor]

Love cannot be manipulated, we can't make it happen if it is not meant to be. BTW, women have a very fine nose when it comes to sniffing out desperate males. And that is a big turnoff for all women!!