tuxedo cat Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 (edited) when i first tell people about him and what he's said..initially they think like you..and think he's a player..but then i explain some more things to them about his own values/morals/ethics/ and what he has said to me countless times in the past..and i think to myself he is definitely not a player..although on a very shallow level he comes across this way... personally i think he does want to get married...he only told me the other day.."all my friends are getting married" and i feel like the only one whos not..and he's even told me how he wants to get married..and where and like little details like that..which means he has thought about it..plus hes said to me that i should be thinking about it more... if anything out of the two of us..he probably comes across more interested in marriage than me,,whereas i seem quite complacent/indifferent about it...and its true..because i dont tell him when or where or how or who with ..with regards to the marriage issue. he did try to have an exclusive relationship with me... as in he did propose some places that we should go and meet up and do things together..but they never really happened..and i take responsibility for that..because at the time i wasnt thinking i wanted a relationship...and i have my reasons..but if i was to then yes he would probably be the one i would consider.. as for this girl i have no idea. why hes talking to her..when he told me back then he wasnt interested... maybe he likes the attention or something..maybe she gives him what im not i dont know His telling you how moral or decent he is means squat. Honest people don't tend to announce how honest they are to others but dishonest people do. If he comes off as a player "on a shallow level" then he probably is; trust your first impression of someone, not what they tell you about themselves. Sending you mixed messages, routinely mentioning other women and trying to make you jealous, future faking you -- these are all cheap forms of manipulation to keep you hooked without giving you anything in return (commitment). And it's working! Look at the effect of his behavior on you. You have started two threads about him already. This guy is not truly interested in you and does not want you as his girlfriend. If he did he'd ask you to be his girlfriend. Don't let all the noise he's making distract you from that basic fact. Edited February 15, 2013 by tuxedo cat
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 OP, do you know what are my biggest mistakes of my 20s? Wishing and hoping and over-analyzing situations like yours. I have literally wasted years like that. Please open your eyes to guys that would offer you an actual relationship. Do you know what else I have learned? Guys that flirt with you the most without actual follow-through (as in going on a date, making you his gf) are guys that are not that into you. Guys that are truly interested in you are guys that will express that in a clear and direct manner. There won't be hints, there won't be stories, there might not even be much flirting. But they will make things happen. As in take active steps in making a relationship happen. This advice may only register 10 years down the line, but hell I tried
Author candy 87 Posted February 15, 2013 Author Posted February 15, 2013 His telling you how moral or decent he is means squat. Honest people don't tend to announce how honest they are to others but dishonest people do. If he comes off as a player "on a shallow level" then he probably is; trust your first impression of someone, not what they tell you about themselves. Sending you mixed messages, routinely mentioning other women and trying to make you jealous, future faking you -- these are all cheap forms of manipulation to keep you hooked without giving you anything in return (commitment). And it's working! Look at the effect of his behavior on you. You have started two threads about him already. This guy is not truly interested in you and does not want you as his girlfriend. If he did he'd ask you to be his girlfriend. Don't let all the noise he's making distract you from that basic fact. im just confused.com now... right so i've asked loadsa people and i did get this answer quite a lot : - he likes me but because i didn't go along with him when he basically asked me out last year..he's keeping his options open and is hoping i'll come around..and thats why he's keeping in contact looool, i didn't mean that he's like "im so decent" "im so moral" , that is what i have deduced from his own experiences and what he's learnt from them..for example he was cheated on so he knows what its like and he said he'd never do to someone what that girl did to him. He's really decent in the sense he likes to help people in need and feels bad for people quite easily. I think with someone like him, he's growing up now and he wants to look for "the one" or the person he wants to marry now as opposed to wasting his time on anyone, which is why i didn't get why he's talking to that girl. I did ask him whether he likes her or not, and he said he doesn't and doesn't see her in the long term relationship.marriage way, and he said to him looks aren't the end of it. i don't think hes future faking me, i think that theres no reason for him to do that, he'll spend like six hours on the phone to me talking about marriage, i just don't think a player would do that. lol..but yes he is routinely talking about other women, not how great they are in terms of personality, just the looks. I can just tell he's trying to get a reaction from me. he basically asked me last year, do i want a boyfriend? i said,, "not really" and he goes "really?" i said "no i like my independence and i like being single"..so he did ask..but in a way i said no.
Author candy 87 Posted February 15, 2013 Author Posted February 15, 2013 OP, do you know what are my biggest mistakes of my 20s? Wishing and hoping and over-analyzing situations like yours. I have literally wasted years like that. Please open your eyes to guys that would offer you an actual relationship. Do you know what else I have learned? Guys that flirt with you the most without actual follow-through (as in going on a date, making you his gf) are guys that are not that into you. Guys that are truly interested in you are guys that will express that in a clear and direct manner. There won't be hints, there won't be stories, there might not even be much flirting. But they will make things happen. As in take active steps in making a relationship happen. This advice may only register 10 years down the line, but hell I tried i completely understand what you're saying.. but you don't know what i'm like.. even when he asked me to meet up with him..my responses at the time were not like "ye totally we should do that"..it probably sounded more like i was avoiding it or changing the topic!!! and i know i shouldn't have been like that now, but i'm not the type to be that obvious if i am interested..and thats what all my friends seem to be telling me he would keep saying things like we should do this one day..and go here one day..and i was more like yea yeaa ok.. I'm pretty sure the only reason him and that girl met up was because she was pushy..and persuaded him to meet her..if i was anything like that.who knows maybe we'd be going out now. So you know what i'll take some of the responsibility for that
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