candy 87 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 so i've known this guy about three years now, we've always been friends in the sense that we haven't gotten together but anyway he's said a lot of stuff to me in that time whereby people have said he's obviously in to me and how can i question it and then others have said that he could be in love with me, but anyway its just in my nature to question everything so i just keep changing my mind about him and get confused ( but i do because he'll always at one point of another mention some other girl, but right now i'll only talk about a specific person) a brief history: - in the time i've known him as far as i know he's not been with anyone else.. - at the beginning when we first met he told me he wasn't interested in a relationship with anyone..and how he wanted to focus on his work first and then he might consider someone in the future... - he's said some things to me that everyone else has decided he's definitely interested in me/likes me/for example at 1. one time he said to me he's the kind of person to hide his feelings but he had to tell me that i made him feel crazy inside lol.and that every single day he'd be wishing i was there with him kinda thing and that when we lost contact it broke his heart and he wasn't thinking about anyone else... 2. we did argue a couple of times over stupid things and then we stopped talking to each other and once we started speaking again..he'd say he felt really depressed and couldnt eat/sleep etc and he felt he lost someone really special to him..and that he never wants to argue with me again.. 3. when i'm out with people he'd try to indirectly find out if i was with any other guys..or if i'v got anyone else that i like 4. he's talked about marriage with me..asked me what i'd want my ideal marriage to b like...but it wasn't like he said what would happen if me and you got married (nothing obvious like that) just in a very indirect way..once he even said why dont me and you just get married now..and i was like what? and he said oh dont worry im only joking more recently : he hinted at me through a song that he wanted something with me as in a relationship... i admit at the time i acknowledge it but didnt really tell him what he might have wanted to hear.. i said i wanted to stay single for now (nothing against him)..just that i didnt want an other half...mostly because i like my independence and the single life.. a few months after that along comes another girl (six months ago now) he told me they actually went out together..to the cinema and then chilled out at some park or something..he kept re iterating he wasnt interested in her but she was all over him and she told him she loved him and she wanted to be with him all of that..and that she KISSED HIM...but he stopped anything else from happening.and he did also highlight the fact that she was so "hot" and "sexy" and any other word you can think of..:rolleyes: and even when we were on the phone..this girl would keep calling him:confused: anyway i just acted kool..and listened to his story..and then maybe a few days after he told me about her i messaged him and said so..how is your girlfriend? (i meant it in a jokey way) he said shes not my girl i don't see her that way..i said ye right of course..that swhy you kissed her..he said well i enjoyed it plus she kissed me.. and out of the blue... he just said to me..(all in text messages however)... im not interested in her ..i want you ..i didnt understand how one day he's out with this girl and telling me how they kissed and all of that and then the next second he's telling me he wanted me so i just brushed it off..and said ok ye right sure..he said think about it... seriously... i want you so badly ..i said really?? because you do have alll those other girls who are falling all over themselves for you (he told me about multiple other girls who liked him and who he always found so attractive and hot etc) he said i dont want them though... anyway he left it at that and then said he was only joking :rolleyes:.. ok so six months later (which is now)... me and him are talking...and guess who calls him again while me and him are on the phone..yes that "hot" girl... and i was surprised because at the time he said to me six months back..shortly after him and that girl went out together and he suddenly told me he wanted me..that he would stop talking to her because he didnt see her that way and he didnt want to lead her on:mad:.. so then now i find out he's talking to her still..i obviously don't have the right to be like so i thought you were going to stop speaking to her...but i just dont understand what changed his mind..i dont know if they have been out since .. but whats clear to me is this girl really likes him..and won't stop till she gets him:eek:/ even after he apparently rejected her back then and right now it seems that he's not really stopping her and at the same time he's continuing contact with me..continuing to speak about marriage :confused:..and as if im the one for him i asked him straight out..do you like her?? he said no i dont..i said are you sure?? he kept saying no but then added in ye she's so hot..she's off the scale in terms of looks.. and how shes got such a pretty smile and how it almost got him...and then said to me just kidding then he proceeded to say im not going to have anything long term with her and she's not the type of person i would get in to a relationship with..or would ever consider for marriage.. but ye so i dont know where i stand..or what he thinks of me...
TaraMaiden Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 in 2 of your threads you've specified you only wanted guys to answer.... I guess because you wanted to view things from purely a male perspective.... Well, that obviously didn't work.... So this is what you tell him (IMHO): ....."You keep saying 'serious' things to me, then adding that you're only kidding. But to me, you know, I'm not so sure you are. So here's the thing: If seriously hot girl is getting to you, and you want to go out with her - go out with her. Get it out of your system. But I won't be waiting anywhere, as a second option. If you really think you and I have a future, why don't you just man up, grow a pair, and tell me? I'm sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. Your indecisiveness is really exhausting, and I have no idea where I stand with you at all. Tell me what you want, because if you don't quit balancing on the fence, I'm gonna push you off it, and go looking for pastures new. I don't intend to put my life on hold, simply because you keep making highly suggestive comments - then following them up with "I'm just kidding." What do you want? Tell me, please, or I walk. No Kidding......" 1
CautionaryTale Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 He's told you that he likes you, wanted to be with you. Whether he followed it with "joking" or not... People tend "Joke" about things so that they aren't quite as vulnerable. You certainly didn't respond in such a way that would lead someone to think you felt the same, he covered his tail by telling you it was a joke. What I'm confused about is that you don't talk about your feelings about this guy. Only your feelings about him seeing this other girl. It bothers you but, it doesn't actually sound to me like you care that much about being with him. How old are you both? It sounds a little like he's trying to make you jealous. Telling you about all the girls that want him. Pushing your buttons a little. It's working, but do you actually WANT to be with this guy? 1
Quiet Storm Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 It sounds to me like he may be a player. He is telling you what you want to hear and seems to be "future faking" with the marriage talk. He swings from wanting you to feel special, like you are the only one, to telling you about others. He is keeping you off balance with info about the other girl. This is a common maniplation tactic known as the "push-pull". The confusion you feel, coupled with the positive reinforcement you get when you see him, builds attraction. I think if he was serious about you, he would take steps to have an exclusive relationship with you. Instead of asking around to see if you are with other guys, he would be telling you he wants you as his girlfriend so that you won't be with other guys. He's interested to know if he's sharing you, but not interested enough to commit. It sounds as if he is enjoying your attention and companionship, but is not prompted to commit to you. He's wants the fun, but not the responsibility. 3
TaraMaiden Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Both of the above posts certainly have something extremely valid in them. OP, which do YOU feel is closer to the truth? 1
Treasa Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I'm surprised you're even debating this. What a loser.
Author candy 87 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 in 2 of your threads you've specified you only wanted guys to answer.... I guess because you wanted to view things from purely a male perspective.... Well, that obviously didn't work.... So this is what you tell him (IMHO): ....."You keep saying 'serious' things to me, then adding that you're only kidding. But to me, you know, I'm not so sure you are. So here's the thing: If seriously hot girl is getting to you, and you want to go out with her - go out with her. Get it out of your system. But I won't be waiting anywhere, as a second option. If you really think you and I have a future, why don't you just man up, grow a pair, and tell me? I'm sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. Your indecisiveness is really exhausting, and I have no idea where I stand with you at all. Tell me what you want, because if you don't quit balancing on the fence, I'm gonna push you off it, and go looking for pastures new. I don't intend to put my life on hold, simply because you keep making highly suggestive comments - then following them up with "I'm just kidding." What do you want? Tell me, please, or I walk. No Kidding......" lolll..i think restricting it to only males will give me lesser perspective..hence the lack of that "only males" ok to be fair when he said all the serious things to me..he only said the i'm only messing/kidding once...every other time he didn't go back on what he said to me.. but the part where he said " her smile almost got me" or something along those lines.. as soon as i'd realised what he was saying in my head..he'd already started sayin he was jokin.. you know what when he does mention that seriously "hot" girl..i do a lot of the time think whatever..just do what you want already then .. and why are you keeping in contact with me i dunno.. he does seem kinda serious when he says all that to me..because i doubt someone who brings up marriage is just kidding around...and i don't think he's trying to say what i want to hear..because as far as he knows..im far from an open book..i've never told him i want to get married..when he asks me its always more like... "oh i haven't thought about it" or " not until a long time yet" and thats coming from me..the girl lol but then i think he is serious about me..untill.he brings up that he's talking to this girl..who he is not interested in because in his own words she is too "crazy" lol.then i think hang on a minute..you dont see her that way..and you told me this about six months back..and that you dont want to lead her on..but why then carry on talking to her??
Author candy 87 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 He's told you that he likes you, wanted to be with you. Whether he followed it with "joking" or not... People tend "Joke" about things so that they aren't quite as vulnerable. You certainly didn't respond in such a way that would lead someone to think you felt the same, he covered his tail by telling you it was a joke. What I'm confused about is that you don't talk about your feelings about this guy. Only your feelings about him seeing this other girl. It bothers you but, it doesn't actually sound to me like you care that much about being with him. How old are you both? It sounds a little like he's trying to make you jealous. Telling you about all the girls that want him. Pushing your buttons a little. It's working, but do you actually WANT to be with this guy? fair enough to your first paragraph.. you know what...i like this guy..i hardly ever admit it to anyone though..let alone him...i'v got my own reasons as to why i didn't at the time get together with him..and i'm not saying that it wouldnt ever happen..but just now now... i dont expect anyeone to wait for me..but when he talks about this girl who just came from nowhere..and who literally offered herself to him a couple of times..and yes at first he obliged but then since then he told her he's not interested..or doesnt see her tht way..i just don't like the fact that shes still chasing him..and that because of a girl like that..i might suddenly be out of the picture but then i dont get how he could forget the last ffew years..a lot has happened..
Author candy 87 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 It sounds to me like he may be a player. He is telling you what you want to hear and seems to be "future faking" with the marriage talk. He swings from wanting you to feel special, like you are the only one, to telling you about others. He is keeping you off balance with info about the other girl. This is a common maniplation tactic known as the "push-pull". The confusion you feel, coupled with the positive reinforcement you get when you see him, builds attraction. I think if he was serious about you, he would take steps to have an exclusive relationship with you. Instead of asking around to see if you are with other guys, he would be telling you he wants you as his girlfriend so that you won't be with other guys. He's interested to know if he's sharing you, but not interested enough to commit. It sounds as if he is enjoying your attention and companionship, but is not prompted to commit to you. He's wants the fun, but not the responsibility. when i first tell people about him and what he's said..initially they think like you..and think he's a player..but then i explain some more things to them about his own values/morals/ethics/ and what he has said to me countless times in the past..and i think to myself he is definitely not a player..although on a very shallow level he comes across this way... personally i think he does want to get married...he only told me the other day.."all my friends are getting married" and i feel like the only one whos not..and he's even told me how he wants to get married..and where and like little details like that..which means he has thought about it..plus hes said to me that i should be thinking about it more... if anything out of the two of us..he probably comes across more interested in marriage than me,,whereas i seem quite complacent/indifferent about it...and its true..because i dont tell him when or where or how or who with ..with regards to the marriage issue. he did try to have an exclusive relationship with me... as in he did propose some places that we should go and meet up and do things together..but they never really happened..and i take responsibility for that..because at the time i wasnt thinking i wanted a relationship...and i have my reasons..but if i was to then yes he would probably be the one i would consider.. as for this girl i have no idea. why hes talking to her..when he told me back then he wasnt interested... maybe he likes the attention or something..maybe she gives him what im not i dont know
CautionaryTale Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 He's still talking to the other girl because he can. You haven't been very receptive and he's not going to close the door on all opportunities. It doesn't matter what he told you, he's keeping his options open. Thing is, he's not wrong in doing so. He's single. By the sounds of it, I don't think you'd be losing much. In any case, he's manipulating you with subtle threats of being with this other girl. He's trying to twist your arm to make a move. Do you want to be with someone who uses this tactic to get what they want? Never go by what people say, only by their actions. If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck and quacks like a duck... It's probably a duck.
Author candy 87 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 He's still talking to the other girl because he can. You haven't been very receptive and he's not going to close the door on all opportunities. It doesn't matter what he told you, he's keeping his options open. Thing is, he's not wrong in doing so. He's single. By the sounds of it, I don't think you'd be losing much. In any case, he's manipulating you with subtle threats of being with this other girl. He's trying to twist your arm to make a move. Do you want to be with someone who uses this tactic to get what they want? Never go by what people say, only by their actions. If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck and quacks like a duck... It's probably a duck. of course he can talk to the girl...my point isnt that i want him to stop talking to that girl..although i wouldnt mind..my point is more..how much can he be in to me if thats how he is acting...and why did he tell me he wouldnt speak to her anymore and then this many months later i find out he is..its just surprising thats all i know this is going to sound stupid but..if i was really really realyy interested in someone..the way he has made it sound...i.e. being all depressed when we're apart..talking about marriage and how he wants me to start thinking about it..and referring to me as his "special someone"...all that kind of thing indicates that he not just likes me but myabe more.. so then if i did feel that way about someone..theres not really many other guys that would be able to take my attention away from that person..i wouldnt even look at someone else twice let alone meet up with them and get cosy... the fact that he did all of that..just makes me questions things.. but of course you're right he is single..i cant tell him what to do..and who to speak to and who not to...these are just the thoughts that i will keep to myself.. do you thnk that was his tactic?? he actually wants me and is trying to get me by talking about HER AND HIM TOGETHER? but the thing is..the only reason he told me was because i asked him "who called you"..this is when i was on the phone to him..and thats when he said oh ye do you remember that girl?? so he went in to that story..as opposed to purposely starting a conversation about her oh i dont know
TaraMaiden Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Sorry... I've lost track in this of what you're actually asking.... What is it you actually want..... From either us, or him - ?!
Author candy 87 Posted February 14, 2013 Author Posted February 14, 2013 Sorry... I've lost track in this of what you're actually asking.... What is it you actually want..... From either us, or him - ?! ok why is he still talking to this girl who he claimed he was never interested in ?? before proceeding to tell me he "wanted" me?? what happened was..he met up with her..she kissed him..he let her..she said she loved him and wanted to be with him and would do anything to please him bla bla bla..he told me that story and then said but "i want you" and "i want you so badly"..and exactly then he also said hes not speaking to her..this was six months back now.. a couple of days ago i find out he is still on speaking terms with her.. i just dont get why if he is so in to me..why he would be continuing contact with her??
TaraMaiden Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 If you're not that into him - why does it matter?? He's a guy! Guys do this! How old are you both? is he younger or older than you? 1
Author candy 87 Posted February 14, 2013 Author Posted February 14, 2013 If you're not that into him - why does it matter?? He's a guy! Guys do this! How old are you both? is he younger or older than you? more or less the same age lol early 20zz! guyss are terrible then arent they loll
TaraMaiden Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Right. I may well get slammed for this, but it's biology not bias. The brains of guys and gals develop at different stages, depending on the areas and which lobes, and what mental activities.... but it would appear that on the 'emotional' level, he's about 2 - 3 years behind you..... And the frontal lobes do not develop into adulthood (in both genders) until well into your 20's.... At the risk of sounding a bit like a maiden aunt - I think he's just being a bit of a dick, and maybe saying stuff to make you jealous, or 'get a rise out of you'....(Do you have that phrase in the USA....?...Are you even IN the USA...?) Anyway, I think at this stage you just need to rise above it a bit. I would suggest that if he has no steady, definite young lady - then he has raging hormones, and he's just being a bit of a dumb~ass..... but that's ok. He will grow out of it. Don't take it too seriously.
Author candy 87 Posted February 14, 2013 Author Posted February 14, 2013 Right. I may well get slammed for this, but it's biology not bias. The brains of guys and gals develop at different stages, depending on the areas and which lobes, and what mental activities.... but it would appear that on the 'emotional' level, he's about 2 - 3 years behind you..... And the frontal lobes do not develop into adulthood (in both genders) until well into your 20's.... At the risk of sounding a bit like a maiden aunt - I think he's just being a bit of a dick, and maybe saying stuff to make you jealous, or 'get a rise out of you'....(Do you have that phrase in the USA....?...Are you even IN the USA...?) Anyway, I think at this stage you just need to rise above it a bit. I would suggest that if he has no steady, definite young lady - then he has raging hormones, and he's just being a bit of a dumb~ass..... but that's ok. He will grow out of it. Don't take it too seriously. no its kool!.. science is a way of explaining this kind of behaviour!! thanks for saying that..i wish someone had said it sooner lol..as in the "dick" part lol i have no idea why..but i actually found it really unpleasant listening to him talking about her smile....and how nice it is... dont worry i understand what you're saying...by him wantiing to get a rise out of me..but why??? and why does he have to do it all the time?? ok hes stopped recently..but before then he kept going on and on and on about a different girl each day... i don't give him any reaction..so thats a positive ...i'll literally be like..really?? thats interesting :D and funny :D..when he'll tell me how sexy someone is and all of that but you know when he does say stuff like that..i always have to re evaluate what hes thinking about me..and whether hes still interested or not etc... because its not that often that he'll be romantic lol..or be lovey dovey... on the odd and rare occasion he'll tell me he misses me and just generally stuff that you say to someone you like the rest of the time its about the other people so strange that in the past half of my friends thought he must be in love with me eh?? i wonder where that "loves" disappeared
Cutiepie1976 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 (edited) Skimmed the OP and a few posts very quickly. Three years! He asked others out on dates, but not you. Curious about your views on marriage, but can't ask you on a date. Kissed by some woman he didn't like. Dated her and was still talking to her six months later, even though he supposedly didn't like her. Yet, three years and despite all the personal questions, marriage talk, innuendo, and deep conversation, has yet to ask you for a date... Did I mention the three years of conversation? He's toying with you! He likes the attention. He likes the twinges of jealousy he causes. He likes that he gets a rise out of you. It makes him feel attractive and special. He pulls on your string and you react, stroking his ego. I would move on. He's just wasting your time. Your emotions should be focused on someone who actually cares about you. He isn't it. Sorry. BTW, guys aren't terrible. You just allowed this particular guy to take you for a meaningless roller coaster ride, when you had better things to do with your time. Edited February 14, 2013 by Cutiepie1976
Author candy 87 Posted February 14, 2013 Author Posted February 14, 2013 Skimmed the OP and a few posts very quickly. Three years! He asked others out on dates, but not you. Curious about your views on marriage, but can't ask you on a date. Kissed by some woman he didn't like. Dated her and was still talking to her six months later, even though he supposedly didn't like her. Yet, three years and despite all the personal questions, marriage talk, innuendo, and deep conversation, has yet to ask you for a date... Did I mention the three years of conversation? He's toying with you! He likes the attention. He likes the twinges of jealousy he causes. He likes that he gets a rise out of you. It makes him feel attractive and special. He pulls on your string and you react, stroking his ego. I would move on. He's just wasting your time. Your emotions should be focused on someone who actually cares about you. He isn't it. Sorry. BTW, guys aren't terrible. You just allowed this particular guy to take you for a meaningless roller coaster ride, when you had better things to do with your time. Its really difficult to put in everything..as its such a long and complex situation!! there are a few things here i'd have to amend though rather than it being three years i'd say.. about 2 years..i mean we spent half the time ignoring each other due to a couple of arguments we'd had in between! he didnt ask anyone else out...he just told me about how they asked him to go out with them..the only person he met up with really is the "hot" chick..but she was the one who persuaded him im sure to meet up.. and i missed out the parts where..we stopped talking for six months..(long story again) and soon after when we started speaking again..thats the time when he hinted he wanted a relationship..and did ask me to meet him quite a few times actually...it just never happened..dont get me wrong we've met up in groups..just not done the one on one thing.. after that is when the girl came in to it... actually another correction i have to make is..i NEVER react..sure im reacting in these forums..but he has no clue as to what im thinking..trust me.. when he tells me i respond to him like one of his guy friends would..i show no jealous WHATSOEVER..maybe thats why he continues...as he's trying and trying to get something out of me..:lmao:
Cutiepie1976 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 (edited) Unfortunately that something has never been a date, has it? I hate to say this, but three years, two years, one year? Does it really matter which it is?.We aren't talking two vs. three days or weeks here. Given his behavior, if you keep hanging on, it will soon be three, four, five years of hoping, while he continues to date and kiss women he "doesn't like." If you want to date him, YOU will have to ask him out. He clearly has no intention of progressing things. His needs are met by the status quo. Are yours? Honestly, given that he has no problem bringing up difficult relationship topics with you, he's obviously not too shy or timid. He also openly talks about other girls to you as if you are one of his buddies. Most guys won't do that if they are actively trying to get a particular person to date them. Unfortunately, I doubt that he sees you as having any GF potential, but that doesn't mean he won't kiss you or bang you if you hang out and push hard enough. Is that all you're really after? I could be wrong, but I'm sensing you're hoping to be his GF. It's never a good idea to date someone who doesn't see you as girlfriend material if you're hoping for a relationship. You can't change his mind, and you end up feeling used and angry when everything is finally over. As to having no reaction? Trust me, your face betrays how you really feel. You cannot control the immediate, initial momentary flickers that happen, even if you then control your facial expression. For people who are into teasing, that is even more enjoyable than the person who has a meltdown, because ultimately it matters even though you are trying very hard to prevent yourself from showing it. He likes torturing you a little. Unfortunately he is wasting your time, and you are allowing it. If he didn't periodically yank on your chain, you would have moved on and found a real boyfriend by now. Two years is a long time to stagnate, don't you think, pining over someone who has talked openly about a host of other girls for most of it? ETA: He's getting his ego continually stroked by you. What are you getting out of this? Edited February 14, 2013 by Cutiepie1976
Author candy 87 Posted February 14, 2013 Author Posted February 14, 2013 Unfortunately that something has never been a date, has it? I hate to say this, but three years, two years, one year? Does it really matter which it is?.We aren't talking two vs. three days or weeks here. Given his behavior, if you keep hanging on, it will soon be three, four, five years of hoping, while he continues to date and kiss women he "doesn't like." If you want to date him, YOU will have to ask him out. He clearly has no intention of progressing things. His needs are met by the status quo. Are yours? Honestly, given that he has no problem bringing up difficult relationship topics with you, he's obviously not too shy or timid. He also openly talks about other girls to you as if you are one of his buddies. Most guys won't do that if they are actively trying to get a particular person to date them. Unfortunately, I doubt that he sees you as having any GF potential, but that doesn't mean he won't kiss you or bang you if you hang out and push hard enough. Is that all you're really after? I could be wrong, but I'm sensing you're hoping to be his GF. It's never a good idea to date someone who doesn't see you as girlfriend material if you're hoping for a relationship. You can't change his mind, and you end up feeling used and angry when everything is finally over. As to having no reaction? Trust me, your face betrays how you really feel. You cannot control the immediate, initial momentary flickers that happen, even if you then control your facial expression. For people who are into teasing, that is even more enjoyable than the person who has a meltdown, because ultimately it matters even though you are trying very hard to prevent yourself from showing it. He likes torturing you a little. Unfortunately he is wasting your time, and you are allowing it. If he didn't periodically yank on your chain, you would have moved on and found a real boyfriend by now. Two years is a long time to stagnate, don't you think, pining over someone who has talked openly about a host of other girls for most of it? ETA: He's getting his ego continually stroked by you. What are you getting out of this? ye its never been a date because i've never let it be a date..hes brought it up and i probably didnt sound too enthusiatic or i just changed the subject..!! if i was like this other girl then maybe we would be going out right now... in fact..its that girl who actually pushed and prodded him in that direction..he probably just went along with it..as he had no reason not to. im not trying to make myself feel better or anything..im just telling you that i'm not one of those normal easy to get type of girls...you'd understand if you heard how i speak to him... he never wanted a relationship for all those years lol..and neither did i!!! its not like i was waiting for him... and to this day he still hasn't gone in to a relationship with anyone..it was only last year he decided he was looking for one...and he then mentioned it to me...as in i was the first person he hinted to..like i said through the song lyrics " lately iv been thinking we should define what we are and i should make you mine" again if i was someone who was that easy..like that girl..i would have said ye totally when and where ill see you tomorrow.. but maybe i didnt react in the right way and instead i said.. thats a nice song..end of..he told me to tell him what i thought of the song but it was a blatent hint..however..i didnt acknowledge that to him he didnt date that girl...he told me they went out once lol...but she wants to continue to see him and hes telling me shes trying to persuade him to...and hes gving her excuses ..example > she said to him.. i dont think we've been out to eat together... he said to her " dont you remember that time we shared popcorn" which was about the cinema date they had six months backk i understand the logic that most guys wouldnt talk about other girls..to a girl they specifically like..however ..thats not true is it..ive heard it plenty of times..from other people that ..guys do that to get a reaction and see how that person actually feels about them.. and he started doing it more and more ONLY after he asked me to hang out and i kinda didnt go along with it in a more assertive way...mayhbe thats when he thought i wonder how she actually feels..and then tried to bring up other people his friend told me ages ago that this guy actually once told him to make me jealous..so theres evidence right there...that same friend also told me that the guy does like me..and its so clear to him... he doesnt know my reaction at all..as he didnt tell me face to face..this was all over the phone..and i was just indifferent and kool about it
Cutiepie1976 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 In a phone conversation, there is tone and pace. Any communications expert will tell you that the actual content of what is said carries very little weight with the receiver of the message. (In face-to-face communication, it's about 7%. Obviously, it's a little higher in purely audio communication, but not by much). It's why humans are so adept at detecting lies. It's a large part of why we have intuition. It's why some poker players wear sunglasses and partially cover their face with hats, etc. Even when completely silent and still, you are communicating significant amounts of information, information judged to be highly reliable since it's near impossible to fake. It's in part why negative first impressions are so difficult to overcome. ***** So he asked you out on a date, and you refused and changed the subject? Is that what you are now saying? If so nothing will progress unless you ask him on a date. As to the other woman involved, you have no idea what is actually happening between them. Just his version of events, which likely is geared to minimizing the risk that your ego stroking would give up and disappear to focus on another guy. As to minimizing things in front of you, for all we know, he might have made excuses to her afterward and rationalized by describing you as crazy and unstable. None of us knows what is actually happening between the two of them, other than they dated and you clearly never have, as you now say, because you declined his request to date and changed the subject on him.
clia Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 I'm confused about what you want. Are you interested in him? Do you want to date him? Because your posts make it sound like you aren't interested in him at all (i.e. you never let it be a date with him, you didn't want a relationship with him, and it sounds like you've been kind of a jerk to him), but you just want to confirm that he is more interested in you than in this other girl. Is this some sort of validation you need that you are better than her? Why do you care so much about his relationship with this other girl? Honestly, I'd think you were about 16 years old from the sounds of all this if you hadn't said you were in your 20s.
Author candy 87 Posted February 15, 2013 Author Posted February 15, 2013 In a phone conversation, there is tone and pace. Any communications expert will tell you that the actual content of what is said carries very little weight with the receiver of the message. (In face-to-face communication, it's about 7%. Obviously, it's a little higher in purely audio communication, but not by much). It's why humans are so adept at detecting lies. It's a large part of why we have intuition. It's why some poker players wear sunglasses and partially cover their face with hats, etc. Even when completely silent and still, you are communicating significant amounts of information, information judged to be highly reliable since it's near impossible to fake. It's in part why negative first impressions are so difficult to overcome. ***** So he asked you out on a date, and you refused and changed the subject? Is that what you are now saying? If so nothing will progress unless you ask him on a date. As to the other woman involved, you have no idea what is actually happening between them. Just his version of events, which likely is geared to minimizing the risk that your ego stroking would give up and disappear to focus on another guy. As to minimizing things in front of you, for all we know, he might have made excuses to her afterward and rationalized by describing you as crazy and unstable. None of us knows what is actually happening between the two of them, other than they dated and you clearly never have, as you now say, because you declined his request to date and changed the subject on him. trust me he's not that intuitive.(not every person is, hence there are variations in emotional intelligence and other things).if he was he wouldn't have had the need to continue to brag about other women every single week..once someone has got a satisfactory reaction in terms of trying to make someone jealous ..they would not continue as long as he had... i think he just wanted to know how i feel about him..and he never really got that many answers..instead sometimes i would encourage him and say "yes why don't you go for it with that girl then?" i would basically call his bluff..to which he would respond.. "you think so, really?" yes i didn't mention it right at the beginning, but yes he did ask me to watch a film with him and sometimes he'd mention he'd been somewhere to eat and say to me he'll take me there one day.. of course you're right i dont know whats happening between them..and what he's saying to her about me and how he views his relationship with her...and that is why i created the thread in the first place!! but if anyone is ego stroking him..or has a great potential in doing so..it certainly is not me. That girl definitely does. But not me as i said, i'm not the typical open girly girl who will flutter her eyelashes and flirt and offer everything to a guy she likes...i'm just nothing like that. The most he gets from me is good conversation, that he could get from his guy mates if he wanted.. All i can say is he's spoken of marriage to me a LOT, how he wants his wedding, how he wants his life to be and his wife and he'll always end up telling me to think about when i want to get married and what my ideal marriage would be like and where i'd like to live and where i'd like to get married and specifics like that...Once out of the blue, he came back from a wedding, and basically proposed to me, he just said, so shall me and you just go get married now?? i really feel like doing that, to which i was like what are you serious...and he then said im just joking
Author candy 87 Posted February 15, 2013 Author Posted February 15, 2013 I'm confused about what you want. Are you interested in him? Do you want to date him? Because your posts make it sound like you aren't interested in him at all (i.e. you never let it be a date with him, you didn't want a relationship with him, and it sounds like you've been kind of a jerk to him), but you just want to confirm that he is more interested in you than in this other girl. Is this some sort of validation you need that you are better than her? Why do you care so much about his relationship with this other girl? Honestly, I'd think you were about 16 years old from the sounds of all this if you hadn't said you were in your 20s. i just want him to confirm that he's interested in me before i do or say anything (in a way that he has to prove it first), and i would know that if he focused on just me and didn't feel the need to mention a different girl every day, too much to ask?? when he does and says stuff like.."that girl has such a nice smile it nearly got to me" and "this girl was so hot that i was trying my best to fight temptation"...and then tells me he went and met up with some girl who was all over him and she ended up kissing him..what am i supposed to think? The idea that he is remotely interested in me just goes out the window!!!!!!
Recommended Posts