mutant Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Is it okay to disappear off the face of the earth? The bulls**t the ex pulled at the end of our 4 year relationship makes me not want to contact her ever again. Needless to say I haven't responded to any of her few attempts to establish contact. The ex and I live far away from each other and are unlikely to meet unless its arranged.
flitzanu Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Is it okay to disappear off the face of the earth? The bulls**t the ex pulled at the end of our 4 year relationship makes me not want to contact her ever again. Needless to say I haven't responded to any of her few attempts to establish contact. The ex and I live far away from each other and are unlikely to meet unless its arranged. you're no longer together. you can act and behave however you wish. there are no social obligations to speak to someone. 3
Own Worst Enemy Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 if you've made it clear that it's over, and that you don't want to hear from her, then yes, totally. but if the ending is still unresolved, then no. it's never ok to do the disappearing thing to end the relationship! 1
Author mutant Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 if you've made it clear that it's over, and that you don't want to hear from her, then yes, totally. but if the ending is still unresolved, then no. it's never ok to do the disappearing thing to end the relationship! I was the dumpee here and I have since accepted the breakup. I am now slowly moving towards achieving indifference and I cant risk the progress I have made so far for anything. My question is whether it's okay to maintain NC even after we have healed and moved on with our lives or will this appear childish and immature.
Author mutant Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 each day i wake up and say to myself 'what I could have done to avoid this heartache' and I realize the answer now is nothing. I always asked myself this question two years into our relationship when she first dumped me. I then went on-line and searched "how to get your ex back" and similar stuff only to arrive to a website that advised on using NC followed by LC. I followed the outlined steps religiously and we were back together in four with me feeling like a genius! But guess what? that was the DUMPEST move I have ever made in a relationship. Nothing ever changed and all the issues that existed before the BU persisted. The relationship turned into a bed of thorns with me walking on eggshells every single day. Every argument ended with her suggesting a breakup and me pretending that I didn't hear her LOL! I haven't read your story but whatever it is you have to hold on and stay strong till you can wither the emotional storm. then you will be able to see the relationship without those rose-tinted glasses.
flitzanu Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I was the dumpee here and I have since accepted the breakup. I am now slowly moving towards achieving indifference and I cant risk the progress I have made so far for anything. My question is whether it's okay to maintain NC even after we have healed and moved on with our lives or will this appear childish and immature. childish and immature to whom?
Author mutant Posted February 14, 2013 Author Posted February 14, 2013 childish and immature to whom? The essence of going NC is to get over the ex, find ourselves again and basically move on with our lives. I want to assume that once we get to a state of indifference we will see our exes in the same light as a neighbour or a stranger. At this point it may not be necessary to maintain NC since we don't run the risk of getting hurt by any if their actions. I think it would be a bit immature to carry on with NC at this stage if the ex wishes to maintain Low contact. It's almost similar to going NC on a friend who hurt you many years ago when you were both immature. I normally find it hard to ignore people and I have remained LC with previous exes. However I have no intention whatsoever to contact my current ex in my lifetime considering the crap she pulled at the end of the relationship. I don't know if this is a sound decision or does it seem okay at the moment just because I have been recently hurt.
TaraMaiden Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 I was the dumpee here and I have since accepted the breakup. I am now slowly moving towards achieving indifference and I cant risk the progress I have made so far for anything. My question is whether it's okay to maintain NC even after we have healed and moved on with our lives or will this appear childish and immature. It's absolutely definitely okay to maintain NC for as long as you choose to, decide to or want to. Not childish/immature in the slightest. As the self-proclaimed AND elected Resident Queen - nay, Empress, even! - of the No Contact Advocacy Club, I wholeheartedly endorse your decision, applaud it and encourage it. Ya.eah. 1
destroyed4sho Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 I was the dumpee here and I have since accepted the breakup. I am now slowly moving towards achieving indifference and I cant risk the progress I have made so far for anything. My question is whether it's okay to maintain NC even after we have healed and moved on with our lives or will this appear childish and immature. I think you are thinking too far ahead into the future. The day you heal.and become indifferent is the day tou wil not care how you appear to your ex...childish or immature etc...As a matter if fact your ex will be so foreign to.you that the thought of connecting with them again will feel awkward. Your feelings and body will tell you what to do when the time comes. So dont think/plan ahead.
lovecutsrightthruu Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 I would stay NC for the forseeable future. The fact that your asking this question on this site means that you're still thinking about her.
iouaname Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 I hate just disappearing on my ex, because I know he's worried about me and because I know that there have been times that he has gone out of his way to help me. The way I look at it - he dumped me. So, regardless of the things that I did for him, he made a decision for himself. So now I just kind of have to do that, too.
LostOne1 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 My own foolish beliefs about being decent enough to keep in touch with her family got me nowhere. her mom said I was like her son and that her dad said his house is like mine and I should feel free to raid the fridge, basically do whatever. I went from that level of closeness with my ex and her family to being a nobody. Where is the love gone ? I know that feeling.. it was the same for me too. The sad part is her family didn't do anything after my ex ended it. They never once checked up on me or anything. They did what my ex did and just ignored me. I went from having a smaller family to nothing from their end. They just threw me away so easily. What I learned though is that her family sucked. If they were good people, they would've talked and at least wished me a happy life where ever it takes me. But they just decided to play the NC game on me too. That is until my ex wanted something, then she got her bro or sis to do it for her against me eg. her bro threatening me. I'm glad I'm done with her. I would've regretted being stuck with her. Now I have a chance to find a better girl and better/cooler in laws 1
Author mutant Posted February 14, 2013 Author Posted February 14, 2013 I know that feeling.. it was the same for me too. The sad part is her family didn't do anything after my ex ended it. They never once checked up on me or anything. They did what my ex did and just ignored me. I went from having a smaller family to nothing from their end. They just threw me away so easily. What I learned though is that her family sucked. If they were good people, they would've talked and at least wished me a happy life where ever it takes me. But they just decided to play the NC game on me too. That is until my ex wanted something, then she got her bro or sis to do it for her against me eg. her bro threatening me. I'm glad I'm done with her. I would've regretted being stuck with her. Now I have a chance to find a better girl and better/cooler in laws That sounds so cruel and how exactly did she get her bother to threaten you?
LostOne1 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Decent people who wish to leave a relationship they were not abused in show basic human compassion and honor the time spent by providing some semblance of closure. There ARE social obligation of empathy towards our fellows, after all "being humane" is what makes someone a human being to being with... the thing is we aren't humans much anymore.... we are changing things so much, that I really wouldn't say we are fully human anymore.
LostOne1 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 That sounds so cruel and how exactly did she get her bother to threaten you? She had her bro send me a threatning email to take down any pics/videos of me and my ex that were on youtube etc.. Said if I don't he would call his lawyer. Mind you this was all said in his FIRST email. It's not like he even asked politely, and if he had I would've taken it down anyways to be nice. But he was rude right away. Guess it just shows their real character. I could care less though, I mean the guy sits in his bed all day watching movies and tv. Can't expect much better from him.
flitzanu Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Decent people who wish to leave a relationship they were not abused in show basic human compassion and honor the time spent by providing some semblance of closure. There ARE social obligation of empathy towards our fellows, after all "being humane" is what makes someone a human being to being with... yeah. that's a wishful Utopian society. i don't disagree with your sentiment, but it isn't realistic. if everyone acted that way, then yes, but they don't. simply being human doesn't require anyone to behave decently. time has shown this again and again, not to mention the whole reason this site is here. 1
Recommended Posts