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Gender Differences in Dating Difficulties


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Posted

I am literally blown away by the sheer volume of men who are struggling with dating. It's just depressing to see all these guys who are failing so hard they have lost hope.

 

Where are all the struggling women? I would assume there are just as many out there. Do they just have a different attitude towards it?

Posted
I am literally blown away by the sheer volume of men who are struggling with dating. It's just depressing to see all these guys who are failing so hard they have lost hope.

 

Where are all the struggling women? I would assume there are just as many out there. Do they just have a different attitude towards it?

 

I'm a guy but just from observation of female friends...

 

A few things are often the problem for an attractive girl.

Guy often don't approach them, they are scared s***less.

And the guys that do just are sleezy or lame.

Even if they don't have a problem getting dates, it doesn't go beyond 1 or 2 usually because the guys just don't step up their game.

Posted

Based on what I've seen on this forum, those who seem to be struggling are guys who also demonstrate that they are either wicked shallow or their assumptions about women are completely incorrect. For example, they seem to think that women are attracted to men for the same reasons men are attracted to women, although numerous studies--and even the women in this forum--have repeatedly shown that a woman's initial attraction to a man is more complicated. The way some of the guys on this forum talk about and disrespectfully label women is loathsome. If that is how they really feel, a lot of women are intuitive enough to pick up on that attitude. And thus, we have a strikeout.

Posted

I agree that the men who post here about their dating struggles, for the most part, have a common mind set, which I feel is one of the main reasons for their plight. But they unanimously resist or refuse to look at this, instead preferring to stay stuck in their self sabotaging comfort zones.

 

I think there are probably just as many women posting here about their struggles, but their threads and posts are usually much more personal and don't get the "bandwagon" effect that the posts of the guys, who are all likeminded, do. The women's posts rarely are about "why are men" or "why do men," but more about what happened in their own experience.

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Posted

I think a lack of understanding and in some cases and unwillingness to change is why some people struggle so mightily.

Posted
I think a lack of understanding and in some cases and unwillingness to change is why some people struggle so mightily.

True. My dating life (and life in general) has only ever improved when I have improved.

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Posted
I agree that the men who post here about their dating struggles, for the most part, have a common mind set, which I feel is one of the main reasons for their plight. But they unanimously resist or refuse to look at this, instead preferring to stay stuck in their self sabotaging comfort zones.

I think there are probably just as many women posting here about their struggles, but their threads and posts are usually much more personal and don't get the "bandwagon" effect that the posts of the guys, who are all likeminded, do. The women's posts rarely are about "why are men" or "why do men," but more about what happened in their own experience.

 

I think you have that mixed up. The common attitude is caused by rejection... not the other way around. I see the same attitude develop among salesmen and sales women who have to sell high difficulty items. There are only a certain number of coping mechanisms for rejection.

 

The women posting here are mostly talking about relationship issues... Only one or two really talk about not getting dates at all.

 

Why don't we have women on this site with rejection issues? I mean struggling with the type of guys who ask you out is not even in the same ballpark of emotional pain as upfront rejection.

 

I know there have to be tons of women out there that never get asked out, ignored, rejected.... ect. I just don't see them here. I don't understand why. Do they become lesbians? Do they have their own website?

  • Like 1
Posted
I agree that the men who post here about their dating struggles, for the most part, have a common mind set, which I feel is one of the main reasons for their plight. But they unanimously resist or refuse to look at this, instead preferring to stay stuck in their self sabotaging comfort zones.

 

I think there are probably just as many women posting here about their struggles, but their threads and posts are usually much more personal and don't get the "bandwagon" effect that the posts of the guys, who are all likeminded, do. The women's posts rarely are about "why are men" or "why do men," but more about what happened in their own experience.

 

I think this is spot on. Both genders have issues from time to time, have to deal with breakups, lack of interest, etc. There are certainly hurting women posting for advice too, but it's typically about a particular issue in a specific relationship. The broad, overarching generalization "here's what you need to succeed" threads are almost always started by guys who complain about having little success themselves, but yet seem to have no issue doling out wisdom, dispensing simplistic, misguided rules, dismissing advice from female posters trying to help them, and accusing them instead of leading guys astray about what works. Savvy marketers know you focus on input and feedback from your target audience. That's far from the case here.

 

I think it reflects part of the issue. It seems that some of the most vocal have a hard time with social context, social interaction, reading social situations and behavior, etc. Makes me wonder if that might underlie their thinking, their negativity and overt bitterness, and their continual struggles. For the most part, IRL guys are adept at reading social interaction when it comes to dating, recognizing interest, realizing when it's not there and they are just entertainment, figuring out how to get what they want, staying true to their boundaries, and getting you to respect these. All of these are frequently missing here. I do know one guy in real life who is single, early 60's, has had a handful of first dates ( with women who asked him) and no relationships, but is one of the most opinionated people I know when it comes to reading women and their behavior. None of the bitter, misogynistic views you see here, but just completely misguided and proceeds to shoot himself in the foot every . single . time! ...is somehow convinced his height is the sole reason he's never married and rarely dates. Mind you, he almost never asks women out, and then only if she practically beats him about the head with her obvious interest. He's surrounded by age mates who are just as short, and sometimes shorter, but happily married. But the only problem in his mind is his height and the flakiness of women. You have to want to change! I'm sure at this point that he'll be just as rigid in his thinking in his 70's and 80's. I think he's comfortable being unhappy and dissatisfied. It's what he knows.

 

All the advice in the world won't help until a person takes responsibility and chooses to change. Until then, it's all more of the same.

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Posted
I think you have that mixed up. The common attitude is caused by rejection... not the other way around. I see the same attitude develop among salesmen and sales women who have to sell high difficulty items. There are only a certain number of coping mechanisms for rejection.

 

The women posting here are mostly talking about relationship issues... Only one or two really talk about not getting dates at all.

 

Why don't we have women on this site with rejection issues? I mean struggling with the type of guys who ask you out is not even in the same ballpark of emotional pain as upfront rejection.

 

I know there have to be tons of women out there that never get asked out, ignored, rejected.... ect. I just don't see them here. I don't understand why. Do they become lesbians? Do they have their own website?

 

Sorry, but some of the most resilient, fun-loving people I know...my favorite people to hang around, in fact...are salespeople selling complex, high-end goods where it's almost all rejection. They are cheerful and optimistic. They see the world as full of opportunity. A peer of mine on the sales side was given a near impossible target. Rather than whine and complain, he broke it down, figured out how he might make a go of things, and by the time he was through with his plan, had moved me from pitying his plight to being convinced that he'd gotten off easy. He hadn't. He's resilient. He's incredibly positive. He loves people and reads them like a book. That's why he's so good and incredibly successful.

 

Again, the people who struggle externalize their problems and blame everyone else and everything for their situation. The ones who do well, welcome the challenge of trying to get what they want, shrug off rejection and failure, and keep going...because...well, what's the choice?

Posted
Why don't we have women on this site with rejection issues? I mean struggling with the type of guys who ask you out is not even in the same ballpark of emotional pain as upfront rejection.

 

Women deal with more rejection after sex.

 

It is no less painful.

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Posted
Where are all the struggling women? I would assume there are just as many out there. Do they just have a different attitude towards it?

 

Some of them are on here! but I do see more struggling men posting than women. Perhaps some of the struggling women have different social support networks (what I like to call "friends") that they can turn to and talk about these issues.

  • Like 1
Posted
Where are all the struggling women? I would assume there are just as many out there. Do they just have a different attitude towards it?

 

They don't post on boards like this. Part of the reason is any girl who dares to speak of struggling problems is immediately attacked with the usual claims how she won't give the nice socially inept doormat guy a chance. Or she'll speak of how she did give one or a few of those guys a chance, but will be chastised for not sticking to it or daring to proclaim she didn't feel any chemistry.

 

The struggling women will post on female-centric boards and places. Granted many of them get no better than here, only they are loaded with the masses who proclaim the woman is perfect and it's men who are the problem or men need to grow up.

 

PLUS...a lot of women simply keep their troubles offline. Unlike men, women nowadays are more pushed to be "perfect" as opposed to just successful. Suddenly it's not enough to have an education and career. Now she also has to have an amazing body, nice rack, beautiful face/hair, be amazing in bed, and is able to bear healthy children AND mommy them while working.

 

Plus I'll even add how women are also pushed to be happy alone. The usual "men are children and women can rule the world without them" talk. So now many women are afraid to complain simply because some femnazi will ridicule her for not wanting to treat men as sex and free dinners.

 

I'll see women complain like men here do offline, over drinks, or in the girl circles over ice cream and/or wine. You just won't find them here or on any of the other male-centric dating forums.

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Posted

Girls have better support networks generally, which is why they complain less online when it comes to these matters.

 

As for men, I figure that some of the men who struggle do not have the same network socially and are no less inefficient at dealing with issues internally on average than women in my opinion, despite there being a socially engineered ignorance of emotional intelligence among quite a few men. Saying that, I know similar women :laugh:.

 

I think that men really need to take advantage of outlets - ways to work off some of that frustration. I have lots of hobbies, goals and aspirations, the ultimate of which is to be a renaissance man. These things absorb much of my energy and in turn, give it back.

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Posted
Women have never had to have an education or a career to be desireable.

 

For most men, it doesn't matter if she is working at a mcdonalds or is a lawyer.

Most college educated guys want the woman in their life to also be college educated.

 

Most women are happy alone.

I have a lot of female friends that would disagree with you. if anything I think women feel worse about being single and alone. it's that "she can't land a guy so something must be wrong with her" bs.

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Posted
Women have never had to have an education or a career to be desireable.

 

For most men, it doesn't matter if she is working at a mcdonalds or is a lawyer.

 

Maybe for you. I know in my circles they'll see the waitress or fast food girl as "I'd bang her, but not date her"...while they only look at the very good looking office professionals as "girlfriend-worthy".

 

Times have changed. I have one gal pal who I think is quite gorgeous, but she's a single mom working as a cocktail waitress. She found one night that many of the handsome yuppies she drooled over only saw her as a sex toy. One had the guts to tell her he would never bring her home to his mom...simply because he wants to marry a hot-looking successful woman.

 

She said and I quote: "I have to go get a college degree to be deemed 'wife-worthy'?"

 

Look how many women go to college in search of a MRS Degree. Look how many fathers now tell their sons never to commit to the uneducated girl who doesn't have a career and can't bring more to the table than good looks.

 

 

Most women are happy alone.

 

Not sure on that. I used to believe that, up until I see female friends break down a little (usually after a few drinks) and tell of how they do want the handsome husband, house in the burbs (or town house in the city), kids, etc.

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Posted
I think you have that mixed up. The common attitude is caused by rejection... not the other way around.

It takes a very strong person to be unfazed by rejection.

 

People think it's a chicken and the egg scenario, is somebody depressed because they get rejected, or are they getting rejected because they are depressed?

 

While it is a little bit of both, I do believe the rejection came first which brought them down. And then being depressed because you got rejected, makes it more likely to get rejected again, which only adds to the depression.

Posted
Or it's simply like this.

 

Dating IS harder for men.

 

I know women like to dismiss this quickly but they never really consider that it might just be the truth.

 

It would explain why more men seem to be struggling than women.

 

Could be! but I tend to dismiss that, too. I think the difficulties are different, but not greater or lesser.

Posted
Women deal with more rejection after sex.

 

It is no less painful.

More guys go years and even decades without sex. More women get used for sex. They are different types of pain.

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Posted
Girls have better support networks generally, which is why they complain less online when it comes to these matters.

The support networks and cooperation can make things easier for girls. Guys compete with each other much more.

Posted
i dont knw about this but if its so .....

 

i mean woman have been taking to much crap from men,

maybe they are tired now? and dont take it anymore.

 

also for generations daughters see their parents go true crap

from their dad.

so maybe we are in a time when this generation

take a different position.

It is not uncommon for a woman to be used by a man and then to take her anger out on the next man she has a date with.

Posted
The support networks and cooperation can make things easier for girls. Guys compete with each other much more.

To an extent this is true. However, I must say that a lot of guys have no true idea how to adequately handle "competition" in a lot of areas in life.

  • Like 1
Posted
To an extent this is true. However, I must say that a lot of guys have no true idea how to adequately handle "competition" in a lot of areas in life.

 

I agree with this 100%.

 

I'm a life long athlete, and was kind of blessed with learning to deal with failure at an early age.

Posted
I agree with this 100%.

 

I'm a life long athlete, and was kind of blessed with learning to deal with failure at an early age.

I can imagine :laugh:.

 

Guys are too extreme one way or another. They use competition to boost their own ego at the expense of others and believe that is what it's all about. Or they completely shy away, for fear of losing in front of others. No objectivity, no real constructive use for competition.

Posted
I can imagine :laugh:.

 

Guys are too extreme one way or another. They use competition to boost their own ego at the expense of others and believe that is what it's all about. Or they completely shy away, for fear of losing in front of others. No objectivity, no real constructive use for competition.

 

lol, my 8 year old soccer team lost every match. It's probably the reason why I stuck to individual sports after that......

  • Like 1
Posted
To an extent this is true. However, I must say that a lot of guys have no true idea how to adequately handle "competition" in a lot of areas in life.

 

And it's only going to get worse with all of the "participation" and "thanks for showing up" and "everyone is a winner" trophies kids get today. I'm already seeing the results in young adults I interview for jobs -- they just do not know how to handle rejection, failure, or when things don't quite go their way. It absolutely destroys them.

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