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Posted (edited)

I wrote a massively long post about us earlier, but the page timed out and I lost it all :rolleyes:

 

I'll be a bit briefer:-

 

  • Same sex relationship
  • I'm 37, a provider, giver, carer and I'm talkative/emotional
  • She's 41 quiet, reserved, calculated, likes things on her terms
  • Been together 15 years
  • Split up for a year after she had an affair
  • I had a brief rebound relationship in the time we were apart
  • We reconciled, without much talking from her but what she did say was telling and her unheard of emotionality
  • Recently she has stayed we me a lot and I've caught myself over providing and her riding on that
  • Saturday I got upset because she's constantly spending her weekends with her family, I get none of this premium time. I was tired and grumpy, so we argue briefly by text.
  • She came home and was nipping at me and not allowing me to speak, telling me what I am. So I snapped and in frustration said "f-Off", to which she stormed out
  • I called twice that night, say six hours later and calmly wanted to talk it through, she was having none of it. Text wars then ensued. I left it figuring we were just het-up
  • Sunday she text me "miss you", which I replied hours later "oh?!"
  • Monday she text me "x" which I questioned and then text-wars were out again.
  • She never lets me talk, tell her how I feel, she's never wrong. So I stupidly and emotionally took my chance and blurted by text, nothing heavy, just I want some of her time. To which she said she was moving on, as cold as that
  • NC since 5pm Monday
  • Today I cracked, I wasn't sure if her initial texts were her usual stupid arse way of apologising and that I was just still ragiging at her running away like a baby
  • I text her "I understand you want to move on. I repsect that. Just wanted to say I don't enjoy arguements, we hurt each other"
  • 25 minutes later she replies "I'm not the one wanting to move on.... I'm not looking for someone.... nor interested in anyone else..."

So what the hell do I do now? I'm no weak sissy girl, I kicked her to the curb for cheating and she had to work to get my attention again, but I hate walkers, games and punishment techniques. I wasn't going to play NC for control, I wanted to calm down, unsure as to whether she was bread-crumbing with the early texts or whether she's geuninely rubbish.

 

Help! I don't want control games, punishments, but she did say she wanted to move on, I fear to panic me into a "I need you, don't go" response ... which she didn't get.

 

For clarity, we lived together for 13 years monogomously, usually she likes heavy contact like 30 texts+ a day and calls, we're usually always orbiting each other.

Edited by QoS
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