OSCAR_BUSTOS21 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I value your feedback, so thanks in advance.Since dumping my gf on boxing day out of pure paranoia I have been in deep regret. After initially asking her to come back I have collected my thoughts and have consulted much advice on the subject. This girl means everything to me and I must change in order to accomodate her. I have trust and control issues that I believe I'm working on. Since the split we have been intimate and seen each other several times, had constant contact etc. Last weekend she sent me a link for a house that she wanted stating in the long run would be ours. She has asked me out on valentines and stated that I should join her and family on a pre-booked vacation in may. I met with her on thurs and she started to cry as soon as we went out, saying that I didn't care about her. At the end of the night I told her that I wanted her back (by text). After much discussion I decided to give her three weeks to make her mind up. Bad idea I believe. She accepted I spoke with her last night and she said she hasn't healed as yet but knows we'll be together in the future, she cried her eyes out and said that she only wants me. I originally put the ultimatum out there in as I'm getting quite annoyed I also have the option to apply for an aussie visa but its my last chance and this needs to be done in 3 weeks. We are going out tomorrow for valentines to a very expensive restaurant and I intend on saying the following: " I have thought about things since. I genuinely care for you and can see you are hurt by everything, didn't know how much till you cried last night. An ultimatum is the wrong thing to put on anyone. When/if we get back it needs to be what we both want and not forced. Your right if you still hurt and need to heal then its too early, u know where i stand.. Let's just be honest and communicate with each other and work on the solution" Hopefully someone can provide answers to my questions below. - Am I right to throw out the ultimatum and tell her the above? - Should I tell her that I am going to apply for the aussie visa and go there if things don't work? (i'm thinking this may offend her but still I need to apply) - Is she stringing me along or really hurt? - Thank you
TaraMaiden Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 If I were she I would kick your A$$.... Who the hell do you think you are to put this pressure on her all the time? First you dump her 'out of paranoia' (need therapy, for that, I think!) Then you keep stringing her along by breaking No Contact, having sex regularly and acting like nothing happened - then you have the gall to demand she make her mind up about whether she wants to resume going out with you or not! Who died and made YOU God of Love?? She's scared of committing to you again, because you're demanding, controlling and unreliable. Apply for your visa. Let her find someone who won't dangle a hold over her and pull at her emotionally-fragile heart-strings. Jeesh, back off.... Really you know, you're not all that. If you have paranoia/commitment issues, you need to deal with those, before making demands on others, of this kind. 1
Chi townD Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 - Am I right to throw out the ultimatum and tell her the above? - Should I tell her that I am going to apply for the aussie visa and go there if things don't work? (i'm thinking this may offend her but still I need to apply) - Is she stringing me along or really hurt? - Thank you Okay, first answer to question one. NO ONE should put ultimatums on a relationship. That isn't fair to the person you're dating. If a girl put an ultimatum on me in a relationship. Then, BYE!!! I'm not one to play petty games. Answer for the second question. YOU GIVING HER ANOTHER ULTIMATUM!!!! Either she works it out with you or your moving to Austrialia!! Apply on your own. Don't tell her crap about it. If it isn't written in stone then you can always cancel. Answer for number three. She is NOT string you along. You're string her along with these mind games and ultimatums. Either you want to be with her or you don't. And you can put a period on that! How exactly are you being fair to her? You either need to sh*t or get off the pot. You need to tell her that there will be no more ultimatums. You would like the two of you to work on the issues together. As a partnership. Tell her you're going to indivdual counseling (and you really need it in my opinion) to figure out why you're so insecure. OR you end it there and move to Aussieland. Your choice. 1
Author OSCAR_BUSTOS21 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 Thank you for your replies, I'm well aware I'm a dick tbh. If I wasnt id be a happy man by now. One more question its been 7weeks since we split, how long should I wait for her?
Recommended Posts