WHAT AN IDIOT! She gave away her game plan. Safety net NO MORE! :-)

[Pharmboy]

Oh my God this girl is whacked! She broke up with me but still emails me saying things like "I love you", "You're the best friend I ever had" blah blah blah.

I banter back and forth with her in these email exchanges.

 

Then the other day she asks me why I think we have this deep connection. I gave her my thoughts and she returned with this e-mail:

 

__________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

We are just Nuts!! or masochistic or like to self indulge or like abuse...or maybe we just like to keep a familiar relationship around as we explore how one SHOULD be (familiar meaning something that at least looks like a bad past relationship)

 

Orrrr

 

it's just a safe place for us to be ourselves and yet explore the edge, look too far over the edge, jump off the edge only to climb back into the safe place.

 

Orrr

 

like when a person is on a desert island...they want to leave, but are so familiar and safe on that island that they stay..then when they try to escape they find they miss it, and want to go back to it because they had so many growths or they were soo raw on that island that they feel connected to it, and respect that it was there while they were acting all crazy!

 

___________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

Does that email not SCREAM "You are my safety net"?

 

I'm thinking:

"No way Babe; from here on out, it's life without a net for you."

 

This girl broke up with me and in less than a week, she's with someone else. She's done this before and I took her back. Maybe she just see's me as a sure thing or something.

 

I'll keep playing with her in e-mails; but, I'm staying in contact with her to see it fall. What arrogance on her part. Before this, I was being all analytical about it and I think she see's that I'm still there and she can do as she wants. Well, sorry chum, find another chump cause I'm gone. Just gonna hang around close so I can see the fallout when this new guy bolts. I know she'll turn to me and I'll just be standing there laughing.

 

Oppppsssss, sorry I forgot to put out the net. I hope the ground didn't hurt too much!! LOL

 

Jeeeezzzzzzz, these people TRIP!! This should be fun.

[EC]

huh??

[Pharmboy]

What I was saying is that my recent ex broke up with me but still wants to be close friends. She still tells me I love you and initiates all contact on a daily basis.

 

She has a new boyfriend but I think wants to keep me "available just in case". That e-mail she sent was her thoughts on why we have such a connection. But what she's really saying is "I want to keep you around because you make me feel safe". BS Ain't happinin.

[EC]

O I C I understand now.

 

After re-reading it i agree with you. She is keeping you around because you know the real her and still like her. (like the deserted island)

 

But she still wants to play the field. She is with this new guy now and it's still new it might not work out so she keeps you around for 'just in case'.

 

I'm glad that you can see past that and realize shes just f*cking around with you.

 

Don't pay her anymore attention. You definitly can do better.

[EnigmaXOXO]

Does that email not SCREAM "You are my safety net"?

 

 

What that screams to me is: I am one mixed-up, flighty, immature, attention starved, can't-figure-out-who-the-h*ll I-am, whacko, psycho fruit loop. (gasps for breath).

 

Buddy, if you don't run quick, you'll be the one strapped in a straight jacket and hauled off on a gurney. Remember---crazy people never think they're crazy.

 

Don't mean to make light of your situation. Just hoping to ease your anger a bit. There are more loony women out there just waiting for a go at you. No need to waste all your time having fun with this one.

 

Believe me, at the end of the day when that GREAT girl finally comes along, you'll look back on these moments and appreciate how far you've come…even more!

[Pharmboy]

Enigma,

 

It's so funny you said that. I told her a couple of weeks ago that I think she has all the traits of Borderline personality disorder....and she does!! She is textbook. I showed her emails of the past couple of months and chat sessions to a therapist and my therapist said she was defineatly borderline.

 

This girl had me thinking I was nuts so I went into therapy to find out the real deal. After a few sessions, found out that, yes I have issues (but who doesn't). Before I even said anything about the ex, my therapist asked me if I've ever been involved in a relationship with someone who was borderline. My therapist told me of the traits and it all added up at that particular point. The next session, I took the emails and chat sessions that I had saved. I was saving them because my ex always flipped flopped on everything she said. I wanted references to go back to just to insure I wasn't nuts.

 

So, BRILLIANT discovery on your part Enigma!! I'm glad it's so clear to someone "outside the box".

 

Thank you Thank you Thank you!!!!

[faux]

Originally posted by Pharmboy

...Before I even said anything about the ex, my therapist asked me if I've ever been involved in a relationship with someone who was borderline. My therapist told me of the traits and it all added up at that particular point. The next session, I took the emails and chat sessions that I had saved. I was saving them because my ex always flipped flopped on everything she said. I wanted references to go back to just to insure I wasn't nuts...

 

Your therapist could not, in any way, make a sound determination as to the mental health of your ex by reading chat sessions and emails. Certainly, your therapist would not be able to form a proper diagnosis of your ex without seeing her through an evaluation. I do agree that it would be possible for your therapist to infer certain things from the writing, but not enough to form a solid conclusion.

 

An individual can assume any way of thinking, any personality, and change or "flip flop" as much as he wants through writing. It is entirely possible that your ex is simply dealing with a lot of confusing emotions. I find that when people are under a lot of stress, or in a very uncomfortable and confusing situation, they tend to act "nuts".

 

I would advise that you not continue playing games with her via email. If you frown upon her behavior, I see no reason for you to stoop to her level.

[Pocky]

Then the other day she asks me why I think we have this deep connection. I gave her my thoughts and she returned with this e-mail:

 

Taking the less cynical approach - it seems like you've aided in giving her the impression that there is a connection between the two of you and she is analyzing it in the attempt to understand why BOTH of you keep each other in your lives. It sounds like to me that she's trying to understand what BOTH of you gain from remaining friends and why BOTH of you find it difficult to move on even when it's moving on from a relationship that doesn't seem to have been a good influence on either of you.

 

I don't see a safety net. I see a woman that still feels tied to you and is under the impression that you're still tied to her and she's trying to figure out why, if you both know it doesn't work and it's not good for you, you both still find yourselves in each others lives. Why do you continue to foster a relationship that ends up hurting one or both of you?

 

Sounds like she's trying to figure out what you two gain from each other and is it really healthy and worth keeping the relationship.

 

But if you prefer to take the cautious "I've been burned" approach and assume that she's just using you then do that. Maybe it'll make it easier for you to move on. Or maybe it'll just make you grumpy and even more cynical.

[Pharmboy]

Faux,

 

Where in my post did I say my therapist diagnose my ex at all? I don't believe that is what I wrote. My therapist knew me from 3 years ago when I saw her last. As we were going over the changes in ME over the last 3 years, and what issues have now come up; she asked the question about the types of people I was involved with over the last 3 years. I told her I thought typical. She responded that "something happened to bring you where you're at" etc etc. Then she asked me if I've been exposed to family members or others that may be mentally ill. It was then that she described SEVERAL different illnesses. When she got to the traits of Boarderline, that's when I MADE THE DISTINCTION. No where did I say she diagnosed her.

 

It was the next session that I took the emails and chat sessions in and let her read over some of them to make sure I was making rational interpretations of her flip flopping. No where did I say she diagnosed my ex based on emails or anything I said to her.

 

 

Pocky,

 

I have to agree she's analyzing the reasons for the connection. But the emails that proceeded this were about her kids, my kids and schools. She wrote, out of the blue, "I don't know why we have this deep connection; I don't get it". I responded with, I don't know either. The next email was the one I cut and pasted. However, keep in mind she has ALWAYS made comments about wanting to date around and has dumped me before. She's even gone so far as to comment "how long would you wait while I did." So yes, that info along with this email leads me to believe that she thinks I'm her safety net.

 

But I'm not going to play with this mess anyway. It was a fleeting and pleasant thought to close enough to watch her fall. I know that's just revenge speaking. For now, I'm just happy being with me and doing my thing again.