OuterLimits Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 (edited) Hello! Thinking about breaking no contact by leaving a simple card and chocolates at her door near the end of vday. She broke up with me 2 weeks ago because I pestered her for a non committed relationship to test some waters. I didn't give her the space she wanted and pushed her away but still managed to get limited contact with her. I believe I still have to make it up to her because I still haven't apologized in person for breaking promises and making her feel not loved. she told me through texts that she does not feel the same way for me. It's been a week of NC and honestly I am over it and if I break it it will not affect me, so should I be romantic and over it at the same time by leaving the card and chocolate at her door and still continue with no contact and not expect anything or let her know what she's missing by just sticking with absolute no contact? Edited February 13, 2013 by OuterLimits
TrueLoveSeeker Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Dont do it man. Please dont do it. You think you are over it but you are not. Give her some more time and then apologize when she least expects it. Or not. Dont bother her on V day when she expects it. Please dont do it. 1
Author OuterLimits Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 Now I'm lost again because this is what someone else told me: I think you should go for it, she deserves that much and she will know that you care, and look at you differently. But in the card don't write to much. just a small sentence.. i hope it goes well.. i am sure it will
lovecutsrightthruu Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 (edited) she told me through texts that she does not feel the same way for me. I'd listen to true love seeker and stay NC for a while longer. A week is too short - you're not over her. She may come to you if you wait it out. Edited February 13, 2013 by lovecutsrightthruu typo
Author OuterLimits Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 (edited) I am over her 85%. When I talk to girls I'm attracted to, I am free and feel good as ever. There is this one that I would like to consider dating but I just want to know 100% that it is over before I start anything. It won't be a rebound relationship because I feel I can be very happy with her. I just want to give my ex the benefit of the doubt and not ruin the chance by dating so soon. In fact, I might even wait a little longer before I date this next one because she is special to me. Since I am over her and breaking no contact will not affect me emotionally, it could possibly hurt the chance of getting back right? Now you all know where I stand. What would you do? Thanks for the replies! It is very much appreciated. Edited February 13, 2013 by OuterLimits
TrueLoveSeeker Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I would not pursue the new girl until you are sure you are over your ex. It will take longer than a week, dont kid yourself. By doing this you run the risk of the new girl not wanting to wait anymore but there is nothing you can do about it. If you had to choose right now, which girl would you rather be with if you had the chance with either of them. Really think about this. If you want to be with your ex, continue no contact for a few more weeks and then tell her how you feel. If she doesnt make it clear to you that she wants you back FOR THE RIGHT REASONS, move on. It will be hard but do it. If you want the new girl, forget about the ex and pursue the new girl. Make sure you are positive about your decision because it wouldnt be fair to you or her if you werent sure. Imagine if you were with the new girl and your ex came crawling back. If you would take the ex back, dont pursue the new girl but if you can honestly reject the ex, pursue the new girl. Honestly, nothing any of us can tell you what you should do. You need to think hard and make a decision. There is no wrong decision. There is only an opportunity to learn and a possibility for true love. Good Luck. 1
TaraMaiden Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Hello! Thinking about breaking no contact by leaving a simple card and chocolates at her door near the end of vday. NO. No, no, NO. She broke up with me 2 weeks ago because I pestered her for a non committed relationship to test some waters. Way to go, how to 'get the girl'! I didn't give her the space she wanted and pushed her away but still managed to get limited contact with her. I believe I still have to make it up to her because I still haven't apologized in person for breaking promises and making her feel not loved. She doesn't want you to 'make it up to her'... She wants you to go away and leave her alone.... she told me through texts that she does not feel the same way for me. It's been a week of NC and honestly I am over it Yeah, good for you. She isn't, so I'd back off if I were you - seriously, dude.... and if I break it it will not affect me, so should I be romantic and over it at the same time by leaving the card and chocolate at her door and still continue with no contact and not expect anything or let her know what she's missing by just sticking with absolute no contact? I really wouldn't bother, if I were you. I think she knows you've behaved like a douche and that frankly, you're really 'not all that'.... What really makes you think she would come back begging for more, when you have nothing to offer her in the first place.....? 1
Author OuterLimits Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 (edited) I really wouldn't bother, if I were you. I think she knows you've behaved like a douche and that frankly, you're really 'not all that'.... What really makes you think she would come back begging for more, when you have nothing to offer her in the first place.....? Lol! That's why I must show her that I'm all in and that I care, right? If she may not be over it yet then why won't she just give me another chance? Or is she playing this game out of desperation as someone else told me when I told them the story in detail? Edited February 13, 2013 by OuterLimits
TaraMaiden Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 If she wants you enough- let her come to you. Don't chase someone who's already told you in her actions that she really doesn't want to play your game. You just come over as out for the conquest. She won't trust you now.... And frankly, who honestly could blame her? You chop and change your intentions quicker than a traffic light....
Simon Phoenix Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Yeah, this idea sucks. Don't do it. Let her have some time away to decompress. Plus, you don't even sound like you even like her very much to be quite honest. I really don't get the point of doing this.
Kenji Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 You are clearly not over this girl. And don't pursue that second one until you are over her. She has feelings, too.
Author OuterLimits Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 I only opened the idea for a non committed relation about 3 times total each progressing into more seriousness. However, my feelings, deep inside, remained constant and would grow. I have my reason (mostly about love) to test the waters and it's not to get off on any type of thrill. I just want to know what my best chances are of getting her back. Since vday is somewhat considered a big day for the majority of the population. Surely it would be significant for her, so if she rejects my risk of love then so be it, right? I just feel that if I get an answer on vday, whether its good news or bad, I would know if she loves me and not because of no contact trickery that makes her lonely/misses me. I want her to love me for who I am. so if it does not work...so be it right? Knowing this, would you support me in my decision as stated in my 1st post?
Simon Phoenix Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I only opened the idea for a non committed relation about 3 times total each progressing into more seriousness. However, my feelings, deep inside, remained constant and would grow. I have my reason (mostly about love) to test the waters and it's not to get off on any type of thrill. I just want to know what my best chances are of getting her back. Since vday is somewhat considered a big day for the majority of the population. Surely it would be significant for her, so if she rejects my risk of love then so be it, right? I just feel that if I get an answer on vday, whether its good news or bad, I would know if she loves me and not because of no contact trickery that makes her lonely/misses me. I want her to love me for who I am. so if it does not work...so be it right? Knowing this, would you support me in my decision as stated in my 1st post? Valentine's Day is the worst day to do it. This isn't a romantic comedy. If she asks for space and you break it on a cliche day to break it, then you come off looking like a jackass that doesn't respect her wishes or listen to her. You need to stop watching movies dude -- those moves don't work in real life. If you want to get her back, then let her have the space she asked for. And asking her for a non-committed relationship (which is a dumb idea in general, why the hell would you ask for something like that?) then not giving her space out of "love" makes you look like a flake. 1
TaraMaiden Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I only opened the idea for a non committed relation about 3 times total each progressing into more seriousness. However, my feelings, deep inside, remained constant and would grow. I have my reason (mostly about love) to test the waters and it's not to get off on any type of thrill. WTF?? Once should have been enough! And if inside is different to outside, is it any wonder you sound completely two-faced and untrustworthy? Thrill be damned, stop playing games, it's utterly idiotic... I just want to know what my best chances are of getting her back. None. Zilch. Zero. It's a totally "Get lost creep" situation. Since vday is somewhat considered a big day for the majority of the population. Surely it would be significant for her, so if she rejects my risk of love then so be it, right? I just feel that if I get an answer on vday, whether its good news or bad, I would know if loves me and not because of no contact trickery that makes her lonely/misses me. I want her to love me for who I am. so if it does not work...so be it right? She doesn't LOVE you!! She probably doesn't even like you! She turned down your suggestion - 3 times it seems!! - and she has kicked you to the kerb!! Loving you for who you are?? Who are you exactly, because you say one thing and mean another... I doubt you're even sure yourself, you don;'t know whether you're coming, going, been, gone or went! No Contact isn't trickery. You obviously have no idea what the purpose of it is. if you use it for trickery, that's your problem... Knowing this, would you support me in my decision as stated in my 1st post? Why do you honestly think anyone is going to change their 'No' to 'yes' simply because you're persisting....? "Mommy can I jump in front of the train?" NO!! Get it??
Author OuterLimits Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 Because it is all my fault. I should try to make her feel that I really do love her even if it's this one last time on this special day. It's not like I'm asking anything from her...I'm showing that I love her and still giving her the space she wants. Besides, I think the needing space is over since she's already made up her mind that she doesn't feel the same.
TaraMaiden Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Will there be anything else?
Simon Phoenix Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Because it is all my fault. I should try to make her feel that I really do love her even if it's this one last time on this special day. It's not like I'm asking anything from her...I'm showing that I love her and still giving her the space she wants. Besides, I think the needing space is over since she's already made up her mind that she doesn't feel the same. She won't think you love her. She'll think you are trying to con her. Hell, I think you are trying to con her from what I've read.
Author OuterLimits Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 (edited) I'll tell you my reason why and she still doesn't know yet either because I still need to play this game to know for sure. The reason is because before we dated, she told me her dream was to marry and have a family. This was just before we started dating. She felt lonely and I'm guessing maybe running out of time (this may be irrelevant as I've told her I would too but many more years from now and she said she felt the same way...). I want to be sure that she loves me for who I am and not because of the other things in life such as marriage and kids. I want these things too but I want it with someone who loves me whole heartedly first before anything else. Edited February 13, 2013 by OuterLimits
TaraMaiden Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Will there be anything else? Just thought I'd add......
Author OuterLimits Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 Also, I know no contact is used for moving on and healing but I'm beyond that now. If you can't accept that I really love her then ok. I appreciate the feedback though, and I would still like to hear more from you if you have more to say later. Thanks everybody for your opinions and feedback, it is very much appreciated.
TaraMaiden Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 That's the whole thing: You haven't even approached No Contact properly, let alone being 'beyond that now'.... Have you read the link in my signature? The Whole Thread...? You need to. And what's the betting you're still going to go ahead and do it anyway? You can't stop yourself. You believe your right to do it, is greater than her right to be left alone....
316 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I don't understand how the OP can say that he's "over her" and then turn around and say he loves her... while still entertaining the idea of dating other girls. You come off as very wishy washy. Please don't send her the card... For her sake.
meeji Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 If you really want to send her a gift. do it anonymously. Maybe that's a better idea. Maybe she'll contact you and ask /thank you. If she is wondering who its from and you don't cross her mind, she's definitely over you. If you aren't expecting anything from her in return, then maybe this is a better idea.It shouldn't matter whether she knows its from you or not, right? you are over it.... I get the hunch that you are going to send her gifts regardless of what we say. So, This is my compromised suggestion. Send it anon.
AlexfromBoston Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Hello! Thinking about breaking no contact by leaving a simple card and chocolates at her door near the end of vday. She broke up with me 2 weeks ago because I pestered her for a non committed relationship to test some waters. I didn't give her the space she wanted and pushed her away but still managed to get limited contact with her. I believe I still have to make it up to her because I still haven't apologized in person for breaking promises and making her feel not loved. she told me through texts that she does not feel the same way for me. It's been a week of NC and honestly I am over it and if I break it it will not affect me, so should I be romantic and over it at the same time by leaving the card and chocolate at her door and still continue with no contact and not expect anything or let her know what she's missing by just sticking with absolute no contact? I don't really see the harm in doing this. Sure she doesn't want anything to do with you, but your V-Day card doesn't have to come across as a final attempt at reconciliation. Just let her know that you appreciate all the nice memories that you shared together and wish her a happy V-Day. Maybe relay that you wanted to do something for her on this "special" day and wish her luck. There is absolutely nothing wrong with doing something nice for someone you care about. If she ignores you...well you know 100% where you stand in her life and you should act accordingly. Personally, I am not a big fan of NC or giving someone you once loved(or still love) the cold shoulder. This is important if you're trying to heal or move on...but if you are already over your ex then why not. I am in the same position as you and I am going to leave my ex some cards and flowers. I know this will be important to her and I feel bad leaving her high-and-dry on V-Day. I too have been NC with my ex for 2 weeks and I really am over her. I prefer the single life myself.
TaraMaiden Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I don't really see the harm in doing this. Sure she doesn't want anything to do with you, but your V-Day card doesn't have to come across as a final attempt at reconciliation. Just let her know that you appreciate all the nice memories that you shared together and wish her a happy V-Day. Maybe relay that you wanted to do something for her on this "special" day and wish her luck. There is absolutely nothing wrong with doing something nice for someone you care about. If she ignores you...well you know 100% where you stand in her life and you should act accordingly. Personally, I am not a big fan of NC or giving someone you once loved(or still love) the cold shoulder. This is important if you're trying to heal or move on...but if you are already over your ex then why not. I am in the same position as you and I am going to leave my ex some cards and flowers. I know this will be important to her and I feel bad leaving her high-and-dry on V-Day. I too have been NC with my ex for 2 weeks and I really am over her. I prefer the single life myself. Clearly, he is not... ....and you are not in the same position as he is. You have moved on. He's still grasping at straws...
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