happymeal Posted August 30, 2004 Posted August 30, 2004 I've been dating the same guy off and on since Feb 2004. But, continuously "ON" for the last 3 months. I've known him for almost 2 years, but didn't get to really know him as friends until late last year. I recently took him to a wedding and a couple of people asked if he was my boyfriend (in front of him). I was totally unprepared for the question and gave a couple of looks at the person asking the question and the person I'm dating...until I answered "I don't know." To save me from embarrassment, the guy I'm dating said that we're dating. So, the day after the wedding, I asked him what I should answer if anyone asked if he was my boyfriend. I asked if I was just to answer "yes, he is my boyfriend". But, he replied with something like "that's a big committment...I'm not ready". It's not like I'm asking him to marry me! I'm not! We've been dating for 3 months, we see each other 4-5 days a week. I spend the night at his place at least once or twice a week. Most of his friends know we're dating. He kissed me in front of his friends, in front of some members of my family at the wedding...although he's not one for showing much affection in public anyway. But, I noticed he doesn't show much affection toward me in front of his family...which I understand. But, you would think that a brother he's semi-close to he'd tell about the girl he's dating. Anyhow, I've been beating myself up for thinking about why he doesn't want to be my boyfriend (yet). I think he's just afraid of the label because it already feels like we're bf/gf. Maybe it's because his mom divorced when he was very young, but is still with the same bf for more than 20 years of his life, his 2 older brothers aren't married but have kids and maybe that's why he doesn't want to be "committed"? He's not dating another girl, as far as I know, since the time I spend with him (not excessive) would give him very little time to date someone else. Should I bring up the subject of bf/gf/committment again or should I stop thinking about it and wait for it to naturally happen? I know he likes me, but I know he doesn't love me yet. I prematurely told him "I love you" the day before the wedding, to which he replied "that's such a strong word". Sometimes, I feel I am totally in love with him and am so tempted to tell him. But, when I finally said it to him, it didn't feel quite right. And, then I was embarrassed for saying it because he didn't feel the same way. There's a lot more to the story, but I'll wait until responses are posted.
morrigan Posted August 30, 2004 Posted August 30, 2004 From my POV, this guy may be a great person, but you should not have to persuade or drag someone into a relationship with you. His basic attitude towards the word "boyfriend" being too strong of a commitment for him should clue you in to how he would feel about any future living arrangement, engagement or marriage. If you like him a lot and want to keep dating him casually, just be aware that his idea of commitment may be a lot different than yours, and he might never want to get married.
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