Miss112233 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Hello everyone! New to the forums here! So the story goes... I've been seeing this guy for about a month now. We're both in our late twenties (I am two years older). He seems sweet and will text me every day to ask me how my day was or say that he misses me. After a nice dinner date (I think our second or third date), I invited him in and we banged. It was good. Now, normally a guy who's in it for the sex would just disappear after and never come back right? A couple of days later he sent me hand-picked flowers and he just came over the other night to cook me dinner. I've never had a guy treat me this way before and, don't get me wrong, I LOVE it but there are some things that are weighing on my mind. We haven't gone on a date since we had sex. It's now always him coming over. Sometimes we'll grab dinner or get it to go, but we never actually go out. He's still being very affectionate (almost a little clingy for a guy--especially after we had sex), and we're still having sex. Just not going out. One more thing is that let's just say I'm pretty well off with a great job, and he hasn't graduated from college yet, though he does have a full-time job. Some of my friends have pointed out that he might be in it for the sex and money, but I honestly don't know. He's either doing a really good job of wooing me or really liking me, but normally in my past relationships, a guy and I would go out on dates more often than stay at home, have sex, and watch TV. No, he hasn't introduced me to any of his friends, and he hasn't met any of mine. He seems SUPER into me after only a month of dating, which is unlike my previous relationships before too. I've heard through the grapevine that he's slept around and hooked up before, but maybe he really likes me and wants something serious this time? Or maybe he's just using tried-and-true player tactics. I have no idea.
Ruby Slippers Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 What do you want with this guy? Do you want dates and romance? Make it happen! If he wants to come hang out, tell him you'd rather go out on a date. He will most likely give you what you want. And if not, well, that tells you something. You've only been dating a month. Keep dating and getting to know him. 2
MissLY Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 What do you want with this guy? Do you want dates and romance? Make it happen! If he wants to come hang out, tell him you'd rather go out on a date. He will most likely give you what you want. And if not, well, that tells you something. You've only been dating a month. Keep dating and getting to know him. What she said.
Author Miss112233 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 What do you want with this guy? Do you want dates and romance? Make it happen! If he wants to come hang out, tell him you'd rather go out on a date. He will most likely give you what you want. And if not, well, that tells you something. You've only been dating a month. Keep dating and getting to know him. Isn't flowers and dinner romance? I did ask him about going out one night, and he asked what was wrong with staying in. He wasn't opposed to going out, but I could tell he wanted to relax at my place more. I mean we've been dating a month, but is hanging out at my place really dating? Though with the texts and flowers and dinner, he seems like he's making an effort. Since he has a shady past, I'm just on high alert right now. He hasn't really asked me about myself, and we don't really talk about anything deep when we're together. Just small talk. He doesn't elaborate about friends and family or his job, either. BUT he claims to really like me. One other thing is when I started posting pictures of us online, he disabled/deleted his profile soon after.
Ruby Slippers Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Isn't flowers and dinner romance? I did ask him about going out one night, and he asked what was wrong with staying in. He wasn't opposed to going out, but I could tell he wanted to relax at my place more. What about what you want? Most men are going to take the easiest path you let them take. But they'll respect you a lot more if you stand up for what YOU want. I mean we've been dating a month, but is hanging out at my place really dating? Though with the texts and flowers and dinner, he seems like he's making an effort. No, hanging out at your place is hanging out. I just dated someone for 6 months, and even after 6 months, we still went out on dates all the time. Since he has a shady past, I'm just on high alert right now. He hasn't really asked me about myself, and we don't really talk about anything deep when we're together. Just small talk. He doesn't elaborate about friends and family or his job, either. That's not good. With all this idle time hanging out at your place, you should have had plenty of time for personal conversation by now. BUT he claims to really like me. "I like you" can mean anything from "I think you're amazing and I'm crazy about you" to "I like having sex with you". One other thing is when I started posting pictures of us online, he disabled/deleted his profile soon after. Well, that's a big red flag. If he likes you and is serious, he should have nothing to hide, right?
camillalev Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 (edited) I agree with the other posters. Does he pay his own rent and bills? maybe he doesn't have a ton of cash. I don't want to get into a debate about my next statement but a lot of guys still pride themselves on being able to take a girl out, maybe he's not really able to? And yeah, the pic thing.. weird. Edited February 13, 2013 by camillalev
RebelWithoutACause Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Is it possible he dosn't want to spend the money on going out dates, now that he's "got" you? Anyways, doesn't sound like a player. If anything sounds more like a loser, what with the cliginess and only wanting to hang out in the house.
e40 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Since he has a shady past, I'm just on high alert right now. He hasn't really asked me about myself, and we don't really talk about anything deep when we're together. Just small talk. He doesn't elaborate about friends and family or his job, either. BUT he claims to really like me. One other thing is when I started posting pictures of us online, he disabled/deleted his profile soon after. This isn't good. A long term relationship isn't likely.
CC12 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Anyways, doesn't sound like a player. If anything sounds more like a loser, what with the cliginess and only wanting to hang out in the house. Yeah, I have to agree. Though I'm not sure I would go as far as calling him a loser. I was thinking more along the lines of "boring" or "lame." He just seems too relaxed with you. Too comfortable, too familiar. Not trying that hard anymore. The flowers and stuff are nice, but sitting around watching TV all the time is for couples who have been together for a lot longer than a month. Don't invite/allow him to your place if you'd rather be going out. You have control over that. Edit: Was it his Facebook profile he deleted?
yongyong Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Well I guess you got never treated like that by men. So just enjoy the ride till it ends? He can't use you for sex since you are enjoying the banging part too. Just don't loan him money.
SJC2008 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Sounds like yall are instarelationship; IF he sticks around. You wanna be courted? Don't have sex for a month or two. Why would a guy want to take you out and "date" you when he's already geting sex? I do think it's a red flag that he only wants to stay at your place. When I date I like to go out and do things. Of course I want to have sex but that's only part of a relationship.
StanMusial Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 You gave it up too soon. You're money in the bank that he can get back to when other options aren't available.
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I am getting a bad vibe about the fact that he disabled FB after you tagged him.
sweetkiwi Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I don't see how he's playing you. He has a sexual past!!?!? Wow. Shocked. Bet you do too. And how would he be using you for money? That's seriously idiotic. Will you marry him? Are you taking him on vacations? Paying for everything? He's clingy because he's affectionate after sex?? Wth. Give me his number. I'll take him since you're too busy picking him apart to actually *enjoy* him. 1
Imajerk17 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 How did you meet this guy. That might give some insight....
curlygirl40 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 One other thing is when I started posting pictures of us online, he disabled/deleted his profile soon after. As others have said, you need to clarify this You posted pics where, on Facebook (ok, sorry, just realized my question mark key doesn't work, grrr) And he then disabled, deleted what profile, online dating profile or facebook, etc (once again, that's a question, lol, guess the computer is going to the shop) This is important since if he deleted his online dating profile, that's a good sign If he disabled or deleted his Facebook, he has most likely just blocked you which is a bad sign Good luck!
mitchell Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 He's married, has a fiance or a very serious long-term GF. That's why he does not want to go out with you in public or introduce you to his friends. He's banging you on the side and you're enjoying it. Sounds like a fair deal to me if you have no other expectations.
Author Miss112233 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 I agree with the other posters. Does he pay his own rent and bills? maybe he doesn't have a ton of cash. I don't want to get into a debate about my next statement but a lot of guys still pride themselves on being able to take a girl out, maybe he's not really able to? And yeah, the pic thing.. weird. I know this puts him in an even more negative light, but he did share a place with a roommate/friend last year. Right now, he's living with his parents. He's actually been pretty good about paying for meals and stuff, but we tend to order take out and just go back to my place. I'm sure that I can convince him to go out, but I always get this feeling or reluctance from him when I bring it up. I don't see how he's playing you. He has a sexual past!!?!? Wow. Shocked. Bet you do too. And how would he be using you for money? That's seriously idiotic. Will you marry him? Are you taking him on vacations? Paying for everything? He's clingy because he's affectionate after sex?? Wth. Give me his number. I'll take him since you're too busy picking him apart to actually *enjoy* him. It's not the fact that he has a sexual past. It's the fact that he has a SHADY sexual past. When he still had his profile up, I clicked through his profile pics like any normal person would and realized that those that had comments were from lots of girls that he's no longer friends with, some asking him how he's been, where he's been, or telling him he looks handsome/cute in a particular photo. I have a friend who used to know him, and apparently he's led on some girls horribly, had one-night-stands and hook-ups with others, then dropped them. Sometimes he's gone back to the same woman for another go-around. Do men normally sleep around (like a new girl every month or two) when they're not in relationships? Also guys HAVE turned out to be dating me for my career/money in the past, so that's a legitimate concern of mine. How did you meet this guy. That might give some insight.... I actually met him on a popular online dating site (that you have to pay for if that makes a difference). As others have said, you need to clarify this You posted pics where, on Facebook (ok, sorry, just realized my question mark key doesn't work, grrr) And he then disabled, deleted what profile, online dating profile or facebook, etc (once again, that's a question, lol, guess the computer is going to the shop) This is important since if he deleted his online dating profile, that's a good sign If he disabled or deleted his Facebook, he has most likely just blocked you which is a bad sign Good luck! It was Facebook. His online dating profile is still up, though he hasn't been active on it in a while. I don't think he's blocked me because I can still look him up on my friends list. His profile's just a blank person image, so I'm guessing it's just been deactivited. One questions that crossed my mind is maybe he's trying to hide his past (the posts from other girls, etc.) from me? Or it could be the complete opposite where he's keeping ME a secret from his friends, etc. He's married, has a fiance or a very serious long-term GF. That's why he does not want to go out with you in public or introduce you to his friends. He's banging you on the side and you're enjoying it. Sounds like a fair deal to me if you have no other expectations. I know for a fact that he's single. I also know some guys don't introduce their girls to friends when they've only been seeing each other for a month, so I'm not going to push him to do so. That's not good. With all this idle time hanging out at your place, you should have had plenty of time for personal conversation by now. "I like you" can mean anything from "I think you're amazing and I'm crazy about you" to "I like having sex with you". Whenever I ask him about how his job is going or about his family, he usually just gives short answers. Sometimes I feel like he almost has an emotional block up regarding those things, but at the same time he's super affectionate when it comes to me. Yes, he tells me he likes me or misses me a lot.
oldschool1 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I suppose that major players can fall in love and remain faithful, while squeaky clean types can act like bad boys. It's a good idea to pay attention to his past, but it's even more crucial to pay attention to the present. If possible, judge him based on his actions in this relationship. Are you satisfied with the relationship as it stands, and are you falling in love with him? You sound substantially more educated than this man, so I wonder if he's someone you even want to get serious with. I also have a habit of worrying about the guy's motivations when I should be worrying about how I feel. Is this love? Am I fantasizing about moving in with him/marrying him/having kids with him/introducing him to friends and family?
pteromom Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I am not getting a "player" vibe. It sounds to me like he does really like you. The issue here is lack of communication. You have the responsibility to say "I know you like hanging out at my place, but I really enjoy going out too. Can we go out?" And if you are sleeping with him, you absolutely have the right to say "Hey, I noticed that your Facebook profile disappeared after I posted those pics. What's up with that?" Instead of coming here to ask what we think of his intentions, talk to him and you'll get the answers directly from him. If he doesn't give you the answers you want, that in itself is an answer. 1
Robman9911 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Why cant she ask him out on dates? If thats what she wants then she should do it. Each girl is different. Ive known girls that cant wait to get past the dating stage and to the lets hang your place stage.
tuxedo cat Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 (edited) I am surprised you are even asking this question. Yes, he is a player and he is playing you. -He has a "shady sexual past" and has "led some girls on horribly." (This alone should be enough for you to dismiss him as a candidate for anything serious.) -His facebook account mysteriously vanished right after you tagged the two of you in some photos. -He never asks you about your life or says anything about his. -He stopped taking you out on dates after you had sex. Edited February 15, 2013 by tuxedo cat
eduardo23 Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 I am surprised you are even asking this question. Yes, he is a player and he is playing you. -He has a "shady sexual past" and has "led some girls on horribly." (This alone should be enough for you to dismiss him as a candidate for anything serious.) -His facebook account mysteriously vanished right after you tagged the two of you in some photos. -He never asks you about your life or says anything about his. -He stopped taking you out on dates after you had sex. ^I agree. You heard he played girls and hope hes not playing you? Maybe his style of playing girls is texting them, cooking them dinners, and staying at their house. I think this guys full of crap
Author Miss112233 Posted February 18, 2013 Author Posted February 18, 2013 Allright people, it seems like there were a lot of different opinions here, but now I'm sure. I just discovered he has another Facebook profile. Lots of the settings are private, but he updated his picture to a bathroom self-pic right around the time he started sleeping with/"dating" me. And he's clearly subscribed to some rather...uh...promiscuous-looking ladies. This honestly makes me sick. I'm confident that none of his friends or family knows about this side of him. He may not be meeting up with any of the women, but emotional infidelity is more than a good enough reason to cut off all contact with him. It's like he gained player-confidence after he started seeing me. Ugh, what a disgusting loser. At least the players I've met have been up-front about it, and you could tell from their swagger that they did use women. With this guy, you'd never be able to tell. He's such a gentleman, so sweet, a little shy. THIS IS THE TYPE OF PLAYER YOU HAVE TO WATCH OUT FOR. He'll blindside you, and you might never even know he has a secret life. So, sweetkiwi, if you still want his number, you're more than welcome to have him.
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