Am I progressing too fast?

[creighton0123]

Sunday (day 1), I was somewhat shocked (breakup after 2.5 years), anxious, and behaving strangely. I put all of his stuff in a spare room and shut the door until he can pick it up when I'm out of town. I rearranged the furniture in the living room to make it smaller. I called my family and friends. I RSVP'd to some activities I would skip when I was with him.

 

Monday (day 2), I began no contact. I quivered a bit when I talked to him on gmail to arrange last minute details, got emotional, but hid it because I was at work. I got home and started fretting about my living situation. My apartment is way too big for me. I need to move to get out of "our apartment" and into a place I can see as home.

 

Tuesday (day 3), I was fine all day. I went to the dentist. Got my car fixed. Worked from home so I could do these things. I considered getting a tenant to share the space with for three months until I can move out and into a new and shiny apartment. I got really angry and vulgar and vented to some friends. I blocked him on Facebook so I wouldn't check his profile. I noticed throughout the day that I started seeing other man as attractive and had thoughts of dating again. I even started thinking about timelines. "I will be ready to date again in one month. Let's look at okCupid and see what messages I might have. This guys cute, I think he would fit."

 

Tomorrow is day 4 and I've already experienced anxiety, denial, shock, depression, and anger. I now am thinking to myself "Even if he wants to come back in the future, I don't want to be with someone who will cut and run instead of try to fix relationship problems."

 

Is it odd that I'm moving through these emotions and towards tranquility this quickly?

 

I've always been very good at dealing with negative emotions, but it seems like the pace at which I am dealing might indicate that my attachment to him and to the relationship was more shallow than I might have thought.

 

Edit:

 

Not going to jump into a relationship right away, but I feel as though I have always been independent enough and didn't lose my sense of individuality because I was in a relationship. I see myself being able to casually date without thinking about him in a month or so.

Edited February 13, 2013 by creighton0123

[GingerVixen]

No, you're completely fine.

Sometimes people just feel the pain later. They go through a phase of denial and then they suffer. But I don't think it's your case because you said you can deal well with bad emotions.

 

Celebrate!

[Keenly]

Ebb and flow my friend.

 

You will be just fine some days, and a complete mess other days. It eventually balances out.

[ak8o8]

I've learned that people heal at different paces and there's no set rule on how long it should take to heal (even though I've heard it should take half the amount of time to move on...). Someone may take years to get over someone else or it might even be months. It's a very individual process. But also keep in mind that there are going to be good days and there are going to be bad days. It'll feel like you are over your ex one day and then the next day it might be where you want to be with your ex. To me, moving on means when those days of wanting to be with your ex are few and doesn't happen all that often and then all of a sudden they're gone.

[creighton0123]

I'm still in a place where I wish the whole ordeal never happened, but can't imagine that the half rule would apply (1 year, 3 months :-P)

 

I'll see how I feel over the next week or two. Weekend with my family will make me feel most certainly better, only to come home on Sunday to an apartment that *should* be mine (all his stuff gone).

 

The worst part of it has honestly been being alone in an apartment that is too big for me, which I have another few weeks to 3 months of, depending on whether or not I can find a tenant.

[stevie_23]

I think you’re doing really well. Everyone feels things differently and at a different pace. As long as you don’t feel you’re FORCING yourself to feel anything, then you should be ok.

 

You seem to have a lot to keep you occupied…visiting family…trying to find a new place to live…once you settle into a new place all your own, it MIGHT hit you, when you haven’t got anything to move towards, that you are not in that relationship anymore. That he isn’t with you anymore. But then again, it may NOT hit you in that way at all.

 

It sort of depends which part of this is the most painful and hardest to take for you individually. For some people, the hardest part is feeling their ex never / doesn’t love them. For others, the hardest part is being alone suddenly after however long as part of a couple. For others, it’s the disruption of a familiar routine.

 

If you personally are ok with those last 2 things, and you don’t feel your breakup meant your ex never cared, etc, well…it MAY just be slightly easier for you to be not completely ridiculously distraught over this experience.

[creighton0123]

Stevie,

 

I feel the part I am struggling the most with is the last: disruption of my familiar routine and short-term plan. This disrupted the flow of my life entirely. I know that I was loved, at least for most of the time. I am alright knowing that I found it before him, I found it with him, and I will most definitely find it after him. I am am a little lonely, but that has more to do with now coming home and not seeing anyone until I go to work the next day (solution is to move into the city again, where I was most happy).

 

It's the routine and the breaking of plans. Most importantly, the breakdown of my financial and housing plan for the next year and the loss of potential in my short term goals - goals that were tailored to include him and now must be entirely redesigned.

[stevie_23]

Ah yeah, the breakdown of not only your relationship but your future plans, dreams and expectations that were tied with him and/or tied up in being part of a couple. That does suck somewhat.

 

I think you’ll feel a lot better once you get settled in your new place in the city. Are you sort of excited to have a look around and see what’s there for you to choose from?

 

In terms of redesigning your goals, take that part slow. Small steps. Much more manageable.

[destroyed4sho]

Sunday (day 1), I was somewhat shocked (breakup after 2.5 years), anxious, and behaving strangely. I put all of his stuff in a spare room and shut the door until he can pick it up when I'm out of town. I rearranged the furniture in the living room to make it smaller. I called my family and friends. I RSVP'd to some activities I would skip when I was with him.

 

Monday (day 2), I began no contact. I quivered a bit when I talked to him on gmail to arrange last minute details, got emotional, but hid it because I was at work. I got home and started fretting about my living situation. My apartment is way too big for me. I need to move to get out of "our apartment" and into a place I can see as home.

 

Tuesday (day 3), I was fine all day. I went to the dentist. Got my car fixed. Worked from home so I could do these things. I considered getting a tenant to share the space with for three months until I can move out and into a new and shiny apartment. I got really angry and vulgar and vented to some friends. I blocked him on Facebook so I wouldn't check his profile. I noticed throughout the day that I started seeing other man as attractive and had thoughts of dating again. I even started thinking about timelines. "I will be ready to date again in one month. Let's look at okCupid and see what messages I might have. This guys cute, I think he would fit."

 

Tomorrow is day 4 and I've already experienced anxiety, denial, shock, depression, and anger. I now am thinking to myself "Even if he wants to come back in the future, I don't want to be with someone who will cut and run instead of try to fix relationship problems."

 

Is it odd that I'm moving through these emotions and towards tranquility this quickly?

 

I've always been very good at dealing with negative emotions, but it seems like the pace at which I am dealing might indicate that my attachment to him and to the relationship was more shallow than I might have thought.

 

Edit:

 

Not going to jump into a relationship right away, but I feel as though I have always been independent enough and didn't lose my sense of individuality because I was in a relationship. I see myself being able to casually date without thinking about him in a month or so.

 

I have been reading your other posts and honestly, you are in the beginnings of the denial and anger stages. Pretty normal.

Its painful, but you are going to have to pass through all the stages before you truly get to acceptance part.

 

Shock, Denial, Anger, Isolation, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance and Indifference.

 

I am somewhere in the beginnings of Acceptance Stage but I am going back to the Depression stage often...and rarely Bargaining. As time goes by, you start moving to towards acceptance but you do it in a combination of stages at the same time. So, I guess I am somewhere in the middle right now.

[aliceinthebox]

Sunday (day 1), I was somewhat shocked (breakup after 2.5 years), anxious, and behaving strangely. I put all of his stuff in a spare room and shut the door until he can pick it up when I'm out of town. I rearranged the furniture in the living room to make it smaller. I called my family and friends. I RSVP'd to some activities I would skip when I was with him.

 

Monday (day 2), I began no contact. I quivered a bit when I talked to him on gmail to arrange last minute details, got emotional, but hid it because I was at work. I got home and started fretting about my living situation. My apartment is way too big for me. I need to move to get out of "our apartment" and into a place I can see as home.

 

Tuesday (day 3), I was fine all day. I went to the dentist. Got my car fixed. Worked from home so I could do these things. I considered getting a tenant to share the space with for three months until I can move out and into a new and shiny apartment. I got really angry and vulgar and vented to some friends. I blocked him on Facebook so I wouldn't check his profile. I noticed throughout the day that I started seeing other man as attractive and had thoughts of dating again. I even started thinking about timelines. "I will be ready to date again in one month. Let's look at okCupid and see what messages I might have. This guys cute, I think he would fit."

 

Tomorrow is day 4 and I've already experienced anxiety, denial, shock, depression, and anger. I now am thinking to myself "Even if he wants to come back in the future, I don't want to be with someone who will cut and run instead of try to fix relationship problems."

 

Is it odd that I'm moving through these emotions and towards tranquility this quickly?

 

I've always been very good at dealing with negative emotions, but it seems like the pace at which I am dealing might indicate that my attachment to him and to the relationship was more shallow than I might have thought.

 

Edit:

 

Not going to jump into a relationship right away, but I feel as though I have always been independent enough and didn't lose my sense of individuality because I was in a relationship. I see myself being able to casually date without thinking about him in a month or so.

 

I felt the same way until I checked my Facebook and he was in another relationship a few weeks after. If you want to maintain the tranquility cut out everything related to him.

[creighton0123]

Alice,

 

Already did this. Removed his number and any residual IM's, pictures, and emails from my phone and computer (uploaded some to a friend's dropbox in case I want them in a few years). Removed him from gchat, facebook (blocked him, too), and skype. Unsubscribed from all of his friend's facebook feeds so I don't see them on a regular basis.

 

Sent him a single email to discuss last minute details on getting his stuff out and a one line reply to his agreement. Switching utilities over to me tomorrow.

 

Will be out of town when he moves out. A friend is going to be here to make sure the move out goes alright. When I come back on Sunday night, the apartment will be exclusively mine and no contact will be 100% enforced. At this moment, unless he doesn't stick up to his promise to get his stuff out this weekend, no contact will be no problem for me. I will not break no contact until I know I am 100% healed and have moved on completely (perhaps in 2 to 3 years).

[creighton0123]

On a random note, I feel it was mature and acceptable for me to send a quick message to any friends of his that I grew close to, including his mother (I've known them all for 2.5 years):

 

"<Name>, I'm not sure if you heard, but you won't be seeing me or hearing from me for quite some time. I just wanted to let you know that it was a pleasure to meet you and hope that if we bump into one another spontaneously, don't be afraid to say hello. It was wonderful knowing you and I wish you the best in everything."

 

Out of eight of his friends that I know well, I only sent that message to four of them that I felt particularly close to. I didn't send any messages to his family.

 

I felt good doing that in order to wrap up those friendships.

[aliceinthebox]

Alice,

 

Already did this. Removed his number and any residual IM's, pictures, and emails from my phone and computer (uploaded some to a friend's dropbox in case I want them in a few years). Removed him from gchat, facebook (blocked him, too), and skype. Unsubscribed from all of his friend's facebook feeds so I don't see them on a regular basis.

 

Sent him a single email to discuss last minute details on getting his stuff out and a one line reply to his agreement. Switching utilities over to me tomorrow.

 

Will be out of town when he moves out. A friend is going to be here to make sure the move out goes alright. When I come back on Sunday night, the apartment will be exclusively mine and no contact will be 100% enforced. At this moment, unless he doesn't stick up to his promise to get his stuff out this weekend, no contact will be no problem for me. I will not break no contact until I know I am 100% healed and have moved on completely (perhaps in 2 to 3 years).

 

Nice. You thought it through hard core.

 

On a random note, I feel it was mature and acceptable for me to send a quick message to any friends of his that I grew close to, including his mother (I've known them all for 2.5 years):

 

"<Name>, I'm not sure if you heard, but you won't be seeing me or hearing from me for quite some time. I just wanted to let you know that it was a pleasure to meet you and hope that if we bump into one another spontaneously, don't be afraid to say hello. It was wonderful knowing you and I wish you the best in everything."

 

Out of eight of his friends that I know well, I only sent that message to four of them that I felt particularly close to. I didn't send any messages to his family.

 

I felt good doing that in order to wrap up those friendships.

 

I will remember this in the future.