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Do we have a chance of ever being in a relationship or is he just playing mind games?


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Posted

This guy and I have been talking for a while. He flirted with me first and we really hit it off. Eventually I mentioned wanting a relationship and he revealed this horrible story of how his ex broke his heart and that he was afraid to love again and just wasn't ready for a relationship right now. I accepted that but felt embarrassed and slightly hurt that he had led me on into thinking we would be more than friends. Even though he said he wasn't ready we still talked everyday and he was very flirtatious and complimented me all the time and would get upset if I couldn't answer the phone or reply to a text right away. He even one night told me that he missed me and that I was starting to grow on him.

 

But then turned around and told me that I deserve a great guy and he wishes he met me sooner because he would have fallen in love with me. This frustrated me because I really want a relationship so I mentioned how I was stupid to think he could be the one and how he clearly doesn't ever want to be more than friends. I basically scared him off after this and we didn't talk for a while and I was just going to forget him completely but then he texted me unexpectedly and we are now friends again but not at the same level as when we first met. I still really like him but I have no idea what he feels. A part of feels I should just end our friendship and spare myself the emotional trauma of us never being together but at the same time I still have a glimmer of hope that one day he will remember the reason why he started talking to me in the first place, our flirtatious banter will return, and he'll want to be in a relationship with me.

Posted

He told you on more then one occasion that there is no chance of you ever being in a relationship with you

 

You are playing mindgames with yourself

Posted

Oh my god, this same EXACT thing happened to me last year. You may not like the sound of these two words coming up but...

 

Move. On.

 

I had a guy that flirted with me endlessly, complimented me, we went on wonderful dates etc. I was crazy about him. I was so sure that he was *my next boyfriend* so to speak. But noooo, he had to drop the whole "My last girlfriend cheated on me and broke my heart, that **** hurt bad, I'm not trying to be in a relationship right now." It annoyed me so much because I was already in so deep. So of course, my silly self thought that I could *convince* him to be with me. Bad move.

 

He ended up falling off the face of the Earth. And that left a bitter taste in my mouth for him.

 

6 months later, I run into him. Are those same feelings still there? Nope. I got over it. There are plenty of fish in the sea, darlin. I know its annoying to hear that when you like one particular guy and you want him to be "the one", but its true. Date other guys.

 

You'll find someone who was meant for you.

Posted

Yeah, sorry but, as a guy, I can tell you that whole "yeah I enjoy talking to you, hanging out with you, and banging you, but my heart is too tender to love you" is a load of ****. It's a way for guys to keep options open and it's pretty typical for us to drop mushy lines like the ones he's used if we know its what you wanna hear.

 

Unless he's in medical school and literally doesn't have time and resources to devote to you, then yeah, he's not interested.

Posted
Even though he said he wasn't ready we still talked everyday and he was very flirtatious and complimented me all the time and would get upset if I couldn't answer the phone or reply to a text right away. He even one night told me that he missed me and that I was starting to grow on him.

 

Some people will drag on the flirting for years without actually making the effort to date you. They get some kind of emotinal kick knowing they've got you on the hook. The best thing to do in this situation is to just remove yourself from it. He's not playing mind games, he's been hones with you. You just have to accept his decision, as hard as this is for you. I don't think there is anything for you in this relationship. You'll just continue to torture yourself, until he finds someone else to get his attention fix from.

 

Your best bet is to cut way back on your communication with him, or even better just stop responding all together. He will eventually fade out and you'll be free to find a man who likes enough to make you his girlfriend.

Posted
A part of feels I should just end our friendship and spare myself the emotional trauma of us never being together but at the same time I still have a glimmer of hope that one day he will remember the reason why he started talking to me in the first place, our flirtatious banter will return, and he'll want to be in a relationship with me.

 

Been here ... and think the best thing you can do for yourself is move on. Don't cling to "a glimmer of hope" because it will just deplete you. You want to be feeling good about yourself and open to new possibilities when they come along - which they will, but you need to end the obsession with Mr Unavailable to recognise them.

 

Hard as it might seem, if he was really interested nothing would prevent him going for it with you.

 

Best way to move on is always to go cold turkey. Hard for the the first few days but gets easier with time. Don't have any more communication with him. Give yourself a break.

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