millionthoughts100 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 My ex and I were together for over 2.5 years. I really loved this girl to death. She was the love of my life, we were each others first, we planned on getting married one day. She had me hooked. I was crazy in love head over heels for this girl. We are both went off to college having a LDR so naturally we ran into rough patches. I often had trust issues with her even though I knew she loved me, because she still waned to experience some "college life" at her university. It began to take a toll on my heart. I was always worrying. This drove me crazy. I broke up with her and she went insane. Cried hysterically. She called and texted me so many times I eventually had to block her number. This lead her to try and visit me to talk and beg me back, but I knew I couldn't see her at the time. She sent endless emails, and when she saw she was getting no where, she gave up. She became depressed. She started back hanging with her old friends, and went wild. Started drinking and partying, which she had never done. Though It's probably what she always wanted. I began to converse with other females at my Uni. I partied, I drunk, I had fun. I met really cool girls that wanted a relationship with me, but i didn't want anything too serious. I was still hurt over my ex and these girls knew this. I only had make outs and cuddling. No touching, no sex. One real date. Months past (6) and I got an email from her out of the blue, to which i didn't respond. I continued to have fun, and talk to other girls. More months past (totalling 11) of NC at all with her, and I begin to miss my ex. I texted her and I got a response the next day saying she missed me as well. The next week she texted me and we really hit it off. Our connection was instant and all of my feelings for her came back. She's amazing. Both of our hearts were warm and full of bubbly love again. No girl while apart compared to her. We talked about the split, and she told me that during her time of being alone and sad, she had sex with another guy! A rebound! This devastated me! How could she just give herself away like that. We were each others ONLY sex partners. I did not have sex with anyone because i feel that that is something very special. She wasn't even in a relationship with the kid! She said she regrets it and was only trying to suppress her feelings for me. I believe it was her trashy friends idea. But I told her i could forgive her because we were not together. We made it official and started back having sex. She has shown me that she is sorry, and has a lot of new change for our new relationship and wants to be with me forever. She does anything for me, and i can tell she wants this. Its been a couple of months and I just cant forget about her sleeping with someone while we were broken up. I have images in my head. How could she do that? Give her body away so meaninglessly. I don't think i can forgive her for it. My feelings are so hurt and I cant see myself with someone that can be so easy. She really wants to remain being friends, work it out in hopes of a future, and promises I don't have to worry about that ever happening again. I tried being her friend but I just can't. I cant get over her actions while we were not together. Now my trust is really broken with her. She broke my heart. She has been calling and texting and crying but i've ignored them all. I think it'd be best for me if i just don't talk to her, try to forget about her and move on. I'm now trying to talk to other girls because of this huge mistake she's made. She can't say anything about what I've done bacause I didn't go off and have sex. I did want a future with her, I know she is hurting.. But something in me won't let me overlook it. Am I wrong?
Ruby Slippers Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 People are going to rationally explain why you should or shouldn't get over this. But it sounds as though you can't. I don't think it's fair to be mean to her about what she did. You broke up with her and let her go, so she was on her own. But it's reasonable to call the relationship unsalvageable and end it. 3
Eggplant Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I don't know your situation, but it sounds as though she isn't truly the love of your life. You clearly didn't want her a year ago. Maybe you just had a relapse. I know men are instinctually abhorred that their girlfriend might ever have been with anybody else, but she is a human and life isn't a perfect story-book fairy tale. If you were truly mad about her as you say, it seems as though you'd be willing to forget about this. If may have been easier for you to not get involved with other people. You may have known all along that you could have her back if you wanted, as you were the one who wanted out, but she thought there was no chance. One thing I'd like to point out is that she is honest. She didn't keep it a secret, even though she really had no obligation to tell you at all. 1
ascendotum Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 (edited) "Am I wrong?" Yes You couldn't live with her being in a LDR because you couldn't count on her not straying so you broke up with her. You get back together with her 11 months later and are devastated to find she slept with another guy while she was single. Single as in a free agent with no bf and no obligations to an ex bf who dumped her. Also don't be so misguided in thinking that other girls are going to be so upfront on their NSA sex exploits. "My feelings are so hurt " kind of like her's were when you originally broke up with her and ignored her pleadings. "Now my trust is really broken with her" What trust??? She owed you nothing when she was single girl in a campus full of single guys who are giving her attention. Its not like you broke up for just 2 weeks and she was boinking someone else asap. "I don't think i can forgive her for it." If you find an awesome girl it seems like such a non issue (well except in your mind) to throw her away, but I doubt what anyone here says will change how you view this...so drop her again. Don't make her feel like it was her fault, though I think its already too late for that. Edited February 13, 2013 by ascendotum 3
Submisfit Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 So you broke up with a girl, blocked her and cut all ties, and you're upset that in a YEAR of no contact, she tried to move on and live her own life? What a joke. Double standards are absolutely disgusting, and I guarantee you that if you'd slept with another girl and she'd gotten upset about it you'd think she was crazy. Break up with her; she doesn't deserve someone as possessive and controlling as you. 3
FitChick Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 (edited) Odds are that any new girl you date now will have slept with more than one other man. If you find a virgin, she may not want to date you because you've had sex with another woman. See how that works? Some people may remember on the subject. Edited February 13, 2013 by FitChick 1
harnold Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Are you a child? You broke up with her, you blocked her, you ignored her, and now you are angry she was honest enough to tell you she had sex with ONE other partner in this time period? Good luck finding a virgin willing to **** you... and if you even think you want that, you're crazy. Girls who are a virgin, who aren't holding out for marriage, are gonna carry some luggage when you finally **** em. See your current ex, who wouldn't stop harassing you until you had to block her. Seriously dude grow up. This may be the first time I'm actually taking a female's side ha
RogerWallace111 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I agree with the last three reponses, buuut, i don't think you should try and will yourself to sweep it under the rug unless you will truly be over it. Otherwise it will just be one of those festering relationship issues that leads to resentment & problems, all for it to fall out again. Yes, you "should", in a logical sense, be able to get past that. And you definitely can't blame her or justifiably think less of her in any way. But, like I said, if it spoils your feeling of exclusivity with her, that's the way it goes. There are certain feelings you can't control. So, basically you need to either work to TRULY accept it, or end it if that's an impossibility.
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Am I wrong? Yes... and kinda crazy too! You couldnt trust her... so you dump her. Now your back together and you can't trust her because she messed around with someone while you were broken up. Right now you are just emotionally abusing this poor girl. Either let her go or forgive and trust her. This isnt' time for fence sitting. I get that some people really believe strongly in the importance of first love, unicorns, and pixie dust. At some point you are going to have to face reality... these things really are not that special. Side note... If you dump someone and then go NC... you can't expect them to stay faithful. That is completely nuts! 1
CC12 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 More months past (totalling 11) of NC at all with her, and I begin to miss my ex. I texted her and I got a response the next day saying she missed me as well. We talked about the split, and she told me that during her time of being alone and sad, she had sex with another guy! A rebound! This devastated me! But I told her i could forgive her because we were not together. We made it official and started back having sex. She has been calling and texting and crying but i've ignored them all. So. Even though you knew she had slept with someone else while you two were broken up for a year, and you knew you had a problem with it, you still slept with her. And now that you're done sleeping with her, suddenly her sexual history is too much for you to handle and you're ignoring her. Please say you at least broke up with her before ignoring her. I know that's a pretty harsh way of looking at it, and I'll take your word for it if you tell me that you didn't use her for sex. But I bet your ex is wondering about it. And I think it kind of sucks that you're posting here being really sanctimonious and going, "My feelings!" while your ex is having a really hard time because you're dropping her. Again. For a really ****ty, selfish reason. I hope you've been nice to her about it, at least.
ChessPieceFace Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Yes... and kinda crazy too! You couldnt trust her... so you dump her. Now your back together and you can't trust her because she messed around with someone while you were broken up. Right now you are just emotionally abusing this poor girl. Either let her go or forgive and trust her. This isnt' time for fence sitting. I get that some people really believe strongly in the importance of first love, unicorns, and pixie dust. At some point you are going to have to face reality... these things really are not that special. Side note... If you dump someone and then go NC... you can't expect them to stay faithful. That is completely nuts! Even if I dismiss most of the OP's statements as crazy, it's not because of a belief in true love. Comparing "believing in true love" to believing in "unicorns and pixie dust" is quite frankly offensive. Maybe I don't believe in true love either, and maybe it's one of the many reasons I've stopped trying to find any kind of love. I see it all as fake and meaningless now. I could take any of a million actions, a thousand of which could cause me to meet one of a thousand different women and maybe fall in love with them in 40 or 50 of those outcomes, like a great pointless exercise in probability. So I could fall in love with Rebecca or Julie or Jennifer or I could sit here and not meet any of them and what's the difference in the end? We all die and the Earth gets swallowed by the sun in a couple billion years. If he wants to believe in true love, I've heard of a lot worse.
pbjbear Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 There is nothing wrong with what she did and shes not a bad person for it. When people are single, they are free to sleep with whoever they want (especially when being single for a year!!!! its not like you were broken up 2 months) and it doesnt mean she has bad character You either learn to deal with this or dont try to date her I must point out if the situation were reversed and a girl said "oh my ex boyfriend had sex with someone else I dont know if I want to get back with him" most responses would be "get over it, its no big deal"
Lani Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 It sounds to me like you wanted this whole thing to happen.. You had it in your head that she wanted to be out partying and drinking, so you broke up with her and when she did that you were 'right'. Then she slept with someone else during that time... what did you think she would do? Seriously dude, you have no right to be angry at her for this. Be hurt if that's how you feel, because you can't change your feelings, but don't throw this in her face every time something goes wrong. If you're going to do that, then don't be with her. She did nothing wrong.
Imajerk17 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Cripes dude you ought to be thankful she was willing to take you back after how you acted. So she had sex with another dude. You were broken up 11 months! She moved on during that time period. You were ignoring her. What she did is called moving on and it is precisely what she ought to have done.
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