harnold Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 (edited) So I've posted about my situation before. Basically it's about the "association" I've had with this one girl for over a year now. The intensity of our "association" has been on and off. We've gone out together, had sex, and have always maintained contact, although at different degrees at different points. Never were we the type that really texted every day, and I don't think either of us were really looking for a typical "relationship" for a while (or at least that's how I interpreted her behavior, else I would have expected better communication and such). I've had my theories about why the way she is, and others have had theirs. My theory is that she (like me) did not want any romantic attachments during the remainder of her undergrad screwing up her academics (she's been single for 4 years throughout college, on her own choice... she's a good looking chick and very social). Other people have other opinions. That I'm not stepping up my game (i.e. that I'm being vague with my intentions for her), that there are aspects about me she doesn't find attractive, she's not interested, etc. I don't agree with them, but who knows, maybe there is a degree of truth. I dont perceive "competition" to be an issue, either. Whatever the case may be, I hadn't seen her at all over Winter break (a 5 week stretch), and communication kind of took a nosedive. At the very end, as I was really wondering wtf was going on, I picked up the phone and called her. She answered as if nothing was ever wrong. We go out the next day, get dinner, kiss, and ever since then things have been different. She's been hitting me up every day since then, sending me pics, making small talk, stuff like that. As I said before, even when we were "fine", our communication was never at that level. In person, she is affectionate. Today, she kissed me (lips) in front of her friends. And, other than her touchy body language, she still gets those googly eyes when she sees me, which I've learned through past experience is always indicative of a very particular type of attraction a girl has to you. But the kiss is what throws me off. Why kiss me on that area in front of your friends? And this combined with the huge takeoff in communication? As far as I see it, there are only a few types of associations you carry with the opposite sex. Strictly friends, **** buddies, friends with benefits, or a more intimate sort of interraction you save for people you are dating/have relationship intentions with. I don't see her actions being indicative of any of the first 3, so I perceive it as a case of number 4 if anything. The question is where to proceed from here? I want her to know that I am interested in her like that, but I feel like I don't want to ask her to be my gf either... that question "WILL YOU BE MY GIRLFRIEND" has always been so weird to me, and in the past, it has always just "happened", without me having to "ask" for it. I dunno, what do you guys think? What's she thinking? Edited February 13, 2013 by harnold
Eggplant Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Ask her out on a date. Have you tried kissing her back? Maybe she's afraid you're not interested.
RachR Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 You're over-analyzing. Question is, why don't you ask her out on a real date? (And not this pseudo date type of stuff you two have been doing for the last year). Tell her you'd like to start dating for real.
Author harnold Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 Ask her out on a date. Have you tried kissing her back? Maybe she's afraid you're not interested. I mean, we've ****ed before. And she's coming over this weekend. I don't think the physical part is an issue. We've been on "dates", too. The second part I agree with, but I am trying to remedy that... I told her recently I liked spending time with her and stuff
its a lifestyle Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I've been in a similiar situation, We started as friends from teenagers 14/15... Usual boy/girl teen stuff flirting etc, fancied the pants off each others but neither one of us made the move Kind of faded away with little contact every once in a while until we were 18/19, we started hanging out again, we had this crazy few months of FWB having sex and occasionally going out for drinks/drives to chill spots etc etc, but we were both single involved with other dating prospects etc, She met somebody and obviously wanted to be faithful, but would still hang out with my and flirt etc... she told her BF our history and he forced her to cut me off, which I was like.. "ok", shortly after that I got a GF.. (my current ex).. I haven't been in contact with her since, I think I could have easily made this girl my girlfriend, but we never even talked about that, the friendship we had was so cool I think we both knew we weren't going to be a couple.. and sooner or later we'd both meet somebody else, and we did..
Author harnold Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 You're over-analyzing. Question is, why don't you ask her out on a real date? (And not this pseudo date type of stuff you two have been doing for the last year). Tell her you'd like to start dating for real. I always over-analyze lol. So what's a "real date"? Dinner at a fancy place type stuff? Beach? We've done stuff like that. I agree with the second part, but again, that procedure has always been so strange to me. I'm beginning to think its the only recourse, if only because my hope that it would just "happen" hasn't really come to fruition... so why would that ever change unless there was an impetus, you know?
Author harnold Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 I've been in a similiar situation, We started as friends from teenagers 14/15... Usual boy/girl teen stuff flirting etc, fancied the pants off each others but neither one of us made the move Kind of faded away with little contact every once in a while until we were 18/19, we started hanging out again, we had this crazy few months of FWB having sex and occasionally going out for drinks/drives to chill spots etc etc, but we were both single involved with other dating prospects etc, She met somebody and obviously wanted to be faithful, but would still hang out with my and flirt etc... she told her BF our history and he forced her to cut me off, which I was like.. "ok", shortly after that I got a GF.. (my current ex).. I haven't been in contact with her since, I think I could have easily made this girl my girlfriend, but we never even talked about that, the friendship we had was so cool I think we both knew we weren't going to be a couple.. and sooner or later we'd both meet somebody else, and we did.. She the thing is, neither of us really date other people. Like I said, I don't really foresee competition being an issue, but I suppose it could. Regardless, your post echoes alot of the real world advice I get, so I suppose I should give the notion of specifically "asking her" more consideration. Was there any romance involved? Like, could you tell that she had romantic feelings towards you, or could you tell that it was it strictly a friends (with benefits) situation?
Eggplant Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I feel like I don't want to ask her to be my gf either... that question "WILL YOU BE MY GIRLFRIEND" has always been so weird to me, and in the past, it has always just "happened", without me having to "ask" for it. What is the worst that could happen if you asked her to be your girlfriend? If she would turn you down after essentially dating for a year, wouldn't that information be good to know? Get her a flower and ask.
its a lifestyle Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Was there any romance involved? Like, could you tell that she had romantic feelings towards you, or could you tell that it was it strictly a friends (with benefits) situation? No romance, more like flirting.. touching, drunken kissing, sex etc etc.. it was attraction more than feelings, we went out quite a lot but never considered anything a date. But dude I knew this girl for 5/6 years prior to this, we already knew each other pretty well so there was nothing to "discover/explore"... if I would have tried to take her out on a candle-lit date she probably would have laughed and said don't be silly with a poke in my shoulder... That being said I never considered anything like that anyway, we had a mutual attitude, we were attracted to each other and F'd like rabbits but there was never any romance involved to speak of..
Author harnold Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 if I would have tried to take her out on a candle-lit date she probably would have laughed and said don't be silly with a poke in my shoulder... .. Lol I like that. So, lotta advice given so far, mainly telling me to talk to her about it. That being said, how do you guys view her disposition towards me? Like, what's going through her mind?
ja123 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Why not just tell her that you really like her and that you'd like to explore being an actual couple with her? Then ask, if she feels the same way. You don't have to say, "Do you want to be my girlfriend," but at this point, I think you should just be upfront, no?
RebelWithoutACause Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I'm not familiar with your previous threads but why are you apprehensive about asking her to be more than a FWB? Are you worried you'll scare her off. Or that she'll turn you down? we were attracted to each other and F'd like rabbits but there was never any romance involved to speak of.. Looks like the FWB dynamic has already been established and it's tricky moving on from that. It's not impossible though. However one of you will have to bring up the topic of taking things in a more romantic direction. At this stage you don't seem to be willing to do that, for whatever reason.
its a lifestyle Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I'm not familiar with your previous threads but why are you apprehensive about asking her to be more than a FWB? Are you worried you'll scare her off. Or that she'll turn you down? Looks like the FWB dynamic has already been established and it's tricky moving on from that. It's not impossible though. However one of you will have to bring up the topic of taking things in a more romantic direction. At this stage you don't seem to be willing to do that, for whatever reason. I'm not the OP, I was telling the OP about a similar experience I had...
RebelWithoutACause Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I'm not the OP, I was telling the OP about a similar experience I had... Yeah, I noticed after I posted. I'm using a smart phone and it's really fiddly and hard to keep track of the posts. Anyways, maybe the op will come back to shed some light on his situation.
Author harnold Posted February 15, 2013 Author Posted February 15, 2013 I'm not familiar with your previous threads but why are you apprehensive about asking her to be more than a FWB? Are you worried you'll scare her off. Or that she'll turn you down? . Lol I really don't know why. I guess it's not my style. I'm been in quite a few relationships before and I never ever asked anything along those lines... I guess it just wasn't my style. I kind of just let things go with the flow, and eventually it came to a point where we were bf/gf without me explicitly asking for it. I feel like its an ego thing. I got her some stuff for vday today and she was happy so I guess that's good. One of these days I will probably try to pick her brain and ask questions related to her views pertaining to hypothetical relationships and such and try to gauge her interest implicitly from there. Basically try to get her to say that she wants to be in a relationship w/o me asking lol
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