Jackk Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Hello. This is going to be a very long and mundane post, so I can’t blame you if you don't bother with it. I was with my first girlfriend for eight months, from April to December. We had been friends for three years before that and had a close connection because we both struggled with depression and loneliness. Anyways, we had a long distance relationship as we attended different universities, though we met up fairly often. We were both having a hard time at university and were each other’s main source of support; however this put strain on us. Unfortunately, in late December she told me that she had developed feelings for a male friend at her university that she had grown close to. We broke up, which devastated me, though she constantly reminded me that we ‘may get back together.’ Seven weeks later. Long story short – we didn’t. I could tell it was inevitable because I wasn’t able to be there all the time like this other person was but relied on a desperate hope which made me miserable. We met several times during this time period and kissed a lot, but it was clearly confusing. She said she wasn’t sure if she kissed me because she still had feelings for me or missed me. Finally, she came to see me two days ago and confirmed it wasn’t going to happen but that she badly wanted to remain friends since I know/understand her better than anyone else. I told her I needed a long break before any possible reconciliation, as in fully cutting her off. She cried a lot about this and before we said goodbye we kissed one last time (for quite a while, pretty confusing considering she claimed not have feelings for me anymore) and when she left I realised I don’t know when we’ll next speak and that I have no one. That is not an exaggeration; I do not have any friends or even acquaintances to talk to. This is largely my fault due to social anxiety. Right now I’m absolutely miserable – I can’t sleep, eat, or concentrate, and haven’t been able to do so since the breakup. Every night I have nightmares about us being back together and then her ignoring me. I feel completely isolated at my current university and constantly obsess over what she’s doing, how she must be happy with this new boyfriend (which makes me both happy and sad) and then the desperate fantasies come back that maybe one day we’ll get back together. This just sends me crashing further into misery. I have a constant ache deep in my chest and don’t know how to get over this, especially with no general support. I went from having someone who loved and supported me and was always available to talk to having nothing at all. Now I’m not sure if no contact was a good idea. My university has started to e-mail me about my recent lack of attendance and I just don’t know what to do. Hence, I’m turning to anonymous people online. So please… if you managed to read all of that, any advice whatsoever as to how I can cope would be greatly appreciated. Anything at all. Thank you.
thekarmacist Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 oh, my heart aches just reading your post. my breakup situation had some similarities in that i had moved to a new state to be with my significant other- and when it ended, i had nobody. i was across the u.s. and the only people i knew were those i worked with. i didn't sleep or eat, and barely made it through each day at work. i called my mom. i sought out a therapist. i took antidepressants. sometimes just getting dressed and leaving the house felt like a major accomplishment. depression is awful. i am still mostly on my own, and in the year i've been here have made a couple of friends, although i can't seem to make the meaningful connection you describe. please continue to post-you are NOT alone.
stevie_23 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I feel for you too. I am fairly isolated in my real life in that my ex-relationship was an affair, so I can’t tell my partner, I can’t tell my friends (because they’re all friends with my partner) and I can’t tell my parents (they’d be appalled that I had an affair, and shocked that it was with a 61 year old man. They are only 64 and 65 respectively, so not much older than him). So my only option for expressing is online. However, I DO have people around me who I know and am familiar with in terms of living my normal, daily life, and as the breakup becomes less and less consuming in my life, I don’t feel quite so isolated because the things I need to talk about are not all about him. I really do feel bad that you have no one close to talk to about this, and anything in particular. And it’s not as if right now you’re really feeling in a position happy and free enough to go out and meet new people either. Ugh. It’s tough. But you're not alone...we are real people here, behind all this writing.
Author Jackk Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 Thanks for the replies, guys. It is comforting to know I'm not completely alone and that others have/are having similar experiences.
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