Fatdrifter Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 If there's one thing I've been considering, it's been moving. I have lived in New Jersey for over 28 years now, born, raised, and have done most of my growing in the same place. If there's a phrase for the people that surround me, it comes in one word: uptight. Everyone's afraid, nobody's really that happy, everyone thinks there's something they can gain from pushing another person down. Girls first thoughts regarding guys you read aggravated statements such as "all men are scum!". They are particularly fearful of one thing: being screwed and left. Then I talk to others I know; people that have left town. They end up in good relationships, marriages, etc. They're happy. And it all comes down to one question: Do you feel that maybe, just maybe, that your problem is you haven't found a place to live that encourages you to be yourself? I mean truly encourage, not just the kind that takes a look at you being you and simply laughs. I mean the type of place where people just embrace you for the person you are, where judgement isn't strong. Do you feel that location matters in finding......dates?
soccerrprp Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Location certainly matters. I mean, especially for someone like myself, multi-ethnic, certain parts of the country (USA) are more or less open to interracial dating. I'm in an area that is not too accepting, but I have been fortunate that many of the women I've dated were transplants, moved away and came back more open, or simply out of the norm in the way they accept/regard other ethnic groups in terms of dating. Yes, location makes a difference. Average ages, population size (dating pool), ethnicities, openness and acceptance of other cultures, politics, traditions, etc. Locations differ in these respects and can certainly affect how one dates.
StanMusial Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Living in the suburbs is pretty bad for dating and social life IMO. 1
El Brujo Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 YES!!!!! The dating scene here in Los Angeles is pretty bass-ackwards from what it is in the rest of the country. A lot of the rules don't hold up in this town.
mesmerized Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Absolutely. Demographics make a huge difference in everything. This reminds me, a few weeks ago I went to a smaller town for a couple of days and I got soo much looks and attention, I felt like a princess or something. I live in a big city with a lot of attractive women and I feel like for the most part, I'm just another pretty girl in here.
its a lifestyle Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Yes, not only the location, but also the subculture within that location... Sometimes when I read this board and people talk about how hard it is to meet people and talk about the lack of "willing" people... I think I'd HATE to live where these guys are. I live in Cheshire, England... between Manchester and Liverpool. There's plenty of people from all walks of life, from reserved silver-spoon uni girls, to wild party sluts being a dime-a-dozen... When I here the typical American guy in distress on here talking about his struggle I just want to fly him out here, take him on a night out with the lads and say dude.. take your pick, red, blonde or brunette? welcome to Europe. 1
2sure Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 It matters. I'm actually considering moving to Hoboken by the way. Anyway, I lived in NYC for years, dating was great just because of the number of people I was exposed to professionally and socially. But it's NYC...it's easy to get lost and lonely n a crowd , you know? Then I married and moved part time out of the city proper. exH had no problem dating there either. Ahem , so I've moved to my hometown in Buffalo. And like another poster said...it's easy to be a big fish in a pond this small. And it is, and it's nice, the people are genuine, great place to raise a family...people here want relationships. I'm moving back toward NYC because I more enjoy ...some anonymity and distance.
Author Fatdrifter Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 One thing I noticed in my studies of this discussion from other people; Some of my friends didn't just move "out", they usually moved "west". Part of me asks whether or not western girls are just a little more......trusting. Another thing is that, ironically, I've been meeting girls studying abroad near my neighborhood. Or really, just one; but I'm trying to connect with other people of hers. This girl is from Brazil, and she found me on plentyoffish. Now, I thought she wanted to date, and for a while I was convinced, but after a while she revealed some things. But she mentioned things to me like "Jim, Americans are crazy, everyone's concerned with what eachother has" and "Jim, in Brazil, we never just separate from eachother; everyone lives close together, so therefore everyone is friends with eachother because everyone knows what's going on". I basically heard what I was sort of looking to hear, that I was right in my thoughts that people segregate eachother in my area despite we all practically live in arms reach. Heck, I know NEIGHBORS my age that are kind of "the cool" type, but could they ever think to connect? No. Things eventually didn't really work with the Brazilian girl; we had a "date" which was really more just a hangout, and I tried to pull off a valentines, but a few days later she turned me down. It was after I learned from her that she was happy to be single because it was the first time after being with ten guys in ten years that I came to this realization; when you're prettymuch a chunky white boy with glasses and you're really nice, you're not a date. You're prettymuch a tour guide professor type.
MissLY Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I've lived in NYC for 8 years. 2 years ago, I moved to Los Angeles. Both cities are HARD TO DATE. During the entire 8 years that I lived in NYC, I had maybe 4 men that were interested in pursuing a relationship with me. And I wasn't into either of them. All the guys I DID like, however, were all about 3 month flings and "hustling". Oh yeah, and it didn't help that they practically had tons of women throwing themselves at them on a daily basis. The same goes for LA, more or less. But I would never relocate to find love. Ever. Just be positive and the right person will come along for you. And to increase your chances of this happening (in a big city area, that is), you gotta get out more. And I don't mean JUST bars/clubs/lounges. Try joining meet-up groups, hang out at coffee shops, Art Galleries, Barnes n Noble, go hiking, hit the beach, sign up for a cooking class, even try the whole foods "eating area"......anything that doesn't ALWAYS involve the nightlife. Then your chances will be much higher in meeting a quality "someone", I believe. Just my 2 cents
Author Fatdrifter Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 I've lived in NYC for 8 years. 2 years ago, I moved to Los Angeles. Both cities are HARD TO DATE. During the entire 8 years that I lived in NYC, I had maybe 4 men that were interested in pursuing a relationship with me. And I wasn't into either of them. All the guys I DID like, however, were all about 3 month flings and "hustling". Oh yeah, and it didn't help that they practically had tons of women throwing themselves at them on a daily basis. The same goes for LA, more or less. But I would never relocate to find love. Ever. Just be positive and the right person will come along for you. And to increase your chances of this happening (in a big city area, that is), you gotta get out more. And I don't mean JUST bars/clubs/lounges. Try joining meet-up groups, hang out at coffee shops, Art Galleries, Barnes n Noble, go hiking, hit the beach, sign up for a cooking class, even try the whole foods "eating area"......anything that doesn't ALWAYS involve the nightlife. Then your chances will be much higher in meeting a quality "someone", I believe. Just my 2 cents I'm sure this question will throw the whole proverbial ship off balance, but what If I don't WANT a relationship? I mean this: why does everything need a label? Why can't I just see about getting some here, getting some there, feeling better about the whole thing, and then maybe pick someone and just be cool with it until one of us doesn't like eachother? I do live in the suburbs. Or......it's like this. My whole town is really made up of four different towns. My home is in a suburban area. Nothing but houses, a central mall at the center of things. Another town is more like the rednecky, working class, sort of depicted like......south park, actually. Another town is more or less just a miniature city sort of environment with a little less suburban area surrounding it. And finally, there's just the low income "ghetto" sort of area. Any way you slice it, it's difficult meeting people. But I will consider your advice with meetup groups and stuff. Although the last time I met a catholic mens group (I'm confirmed roman catholic/agnostic) it turned out none of us really thought much of the other and it was more like alcoholics anonymous.
FitChick Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I just read something recently that said more people are leaving NJ than any other state. If you're the last one, don't forget to turn the lights off. 1
MissLY Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I'm sure this question will throw the whole proverbial ship off balance, but what If I don't WANT a relationship? I mean this: why does everything need a label? Why can't I just see about getting some here, getting some there, feeling better about the whole thing, and then maybe pick someone and just be cool with it until one of us doesn't like eachother? I do live in the suburbs. Or......it's like this. My whole town is really made up of four different towns. My home is in a suburban area. Nothing but houses, a central mall at the center of things. Another town is more like the rednecky, working class, sort of depicted like......south park, actually. Another town is more or less just a miniature city sort of environment with a little less suburban area surrounding it. And finally, there's just the low income "ghetto" sort of area. Any way you slice it, it's difficult meeting people. But I will consider your advice with meetup groups and stuff. Although the last time I met a catholic mens group (I'm confirmed roman catholic/agnostic) it turned out none of us really thought much of the other and it was more like alcoholics anonymous. Ahh. I see. Well, all the places I mentioned to meet people are a great idea, whether you're looking for a relationship or just someone to "date" for a bit. Also, since you're in Jersey, why don't you try getting out to NYC every once in a while? Spend a day there every 2 weeks or so (if your schedule allows it) and try different activities. Who knows, you might end up loving it so much that you'll want to consider a move. And the great thing is that it's not far from your hometown
Author Fatdrifter Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 Ahh. I see. Well, all the places I mentioned to meet people are a great idea, whether you're looking for a relationship or just someone to "date" for a bit. Also, since you're in Jersey, why don't you try getting out to NYC every once in a while? Spend a day there every 2 weeks or so (if your schedule allows it) and try different activities. Who knows, you might end up loving it so much that you'll want to consider a move. And the great thing is that it's not far from your hometown yea I'm looking for something a little more drastic. Don't get me wrong I've just never really been like "a New York kinda guy". That and my schedule of working every other saturday and dealing with school most of the rest of the weekend just doesn't really push it. I'm trying to either think locally or think myself far from here.
MissLY Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 yea I'm looking for something a little more drastic. Don't get me wrong I've just never really been like "a New York kinda guy". That and my schedule of working every other saturday and dealing with school most of the rest of the weekend just doesn't really push it. I'm trying to either think locally or think myself far from here. Gotcha. Well, if you want to stay in Jersey, try Trenton. I've heard the singles scene is solid throughout the Trenton Metro Area. If you want to leave Jersey but stay East Coast: DC Philly Baltimore Boston If you want to be extra drastic and go west coast: Los Angeles Santa Cruz San Diego San Francisco Seattle Phoenix All of these cities are known to have a pretty strong singles scene. You have lots of choices, my friend. 1
Author Fatdrifter Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 Gotcha. Well, if you want to stay in Jersey, try Trenton. I've heard the singles scene is solid throughout the Trenton Metro Area. If you want to leave Jersey but stay East Coast: DC Philly Baltimore Boston If you want to be extra drastic and go west coast: Los Angeles Santa Cruz San Diego San Francisco Seattle Phoenix All of these cities are known to have a pretty strong singles scene. You have lots of choices, my friend. interesting. Do the central Americas have anything? I hear a lot of people moving out to places like the Carolinas/Missouri/Michigan, etc. lol it's funny hearing my folks try to argue about it with me; I get that the majority of my family is out here, but after a while I gotta go on a "fishing trip" sometime!
Imported Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I do well where ever, but I am not a chick. The female variety of chicks or the male versions. I don't twittle my thumb waiting around for someone else to make things happen. I have always lived near or in large metropolis areas with lots and lots of people. I find it hard to generalize all these people all being "uptight" or anything else. If all the people I meet seem uptight, maybe there is another factor that makes it so, that I am overlooking? I guess if I were in an area where oppertunities were limited........talking only girls that are available are hiding behind trees......maybe I might have difficulties. But I am pretty sure I can make it so the other guy loses his seat in this game of musical chairs.
MissLY Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 interesting. Do the central Americas have anything? I hear a lot of people moving out to places like the Carolinas/Missouri/Michigan, etc. lol it's funny hearing my folks try to argue about it with me; I get that the majority of my family is out here, but after a while I gotta go on a "fishing trip" sometime! Yes. North Carolina, Missouri and Michigan are all known for the singles scene as well. So is Atlanta, Salt Lake City, Dallas, Houston, Austin, Richmond and Denver. Damn. How you gonna choose?!
Author Fatdrifter Posted February 15, 2013 Author Posted February 15, 2013 Yes. North Carolina, Missouri and Michigan are all known for the singles scene as well. So is Atlanta, Salt Lake City, Dallas, Houston, Austin, Richmond and Denver. Damn. How you gonna choose?! Honestly, , I've never been one for marriage, and I've never been one for being in home in one place forever. I therefore am saving for an RV home. 1
IT Geek Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 Absolutely. Atlanta is one of the most superficial cities I have ever seen. If you're a guy and not at least a "7" on the looks scale you can forget about dating in this city.
Krieger Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 Gotcha. Well, if you want to stay in Jersey, try Trenton. I've heard the singles scene is solid throughout the Trenton Metro Area. If you want to leave Jersey but stay East Coast: DC Philly Baltimore Boston If you want to be extra drastic and go west coast: Los Angeles Santa Cruz San Diego San Francisco Seattle Phoenix All of these cities are known to have a pretty strong singles scene. You have lots of choices, my friend. Seattle is one of the toughest places to be single. Highly educated, liberal, coffee addicted and fit, Seattleites are generally friendly people, but they show that friendliness in untraditional ways. Rather than be outgoing and kind to others, men and women in Seattle have decided that the best way to be friendly is to simply leave people alone to do as they please. With everyone leaving everyone else alone, it has become unnatural to talk to strangers. Indeed, those that do try to go out of their way and meet someone new are seen as strange and possibly off, and are often tolerated until the moment that the Seattleite has the opportunity to leave. These behaviors have become known as the Seattle Freeze. Seattle are VERY nice, and will talk with total strangers. Small-talk and friendliness are their specialty, Then if you try to do anything else with them, like say "hey you're pretty cool. Want to go do something with me sometime?" that's when the "freeze" happens. They are quick to be friendly, but it is very hard to get further than that with anyone. They "freeze" you out before you have a chance to make friends with them. It is like have a nice day but go have it some where else. Any attempt to socialize begins to feel like too much effort some times. when Seattleites say, "Let's do something sometime," what they really mean is: "Let's never do anything ever." People here have a real hard time telling if someone likes them. When a guy asks a girl out, she can't tell, is this a date or a non-date date? And when a girl is nice back, guys say, does she like me or is she just being nice?
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