NC nightmare as she lives 2 doors down.

[charlski]

Well heres my first post, divorced 6 years ago ... moved into new house with my son (who ex wife didnt want) ... 1 year later started relationship with neighbour 2 doors down, .... god i fell for this woman head over heels ... but was odd from the start, rage issues, wanted 100% attention all the time ... anyway was with her for 4 years, through hi's and lows, we split last year but got back together again, argued lots and lots, she said she wanted commitment, i guess i threw my focus into bringing my son up as my priority, and was probably over protective about moving him into a household with her kids (my sons mum has had no contact with him since she threw him out 5 years ago) .. any way long story short she dumped me in October, saying i would not commit to her (i was actually going to propose on April 14th our 4 year anniversary) ... she then said that she would be friends with me ... but couldnt say whether it would go anywhere ........... so i tried to be friends for 4 months, but was treated like a dog, and it felt like she was constantly just building me up then when i thought we were progressing just dropping me like a stone ...when i asked why she was being nasty to me all she kept saying was this is karma again and again ... i didnt know whether i was coming or going ..... anyway ... i was not perfect by a long way ... but i believe she had narcissistic issues ... always had to be centre of attention, said that in a relationship she expected the honeymoon period to go on forever, had intense jealousy issues, rage issues, anyway ... after the 4 months of me feeling like i was being pulled apart , and her dangling a carrot then taking it away, then dangling it , taking it away etc, she also destroyed me emotionally, by just telling me how crap i was, how i did this wrong and that wrong and how i would be sad and lonely forever .... but as i wanted her back i turned into a doormat and just took it, in the end i told her i couldnt be friends as it was killing me ...... so she walked, now im 2 weeks into NC but it is killing me, mainly because she still lives 2 doors away, so i just cannot shut her out, i see her car coming and going, her walking down the street, etc etc etc, its like a living hell, my hearts in pieces but i cannot shut her out, when her cars not there or she gets in late at night my mind is running overtime as to what shes up to or with ... and if she meets someone else which she will, to see him going in and out her house sleeping over etc will destroy me ..... i seriously feel like i am cracking up right now ... crying, shaking etc, im down the gym every night trying to get her out of my mind .... but how do i deal with this ???? this is not the normal me ... she has destroyed my confidence and self esteem.