stevie_23 Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Well…he finally closed his Youtube account and the email account he used for our stuff. I hadn’t checked to see if his old videos still worked for about 3 weeks, but I did today…for some reason as long as they were still active, it was a comfort to me even though I knew it didn’t mean anything. But he’s now closed them. I wonder why NOW he has closed them. Maybe he felt it was something he could bring himself to do now finally. Maybe he forgot he hadn’t already done it. Maybe he never intended to close them but maybe his wife found out about them. I had wondered why he didn’t close them earlier…why risk being found out when we’re not even together anymore, you know? So he has done it…I wonder how he felt as he closed it. The end of a relatively brief era perhaps? Sadness? The closing of a door behind him? Hmm. So…this is the final shred…over. I feel paralysed with weirdness.
thefooloftheyear Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 So sorry...I know its hard, you hang on to shreds just hoping that something will materialize. Hang in there...I have you in my thoughts. TFOY
Author stevie_23 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 Thank you… I think it’s yet another adjustment in this process because as long as he kept it open, it meant he wasn’t making the purposeful effort to shut that door on me…on us. 100%. You know? I always got this impression that he didn’t feel it necessary to forcibly DO that. That it would hurt him more than anything to close that door in terms of a “universal” or “spiritual” way, you know? That if he just kind of ignored that email and Youtube account and let it just…exist…it wouldn’t be really 100% saying goodbye. I’m still listed in his friends on the songwriting forum he goes on. So…yeah. I think he closed the email account down because there were SO many emails I’d sent him from the week before I knew he’d left me (I thought he was angry, as we’d had a brief fight the last time we properly talked) and he can’t deal with reading all of that old, outdated and difficult stuff. Also, as I said, why risk leaving the videos and email account open when we’re over and cannot be together? Maybe he’s been on a bit of a progressive moving on journey too and has gotten to the point where he can now close that door on us. I’ll be ok. It’s just another low in the roller coaster of post-BU living.
meeji Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 i started a relationship blog for me and my ex. I think I deleted that 2 weeks after we broke up. I did copy some stuff into a word document that I saved but I shut the account down bc there was no point in hanging on to it. I;m the "throw everything in the trash," kind of girl...and think about it later. I don't give myself time to doubt it..and in most cases, I can eventually be happy that I threw the **** away.
Author stevie_23 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 Yeah… I’m a major sentimentalist. For the 5 years I lived at the apartment I rented before moving into the place I own now, I had this glow in the dark sheep stuck to my bedroom light switch. When I moved, I decided randomly to throw it out seeing as I wanted only “classy” things in the new apartment. But when I got to the new place, I felt so homesick I desperately missed and wanted my glow-sheep back. And I STILL regret throwing it away so abruptly.
destroyed4sho Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Thank you… I think it’s yet another adjustment in this process because as long as he kept it open, it meant he wasn’t making the purposeful effort to shut that door on me…on us. 100%. You know? I always got this impression that he didn’t feel it necessary to forcibly DO that. That it would hurt him more than anything to close that door in terms of a “universal” or “spiritual” way, you know? That if he just kind of ignored that email and Youtube account and let it just…exist…it wouldn’t be really 100% saying goodbye. I’m still listed in his friends on the songwriting forum he goes on. So…yeah. I think he closed the email account down because there were SO many emails I’d sent him from the week before I knew he’d left me (I thought he was angry, as we’d had a brief fight the last time we properly talked) and he can’t deal with reading all of that old, outdated and difficult stuff. Also, as I said, why risk leaving the videos and email account open when we’re over and cannot be together? Maybe hes been on a bit of a progressive moving on journey too and has gotten to the point where he can now close that door on us. I’ll be ok. It’s just another low in the roller coaster of post-BU living. Yeah, he probably did it for his own piece of mind. It may be his way of dealing with whatever emotions he is going through. I feel you, I am dreading the day I get a box in the mail with my jewelry because she still hasn't sent it to me. It's been like months! But I don't think its because she is holding on to my things...its because she is too lazy or forgot about it. :-(
Author stevie_23 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 I think once again, it is relevant to say that us trying to work out WHY our exes act in certain ways is just pointless. Why did he delete his email / Youtube accounts now? I will never know, and does it really matter? No. And does it matter the reason for your ex not sending back your jewellery yet? No, it doesn’t (although if you really want them back, I’d ask somehow. Lol. It IS your’s after all!) 1
destroyed4sho Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I think once again, it is relevant to say that us trying to work out WHY our exes act in certain ways is just pointless. Why did he delete his email / Youtube accounts now? I will never know, and does it really matter? No. And does it matter the reason for your ex not sending back your jewellery yet? No, it doesn’t (although if you really want them back, I’d ask somehow. Lol. It IS your’s after all!) At this point, I don't want to contact her for anything. I feel disgusted. I bet she will send when her next gf sees it, or makes her.
Own Worst Enemy Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 by weirdness. i am slowly struggling to get there. it's weird how we actually don't want to, because that means they are really gone. and by "they", i don't mean the ex's. those horses rode out of town a long time ago. by "they", i mean the version that lives on and on in our heads and hearts and refuses to do the decent thing and die! 2
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