Krieger Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 I am 29 year old man and never had a girlfriend. Apart from one brief 6 month FB when I was 26 years old (in which I lost my V card), more on that later. Due to many factors,has been pretty far behind the curve when it comes to relationships and sex.Did casual dating a few times when I was in high school/college (as in we go out 1-2 times just for fun, never get physical at all) but didn't date in any form for most of my teen years due to personal issues (mostly due to massive shyness/social-anxiety problems).Through school, I was socially awkward and never fit in with anyones circle . No one would invite me in to there group. I've managed to turn things around a bit and can talk to anyone. I am a different person now I just had to look at this way no one cares. I did not date until college and went on about 10 to 12 dates with diffrent woman so asking a girl out is not my problem. The longest I have dated the same girl was probably for about 6 months or so and it wasn't even anything serious. She was a girl I knew from work a long time ago. Lets just say she just laid there and I did every thing no foreplay or making out . she just came over and hung out and she just get naked and we have sex then she left. She was not willing to try anything and I never climaxed but she said she did will my back looked like a jason pollock painting lol. Anyway I decided to go back to college a 2nd time .My job is OK but it a dead end job and it is nothing I am passion at about doing forever. Retail sucks and I do not like it at all so it was time to do something new. Working night crew for the rest of my life is no fun and there no wear to go in retail.My job just does not pay well like $18 an hour will not feed a family even working full time. I work 40 + hours a week and go to college full time and only sleep 3-4 hours a day . I work nights like 11pm till 8:30am and class 10am to 2pm three days a weeks . I do not go to bed untill 6pm some times I am driven to say the least. Thank god for adderall and Provigil a wake-promoting drug used to treat certain sleep disorders like narcolepsy.Sleep is over rated IMO I want to going to Nursing or be a physical therapist assistant. If I go into nursing it will go for my Bachelor of Science in Nursing. The physical therapist assistant will take a shorter amount of time. It can be a bit depressing at times, as I would like a family one day. In the more immediate term, it would be good fun just to be able to do things with someone. I am working on my self and improving self esteem . I try to get out there and meet people try new things. The only thing is I had friends but they wanted to party and get into drugs so I cut them out of my life I do not need that crap. any advice? Is there hope for me ? I do not want to be alone for ever .
KungFuJoe Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 I'm gonna give you the blunt info here. You're 29 and single. If that's you in your avatar, your looks aren't the problem. Your anxiety/personal issues are. I would strongly suggest some therapy to figure out what's going on "inside" of you that is keeping you from developing normal relationships. I know this isn't easy and sometimes good help is hard to find...but you're not getting any younger, and at 29, it's safe to say that whatever you are doing isn't working. What's the definition of insanity? So quit doing the "same thing" and seek some help. Sometimes just talking to an "outside person" can do wonders.
tealwindex Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Of course there is hope for you. I think you're focusing a bit too much on how things went before. Just start all over. Look for someone you like, ask them out, and see what happens. The only person who knows what you were like before is you. If you're different now, and more open to things, and comfortable talking, then go for it. You just have to get out there and do it.
e40 Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Of course there is hope for you. I think you're focusing a bit too much on how things went before. Just start all over. Look for someone you like, ask them out, and see what happens. The only person who knows what you were like before is you. If you're different now, and more open to things, and comfortable talking, then go for it. You just have to get out there and do it. There's hope but it is not going to be easy. Women at that age usually prefer much more experienced guys. He's going in the right direction so he just may buck the trend.
Author Krieger Posted February 12, 2013 Author Posted February 12, 2013 I'm gonna give you the blunt info here. You're 29 and single. If that's you in your avatar, your looks aren't the problem. Your anxiety/personal issues are. I would strongly suggest some therapy to figure out what's going on "inside" of you that is keeping you from developing normal relationships. I know this isn't easy and sometimes good help is hard to find...but you're not getting any younger, and at 29, it's safe to say that whatever you are doing isn't working. What's the definition of insanity? So quit doing the "same thing" and seek some help. Sometimes just talking to an "outside person" can do wonders. yea I am going to talk to a therapist I think my work pays for 3 or 6 visits a year so why not take advantage of that. I need to do that .
Author Krieger Posted February 12, 2013 Author Posted February 12, 2013 There's hope but it is not going to be easy. Women at that age usually prefer much more experienced guys. He's going in the right direction so he just may buck the trend. I can fake it until she gets to know me than if she finds out I am not experienced she can stay or dump me .
tealwindex Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 I'm 26, and not experienced at all....I'm currently in my longest relationship, which is a whopping 3 dates. So, you're not alone.
SJC2008 Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 yea I am going to talk to a therapist I think my work pays for 3 or 6 visits a year so why not take advantage of that. I need to do that . I don't want to bud into your business but don't let them put you on medication. The side effects aren't worth the minimal benefits. Besides, you came so far already. Like KungFu said, you're a good looking guy so you gotta dig deeper. You need to look into your past, the type of family you grew up in. You may have deep rooted fears of initimacy/getting hurt, and you may not be aware of it. Looking back, we're similar, I had massive SA and slowly grew out of it but still have it to an extent. I also realized in the last year or so that I had a fear of getting hurt and pushed women away at times.
tealwindex Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 EDIT- I guess 3 dates isn't a "relationship" but you get the idea.
KungFuJoe Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 yea I am going to talk to a therapist I think my work pays for 3 or 6 visits a year so why not take advantage of that. I need to do that . Seriously do it before it's too late. One of my best friends is same age as me (38) and he has no shortage of attention from women. But, he's had ONE gf his entire life (someone he met in college). Since then...nothing except some casual stuff here and there. He probably should have seen someone a long time ago but he always thought he just needed to be more "social" so he would go out to bars, drink, do drugs, etc...thinking that was what he needed to do. Well...he's currently living back with his parents and is going through Xanax withdrawal symptoms (something he decided to start taking on his own (he didn't see a shrink) because he felt it would help him. We all have our issues. Sometimes you can fix them yourself. But, if you find yourself stuck in the same hopeless situation for years and years and years, then you probably need to seek professional help.
KungFuJoe Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 I don't want to bud into your business but don't let them put you on medication. The side effects aren't worth the minimal benefits. Besides, you came so far already. Like KungFu said, you're a good looking guy so you gotta dig deeper. You need to look into your past, the type of family you grew up in. You may have deep rooted fears of initimacy/getting hurt, and you may not be aware of it. Looking back, we're similar, I had massive SA and slowly grew out of it but still have it to an extent. I also realized in the last year or so that I had a fear of getting hurt and pushed women away at times. Yeah, I'm not a big advocate of medication. I was on Zoloft very briefly and that **** just sucks. BUT, it did make me feel a bit more "normal", but my "issues" didn't last years...just a few months and I was able to pretty much "solve" them on my own.
e40 Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 I can fake it until she gets to know me than if she finds out I am not experienced she can stay or dump me . I like your chances and you are starting from scratch. It would be much harder for someone who is 29 who is on the first date of his life.
Author Krieger Posted February 12, 2013 Author Posted February 12, 2013 Yeah, I'm not a big advocate of medication. I was on Zoloft very briefly and that **** just sucks. BUT, it did make me feel a bit more "normal", but my "issues" didn't last years...just a few months and I was able to pretty much "solve" them on my own. Yea I think what ever is wrong or holding me back can be fixed with out medication .
Author Krieger Posted February 12, 2013 Author Posted February 12, 2013 I like your chances and you are starting from scratch. It would be much harder for someone who is 29 who is on the first date of his life. Thank god for that I just have to find out what going on with me.
Author Krieger Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 Thank for the advice and going to call insurance company and see what they cover and make an appointment.
mn311601 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Nope, no hope. 27 and never had a gf, never been on a date, nothing. My 2 year old niece will have a boyfriend and have sex before I ever will.
e40 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Nope, no hope. 27 and never had a gf, never been on a date, nothing. My 2 year old niece will have a boyfriend and have sex before I ever will. I'm not going to lie and say it'll be easy, but isn't 27 early to give up? 1
mn311601 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I'm not going to lie and say it'll be easy, but isn't 27 early to give up? Nope, honestly if I went to sleep tonight and never woke up I wouldn't give a rat's ass.
ChessPieceFace Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I'm 37 and never had one. It's never too late but it gets harder and you get more used to being alone. Life doesn't just happen, you have to make it happen. Women were never any kind of priority for me; I had a few girls I've really liked, a couple times it almost seemed to be getting toward the GF stage, but it never did and I eventually gave up trying. I probably gave up at about age 29 too, come to think of it. I've learned a lot since then and could probably have success now if I worked at it, but I still haven't changed out of "giving up" mode. I now see western women as a pack of entitled, soulless, compassionless whores who only chase after the best thing they can clamp their legs around, who will wreck your life on a whim and not think twice about it, forever living in misery buying into feminist lies and spreading misery to everyone around them, all while whining about how the world is so unfair to them. Problem with that horribly depressing generalization is... it's correct. There are still women out there who aren't soulless whores who have been totally corrupted and morally and ethically compromised by our culture. They're hard to find though. But even with the odds so horribly stacked against me, the fact that I've stopped bothering to try is still my own fault.
ChessPieceFace Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 If it's you in 9 years, then a big part of it would be your fault for giving up and not making an effort to look for the few good women out there. Like I said, I barely even care anymore and haven't tried in about that amount of time. If you do care, make an effort. It doesn't matter how stacked the deck is, if you don't try you can't succeed.
Author Krieger Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 You keep putting up this same thread over and over again. Don't think about this stuff to much. Try to relax and enjoy being 29. yea but I have to nip this in the butt and find out what going on . I should of done this a long time ago but it is now time. I just do not want to wake up one day and be 40 and single with 13 cats.
Author Krieger Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 If it's you in 9 years, then a big part of it would be your fault for giving up and not making an effort to look for the few good women out there. Like I said, I barely even care anymore and haven't tried in about that amount of time. If you do care, make an effort. It doesn't matter how stacked the deck is, if you don't try you can't succeed. what he said you have to want to change much like a person that wants to stop using drugs. What got me talking to woman was every girl I made eye contact with I just said good morning or how is it going and then as I built my self up it got to be easy taking to woman.
Treasa Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I have to strongly disagree with anyone who tells you that you should or should not be on medication. A lot of anti-depressants made things worse for me. However, I am currently on a combination that has completely cut out my panic attacks and made me stop crying constantly, have INCREASED my libido, and have not affected me physically in the slightest (as in weight gain). Medication (or choosing not to medicate) if a personal decision that each person needs to make for themselves, and they shouldn't be swayed by others either way.
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