tealwindex Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 So, I'm sure you're all familiar with the 3rd date rule, right? (In which the 3rd date is typically known as the "sex date.") Well, does that still apply if you've never had sex before? On our 2nd date, things got pretty hot and heavy, and ended up with us being naked and almost having sex, but we both decided it was too soon. Our 3rd date is coming up this Valentine's Day, and we decided to get a hotel. (The idea of the hotel was not proposed as something sexy. We live 90 minutes from each other, and both have roommates, and we thought getting a hotel would be a neat way for us to meet half way, and not have to hide in a corner from our roomies for some private time.) I'm assuming that since we're going to be in a hotel, on Valentine's Day, some things will be attempted. I'm willing to have sex with him, I like him a lot...and it seems he likes me a lot too. I know that I'm ready to have sex...and I can't wait forever. I'm just worried that I might be awful, or he might get sex and never talk to me again. So, I guess what I'm wondering is.....if I'm ready to have sex, and it goes that far, should I go through with it? My plan right now is to see how I feel that night, and trust my instincts. Good plan?
pbjbear Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 You dont have to have sex on the 3rd date. Thats a stupid rule so men can get what they want out of women (pump and dump I think they call it?) I think the quickest Ive ever put out is the 5th date and I am usually not even that quick, that was awhile ago. He will prob expect sex though since you did everything but sex on the 2nd date. Thats waaaaaay too early for me. You hardly know someone on the 2nd date. As a general rule, I dont go to someone's place during the first 3 dates sometimes longer. I find the quicker you put out the less likely you can see a guy for who he is without hormones blinding you and also for it to actually turn into something more. I like to get to know someone first. But thats just me. If you want sex, go for it. If not, dont. Dont let a guy pressure you into it
anne1707 Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 You want to know about the 3rd date rule? There is no 3rd date rule. You only ever have sex when you want to and feel comfortable and safe to do so. If you want sex on your 3rd date, fine. If you want it on your 1st date, fine. If you want to wait to your 10th date, fine. And if you think he might stop talking to you after you have sex then don't have sex with him! Whenever you do have sex for the first time, make sure it is on your terms with someone special. 2
Author tealwindex Posted February 12, 2013 Author Posted February 12, 2013 Thanks for your input folks....I don't know. I'm probably falling for him too fast. But, our first 2 dates seemed really special. I was just expecting a quick dinner date, but they both ended up being about 8 hours, and we talked a lot, and I think he's amazing...my hormones or whatever are already tricking me, I'm sure, but I feel like the main reasons I wouldn't want to have sex are that I won't be as good as he wants, or that he'll stop talking to me. But, I also worry that if I wait too long he could just move on to someone else that will put out sooner. He hasn't pressured me at all though...he's been really kind and considerate, and I'm not expecting anything different on this date. The only thing that's confusing me right now is me. I think he'll be okay with whatever. Maybe. I hope.
anne1707 Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Another reason not to have sex with someone is if you think they will dump you because you won't have sex with them! A good man will wait for you and three dates is no time at all. 3
clia Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 So, I guess what I'm wondering is.....if I'm ready to have sex, and it goes that far, should I go through with it? My plan right now is to see how I feel that night, and trust my instincts. Good plan? You are an adult, so if you want to have sex, have sex. However, since you are losing your virginity, you might want to think long and hard about whether this is the right guy and right time to do that. I'm just worried that I might be awful, or he might get sex and never talk to me again. You'll be fine, so don't worry about that. However, since this is only your third date, keep in mind that you aren't in an exclusive relationship with this man and you don't have a committed relationship with him. He may be planning to have sex with someone else on Wednesday night. You barely know him. Be sure to use a condom. It's possible that he may never talk to you again after Thursday night. It's also possible that he may blow up your phone with texts on the 15th. It's also possible that he may react somewhere in the middle and just continue to date you for a few more weeks, and then break up with you. It's also possible that you may end up marrying him in a year. In other words, make whatever adult decision you want to make, but be prepared for anything. In my opinion, the third date is too soon for sex, especially in your case. I think you should wait until you are a committed relationship with someone. This guy could poof after Thursday, and then how will you feel? Your reminder of losing your virginity will be with a guy who poofed, rather than with a guy who you knew cared about you and loved you. The latter is a much better memory to have.
Lonely Ronin Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 My third date rule is I have to see some kind of romantic interest in me, or she won't make it to date #4.
sillyanswer Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 There might not be a third date rule, but there's a hotel date rule. Happy Valentine's Day!
clia Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 One more thing, and I can't edit: I think the third date is way too soon to stay a night in a hotel room with him. I think you will be 100% guaranteed to have sex with him if you put yourself in that position.
Casablanca Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 One more thing, and I can't edit: I think the third date is way too soon to stay a night in a hotel room with him. I think you will be 100% guaranteed to have sex with him if you put yourself in that position. As a man, I'd expect it if we're staying in a hotel, though if the girl told me she wasnt ready, I would be okay with that. I had a girl spend the night after a few dates, but she told me she wasnt ready for sex, and I was fine with that.
Author tealwindex Posted February 12, 2013 Author Posted February 12, 2013 As a man, I'd expect it if we're staying in a hotel, though if the girl told me she wasnt ready, I would be okay with that. I had a girl spend the night after a few dates, but she told me she wasnt ready for sex, and I was fine with that. That's good to know. I'm actually paying for the hotel, because I booked it, so if things don't go the way he was expecting, at least he only had to drive half as far, and isn't out any money. Guys being honest, and saying that they would still stick around if someone isn't ready, is great to hear. I'm definitely expecting some fun to happen.....like, hot tub fun, and making out fun...so, it won't be pointless.
Lonely Ronin Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 That's good to know. I'm actually paying for the hotel, because I booked it, so if things don't go the way he was expecting, at least he only had to drive half as far, and isn't out any money. Guys being honest, and saying that they would still stick around if someone isn't ready, is great to hear. I'm definitely expecting some fun to happen.....like, hot tub fun, and making out fun...so, it won't be pointless. Most of the 3rd date stuff is from super insecure guys, who still have the 15 year old boy mindset that thinks scoring makes them the man. 1
Casablanca Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 That's good to know. I'm actually paying for the hotel, because I booked it, so if things don't go the way he was expecting, at least he only had to drive half as far, and isn't out any money. Guys being honest, and saying that they would still stick around if someone isn't ready, is great to hear. I'm definitely expecting some fun to happen.....like, hot tub fun, and making out fun...so, it won't be pointless. I'd discuss expectations before hand that way you two are on the same page 2
Author tealwindex Posted February 12, 2013 Author Posted February 12, 2013 Most of the 3rd date stuff is from super insecure guys, who still have the 15 year old boy mindset that thinks scoring makes them the man. Ha. That's true. I'm just sick of me obsessing over everything, and looking up all these "rules" on the internet and crap....every person/relationship is different, and I need to realize that, and just do what feels right. Whether that's sex or no sex. I'm just going with the flow, I think. I can't not have sex forever to protect myself from getting hurt. Maybe it'll be amazing, and he'll propose then and there. Or maybe it'll be awful and he'll stab me in the heart afterwards. Only one way to find out.
Lonely Ronin Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Maybe it'll be amazing, and he'll propose then and there. Or maybe it'll be awful and he'll stab me in the heart afterwards. Only one way to find out. I'd go with it most likely being a shade of grey in the middle. 1
Author tealwindex Posted February 12, 2013 Author Posted February 12, 2013 (edited) Haha...me too! But, I won't know until I try. So....we'll hang out for a while, and then I'll be all like "Hey, you up for an awkward conversaton?" And then he'll be like "Uh, yeah, I guess..." and I'll say "So, I just wanted to let you know that when I suggested getting a hotel to avoid roomies and have a place to meet in the middle, that's exactly what I meant. I wasn't trying to imply anything else....I just want to hang out and have a good time, and get to know you better. Because you're neat." And then he'll be like "Cool." And then we'll stare at a wall. And I'll probably make a drink. I think that's my plan. And in that plan, I neither explicitly state that I'm up for sex, or against it. Then maybe later I'll have another awkward conversation, and ask him what exactly he's looking for/or if he's seeing anyone else, and that will help in my decision of partaking in sexcapades. Edited February 12, 2013 by tealwindex
Ruby Slippers Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Don't use his behavior on 2 dates to make a decision on whether or not to have sex with him on date 3. And don't worry about anybody else's rules - only worry about how you feel and what you want. Generally, men will be on their very best and most charming, romantic behavior before having sex with a woman for the first time. And if he really likes you, he'll wait much longer than a few dates. Do it when you're ready, and not any sooner. 2
e40 Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Generally, men will be on their very best and most charming, romantic behavior before having sex with a woman for the first time. I disagree, except for very confident men.
kaylan Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 That's good to know. I'm actually paying for the hotel, because I booked it, so if things don't go the way he was expecting, at least he only had to drive half as far, and isn't out any money. Guys being honest, and saying that they would still stick around if someone isn't ready, is great to hear. I'm definitely expecting some fun to happen.....like, hot tub fun, and making out fun...so, it won't be pointless. Why isnt he paying half the hotel costs?
Author tealwindex Posted February 12, 2013 Author Posted February 12, 2013 Why isnt he paying half the hotel costs? I don't know. He never said he wasn't....I was just planning on paying for it, because he's paid for meals/drinks already, and this was my idea.
Author tealwindex Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 I don't think I'll ever be "ready" with anyone....I'm a super awkward person, and I'm surprised this has gone as far as it has already, because he's super hot....and I can't imagine anyone making me feel more comfortable than he does. So, I'm kind of starting to see this as a now or never type thing...at the very least, it should make me more comfortable about sex with whoever I wind up with next time. (Not that I want to wind up with some else.)
Fondue Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Yah, if you're going to see each other on V-Day AND you'll be getting a hotel room. I don't think it can be more evident. All this can just be translated to, "the P will surely enter the V." 1
kaylan Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 red flag. Stop thinking so much with your hormones and how hot he is. Dont rush sex. Listen to the other women and make sure this guy proves himself first. Its not unlike an attractive guy to play sweet on a girl when he knows he gets her horny. And then for him later to bail. So be smart and careful.
Author tealwindex Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 You're right...I'm getting ahead of myself, in more ways than one. But dudes- if you were dating me, and this was our 3rd date, and you tried to have sex with me, and I went with it, would it be that bad? I mean....I think a lot of people are generalizing things and saying "guys only want sex" and "he might bail on you if you give him what he wants" but if you were dating someone you enjoyed, and just happened to have sex, that wouldn't be a bad thing, would it? I mean, I realize it could end in disaster, and all of that...but it could also end and make things even better than they already are. That's why I'm saying I think I should just see what the night brings.
its a lifestyle Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 (edited) Don't listen to any advise besides THIS: You're clearly a grown girl, but you're a virgin... You've been on 2 dates with the guy, you like him, he likes you, it's going good... You've already been naked together getting sexy.. it's valentines day, you'll be in a hotel together... Just have fun!! Enjoy the night, you're female you've got nothing to worry about, wrap your legs around him, hold onto the back of his neck&head and enjoy the feeling, feel free to maul and claw his back if you can't contain yourself... The only thing I could advise a female for her first time is don't be "uptight".. don't lay there like a sack of potatoes, go with the flow, wrap your arms and legs around him, work your hips with the flow.. that's an A+ for a first time female... you might even take to sex like a duck to water and instinctively know how to F his brains out lol.. just be cool I'm sure you'll have a great night! DON'T LET ANYBODY ON HERE TALK YOU OUT OF IT! Edited February 13, 2013 by its a lifestyle
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